AITA for telling my grandparents that many of my family members are losers?
By - MakersMarkHamill
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I might be the asshole because I might be oversensitive to the criticism from my family, and perhaps I should be more tolerant of their teasing. I am doing better than most of my family and maybe I should just take the abuse in silence rather than snap back at them.
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You are a fucking hero lol
Take my poor man gold
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶⡶⠦⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⡶⠶⠦⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⢀⣤⠄⠀⠀⣶⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⠙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠫⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣕⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠟⢿⣆⠀⢠⡟⠉⠉⠊⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣾⣿⠃⠀⡀⠹⣧⣘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⢤⡀ ⠀⣿⡀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⣼⠃⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⠀⠀⠀⢰⣷ ⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠻⡟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⡼⠃⠀⢠⣿⠋⠉⠉⠛⠛⠋⠀⢀⢀⣿⡏ ⠀⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⢠⣿⠇⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⣼⡿⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⢰⠃⠀⠀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⢧⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠘⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠇⠀⠀⣼⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⢀⡟⣾⡟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⣀⣠⠴⠚⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⢻⠀⢀⡾⣹⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠙⠊⠁⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠓⠋⠀⠸⢣⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣿⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
...how long did that take you... I would consider it more valuble than a real gold
Pretty sure they copied it from another comment. That has been floating around for a while now.
The time to google "reddit award ascii"
*starts working on a poor man's argentium*
What is it? I don't see it
It doesn’t look like anything.
I don't understand what is it?
It's the middle finger
Reddit gold award
Poor gold got a real gold... Savage
NTA people always get upset when the doormat gets tired of being stepped on.
In Australia we call what's happening here 'tall poppy syndrome'. Tear down the successful.
This is it exactly. OP's family are jealous of his/her accomplishments and insecure about their own terrible lives so they attack OP to make themselves feel better.
Crabs in a bucket in the US. If one is close to getting out of the bucket, the others pull it down.
Years ago, I was volunteering with a local organization that works with foster kids, and the trainer used that same metaphor. I thought it an absolutely perfect way to describe the situation where someone tries to lift themselves out of a bad place, and the other people just drag them back down.
Since then, I've tried really hard to learn to be happy for my loved ones when they do well.
\^\^ Exactly, in BIPOC communities the first thing alot of us are told when something good happens is to be humble or "don't forget where you came from" -- as if the mere act of having success makes you arrogant when in reality people are projecting their insecurities and inferiority onto you
> "don't forget where you came from"
I don't take it that way. I think it's saying to remember your roots, your culture, your family + anything that got you to where you are today.
No need to be so negative damn.
It can mean that, but I've heard it's a common thing where, like, black professional athletes have everyone they grew up with come looking for a handout, and if they don't share the wealth, they "forgot where they came from" and shit like that.
This. This right here.
I’ve heard a story where a mother and one of her daughters, tried to convince the other daughter that she had to make more money then her husband and/or leave him (they are both divorces and miserable according to the daughter/OP)
Whenever they met up they would talk her marriage down just like this story, and when she finally stood up for herself they where furious and continuously harassed her.
“Tall Poppy Syndrome” is much more common than I thought it was, and it’s just sad.
It is "misery loves company" type of deal. OP's family are all miserable of their loser like. They see OP's success and immediately they need to make him miserable.
I learned of this phrase for the first time when studying abroad in Australia haha. At the international students' orientation, they specifically warned us that domestic students would probably say they barely studied or aren't doing that well in their courses to avoid tall poppy syndrome, so we shouldn't measure how well we're doing based off what we hear from them. I always wondered how true that is because it was such a specific caution that it seemed bizarre, but sounds like it really did have some merit to it?
It's very true! Australians are notoriously and overly modest. I've also lived in Sweden where they have 'Jantelagen' which is quite a similar principal based on finances.
Oh it's very true. I've had to tell my kids so many times... just because many of their peers in high school are trying to compete as to who did the least study before exams (eg 'well I didn't even bring my notes home, so I read a novel instead') doesn't mean they aren't studying. Some of them are studying constantly!!
Interesting! I don’t think I’ve heard a name for it before.
There are some individuals in my life who act like this and it has definitely influenced me to do it too in the past unfortunately. Working on it still but definitely much better at building up instead of tearing down than I used to be.
It's not unique to Australia, I think it's natural for humans to err towards jealousy and envy, to act out. Intelligence lies in reflection, awareness and compassion, not perfection.
I'd heard Tall Poppy Syndrome is also used as a way of keeping someone's ego in check, not entirely shaming or envy, but just as a way of reminding folks to be humble even when they're achieving great things. I'm sure its both, like most things in this world.
That's exactly it - Aussies don't appreciate egoistic personality traits. I've also lived in NYC where I've seen plenty of unchecked Tall Poppies, selfish people who don't value community or generosity. Every man for himself.
In Tall Poppy Syndrome, the Tall Poppy is actually the innocent person doing well/being successful. And the people around them being jealous and cutting them down. Source: am Aussie.
I'm Aussie - what I'm saying is, in NYC - some of these Tall Poppies are boastful/arrogant. They are successful but not gracious - generally speaking.
I just read about this concept in a book about schadenfreude last week (I’d never heard of “tall poppy syndrome” before but I’m American and I believe the author is from the UK so maybe the idea just hasn’t found its legs over here).
From the book, for anyone else who’s new to the concept:
“Most know the idea of “tall poppies” as a shorthand for our eagerness to see outstanding and highly skilled people tripped up. There is, we suspect, an undertow of cruelty—and we’d be right. The expression originates with a story told by the Greek historian Herodotus in which the tyrant Periander, struggling to control the unruly citizens of Corinth, sought the advice of a neighboring tyrant. The advice came with a wordless gesture: the neighboring king walked through a field of wheat, silently picking off the tallest, most luscious ears until he had entirely destroyed the best part of the crop (the poppies were only swapped in to the fable later). With this Periander knew what to do, wrote Herodotus, and immediately slaughtered all notable and influential people in his city, so that he might rule unchallenged.”
I wish I could upvote this more.
I slow clapped at your response to your aunt. And then lived vicariously through you
Oh my. I still can’t get over “better than your marriage” I almost spit out my dr pepper
I’m going to say NTA but also TA, completely warranted. Calling everyone losers is kind of an AH thing to say, but even so, it’s justified.
Yep, just like the real Mark Hamill, u/MakersMarkHamill, don’t back down! You can be a Jedi or a Joker, but they’re the ones being jerks! NTA.
Maybe not the hero they need, but the one they deserve! NTA
Yes, and merry Christmas. May you spend it with non-losers next year.
Absolutely agree, leave them alone, NC and see how long before they come groveling especially the more successful you become. They don't deserve you, NTA
He gave the gift that keeps on giving.
Agreed lol. Like what! First of all, how and why is this aunt at a family dinner who defends a man who has raped a 14 YO much less her very own granddaughter. gtfoh. Disgusting.
NTA. It sounds like this has been brewing for awhile. Your only error may have been not bringing it up much earlier when you wouldn't be sitting on so much repressed anger over the subject. A joking 'Why are you always picking on me when I've actually done pretty well here' years ago might have done it. But maybe you already tried that. It doesn't really matter in the end - you still are NTA. Your family was guilty of at least being insensitive and overly judgemental of your accomplishments. They could be guilty of flat out bullying you. They made this situation by holding you to a higher standard and riding you about it. Go forth without guilt. You've done nothing wrong here.
Totally agree. Feels like OP has been putting up with a lot of verbal abuse from family as a way for them to feel better about how terrible they are. Everyone has their limits and OP reached theirs. If people don’t like being told the truth on a holiday, tough shit.
It seems like his/her whole shitty family are using the most successful member as a punching bag to make themselves feel better. Complete AHs - NTA OP
Crabs in a bucket mentality. Constantly reminding OP of their failures and ignoring their accomplishments to drag OP down.
It's really sad.
THIS is the reason for their behavior! The more success OP enjoys, the worse this behavior is going to get. NTA
Resentment and jealousy. People who feel they are unsuccessful love to make the people they are jealous of feel like shit about their accomplishments, and when they’re called out it’s always the “we just expect better from you”/ “we hold you to a higher standard” excuse
By succeeding on their own OP has shown an independence they cannot stand. NTA and make new family. This one doesn’t deserve you.
For years my mother told family that she was waiting for me to come out of the closet. Why? Because I didn’t get pregnant as a teen. A first in generations. I got married before having kids. It was all a ruse don’t you know.
It was the only explanation for why I made different choices. Because I couldn’t have looked around me and thought, ‘Gee, birth control would solve a lot of these problems. I think I’ll get an education. I’ll pay my bills instead of snorting drugs.’
Fortunately my brother cleaned up his act and left the negative and destructive cycle. Unfortunately others in my family decided on the long suicide of alcohol and drugs.
I think it is important to have high expectations for everyone. The Tyranny of Low Expectations is a thing. But it is perverse to simultaneously have low expectations for people who haven't achieved much success and absurdly high expectations for someone who has their act together. Sounds like they ought to be thanking OP for being a good example of how things should be done - and that is even more true since OP evidently overcame some challenges and bad decisions along the way. Belittling someone for the mistakes they have made while ignoring how they have recovered from them is a serious AH move.
> Why are you always picking on me when I've actually done pretty well here
Though. The correct answer is that OP makes them feel small, and they're never going to get that as an honest answer. Bullying OP let's them feel like OP isn't above them, and that's what they want, and they'll never admit they're not level or above OP.
you gave them what the deserved. shame on them. if they don't wanna be called out on their bullshit, they shouldn't be such judgemental assholes.
Trash tryna bring her down as the only way to lift themselves up smh
Don't dish it if you can't take it. Nta. Op if you need a new family, go pick one out. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
NTA- they are bunch of jerks who need a little taste of their own medicine. I wouldn't let myself be bullied either, especially by family.
NTA. If they want you to be concerned about their egos, they can learn to show that same concern to you. Throwing stones, glass houses, yada yada. They ruined Christmas first, you just finished off the job. Sounds like you need new family.
Big time NTA. Giving constructive criticism and behaving like assholes and putting you down for god knows what kind of pleasure they get from it, these two are very VERY different things.
The fact that you've achieved so much in life but they still have some weird unrealistic expectations from you is animalistic and honestly, although what you said on different occasions was a bit harsh, hats off man, I could've never done that with my fam lol
Don't listen to them when they're saying you ruined Christmas because it's on them for doing that. They shouldn't have behaved like assholes with you in the first place. Like you said, major double standards here as well.
These kind of comments can be very frustrating and I hope you get through them because you're much more than that :)
NTA they are bullying you out of jealousy. Their kids aren't successful and so they want to take you down a few notches...they suck. Someone should have stood up for you!
NTA. My spouse was the scratching post for his family and the "one they could tease" (we're just joking!) until he stood up for himself about 12 years ago. We're \*still\* getting fallout from that as it's hard to break a lifetime habit. Good for you for standing up for yourself and here's hoping you have some support there somewhere!
Ah yes, the Meg of the family.
NTA, but please listen to me. As a fellow family scapegoat, I'm telling you to RUN from these losers. Go no-contact with them starting now. If you have to talk to them, keep it neutral and short. I'm talking about your sanity. You don't deserve that crap.
TBH I don't know why you just don't go NC with the entire family and disown them.
NTA. You've been putting up with abuse your whole life and they are *shocked* that you had the audacity to respond.
NTA it had to be done. Gets me is thin skinned AH can dish it out but you say something about them they go bonkers. As for your family that weren't there and calling you to complain how you acted tell them to Go Fuck themselves and the Horse 🐎 they rode in on. Good Luck OP
I fucking died reading that first interaction. You reached your limit, which was apparently god damn massive, and went off.
After reading your edit. DEFINITELY NTA. Get in the fucking bin anyone who defends a child rapist.
NTA being constantly berated and reminded of your faults and failures can really fuck with a person’s head. I’m sorry they treated you that way and the fact that you lashed out tells me they were being cruel and abusive. Teasing should be done about things that people can change, and things they aren’t insecure about. What they did wasn’t teasing. It was mean.
It was more than mean. It was beyond heartless. My family does the same thing to me, and i’d try to stand up to myself. Yet, it would lead me to get threatened to be harm by them, just so they can have manipulation on me to prove that i’m weak and dependent...
NTA. "If they can mock me for things that I'm embarrassed about, then surely I can do the same." Perfectly said.
NTA. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
I especially enjoyed the *surprise pikachu face* when OP finally had enough.
NTA. I think they point out all of your mishaps and failures s a way to keep you down as they know they are all total fuck ups. If you are successful I. Their eyes it makes them all look bad as they had the same chances as you but made no effort at all. So they point out your failures to make themselves feel like they had no choice but to fail like everyone else in the family.
You have become the butt of their jokes so they all feel better about themselves and the families they have raised to be wastes of spaces
I think that’s what your grandpa was trying to tell you without actually having to admit all his descendants Barr one (you) are a total mess
Don’t apologise. I’d tell them once they apologise for every single time the have tried to put you down or make fun of you then you’ll apologise for how you said what you shouted. Tel them you won’t apologise for the words used as they are true
If they do it again, sit there calmly and list off every single thing they and any of their adult kids have messed up.
I’m sorry but even your mum is on their side. That’s bad. You need to ask her why she feels it necessary to try to show you up or bring you down when you have worked hard to ensure where you are
NTA. YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE HERO. This is how my stepmom's family is. Every single one of her siblings and their offspring are on a damn pedestal. Meanwhile my stepmom, dad, my siblings, and I are all treated like absolute crap and they do their best to humiliate us. With the exception of my stepmom, none of us attend their family events. And when my Nana died last year, we all took a collective sigh of relief because we NEVER HAVE TO SEE THESE PEOPLE AGAIN. At her funeral, one of the cousins smirked at me and asked if I was still single with no kids. Me- yup. Cousin- oh that's too bad (smirk). What are you up to these days? Me- taking notes on everyone who is here to see if y'all have any outstanding warrants. This funeral is like a methed up white trash version of America's Most Wanted. Your parole office know you're here?
NTA. Seems fair to me, if a bit mean-spirited. Sounds like you've been stewing for a while, though, so you may want to discuss this with them at a later time. Once you've all cooled off some, definitely apologize to your aunt, but also request that they lay off you. She's probably still really sensitive about that divorce, and showint compassion may win you leverage with them.. What they're doing seems to be tantamount to bullying, especially if they're only targeting you. I would tell them explicitly to lay off or you're done going to family Christmas. Then follow through if they can't (won't) stop.
Basically, all families rib each other about stuff. The problem comes in when they're singling you out.
NTA...do this every time this happens...it will stop or you won’t be invited, win win
NTA. Dude I did the same thing years ago. I'm still NC with most of my family because of it. Apparently because they considered me the smartest of my siblings and cousins, they expected so much more out of me than what they "got."
I dropped out of high school about 3 months into my senior year (but then I got my diploma from a homeschooling website before I was due to graduate anyway, so I don't understand the issue here). I joined the army fresh out of high school and had to get discharged due to injury. I went to college for one semester before I remembered how much I detest homework so I left and haven't gone back. Early in my professional life I was fired from pretty much every job I had either due to my own fault or the economy (I started working in 06-07, in the middle of that economic recession), not to mention having a prominent or semi prominent scar from most of those early jobs.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm a success. I have had a very well paying job for over 10 years now, a wife and son who love me, and they constantly motivate me to be a better person. Anyone else can go to hell.
everyone: insults and mocks OP
OP: throws their faillures back to their faces
everyone: shockep pikatchu face
WaIt We CaN't InSuLt SoMeOnE WiThOuT CoNsEqUeNcEs?
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This happened at Christmas, but I'm still hearing about it from family.
We kept our gathering very small, for obvious reasons. But even so, when my family sat down to Christmas dinner, they started in on me, discussing my various faults and failures. They went through the greatest hits, talking about the various ways I had failed or embarrassed myself, since I was a toddler.
I was getting increasingly angry and, when my aunt brought up my first attempt at college (where I dropped out) and laughingly said, "How did that work out?" I snapped, "Better than your marriage." (She went through a messy divorce a couple of years ago, and I did eventually finish my degree and go on to get a masters.)
She immediately went from laughing to shocked, and there was a collective gasp around the table, followed by an awkward silence. Then, the shouting started. I tried to defend myself, but they weren't having any of it. I finally stormed out to the garage for a cigarette.
My grandfather followed me and, calmly, told me that I was being mean and rude. I shot back that I was sick of the entire family ganging up on me, especially when I was almost certainly the most successful member of my generation. I cited my degrees, my military experience, my professional career, and other personal accomplishments as compared to my sibling's and cousin's criminal records, drug problems, CPS cases, etc.
He said, "But we don't expect the same thing from them that we do from you." And I responded, "Well, maybe if you had, they wouldn't all be such fucking losers!"
Apparently, I said this loudly enough that it was heard in the house, and only further upset my aunt, mother, and grandmother. Of course, I collected my things and left, and I'm now being accused of "ruining Christmas." I'm even hearing from family members who weren't there.
My feeling is that I'm tired of being picked on by my family, and that turnabout is fair play. If they can mock me for things that I'm embarrassed about, then surely I can do the same. But, as my grandfather pointed out, there's apparently a double standard here. Apologies are being demanded, and I told them that I'm the one owed an apology for years of their teasing.
AITA for snapping at my family and refusing to apologize?
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NTA. The problem with being the responsible one is that chickens always come home to roost and then those same family members are begging for money bc they wasted it paying for bail, “business endeavors”, unplanned children, multiple cars, multiple houses (trailers but still, I wouldn’t mind a free trailer even in tornado alley). Ask me how I know!
Nta. Something something something glasshouse
NTA sounds like they had it coming and it's hard to break life time bullying from others.
This is not teasing. This is serious bullying. I would say they are jealous of your achievements and overcompensating by replaying your past failures / embarrassments instead of facing their own.
The come back was a nice touch (imo, cause I am petty like that) and long overdue!
After reading your edit, I agree, you ceded the moral high ground. But that’s like backing off the tallest peak in Florida. Not a huge loss. Plenty of people make their own families out of people they choose, you can too. I’ve got a lot of vets in my immediate family and close circle who have had these kinds of family conflicts (both internal imaginary dialogue and real conflict), but you should get some other vets to talk with, us civilians don’t always understand it all.
And that’s a very nice user name. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like if your family constantly picks on you then they should have some thick skin when it’s inevitably their turn to be under the heat.
This is funny AF, NTA, sometimes people need to hear the truth
Remind them who they really are. I agree with the other comments....You are a hero to all those who are picked on by hypocrites.
NTA, with the entire family ganging up on you, you feel like you have no choice but to defend yourself in a (damn satisfying I expect :p) rude manner. It is fair play, they owe you an apology.
I'd cut contact with the extended family honestly, they don't seem like they consider you an equal member of the family. But your grandfather's cool for calmly reaching out to you instead of yelling at you for defending yourself.
NTA x3,000,000,000 if you want me to adopt you let me know.
NTA. When I read stories like this where technically OP might be a soft “you’re the asshole” I always think the same thing. I think that If OP’s outburst effectively shuts down this kind of BS from OPs family in the future then good, totally worth it! And sometimes I think that it might be worth another couple outbursts so the family learns that they don’t want to try to pull that BS any more.
Obviously you know that insulting your family is an AH move. But they were AH for insulting you first. Likewise, you should apologize, conditional upon them apologizing first.
Because i've been there, I am the youngest of 5 boys and 3 of my brothers are extremely supportive but the middle child is just... a dick
Everytime that I used to go over he'd say things like "I know you're smart but" and then go on some rant and if I questioned it the problem was I didn't have enough life experience because I was "just a stupid University student" even though I went to University at 23 after working full-time since I left High School.
Him on the other hand? Can't hold down a job because sooner or later he pisses off his bosses, can barely clean and take care of himself, dropped out of High School and practically was only temporarily employed until he got a Truck licence which I sweaer is the only thing keeping his marriage together.
it's jealously man, they want to tear you down because they know you did better. They need to make sure that you 'know your place' because otherwise they'd have to accept their own failures.
Don't let those wankers get to you.
Jesus Christ NTA. And those edits are EVEN BETTER! BRAVO OP, I wish I had guts like you.
NTA that was so funny 😂😂
NTA - that was epic and well deserved, but honest question: why do you continue to allow these people in your life? It doesn't sound like they are anything that a family should be: loving, supportive, etc., so what worse could they possibly do to you if you went No Contact with the lot of them?
Justified A H, but for voting, NTA. They got exactly what they deserved.
What they expected you to do was to be humiliated so you would be "humble", and build themselves up from tearing you down.
That is not where humility or humbleness comes from, nor how it is started.
It starts with the acknowledgment that there are people who have achieved more than you, and there are those who achieve less than you, but that it is not your achievements that separate you, but your attitudes, which I think you pointed out to them.
What is with your Aunt's comments about "How did THAT turn out?!" You have a master's degree, duh. You can't get a master's with an MRS. degree.
Ugh. Don't be their sacrificial scapegoat anymore, OP. It's not worth the amount of self-control you have to spend in a given day.
If they like to do nothing but abuse you then I think cutting down or cutting off contact with anyone who plays a part in that would be best.
NTA. Sounds like those losers are jealous of your accomplishments and can’t handle it!
So, it's okay for your Christmas to be ruined as long as you keep your mouth shut and your head down, but the second you stand up for yourself *you're* the villain? No. If they don't want the claws, they shouldn't poke the bear! NTA.
You're a human being too, and we all have our breaking point. You reached yours, and they didn't like having their hypocrisy pointed out to them. You're an adult, not a naughty child in need of punishment. If anything, their behavior before you lost your temper was childish. *They* ruined Christmas by being a bunch of mean-spirited a-holes.
"Better than your marriage" is a pretty epic comeback.
Sounds like your family likes to stay in their glass houses with a shit ton of rocks. NTA
“Well, maybe if you had, they wouldn’t all be such fucking losers!” was straight fire.
NTA - When they apologize for years of nagging, you can consider apologizing to them.
You are totally NTA and the reason they gang up on you is because you are successful and they suck. But hold firm. The next time they start in dish it right back and tell them they can’t get mad. They started the game but you are better at it.
NTA. They’re trying to drag you down so they can feel better about themselves. Better to distance yourself and let them wallow in their own issues.
Way to stand up for yourself, I've gone no contact with multiple family members over the same BS. The way I see it family is only obligation, And you have no obligation to be a part of the family that treats you like shit.
NTA - your family has been ruining Christmas for you for years now. All you did was share your Christmas with them. If they don't like it, they have the power to change it.
NTA, wish I had the courage to do the same. The "better than your marriage" one was great!
When the black sheep bites back....
People is glass houses shouldn't tease people holding fuckin bricks!
They sure can dish it but when someone else gets criticized the whole world comes crashing down. God, I dislike people like that.
NTA if they can give it, they need to be able to take it. I loved your response. Well done!
Did you ask your gfather what he meant by not expecting the same? I really can not figure out his point.
NTA. They can argue all they want but all you did was give them a taste of their own medicine. Glass houses and all that.
Is this a repost?
Isn't it amazing how many people who ruin Christmas accuse the truth-teller of ruining Christmas?
Fuck 'em all.
INFO: Why do you still spend time with your "family"? NTA except maybe to yourself for continuing to put yourself in a clearly toxic environment.
You told those losers what they needed to hear. Your aunt can talk a lot of shit, but can't take it. She had it coming.
NTA.... But you should give an apology. Something on the lines of “I’m so sorry that you all are such f*****g losers”
NTA lol I feel this.
ESH, cause you had at least three generations who don't live together get together for Christmas during pandemic. This is the shit that's killing people and it's obviously not worth it cause everyone seems miserable in your family.
NTA. I actually think you dropped this on your way out of there. 👑
NTA. You should have loudly asked your grandfather how much paper would be needed if he were to enumerate all your cousins' collective police reports, rap sheets and CPS case materials.
NTA and a round of applause to you! If they can’t take it they shouldn’t dish it out. Well done.
> My feeling is that I'm tired of being picked on by my family, and that turnabout is fair play.
It is, so NTA.
I'm sure people will tell you until the sun grows cold that taking the high road and being the better man has value, but it...really doesn't if the alternative is having a spine and respecting yourself. When an entire family is content to ruin one family members Christmas due to admitting they have "Different standards" for you than it can only be said that everyone's christmas deserves to be ruined.
Let's be honest though, this is a typical example of crabs in a bucket. They don't have "different standards for you" it's more that each and everyone of them see's you and feels guilty that they've been to jail or that they're alcoholics or that they can't keep a man, so they ruin your christmas and gang up on you. Frankly they deserved the nuclear response.
I'd cut them off, all of them, because inevitably as your star rises the ridicule will turn to, "hey can I get a 'loan' of some amount? My life is shitty and you have so much going for you so clearly..." Biggest critics are often the quickest to turn into hangers on.
NTA. Every family has drama. They collectively use you to distract from all of their failures, they all deserved the shake up.
It's tall poppy syndrome, they know you're the most successful, they know you've achieved the most and are "better"in some way. Thus they believe you're fair game to tear down, knock you down a few pegs, use you as target practice because at the end of they day your have more than them so it doesn't matter.
None of that is acceptable behaviour, it's also what the media does to celebrities. So consider it a compliment, fuck all of them for treating the family's rising star as a piece of shit.
We all know you're above them anyway they've just provided evidence.
NTA- I am so in love with you right now. I would like to point out that you have the career with the Fuck You money to have that outburst. Good job on your successful life. If you want to really stick it to them the best revenge is living well. Also, you may have lost the moral high ground, but the catharsis you gave people on the internet more than makes up for it.
NTA. I respect you
NTA My dude, I am applauding you right now. Even though it was fueled by anger, you pretty much gave them a taste of their own medicine and they didn’t like it . I love shit like that. Kudos to you on being the most successful person in your family.
NTA - and good ridance to that family.
NTA. Don’t take the piss out of people if you can’t handle it being done to you hahaha. Well done, your comment to your aunt made me laugh!
NTA but your family members sure are!
NTA. do not apologize.
The truth hurts. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. NTA
NTA, but You can be charged with murder for killing you aunt with words.
NTA the truth hurts
NTA. And well done!!!! They want you to be an easy target so they can feel good about themselves. Sadly they are wrong! Keep it UP!!
NTA. That high horse she was riding made her ass look huge. Not many could resist such a target.
And had the rest had the sense to let her take her medicine it would have stopped with that. But no, Grandpa had to air an opinion, too, and got it shoved right back from whence it came. As he deserved.
Nta! Tell your family to get a new escape goat because you are done with their abuse bulling loser asses! Then cut concact with all of them ! You desreve to be around people you love and build you up! If your loser family concact you block them.
NTA. Fling that shit right back at em good sir. Use a snow shovel next time, it can fling a lot more shit.
NTA- I cant imagine how shitty it must feel for people to constantly bring up your shortcomings and failures. Tbh they’re probably taking out their own insecurities on you. Honestly why stick around with people who make you feel shitty? Family is supposed to make you feel loved, supported and for the most part happy.
NTA, if they can't take it then they shouldn't dish it out. This is especially true of your mother and grandparents. They should be standing up for you, not letting others try and tear you down. It's resentment, no doubt but that's not your problem, it's theirs. You did nothing wrong by giving as well as you got. Nobody gets to build themselves up by tearing someone else down. Seems like your family has forgotten that.
Losers band together to feel less pathetic.
Your family is very envious of and threatened by you. NTA. They had it coming. Keep being awesome.
NTA, they can dish it out but can't take it. They are likely picking on you to make themselves feel like they are not losers. When you fought back, you proved that are insecure and self conscious about their own short comings. You have been the family target for years, and kudos to you for standing up for yourself when nobody else would. Grandpa is making excuses, and trying to justify a double standard. Maybe if more were expected from the rest of the family, things might not have turned out like they did.
NTA. You've been verbally and emotionally abused for a long time and you are not obligated to tolerate it. You don't have to endure this treatment from people just because you're related. I'd recommend putting some space between yourself and this brood and sticking to your guns about what you will and will not accept. You don't have to visit people who make you miserable. You don't have to eat with them or buy them gifts. It's hard to accept that people who are supposed to love and support us with kindness are just assholes who are never going to be the family we deserve.
If you want to dish it out, expect it to be served right back. They were acting like jerks first and you can't knit pick someone for something that happened when you're sitting on court cases for various problems.
I'd consider something you did wrong at 3 doesn't trump a criminal record, especially if the person that's being dissed isn't having it.
NTA, just my hero
NTA, your whole family needs to learn to handle getting insulted if they're gonna insult you. My brother calls me a virgin often, and you know what I do? I tell him that he ain't lost his either and that he shouldn't be fucking with my non-existent sex life if he doesn't have (or want) a girlfriend right now.
NTA & nicely done.
NTA. they sound jealous of your success. Ignore them and continue to better yourself and continue to take up for yourself.
NTA -- whenever a bully gets stood up to they try and turn it around on the person they were bullying and present themselves as the real victim. That's all that's happening here: they used to be able to bully you and now they can't anymore so they're trying to play the victim.
They like tearing you down to make themselves feel better. That's some toxic behavior right there. Only toxic losers act this way.
Why do you hangout with the toxic waste that is your family?
NTA - IDK about ruining Christmas, but this is one hell of a Festivus.
NTA. They've clearly been picking on you for years. That didn't ruin it for them, but ruined it for you. Also screw their double standard.
I agree that you are owed an apology. It isn’t fair that they tend to revisit your childhood and make a mockery of it. Oh it’s time to dump on Danny, our favorite Christmas pastime. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Pointing out that others also failed just adds to the negativity of the situation but made a fair point. That you are not the worst of y’all. And then when they said well we expect more from you, then point out that if they aren’t willing to tear down the losers because they expect so little (and don’t want to make matters worse for them) that maybe instead of picking in you they could focus on praising your successes instead. Build you up instead of tearing you down.
Families can be weirdly mean to each other.
This happens to me a lot. Basically what they’re doing is bringing you down to make themselves feel better. They don’t like or appreciate how successful you are, and are embarrassed at their own short comings, so collectively try to get you to the level they wish they were at. So suddenly you’re expected to be the bigger person since you’re seen as more of a success and never retaliate. Well screw that, I don’t subscribe to that shitty magazine and neither should you. If they can’t back off then oh well
NTA they opened the door for scrutiny. If you dish it out expect to be hit back, especially verbally.
NTA. LOL this is gold!!! Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.
NTA - and the reason why they keep bringing up your "failures" is because, in fact, you're successful.
Some people can't stand seeing others doing well. They're miserable, so they feel the need to put you down to make you feel miserable too. They point out your "flaws" to make you (and themselves) forget about how good you're actually doing.
Sadly, the more you shine, the more they will try to turn you off. It's called envy and it's hurting them inside, so don't worry about them, don't give them a second thought.
You feel good with your own life, they don't. Let them lay on their own bitterness and you keep enjoying
Let me understand, you were being TEASED for dropping out of college because you dropped out of college, went back, and got an even more advanced degree? And why is that funny to them?
They cannot even try to make fun of you. If you have to see these people again, ask them why each thing they say is so funny, or why do they care?
NTA - you made it out of the Loser-town that is your family, be proud!
No! People love pointing others losses and failures. But when it comes to their own they get so sensitive.
Even I felt the catharsis. Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you lol
NTA It's sad when people have to tear you down in order to feel good about themselves and it sounds like that's what they've been doing. You should be proud of your accomplishments. You also probably wouldn't have blown up if everyone else had been civil or at least told your aunt to lay off after a while, so actually you didn't ruin Christmas, they did by allowing your aunt to pick on you.
NTA. Don't apologize, and don't hold your breath for one from them either. Moving forward, keep dishing it out as you get it. Don't wait for things to reach an emotional boiling point, just calmly retort. Every. Single. Time.
Let them know the double-standard is over.
How have you put up with this for so long? Family isn't any excuse to abuse people and you do not have to keep abusers in your life. For your own sake consider going low or no contact and frankly, I would never apologize, your aunt got what she deserved after being so rude to you.
From one family scapegoat to another: Well done bro or sis. Of course NTA and i wish I had your courage.
Just because you expect more from someone doesn't mean you should let them be the family punching bag. Everyone was being an AH to OP.
NTA. You needed to level the playing field and you did. I would just at this point go no contact and cut your losses. You will never get the acceptance that you deserve.
They can dish it out but can’t take it. I love when that happens! NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Well done for defending yourself. Maybe they'll think twice about bullying anyone ever again.
NTA. But next time just get up and leave. Not because it’s the right thing or anything but because why waste your time. Clearly they won’t change so it’s like arguing with a plant. Will they bitch and moan? Yes. But you don’t have to hear it.
NTA. Can’t take it? Don’t fucking shovel it to others then.
NTA your grandpa straight up admitted to there being a double standard. Give them Heck man. In the words of Kid Rock " But when I start poking back they get all up tight." I'd finish the lyric but it contains cursing and I'm not sure that's allowed.
NTA They are the ones that ruined it by continuously picking on you and expecting you to deal with it.
NTA, but you could have handled it way better.
Turnabout may be fair play, but nobody wins when you play this game.
Your reply was badass and I love it!
Cut contact with them. You don't need losers like them who think of the double standard.
NTA. Good job standing up for yourself. And I think you should give talking and being around them a break for awhile. Especially your mother who would allow them to pick at you like that.
NTA. I'm sorry your family is so mean.
I was in the same boat as you. I honestly just cut them off. Oh well. Happiness and wellbeing > almost anything else.
NTA- if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don’t apologize, otherwise they will think this is okay.