By - heavythreadedbolt
Life is too short and being happy within yourself is a really important part of being in relationships with other people.
Cool, how hapiness means for you?
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
Yes, also work on not hanging on to the anger (or whatever) that makes you feel like you need to forgive. When someone harms you in some way, just note it for the future and move on. There's no need to create an emotional state that needs forgiveness to release.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't remember the source of the harm and mitigate the risk of it occurring again.
You sound like someone who came from a totally normal and well adjusted family.
Relationships — personal and business — are the key to everything. This is cliché but it’s cliché because it’s the truth.
This has been verified by the longest running study from Harvard University. Happiness is inextricably linked to good relationships.
Your behavior towards other people is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.
This realization has been profound for my life in 2 ways. (1) It allows me to assess and develop self-awareness for what I am projecting out into the world. If I am projecting out negativity or anxiety, I can look inward to fix it and control my own happiness. (2) I have learned to not take anything personally because others' behavior towards me is also just a projection of their internal state. As a result, I can let go of that attachment to how others think of or act around me because it is completely out of my control. I am so much more secure in myself as a result.
this is going to take some time to process and deal with…
Yeah, it probably took me a decade to get here. It's not easy
TBH letting go of attachment alone is a lifelong journey and philosophy for me, there is the Buddhist concept that suffering comes from grasping, holding on to attachments.
I think completely out is incorrect as well. Fine control, no, but influence does exist…. and self control too. Personal influence is something that can happen. As is charisma and speech skills.
That said, Resolving what is and what isn’t actually within my power but letting go of what’s beyond me— especially the things that stress me out, is difficult.
Thanks for posting, I am going to have to reflect on this concept
I would argue that your influence on somebody else is an illusion of control, as they have the ability to revoke that at any time. There is no doubt that you can attract people toward you (and you should because it is a necessary human need), but it is simultaneously their decision to engage.
It also kind of goes against those same Buddhist teachings to make your ability to influence someone else a piece of your identity. That only feeds the desire for validation from them and doesn't really serve you in any meaningful way. My opinion is that should be an indirect product of the effort you put into yourself, creating a positive feedback loop in other areas of your life.
A good example would be giving to people because you want to give, rather than expecting a reaction out of them or something in return. In turn, they will probably like you more and give you the validation you want, but your ego is not attached to whether or not they like the gift. Life is much more freeing that way.
Appreciate your comments, have a great day!
It is definitely against buddhist concepts, at the same time I cannot deny it occurs and that illusion is important in society. Freedom can also be an illusion or a delusion depending on the point of view. Sometimes being an illusionist matters too. Despite such things being illusions, invisible things such as belief matters especially within societal roles. In fact, other people can’t actually revoke control especially when there are other factors going on. Ideas of rules and regulations and how people work within society matter. Both pen and sword are mighty, they can hurt or help, bind or free people. I do not think completely avoiding them is my path.
Illusions of belief and influence does matter to me, and to society. To what degree personally, and what those limits should be, I have yet to resolve.
Of course not everyone has to be that way. I could, like buddhists be reclusive and stay out if I so chose. Detached from the world, but also not a part of it as a result of that path.
It is certainly a valid path and more free from suffering, and less likely to be egocentric and upset.. or self destruction.
> your influence on somebody else is an illusion of control, as they have the ability to revoke that at any time.
In principle, sure, in practice it's probably a minority of people who can exercise that ability at will and boundlessly (that is, it takes a certain amount of mental energy to exercise it, so people who do have the ability are selective about when they exercise it).
> Your behavior towards other people is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.
Yes, and thanks for the concise expression of this idea, that's useful.
Closely related to: the potential you see in other people is a projection of what you would do in your limited perception of their situation.
Listen more, talk less.
Amen. Especially listen to older men
Shit doesn't have to be perfect, just give it a rip and accept you're not the best in the world at everything.
Focusing on "perfect" can prevent you from achieving "good".
"Sucking at something is the first step towards being kind of good at something"
I think I'm quoting Dave Grohl, but he might have stolen it from someone else.
Don't ever do business with family or friends.
To add on to this vibe: Don't loan money to family or friends unless you don't need it back.
This depends- my brother is my business partner and we run a pretty successful company. Don’t do business JUST BECAUSE they are family.
Excercise! The sooner the better.
And somewhat related: A shitty diet with lots of drinking, snacking and fast food will eventually catch up with you in terrible ways.
A friend of mine has been a touring musician for about half of his life. He just turned 50 and almost died this year of sepsis caused by diverticulitis. After surgeries, pain so bad he would pass out, rehab from being in bed for so long, and lingering neurological problems from the sepsis, you'd think he'd have listened to that wake-up call but no.
He's back to his old diet of sausage, beer, fast food, and gas station food. His girlfriend left him because after helping him through it all, he won't heed advice and she couldn't take it anymore.
He's still OK for the moment, but it's just a matter of time.
Ugh, I feel this. I'm trying to get back into fitness of any kind. I understand the tips and tricks on how to get it to stick, but for some reason, I just can't stick with it. No matter what it is. I do well for a week, maybe two, before I burn out and end up back in the same place.
Mentally reframe "failed" days as simply bumps on the road to a very distance goal. In fact you can't fail at fitness because its a goal available your whole life and even long break are just small setbacks from that goal. They don't prevent you from resuming the effort.
That means find a workout that doesn’t kill you - i go to the gym every day - I tried a boxing workout recently and had to take 3 days off. I’m not done, that just isn’t for me. Soreness means it’s working. Sometimes it is working too well
Have you tried putting an exercise bike in front of your t.v.? It's a good way t start because it doesn't really take any of your time, you were probably going to watch a half hour or so of T.V. anyway, so why not just move while you do it.
I used to have one of these, actually. Sadly I don't have the space for one now, but I have been considering a smaller treadmill desk or something. I'll have to see what I can find. Great idea.
The quote that goes something like "everyone you meet is fighting battles you know nothing about" has made it easier for me to have patience with people in the moment when I think they're doing something shitty.
Take some risks, and Get comfortable with it.
I am not talking about getting into extreme sports or drive like an idiot. But dang after over 30 years at this planet I have seen so many people just walking around playing it safe all the time. They Wonder why nothing happens in their life, why some ugly dudes has hot partners, cool Jobs or the like. Especially if you are not very priveliged risk is essential to move up and forward in life. It is also a skill, so the more often you take risks, the better you get to assess if it is worth it. You also get better at dealing with failure.
I have sometimes framed this this way:
*The answer should always be 'yes' before it's 'no'.*
Say 'yes' to most opportunities unless you have a legitimate, factual reason to say no.
I feel this. I was never much of a risk taker. I was taught to play it safe. Maybe when my parents were my age, that was fine. But now more than ever, I am learning that taking risks, as you said, is necessary to get where you need to go and what you want.
Thank you for this.
great advice, you have to put yourself out there...it sucks sometimes, but "fortune favors the brave"
You never hear from the people who take risks and they don't work out. I think to be ok taking risks you have to be ok with the fact that your life may work out half as well as the "safe path" as well as twice as well as the safe path. Because thats happened to me!
The best things in life are on other side of fear!!!!
Risk is scary AF when you are poor. It literally could break you.
No I think it’s the other way around. When you’re rich, risk is scary because you have a ton of money to lose. When you’re poor you don’t have much to lose financially speaking so it’s easier to take risks.
When you’re poor, you can lose everything in a flash. A few hundred bucks can set you back months or years.
Exactly. This is why I don't understand the comment above. When you are poor you can't risk your rent money to invest in a new adventure. If you do it could get you evicted and now suddenly you are homeless. Getting out of poverty is a long and lonely haul if you can manage to do it.
That’s not true. When your rich, you have an almost endless amount of financial connections (rich friends, banks, rich family, business assets, loans, government funding and on and on..) to weather the risks. Poor people don’t have the luxury to get a $10,000.000.00 loan because they had bad night at their job.
Everything is worse, more scary and so on when you are poor. It is easy to say just take a chance on a new job if you have savings to comfortable live without steady income for a while. But if you are poor and never take any risks you will likely stay poor too. Nothing will magically fall out of the sky and unpoor you.
Who you callin ugly!
Babe come back to bed.
Thanks I needed this, in 12 days I'm traveling 13,000 miles to a continent I have never been to before, to see my fiance who I have only met on video with for the past year and a half. I've been a bit stressed and slightly terrified 😬 but I am so ready to improve my boring and lonely life and have a family. So thanks for the boost of confidence.
Businesses don't care about you. They never will.
Profits come first. Always.
It’s always jarring to find out someone important/tenured/well-liked at a company has been fired and, after the announcement, everything goes right back to normal. People may gossip for a day or two but other than that, it’s business as usual.
In Britain I think most people are fairly aware of this.
America seems to have mythologised capitalism, business and the rich.
Some people are shocked to find out Bill Gates or Elon Musk are actually highly selfish assholes. Or that hard work doesn't always pay in a bent system.
Life is pretty good if you stop getting all worked up over little shit.
I feel like this one should be higher up and more people need to see it. I'm constantly trying to explain this to friends/family who get so upset over things that they have zero control over.
There's so much to be grateful for.
The realization I had last year that was amazingly helpful is that: Anxiety is not a reaction. It FEELS like a reaction to events. But it's not. Anxiety is a predilection, a feeling that just kinda hangs out in your head looking for something to attach itself to.
Once I understood that, then the source of a lot of my frustration and worry about horsecrap just evaporated. I was able to just "oh yeah, that's just THAT" about a lot and avoid the self-reinforcing emotional panic loop.
Realizing that anger can be addictive was a helpful thing for me to get past it too. I realized that I was getting worked up about stuff because the adrenaline rush of righteous indignation was stimulation, and my body was kind of craving it. Once I started undermining it, I stopped getting so mad all that time.
It's not that I don't get upset, but I don't get irrationally upset. Like, I don't call names or insult people, but I outline the problem and the consequences. It makes it boring, but it makes my life a lot more stable than when I was pissed off all the time about everything.
I need to print this comment and have it framed hanging above my bed
And don’t get too worked up over the big shit you can’t control.
Yep, the days you keep your gratitude higher than your expectations are pretty good days.
Things can go wrong pretty fast, with no warning or chance to avoid it.
And it doesn't matter how nice or good you are, shit can still happen to you or your loved ones. It will probably happen. So be thankful for every day where things haven't gone to shit. Be ready to be able to cope with challenges when things do in fact go to shit.
Don't get attached to anything in your perfect life. Because when things to go shit those things will not matter unless they make your life easier (and by going to shit it means for example that can be your loved one getting cancer, or you getting it, or anyone you love... after all, 30% of adults will have cancer at some point in life, so look around and look at your watch. It is ticking)
Not everyone wants me to fix their problems. Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing and say nothing.
Only the wisest know when the time is to fix things without being asked and I'm not that wise.
Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people all the time.
Your mom was right - "life isn't fair".
Life is fair. It’s unfair to everyone.
It's not equally unfair to everyone though.
We strive for equality of opportunity because that's about as much as we could hope to possibly influence in terms of life being "fair".
Fair enough. lol.
Really, I don’t think that it’s unfair to everyone. I just heard that once and thought it was interesting. That’s it.
It's definitely unfair to everyone, albeit in different ways.
I think this is most evident in the musings of the wealthy sad clowns of our era. Jim Carry and Robin Williams come to mind. Maybe we do it to ourselves, I couldn't say, but external pressures aren't the only mechanism of life's myriad cruelties and injustices.
Every decision you make is a trade off and none are entirely good or entirely bad. When making big decisions, it’s helpful to try and understand the costs and benefits as best as possible.
The best time to start saving for retirement is as early as possible, even in high school. The second best time is today. It's super important, and not many people do it enough, and it's going to be detrimental.
Second, take care of your teeth, you can't get them back and the replacement options suck.
Pick your battles. 90% of the shit people get worked up about doesn't matter. Take it easy and let life happen.
Save/invest 20% of pay
Pay your bills on time
Travel to different countries
when the bulk of the country lives paycheck to paycheck, how is that even remotely feasible?
Glib answer: by earning more and/or spending less.
Obviously that's not always easy or even possible, but it's very unlikely to happen without effort and creativity. Spending has a way of expanding to consume all available income unless the earner puts consistent effort into preventing it.
Median household income in the US in 2020 was $67,521.
That number tells only a very small fraction of the story given the wide range of cost of living, different household sizes, etc. The US has very real economic problems, but it's easy to read too much into doom-and-gloom media and think things are worse than they are. Yes, we should pay attention to those who are struggling and make things better. But the situation isn't entirely dire.
Most Americans do in fact have a little bit of financial padding and could save a little each month.
You're right dude. Poor people should make zero attempts to try to better their situation.
is that what i said? No, i didn't say that at all.
It's a goal, not a mandate. A lot of people get there by starting with putting aside $10/mo and growing that rate over a long period of time.
Invest in your future daily. This could be financially, through relationships, with your kids, by exercising, planting a tree, etc. After a few decades it all pays off huge.
Happiness is a choice.
I finally figured out to be yourself; cliche but leaning into to your identity improves your quality of life. You’ll never be happy being what someone else/society wants. Chose friends who aren’t afraid to be themselves; over the last decade this has been my main factor in developing friendships. It has provided a diverse honest group of friends.
Many of life’s problems don’t have a correct, right, or perfect solution. Sometimes the best choice still sucks for everyone involved.
Morality, Wisdom, and Legality aren’t always on the same side of a disagreement.
Happiness tends to happen in retrospect, when you look back and remember the times and realize that you were happy and you didn't know it.
Once you realize, you see that being happy is a responsibility, an attitude, not something that happens to you or a spontaneous feeling. It is a choice (in most or a lot of cases)
So basically, you can choose to enjoy today depending on what you choose to pay attention to.
Everybody hurts. Everyone is carrying some pain, even the happy people, even those that have it all. Everybody hurts, somehow.
So if we were all to be naked in a room with nothing at our name, we would all be exactly the same. We are all equal. Just pieces of meat commanded by a bowl of jelly trying to figure out the world and how to avoid pain.
No one is coming to save you.
You are not the main character. Focus on your role in everyone else's stories and you'll live a happier more fulfilling life.
>You are not the main character. Focus on your role in everyone else's stories and you'll live a happier more fulfilling life.
That's a tough pill to swallow for most people, I like it.
It is. Took me 30+ years to actually start to honestly believe it.
The saying "This too shall pass" has always been the most important thing I have in mind.
Not everyone will like you and some will dislike you. There's no getting around it, so just be you.
I Tell this one to my wife constantly
Nothing you do will ever really matter to anyone but yourself. So do what you need to do to be happy/self-fulfilled.
1. Trauma occurs far easier than we generally assume and pretty much everyone needs therapy in one way or another. (I'm sorry, this kind of sounds like a 'don't judge others' type of statement)
2. There are authors out there that have written something that will give you far more inspiration, joy, and excitement than any film or television show ever can.
3. Modesty and shame can severely obstruct one's need to admire their own existence. Loving yourself for every achievement and imperfection is the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself.
4. Adding on to #3: Saying something nice about yourself everyday, to yourself, can go a long way. This goes for other people as well.
5. Learning to embrace and distill negative emotions is a key to greater emotional intelligence and mental health.
Edited for grammar. Sorry, I wrote this reply at like 5:30AM when I just woke up.
Do you have a favorite author recently?
I have been so down and out on reading lately.
I really like to read autobiographies and self-help, although I hate the overuse of that term in a lot of books these days.
David Chang, founder of Momofuku Restaurant released a great title called Eat a Peach last year. God it was wonderful.
Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential was amazing too.
I'm not really into cooking per se, but there is something about the personality of individuals that spend a lot of time around kitchens.. They're so iconoclastic, challenging themselves and everything around them in the best way possible.
It helps you see different views.
I have only 1 life tip for me
Even if I messed up, I don't play blame game or never regret , I focus onto solution.
I don't regret as there no benefit, I should Have used my brain the the first place and If not, never mind, Find the solution. I can't go back to past, then why to think
Make a budget.
No one does it but it reduces stress so much and let's you do the things you actually want to do.
Treat everyone the same, you never know when you might need that certain someone to help you. My dad gave me that advice, and it’s been so valuable on so many occasions I swear by it.
Acquiring a little wisdom along the way is actually less work than just staying a dumbass forever.
Go to a therapist. Don’t lie, say what you actually think and find out you’re not as abnormal as you might think you are and find out what you’re carrying internally and how you might work on fixing.
It's a cliché, but actions do speak louder than words.
Observe and listen. Appreciate that around you for what it is. Don't be quick to judge and meddle with people and micro-manage the reality around you to 'correct' it.
"Kindly let me help you or you'll drown - said the monkey putting the fish safely up a tree"
No one has it all figured out and we're all muddling along as we go, given our temperament, history, and living situations. Life is a giant question mark and it's the folks that think they **do** have it figured out that you should be most wary of.
Also, trust yourself enough to make a choice that's potentially a mistake rather than sitting around paralyzed by indecision.
Nobody owes you anything and you don't owe anyone anything. Everything you ever received or gave was a gift. Be generous, do not expect it in return.
"If I could have, I would have"
My lesson is letting go of regret. There are many passions, perspectives, and lifestyle changes I wished I had started sooner. Sometimes I find myself regretting the years I wasted not having them. Just remember you're a different person throughout phases in your life, and that the things you love now, you might have not have been in the place to love back then.
If you could have, you would have.
People won't always remember what you've said or done. But they will remember how you made them feel.
Yank it as much as you like.
Don't go to school unless you know what you are trying to get out of it. If you just want to learn about philosophy or politics or history, watch lectures on youtube and take notes. You can learn anything that way. If you want a social experience get a job with other young people and party on. If you want to make money, pick a trade and go into it.
But do not just go to school for lack of some concrete goal. Even if your parents think you should.
> If you just want to learn about philosophy or politics or history, watch lectures on youtube and take notes
Or even from the university online courses. You can get a lot of the same material they charge for free if you don't care about the certification that says you learned it.
Yes, and being a certified philosopher has very little objective value.
What your worrying about, EVERYONE is worrying about the same thing!
Rent, car payment, kids, do I have enough money? How do I start a business, I hate Monday, my boss suck, my coworker are this and that.
All of that are the same with people! Some less worry on each categories than the other.
I don’t have relationship problem, but dam my money is F up! My friend have money, relationship F up!
My boss have money, physical health bad.
I feel good physically, money bad.
All same BS.
We all worry the same, just some part are better than the other.
You are the only one that 100% has your best interest at heart. Everyone else is some value lower than 100%.
This too shall pass. both in good and bad ways.
90% of life is just showing up
wish I could have told my college self that
Don’t date down, you’ll pay dearly
It's never that serious.
Do not cross an ocean for people who will never cross a puddle for you.
Move in silence.
Family are the people you can count on. You don't necessarily have to be blood-related to them. There is a huge difference between family and relatives.
If someone throws you under the bus to save face, let them have that win, then cut them off and never allow them in again.
You make your own decisions. Never let society judge you for them.
Drink loads of water all the time.
Do it for yourself, never for the Gram or society.
Those speaking loudest about their humility are the greatest hypocrites.
When they accuse you of something you know you haven't done, they are actually confessing.
You will always not be something to someone. It's OK.
The day a principle becomes a variable is the day you lose yourself.
Less is always better.
Damn, many more, but those are the ones I could remember.
Always buy a plunger before you need a plunger
Never buy a used mattress.
Almost everyone lies about almost everything almost all the time.
I think this is like when cheaters suspect everyone else is cheating, even though most people aren't, that's just their perception of normal.
Lol oh snap.
I agree with you. Honesty and candor are a big part of my own personality. I also expect most people are being genuine most of the time. My worldview is probably influenced by my default behavior.
Ooooooo shots fired
This, Ken. No one believes I call everyone Ken, but i do.
Yeah I don't agree with this one at all. It's probably impossible to be 100% honest about everything all the time, but I think most people are at least trying to be honest most of the time. Lying quickly ends up taking more effort than it's worth, and creates increasingly negative emotions over time. Some people seem to not be able to stop themselves from habitually lying, but in my experience those poor folks are a pretty small minority.
Lying is a pretty pejorative word. There are a lot of people with "pleaser" personality types. I think these folks end up adjusting their behavior in attempts to make others like them. To them, this probably doesn't feel like lying, but it's definitely not genuine.
That's fair, and we all do compromise to that kind of social pressure, most people probably more often than we'd like. But I'd still expect that A) that kind of behavior makes up a fairly small amount of most people's behavior, and B) even when we do feel pressured to make other people happy, we nonetheless attempt to do so in a way that feels honest, and that we typically seek to resolve any actual conflicts between truthfulness and social pressures. (For example if you're planning to skip a social event, and someone asks if you're going and say yes, you're probably subsequently more likely to actually attend in order to not be perceived as a dishonest person, either by that person or by yourself). So I still think that it's likely grossly hyperbolic at a minimum to state that "Almost everyone lies about almost everything almost all the time."
Our own psyche already lies to itself constantly, just look at the ego with all its defensive mechanisms. Or think about how much individuums have to pretend to be someone they aren't (persona), otherwise they could not be part of a peer group.
You control your destiny. If you aren’t happy or aren’t satisfied with your situation in life, only you can change it. There are 2 choices: change it for better or accept it as is. We all have excuses. Don’t let friends or family deter you. Anyone holding you back needs to be cut loose. As said previously, life is about risk. Calculated risk will bring success. If you aren’t willing to take risk, learn to be content with your current situation.
Boot straps energy
Always go with your gut. Always
Care less about what people think and also remove yourself from discourse so you can really get an idea or an opinion of how you feel about it. Once you've reached that opinion, you'll realise getting involved would've been a waste of time in the first place. Zen.
Take it easy and cut yourself and others some slack.
One lesson I have is this:
Everyone only ever has their own opinion. No matter how well read you are, all you really have is your own opinion. Own it. Say "I believe".
it will not happen if you dont do it.
It always takes longer to do things twice. You're better off going slower and doing it right the first time.
Expect nothing. Live frugally by surprise.
Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey.
Pivot quick!! If you realize shit isn't going the way you want or is falling don't wait till it collapses.
When you loose, don't loose the lesson. Learn as much as you can from it.
You can't turn a hoe into a house wife.
You can choose to be an optimist or a pessimist. Becoming aware of how you perceive your surroundings and events while focusing on cultivating a positive attitude while shutting down negative thoughts as they arise can truly be life changing.
If you cut back on alcohol and use cannabis instead, you’ll be in the best shape of your life.
Don't let anyone tell you who you are.
Don’t feel bad setting boundaries with people even if they are family claiming they want to help you.
Nobody on their death bed has said "I had a great career. I'm complete."
Never trust the Government..
Mother, should I trust the government?
Never say never.
He who dares, wins.
Opinions are like ass holes: Everyone has one and most of them stink, including mine.
If I fail to plan then I should plan to fail.
People are horrible.
Mediocrity is the norm.
Serious question, what's wrong with judging other people? I've cut some seriously shit people out of my life because I eventually judged them as such, and I think I'm much better off for it.
Anyways, my relevant life lesson is "you don't have to be everyone's friend."
“You cannot become happy you can only be happy”
“The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences”
[Patience/ Being Present/ Focus](https://www.mgmtstories.com/when-one-eye-is-fixed-upon-your-destination-there-is-only-one-eye-left-with-which-to-find-the-way/)
Edit: Added one more link.
Never stick it if you wouldn’t lick it.
Whatever you do, think of the consequences, good or bad.
Don't hit your kids.
It’s cliché, but the lesson my Dad taught me at time when I had screwed up spectacularly is ‘actions have consequences’. Thank about your actions.
There’s no such thing as common sense. There’s my way of looking at things and your way of looking at things and never the two shall meet.
Eye contact ...
Accept the system and play along. It's okay to want and advocate for a better system, but you need to accept how it is TODAY to be successful.
You don't need to let the problems of others interfere with your goals, and being happy for the day is an acceptable goal. Much easier to brush off the little slights once I learned that. Fuming all day only ruins one persons day, yours.
Confidence is not competance, acclaim, or having something to be proud of. Confidence is not feeling threatened by other people. Which took me 30+ years and some of this week to realise. Once you realize that the worst most people can do to you is inflict mild discomfort, you discover they don't pose a threat you can't weather. So you don't need to fear their judgement. Disclaimer: not really applicable to physical threats.
One more for the road. One of the most powerful beliefs you can have is this: Someday, things will be better. Thats it. Keep it simple. Not necessarily tomorrow, this week, or even this year. But someday. That one tiny flame of hope can keep you going even when things are really grim.
The long game is freedom, the short game is disappointment and bitterness.
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can take care of most of your other problems while you go searching for happiness.
Hard work pays off. Sitting and waiting for dreams to happen doesn’t
Avoid debt, subscriptions, and drug habits. They all start out small, but build up to dominate your life in ways you would never imagine. No, you won't be the exception because you're clever or street smart. You will end up like all the rest.
Stop letting people live in your head rent free.
In other words, resentment & grudges are just extra burdens that you don't need. Drop them and move on otherwise it will drain your mental energy and cause extra hardship. I've seen people in their 40's burn bridges (including family) that didn't need to & grudges that turned good people into cankerous assholes. Be an asshole on your own terms.
Also: It's ok to be charitable. It's also ok to be selfish.
A couple of significant lessons actually:
1: People don't think about you as much as you think they do. You are free to do as you choose, so make it good.
2: Try to steer clear of labels, or putting yourself in boxes. Boxes hold limited potential in a world where people are in flux with unlimited possibilities before them.
47.2 % of anyone you meet, is actually a walking piece of garbage who will happily destroy the lives of anyone they deem lesser in their twisted hierarchy. As long as it it's too much work.
I have no shame but I have my pride. Took me a long time to get rid of one and replace it with the other.
Nothing changes if nothing changes !
Enjoy the little things, an unexpected night with your friends, a little extra from your partner or a good day at work. Makes life much easier
Some things in life are out of your control. Don’t stress about it.
I feel obliged to chime in here as my username checks out
Time can be a very devastating thing.
Tell people you love them.
You have no what’s coming next. Most of it is good.
The strongest people you know are the ones who are kind to everyone.
Friendships evolve and if you have to regress to adapt it’s okay if it means it ends. I think that makes sense but someone hit me with that and it stuck.
Share your success. As you move up, build the people around you and take them up the ladder with you.
Stay neutral in thought. Do not let others influence you to thinking their opinion is right for every situation. My reality is different than your reality that is different than Jack's in Detroit reality that's different than Tatsuki's in Japan, etc. No one lives the same experience.
Politically, no party can represent majority of the populace in a large country, and shouldn't. We should collectively rule in many parties that better represent the ideas of a diverse nation.
Socially, don't fall into one group to be around. Diversity is beautiful and the best times can be talking to a stranger with a story. Talk to others that are different and learn from their experiences, but never forget your own.
Spiritually, no one knows what waits for us after our bodies start to rot. Don't live life expecting a certain experience at death. Remain open and be ready to accept what's on the other side. Wether it's a black nothing of non existence, being able to explore the universe, or meeting a creator, be sure that none of us know what it is.
No one really cares about you except maybe one person, your mom. So don’t care what others think or say about you. No one loses sleep over anything you do with your life.
You can’t please everyone.
You always have a choice in everything you do. And every choice has its consequences.
Perfect timing is everything. Luck favors the prepared.
Work hard, stay humble.
There’s no right or wrong way to do life. Everyone is out here trying to figure it out. Some of us really “fake it until we make it”
I will say the lesson I learned is if you want love look in other country's as it is easier if you look outside the box
For me, its that you can not rely on anyone 100%.
I'm aged 42.
Last year was a horrible year, culminating in a horrendous addiction to alcohol and painkiller medication (opiates) I've always had the belief I didn't have an addictive personality but 2020 showed me I actually did. Alongside the fear I felt over Covid19, the loss of a job I loved, taking a job that pushed me to attempting suicide, I have had some slow burning issues for a number of years.
Alongside the addictions I was taking such a cocktail of tablets that I probably rattled like a pharmacy pill counter. I literally could not function like a normal human without taking a stimulant or something to sedate me.
In January this year I had a weird moment happen whereby I finally decided to listen to my body and my mind for the first time in probably 25 years. It took me a further 9 months to actually start doing this.
In September of this year I stopped taking pretty much all my medications, stimulants and sedatives.
This fog I've lived in for 6 years started to lift and all of a sudden these realisations started to come thick and fast. Its been three months of some of the most painful times I've ever experienced, I've cried more than I have since a child in the last three months as things from my childhood started to surface. This numbness fell away and I've had to confront stuff that's been hidden for a long time.
One of the worst things that I've realised is that in my 42 years on earth, out of everyone in my life, only one person has never let me down, my best friend.
My parents, my sister, my aunt who I all believed would always have my back have let me down
Some of the people who I classed as close friends, dropped away as they noticed I was struggling.
My wife and kids, haven't let me down at all BUT the caveat to this is that they've been in my life for 7 years, I'm looking back at 42 years.
So in my 42 years on Earth, only one person has been consistent. That's a horrible thing to contemplate but its also changed my world view.
What its also done is made me realise that I too, have to work hard to not let others down, I know I have, but it's about being able to say to people, I'm not perfect but I'll always try to do things differently next time if my behaviour has affected you.
What I can say, hand on heart is, I've never set out to upset anyone intentionally, unlike my mother or sister. I was told by my mother, almost chanted to me 'you'll always be able to rely on your mother' and she let me down the most, she abused me the most.
I tell my wife and kids that I'll always have their back but I can't always protect or save them from the world. I'm a human, not a superhero, but I'll always do what I can, when I can to keep harm at bay. I will however make mistakes, as will they, and that's okay. That's how we learn.
I was never allowed to make mistakes, I was never allowed to feel angry, sad, depressed, tired... it never fit my mothers narrative.
I was always treat as an extension to my mother and the world went to shit whenever I voiced an opinion or free thought, or picked holes in my mother or sister when they where being judgemental or racist, homophobic etc. I was the disrespectful one, not them.
In turn, I want our kids to truly spread their wings and become them, not my wife or me by proxy. I want them to know its fine to feel a whole range of emotions, not just the same ones I'm feeling on a particular day.
I will take myself out of a room or leave the house if I feel my mood is oppressive instead of having everyone else live with me in that mood.
Again, I won't always get that right, sometimes I'll catch my mother in something I've done but I feel guilty like crazy whe n it happens and I always try to remove myself from others if I think I'm going to go that way.
Be a not just a good listener but a great listener. So, “Active listening”, is the most significant for me. I have learned so much, and made so many friends from this skill. It has also taught me to reserve judgment.
In the words of Cake:
As soon as you're born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time!