Ok, but sometimes yes.
*daft punk intensifies*
Our work is nev-er ov-er
Little did they know
I have my suspicious that they've just been called away to save another planet or something.
Funny enough it was only a year or so ago I learned it’s “more than ever, hour after hour …. Work is never over”
I'll add in
Longer = Better
Someone once said to me "I've got really good stamina we can do this all night" and I thought "god no. Ouch"
You definitely hit a point of diminishing returns
A couple of French Robots will disagree with you on that one bud
That if you stab a vagina with your fingers a girl will enjoy it. At all.
And please please please, clip your long fingernails first.
but use a nail file after!
"Wait, is this blood? But my period has been over for a week... ooooh...."
And wash your damn hands before you start poking around down there!
That there are hot singles in my area waiting to get laid.
It was you all the time… you are the hot single in your area!
Maybe the real hot singles were the friends we made along the way
That sex is easy for everyone and that people just have it whenever, however, with whoever. But no, a lot of people suffer from health and emotional problems, medications, and that it can be just as difficult as any other aspect of life. Even for young people unfortunately.
The fun part of antidepressants is that I didn't want to have sex until I got them, and now I feel alive enough to want it but the meds mess with my arousal. Can't win!
Sad, sexually frustrated high five.
Mental health and emotional problems are an ENORMOUS barrier for me regarding sex. It’s actually really bad lol. I also have high sexual desire too so it’s fucked (or not fucked, technically).
That women cum just from the penetration. While I’m sure there are women out there who experience that, a lot of us need our clits to be stimulated too.
I had this girl who could only cum by grinding her clit while on top of me, coupled with tension in her leg muscles.
She was afraid to simply do that cuz she thought I would weird out. I simply replied that she could butcher a chicken on my chest if that's what it takes. Sex isn't just a me me me show.
did she butcher a chicken on your chest though?
Slaughter that cock
That it always has to be a spontaneous thing where you look into her eyes, she looks into yours, you share this unconscious moment, and then you both sprint off to the bedroom, tearing your clothes off on the way.
Sure, that happens and it's nice, but when you're bogged down with life, work, kids, plans, etc., those moments where you're both in the mood at the same time can almost never overlap.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with scheduling sex when you're in a long-term relationship or marriage. In a lot of cases it actually helps the partner with the lower drive. Sometimes, people need a minute to get themselves in that mindset to where they're comfortable, so knowing when they'll need to get into that mindset can make things easier.
It sounds lame, but think about when you're dating. Once you're far enough along in the relationship, it pretty much becomes a given that the date will probably end in sex. So really, when you're dating, you're scheduling sex. You're just being coy and not saying out loud that's what you're doing, but you both know that's essentially what's going on. Once you live together and have been with each other a while, all it is is just dropping the pretense. And hey, maybe you go out on a date beforehand if you can get rid of the kids.
If you have a partner with a much lower drive than you, maybe sit them down and tell them "Having sex *x* times a week would make me really happy, could we make that a regular thing on certain days?" One thing I've found is that trying to get them to have sex *right now* the second you have the inclination generally doesn't work out too well, but asking them if you can have sex sometime in the next few days works out better. Anticipating it can be pretty sexy, too.
Planned sex is great! You know you have time and are free of interruptions, and the anticipation all day is hot.
Can confirm, have used Google calendar to literally schedule sex
Just the tip. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels.
This made me laugh twice. Once when I read it, and again when I started replying and read it again. I'm totally stealing this.
Edit: thrice. You have made me laugh thrice
My husband always tries to say just a couple strokes then 30 seconds later I'm cleaning myself up and he's falling asleep.
...While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag
It's drag lol
Source. Am a father of three.
Or, 'ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
That everyone has sex for the first time in high school and if you don’t, you’re weird or unwanted.
I mean, I was weird and unwanted but that was besides the point.
“I wasn’t weird and unwanted because I didn’t have sex! I mean, I was weird and unwanted. But not because I didn’t have sex.”
I'm weird, and only wanted by people who are also weird, and I'm ok with that.
I am from a more conservative country where premarital sex is taboo, and I studied in the US for college. I definitely saw that culture in my time there. Some ppl made me feel like I’m behind in life because of that. I ended up having my first sexual experience at 22. It’s okay do it whenever you’re ready. Don’t let anyone pressure you into it. I don’t think I was mature enough to handle that before, but when I did I feel like I was ready and grown enough to not tolerate bullshit.
THIS. Being taught to love and respect, and expect other people to respect, your body is NOT taught to a lot of girls in the US before being exposed to sex. Having healthy boundaries would have helped me personally so much when exploring physical relationships.
I had a friend from a conservative country where prematital sex is taboo. Her mind was blown that half of us were still virgins. She thought everyone had sex in high school.
She also thought that you could work for a summer and earn enough money to pay for a whole year of college and lots of designer clothes, so she was disappointed lots.
That it’s always “sexy” and intense.
Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s awkward, and sometimes it’s just not good- and that can be all with the same person who you’ve been with for ages. People won’t always be in sync.
Oh man. Laughing during sex can be the best.
Recently, wife and I were bumping uglies and she was bent over the bed. I go to slap her rear end, as you do, and as my hand comes up and starts to come down, one of the cats jumps up onto the bed.
Sure enough, the little fluffy cat lands at the precise moment my hand impacts her rear end with a perfect ‘slap’ sound, gets terrified at the sound, catapults off the bed, and then shoots out of the room like a bat out of hell.
I start cracking up instantly, boners are lost, and orgasms are missed.
And now my wife warns him every time we’re going to do the deed.
My now husband and I were going at it when an ice cream truck started coming down the street. We were trying to keep it together but then it made a perfectly timed "booooing" noise. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life and we still do whenever we hear an ice cream truck.
I was fighting keeping a fart in for most of the session. I thought I was home clear but when I started to cum it snuck out. But not one, it was like a fart getting cut off every time I tightened and loosened so I'm sitting there on top of her going "ahh \*fart\* hhh \*fart\* hhh \*fart\* mmm \*fart\* mmm \*fart\*".
Another relationship was a long distance one on the other side of the country. I had gotten off work and drove straight to the airport, then traveled for like 8 hours. I got to her place and we got to the business of foreplay. I'm using my hands and fell asleep inside her.
I still crack up thinking about it. If it isn't fun, what's the point?
This story is told from my partner's perspective:
So I was really going at her, and I had to fart. I was afraid if I did she would hear it and stop the session so I thought fast to come up with with a noise to cover the sound of the escaping fart.
I very cleverly came up with "meow". Yes, like a cat, but not making a cat noise. Straight up saying meow. She immediately stopped me and started laughing, of course.
Dude when I was dating my now wife, I fell asleep once while she was riding my face and it still makes me crack up now and then lol
Now that’s the real definition of “pussy put his ass to sleep”
I love this comment. Some of my favorite experiences having sex have been the moments were we are just laughing. There is something so sweet and tender about it.
I’ve always preferred very playful and casual sex. Being super intense feels like way too much pressure and I can never perform at my best. I like when I can relax and not have to worry about maintaining this super tense mood.
A friend of mine likes to tell the story of when her boyfriend was going down on her and she had one of those big time, full body orgasms and just squeezed the ever loving shit out of his head with her thighs and convulsed for a full minute. Once she finally came down, she picked up the covers to check that she hadn’t popped his head, and in his slightly light headed state of mind he looked up at her and said:
“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”
Anyway they’re deeply in love and he’s planning on proposing soon. Sex should be comfortable, if sometimes that means jokes then that sometimes means jokes.
My ex and I have a funny story where one night we came home pretty late. I was super horny and he was too tired for sex but he offered a helping hand. He was moving his fingers around down there and it kept getting slower and slower until it stopped. All of a sudden he goes "Ok, good night baby!" and rolled over and went to sleep. It's the funny sex stories we remember.
My mans literally ran out of battery
This had me rolling. Thank you for sharing!
I once said “going down” in the same voice as the elevator in our condo as I went down there.
It’s supposed to be an hours-long endurance contest with ever-changing positions.
I blame porn.
If you added up all the blowjobs in my life you might get to 30 minutes
Wait, you guys are getting BJ's?
What the hell is blowjob ?
Think it's like a leaf blower cleaning your lawn for money
But with *penis*!
Instructions unclear. Dick now stuck in leafblower
La de da your dicks big enough to get stuck in a leaf blower. Must be fucking nice.
So many guys desensitize themselves under the guise of endurance and end up ruining their sex lives. Sad
That men are "always ready to go" and women, well, if you blink, you missed it.
Source: my parents
Edit: obligatory "did not expect this to blow up"
Also, where are you perverts getting the incest from????? That's what they told me (also what all their favorite sitcoms told me) Imagine my shock getting married and finding out that's not true. I thought something was wrong with us both for the first few months!!!!!
I learned this from his parents too
I learned it with his parents
Dang….I miss those parents
I hate this misconception so much, i have had girls get legitimately upset the one day i didnt feel like it. If i acted like that towards a woman who didnt want to have sex, i would be a huge asshole. Normally im all for it but god forbid i just got home from my grandpas funeral and wasnt up for it
I'm lactose intolerant and my reaction can be really bad. Had a latte one day and the person at Dunkin' apparently ignored my request for almond milk. I was in severe gastrointestinal pain, shitting my brains out, girl I was dating knew this and still suggested we should have sex. I told her I really wasn't feeling up to it. She pulled her tits out and said "how about now?" I said no my stomach is killing me. She got really upset and said "you don't find me attractive do you?" Like holy fuck, this is not about you, this is about my butthole turning into a hellmouth.
Into THE Hellmouth.
A "Crota's End" if you will.
Once my cat came into the bathroom while I was in the middle of some lactose consequences, sniffed, looked directly into my eyes, let out a long meow, and stated scratching at the floor like she was burying a poop in her litter box, as if to say "what the hell is *wrong* with you?"
I had a girl throw a lawn chair off a dock one time because I wasn't into it.
My ex used to pressure me into it all the time. Once started a fight at 2 am because I didn’t want to fuck around because it was 2 am. Told me that she never said no to me to try and guilt trip me into it…
Had an ex grab my hand and put it on her cooch and demanded I at least finger her since I wasn't man enough to have sex with her. This was after a 12 hour shift and I just wanted to sleep.
I’m glad you got out, and I hope it was better for you than it was for me - ended up changing my number and moving states
Sex in the shower is really harder in real life than porn
There’s a cutaway in family guy where you can hear Brian in the shower with some woman and he goes “how does water make it more dry?”
That’s actually another thing I think a lot of people don’t know. Water is a terrible lubricant, just in general.
Edit: Alright, well now, by a margin of more than 5k, a comment about a cartoon dog having sex with a human woman in the shower is my most upvoted comment
The only thing water lubes is the floor
It’d make grocery shopping more fun if they used “Caution: lubed floor” signs
Snapped my banjo string for this exact reason
Borderline uncomfortable unless it’s for BJs
Even then, one wrong angle and it turns into a waterboarding session.
Making out/foreplay in the shower is nice, then dry off and go to the bed for sex. I'm extremely tactile sensitive and big slobbery kisses are a bit gross for me, but if we're in the shower and wet already, it's totally sexy.
Don’t kink-shame me
It depends on the shower and the people. If you are both of around equal height it's definitely doable. And if the shower has enough space and good handholds totally doable. But water is terrible lubricant and as a very much younger me (and my gf even more so) learned, shower gel IS NOT a substitute.
Jesus… that hurt my vagina to think about and I don’t even have a vagina.
Because everyone imagines: “well aren’t you going to join me” *hair flip*
It’s usually spur of the moment, in which you quickly realize your mistake, or because it’s that time of the month and it’s quick clean up. (Sorry TMI)
Nah, that's not TMI in my opinion. When I was a teen I was taught period sex helps some women when they experience PMS. Menstruation is a human process and talking about it should be normalized.
That men are ALWAYS up for it
And they can fuck *anything* that moves.
Another poor stereotype. Yes, maybe some dudes but it's sexist to generalise all. I believe it's why male rape victims aren't taken seriously because people assume we always 'want it' and will fuck anything.
I hate that I fall into this stereotype, my sex drive is so constantly high I've considered going to a doctor, but "hey my dick works too well" doesn't seem like a proper medical issue.
OK that was funny
Your grandparents were deeply moral and victorian in their views and practices. 23AndMe is really breaking that one down right and left.
When my nan past 20 years ago my mom found out that her dad was unknown.
She was led to believe it was someone else.
Anyway a few years later she finds out that my nan had another son but gave it up for adoption because of the times they lived in.
That son was at my nans funeral and she only knew after he died.
Myheritage dna has finally had a hit on my moms dad relative but he is one of 16 and we still don’t know who he is.
Basically my nan played around and I never knew neither did my mom 🤣
That vaginas are all the same general size and only men have a great degree of genital size variation. This is untrue.
There are small, medium, and large penises *and* vaginas.
None are good or bad, better or worse than others. Some match better than others is all. It's not difficult to find a woman that will tell you a bigger penis isn't always better.
Also, Vaginas get bigger when aroused just like penis's.
Im a fan of big vaginas. Nothing says aroused like "get in me now, ill make more room."
Also, labia have quite varied appearances outside of porn.
Just like in the back windows of a Rolls Royce, those curtains are always custom
This is a weird metaphor but as a car and body positivity afficionado I like it
Wait. You're a car!?
He's a transformer.
This reminds me of my favorite Snapchat screenshot (guy looking for gf tampons) "babe what size pussy you wear?"
I think of this religiously. The dude who sent that is the lead of a popular band who’s name I can’t recall
I think the dudes name is Luke Hemings
And that the size one's vagina isn't an indicator of how much sex they've had.
Some one needs to to tell that to a lot of Reddit users. They’ve missed the memo.
that the larger the penis the better the sex. do you know how painful it is when it's too big?! goddammit it hurts. like holy hell i felt like i was on my period afterwards
And if it's big enough, you can't even have PIV sex at all. I've got a friend like that, his dick is beyond massive. A lot of the time when he was getting with a girl, they'd end up not having sex because they physically couldn't. And he could very rarely be anything except gentle.
We had a friend called Tommy (loveliest bloke you'd ever meet btw) at uni that we jokingly called 10 inch Tommy and this was a regular problem for him. I can't imagine the frustration of literally doing just the tip and then game over. I'll take my average peen any day over bragging rights and frustrating nights.
Please tell Tommy to Google dick bumper rings and purchase some. They’re silicone rings that you can stack at the base of the penis to shorten the insertable length. If he makes a big enough stack maybe he’ll be able to actual pound in pound town. (Source, am female, once purchased these for a BF)
And you get to play a fun game of ring toss before hand.
Shag Chi and the legend of ten rings.
Just because your doctor clears you for sex a few weeks after childbirth, that you’re miraculously up for it and become a shagging machine
That women can cum very easily through penetration.
I’ve only been able to with foreplay.
Same. I’ve never had an orgasm through penetration. That would be great, but hasn’t happened.
That a loss of male stimulation means a lack of interest or attraction to their partner.
That if you're sexually active with a partner you won't masturbate anymore.
Just because I won a lifetime supply of steak doesn't mean I'm gonna stop eating hamburgers.
The problem lies when you have a secret hamburger at say 6:00 and at 6:30 somebody starts grilling a steak.
Then you can’t quite finish the meal and she’s like what’s wrong is my cooking bad?!
Then she starts crying and asking you if she's just a bad cook and you assure her that's not the case but then she goes to start cooking for some other guy but doesn't lay down foil on her grill then the next time she cooks for you you get herpes.
I don't understand why people can't tell other people they are bad cooks, some people just can't cook well they have classes and stuff to help people be better cooks, or hell just cook for her...
...I forgot the point of this and started actually thinking about my wife's cooking. carry on.
Whatever you do don’t tell her it’s overcooked.
"meh, it's a little dry."
Excellent implementation of the Beefsex Metaphor.
I masterbate more lmao
Yup. My wife has a vague understanding that I still do it, but I think she'd be stunned by the frequency.
I made sure my boyfriend knew when he moved in that its normal to masturbate and that it wouldn’t offend me so long as it doesn’t impact our sex life. I prefer he takes care of his own sexual health when I can’t or don’t feel like it rather than feeling repressed and trapped.
My SO and I had this conversation, too. Very important! But sometimes, even if she's too sleepy or just not in the mood for sex, she still helps me masturbate.
I imagine your SO massaging your shoulders and giving you a pep talk as you jerk it. "You got this, dude. You got this."
yo can you spot me?
It gets cool when you both finally admit that you do it and you just start doing it together when you’re too lazy to have sex. Or as foreplay.
I think it’s a fun part of a sex life. Just like how sometimes you might just want oral, Or want to do a certain position, Sometimes you just wanna rub one out on your partner
Or if you’ve gotten *really* worked up sexually and it’s 100% go time for you but not so much for them. I can think of a few times at work I got worked up and could only think of sex the moment I left but she wasn’t game. Or I come over and she’s clearly ready but I’m too tired of something. I don’t think either of us just want to take a cold shower and feel frustrated so just go at it alone (or with a little help)
That the hymen is unbroken until the girl loses her virginity. It’s not even remotely true.
It also doesn't have to break during sex. You can have lots of sex and never break your hymen depending on arousal, size, position, and lubrication.
You can also break it just riding a bike or from vigorous exercise. It's a completely meaningless bit of anatomy. It would be like if we determined if a guy was a virgin by how hairy their nuts are. Absolutely ridiculous.
That hymen status = virgin status and a whole bunch of other nonsense.
The worst part is that in some parts of the world women are still checked for their hymen status before marriage. Because that’s not sick at all
Remember that one rapper had his like, 17 year old daughters hymen checked?? It was here in America. It was a big ol’ scandal that lasted for a **whole day** but it *was* pretty shocking.
Makes music about nailing big booty hoes, makes sure daughter is a virgin. Interesting dichotomy there.
Its always kind of weird to me how fathers are so interested in their daughters virginity as well.
It was TI and he brought his daughter to her GYN even when she was an 18 year old adult. I’m really surprised, yet not surprised that there hasn’t been more backlash on this. It’s such a backwards mindset.
That if either person doesn't achieve orgasm that there is something wrong with either person.
That if your boyfriend turns you down it’s because you’re suddenly “disgusting”
Men are allowed to say no too. And guilt tripping someone after they do so is coercion and not suddenly okay because you’re a woman.
Edit: because this is getting attention and I’ve had too many replies in this area I’m gonna add this:
**Nobody, regardless of gender, needs a “valid reason” to not have sex. Ever. No is reason enough. Period. End of discussion. No room for debate.**
I remember telling my ex once that I just was not in the mood. You would have thought by the look she gave me that she just caught me cheating on her. Like...woman...you have turned me down so many damn times in the past. It goes both ways!
That talking during sex ruins the mood, that someone should just "know" what to do. Fact of the matter is that without communication the sex will always be meh.
Talking about technique and whatnot is fine. If either start talking about the grocery lists and what to buy it does kill it a bit
Not so much about sex but a lot of misconceptions about the female anatomy. We have a vulva that has 2 openings. We do not pee from our vagina. We have a vaginal opening and a urethra.
When in (coed) health class, they did a lot to talk about the male's parts but never went into the female's beyond the internal parts, so I actually didn't know any of this until adulthood.
Omg same. I was pretty startled when I realized I had three holes down there.
I overheard a couple girls in middle school discussing how there are "three holes" and it confused kid me for years. Like, what other dark secrets does the sisterhood keep?
And you can't just hold your period and pee all of it later in the bathroom.
Women don’t have sexual desires it’s a men thing
these people have not seen women in fandoms
Women in fandoms are THE HORNIEST. My God, the fucking that takes place in those fan fics.
A dude once tried to explain to me that I don't actually get horny, I just copy male sexual desire subconsciously to secure my boyfriend as a provider.
I wonder how lesbians exist then
They don’t it’s fake news.
**LESBIANS ARE A PLOY BY THE FLAG COMPANIES TO SELL MORE FLAGS**
That dick size either matters or doesn't. Neither are the absolute truth. People have preferences. That's how humans work. My gf likes that I'm below average, but I know a number of women who wouldn't like that, and some that wouldn't really care either way. Just be honest with what you are and find someone who's happy with it. They're out there.
i'd like to just add that even preferences might evolve
something you liked at one point is not locked in forever
*very* true. Another fact of humanity. People change
Yep, my wife says I’m the perfect size because I don’t slam her cervix so I can pound away and apparently my nuts help because they can slap her clitoris in certain positions. Different strokes for different folks.
This is what I would consider the perfect size. My husband is the perfect size for me for the same reasons.
THIS. Goddamn, jackhammering on a cervix is just not cool. I still have to tell my husband to ease up in certain positions.
The pull out method is a good form of birth control.
Had a HS health teacher that said “The pullout method is one method of birth control that I favor and has worked well for me” next slide was of him and his 9 kids. “So if you want this than use that method as a few will get through. Otherwise use a condom. “ Effective.
Wow. That presentation probably worked better than any other way of trying to teach safer sex.
I remember one teacher turning the lesson into a math class, asking the boys to calculate the cost of raising one kid through university.
now THATS a good health teacher
Thinking that women’s labia size has anything to do with the amount of men she’s had sex with
there's also the idea that the labia and vuvla get ugly after a girl has sex. its so depressing because a lot of teenage girls check to see what they look like down under and think something is wrong with them because they don't have a "pretty vagina."
Daily sex in a monogamous relationship = all is fine.
Weekly sex with different partners = loose vagina.
That males are always at peak performance, and if anything goes "south" it's because he's a bad performer or he doesn't like the partner. Every person with a penis is ready with a raging boner for an hour+ romp or they're broken.
Everything about the hymen and it having anything to do with a person's 'purity'.
That bleeding and pain are normal for virgin women. They aren't.
Yep, it mostly happens because of inexperience and roughness. And it’s not unusual for a woman to tear her hymen if she’s doing splits of riding horses bareback. And sometimes a torn hymen even grows back
A lot of men think that they have to perform like they're in a porno. FYI being jackhammered isn't pleasurable. It's in the very least uncomfortable and many times, painful. Just stop, unless your partner asks for it.
Ah see I had the opposite partner. I've heard SO many girls say they don't like being slammed into. So I made a point to go slower. Come to find out my current partner prefers it harder. At the end of the day communication is key.
Slower and harder aren't mutually exclusive. Just ask my wife lol.
Look my man Mr big dick over here with multiple speed settings.
I love the jackhammer! But hell no to jackhammer fingers!
Your mileage may vary, don’t assume to know what your partner likes.
I mean, I enjoy small bursts of this once or twice but for the most part I don't like it constantly or for more than a few pumps. It's good to change up the pace imo, a little rough is good for a few seconds but I can't take more than that. But I think it also depends on the size, if you're hitting my cervix then please don't ever for the love of God.
You'll never do it again after getting married. If you are in a healthy relationship nothing changes with marriage. Now ***time*** and ***age***? Sure. You'll eventually have less drive. But sex doesn't just suddenly stop after your honeymoon.
Kids definitely complicate things, and can easily disrupt “the mood.”
That it’s going to be good every time
That i can have it
*Most* people believe this?
That sex = love.
You can love someone deeply and never have sex with them...and you can think someone is the most terrible person in the planet and still wanna fuck.
You know I think there’s something else going on with the conversation that comes up around sex, love and passion, and I’ll try to explain.
There’s this common refrain from movies and TV that men are always talking about sex, why we’re not having it, how much we’re having, etc. That all men are about is sex itself, the act and nothing else. But I don’t think it’s true. I hear a lot of men talking about passion, about their partners not being interested or intense about them, not having that fire that used to be there. And I hear women often say that that feeling is unsustainable, a fantasy.
But when couples talk together it’s so hard to express all that. It’s all in the eye of the beholder. Fire can be a low sizzle or a towering inferno. What one person feels inside, experiences, and what they express can be totally different. There’s no real common ground.
So we turn to sex. Sex (for the most part) is a specific action, it has a beginning and end, it can be counted, quantified, rated, judged.
When you’re arguing about feelings of passion and hunger, each person can say, “I have it, I’m doing it, my fire is normal, it should be enough for you.” How do you tell someone you love that their low embers aren’t enough heat? Especially when they look inside and see a normal steady campfire?
I think less people think “sex = love” than you might think. It’s just one of the truly quantifiable things that signals a level of passion.
Why do some people think that a woman having sex with 100 men will make her "loose," but a woman having sex 100 times with one man will not?
Agreed. My coworker and I had this conversation last year. Her explanation was the vagina gets comfortable with the same size penis, but if you sleep around with different sizes that's when the vagina becomes loose. Make it make sense 🙄
ohh yeahhh memory foam vagina