By - The_Chaggening
I wanted to put a packet of crisps away in my pantry the other day. I picked it up, turned around, and noticed the unopened packages on my kitchen table. I decide to open them. I put the packing material in the recycling.
I remember I was putting the crisps away. I pick up the bag again and walk to the kitchen. I see that the dishes I did earlier in the day and there are more dishes in the sink. I put the clean dishes away and start doing dishes.
I see that my basil plant by the sink needs watering. I water it and think I should water my other plants, so I fill my watering can. I turn around and see the crisp bag sitting there, but I’m already committed to watering the plants so I water all 108 plants in my apartment. I put the watering can away and remember I didn’t finish washing dishes.
On my way back to the sink I see the pillows on my couch are messy so I fix them. Then I notice a book on coffeetable which I pick up and atart reading for a while before I remember I was doing dishes.
I go back to the kitchen, and notice my spice rack is dusty. I walk to my closet to get a swiffer duster, and when I open my closet door I notice the closet is disorganised so I start to organise it. Halfway through I remember I was getting a swiffer duster.
I bring the duster to the kitchen and dust my spice jars. I realise I still haven’t finished my dishes.
Then I turn around and see the packet of crisps are still sitting out.
…and it kind of just goes like that until I’ve taken two hours to put a fucking bag of chips away.
I also left out how I probably got distracted by a Netflix show about 5x during this entire process and sit down to watch part of an episode before being like "FUCK I was doing something".
Also standing up and walking to the place I was doing something and then forgetting what I was supposed to be doing.
I have two cats but no TV. I watch Netflix on my iPad. But on the way to the Netflix app I probably noticed a game app which I open and play a little bit before I remember I was going to watch a certain show on Netflix. I open the Netflix app and see a new show is out that looks interesting. It's a cooking show.
I remember I was supposed to be doing dishes.
This thread is so painfully relatable and I want to hug you all.
I start hugging you back but then see the other redditors...
I too have dozens of plants with varying needs that distract me constantly.
I'll notice my Swedish ivy is drooping on the way to the bathroom, so I decide to water it on the way back to my desk. Then I see that there are a couple dead leaves on the philodendron that have to be pulled off. Then I see the pothos is wilted too, so I fill a watering can, figuring I'll do a survey of the downstairs plants to see if any of them need water while I'm at it, and then I can empty the last of the water into the pothos when I go back upstairs. I water the downstairs plants and forget about the pothos because I see the Hoya cutting finally has long enough roots to be potted and I can just shove it in a pot with a dried up plant I've been meaning to pull out and replace for a month. Then I look at the clock, realize it's been close to an hour, and I have a work call in 3 minutes. And the pothos never got watered.
ALSO WHILE YOU ARE PULLING THE DEAD LEAVES OFF YOU NOTICE THE HUMIDIFIER IS EMPTY. So you bring it to the kitchen to refill and there are dirty dishes in the way so you start to do the dishes and leave the humidifier tank there. By the time you finish the dishes and cleared the sink, you've forgotten your plan to fill the humidifier.
Then when you're in bed you see the tankless humidifier and realise it's still in the kitchen.
I'm just impressed you remember to maintain the humidifier period. My air purifier has had the "new filter needed" light on for close to a year, probably. I keep meaning to look up the specs so I can buy a new one on Amazon, but (as always) something comes up.
It's right by my bed so I see it all the time.
I downloaded this app called Sweepy that you can set your own cleaning schedule on, and it like shames you when it's time to do something, and put "Fill the Humifier" on it.
Hey now. Cats are cute and require pets. If you have to choose between cattention and chores the cat should always win.
This is so fucking painfully accurate. My god.
Can you fucking believe I made it to 30 without realising I had ADHD? I have been like this my whole life. And it took my partner watching me be like this for over two years before he suggested I might have it.
At first I was like "LOL no I don't, my parents said they took me to get checked for it when I was in 4th grade." And he was like "Okay but the stuff you're doing (I was watching a TV show and reading a book and playing my Switch at the same time) is pretty textbook ADHD."
I protested that doing so many things at once and being a little overstimulated was the only way I felt calm.
He was like "That's also a symptom of ADHD."
God I need to get evaluated.
They thought I might as a kid, but they moved me to advanced classes and it kept me occupied enough that they decided I didn't have it.
Now as an adult, I come across posts and threads all the time talking about it and it just sounds like stories about my life.
But then when I tell myself I should try to find a therapist or something, I completely forget about it until the next time I see someone talking about it.
Ah, the ol' "highly gifted child who struggles once they enter adulthood because they no longer have an exterior force to give them structure".
Like, I went to a private school from 1st-12th grade that required an IQ test for admission, I was in the 99.7th percentile for humans. it still took 8 years to get my fucking master's degree because I couldn't discipline myself the way my colleagues could (there were a couple other factors at play like funding loss and an illness in my family, but even factoring those in it still took twice as long as it should have).
It sucks when you screw up at work and hear "you're too smart to mess up like this, Carbonate." It really messes up your self confidence.
If you want, I can PM you to bug you every few days to remind you to make an appointment. It's not a complete cure all, but seeing a doctor and getting on Adderall has made adult life a lot easier in many ways.
I'm really amused but happy this is striking a note with so many people.
I find writing To Do lists help. I just have a Note on my phone and I put the date and then shit I need to do. If I don't do the thing, I put it on the To Do list for the next day, and keep doing that until I feel embarrassed about how many unchecked lines of this one task I haven't completed and finally do it.
I got diagnosed as an adult too. Didn't get meds until my 30s. It was really nice to get an explanation of like 95% of my personal lifelong failings.
Right I want to find the medical professional who told my parents I didn't have it and be like "THANKS FOR NOTHING."
When I told my dad I got diagnosed he was like "We took you to get it checked out when you were a kid, you didn't have it."
Me: They were wrong.
Dad: I think you just need to focus.
Me: .................................Dad it is literally a chemical regulation issue in my brain, there is an actual physical reason for this.
Dad: If you say so. I still think you just need more discipline and focus more.
I give up on him TBH. He also thinks depression is "an attitude problem" and you can just stop being sad if you put your mind to it.
>you just need more discipline and focus more.
"Thanks, why didn't I think of that?!"
Dad, you’re withholding priceless information from the world, it could help countless millions snap out of depression and ADHD!
I have a brother who thought our elderly mother’s dementia and our sister’s schizophrenia was simply them choosing not to behave properly. I think his narcissistic assholism is just him choosing not to have decency or empathy or rudimentary knowledge of brain disorders.
Whats fucked for me is I was diagnosed in my teens, but they never explained the symptoms or what it was. I just thought I had trouble paying attention. I didn't really learn about it until I fell down a rabbit hole in my 30s and realized, "Oh! Oh.... :("
And yeah, a lot of my own personal failings come down to a lot of ADHD's symptoms.
The worst part is that people just think that you have trouble paying attention (like I did). It really effects almost every facet of your life. It even makes you seem incompetent sometimes because it can cause you to have trouble with simple tasks, or constantly forgetting things even when you're trying not to.
They're even finding that people with ADHD typically have a problem with real or perceived rejection. It would explain a lot for me, personally. I do hope they do some studies on this soon.
Honestly, it makes living a challenge. For me, it's like there's a dude there constantly trying to trip me up in every task I do.
Yup, rejection sensitive dysphoria.
Honestly that has probably held me back more than any other symptom. A lot of "the shame of not bothering is infinite better than the humiliation of failure." Goes for work, school, dating...
i'm almost 23 and my therapist told me that i should get assessed for ADHD because, amongst other things i told her about my life, i had the glaring problem going off on tangents trying to answer her questions. our conversations kinda always included something along the lines of:
\-- me finishing a story explaining why i thought *\[ childhood memory \]* is related to *\[adult belief \]* and *\[ adult belief \]* is related to *\[ problematic issue \]* which was the answer to *\[ topic at hand \].* at the end of which she would pause before replying with, ***"but you didn't answer my question."***
leading me to panic a little, turning my brain inside out scrambling to remember wtf she asked me in the first place like i was looking for a shirt at the bottom of my laundry basket i knew i had only worn twice and now needed desperately because i should have left my house 10 minutes ago and i didn't do laundry yesterday when i *really* needed to.
but even if i tried to trace the conversation backwards based on what i last said, the trail
inevitably just drops off into some endless abyss and i would have to admit defeat and ask her, "sorry, what was your question?" only to learn that what i said was 3x removed from the topic she asked me about. --
when i asked my partner if he thought it applied to me from his perspective considering he's with me the most and probably has the best idea of my habits, he smiled at me warmly and, in an almost defeated tone, said, "yes."
Uuuuummmmmm yeah I do that aaaaallllllll the time. I will want to tell a story to my partner, and then go off on insane tangents and tangents of tangents, sometimes linked by things that only connect in my head (but I don't always say what the connection is so the listener is just like "WTF how did they get to that topic"). I could start out talking about toast and end with how I can't believe the CIA funded a coup to overthrow the democratically elected President of Guatemala for bananas. And yeah I will totally forget what I originally wanted to tell him too.
I agree with your therapist and your partner, you should get assessed. lol.
it's been a hell of a time to try and ask because of the current problem with ADHD self-diagnosis popping off on tiktok because teens keep making "5 hidden signs you have ADHD" videos listing things that are absolutely normal behaviors that every human experiences now and then, just that they affect individuals with ADHD to a dysfunctional and debilitating extent.
not including the fact that people don't usually think of an Asian female when they think ADHD. it just makes me wonder if people will think i'm just jumping onto a bandwagon.
thank you for listening to me rant about it though, haha
I feel you. I am an Asian female (see below about what my dad said when I told him about my diagnosis lol classic) and I feel like the stereotypes being what they are, I really never considered ADHD as a possibility until very recently.
That sounds annoying but I guess if it helps more people consider the possibility that they might be, it's probably doing more good than harm. Like I'd rather people self-diagnose themselves wrongly and just be annoying about it rather than people go undiagnosed for forever like I did because they thought struggling this much to do basic things was something everyone experienced. And hopefully the wrongly self-diagnosed people will go get assessed and accept the "no" lol.
Honestly what made me be like "OHHHHH" was that I saw an ad for an app for remote mental health services that said "Women with ADHD are often underdiagnosed because their symptoms are often seen as character traits, like "ditsy" or "airheaded", rather than symptoms of ADHD." That really clicked for me.
And no problem.
makes me wanna laugh and cry when i think about how common it is to just have your thoughts and feelings dismissed by asian dads.
it does help spread awareness for sure. it's funny, IG threw that exact ad at me too. my suspicions furthered when a social media page about mental health i followed went more into depth about how ADHD might look different in girls. went down a rabbit hole reading about it and having things click into place.
was diagnosed with depression as a teenager and always chalked up my symptoms to either being hormonal or depressed. but quietly i've always wondered to myself how so many people with depression could function during times they felt emotionally better when it seems so all encapsulating to me.
i was branded lazy, mischievous, and a problem child because my test scores never lined up with my grades so obviously it was because i wasn't trying hard enough or that i just didn't care, right? i'll be less hormonal and better equipped to cope as i get older, right? nope.
honestly, i was wondering if something was just fundamentally wrong with me. it never once crossed my mind as a possibility but now that it has, i can't help but wonder how it could ever have been missed with my track record.
I have ADHD and can’t even read all of that
I think I have ADHD.
I'd say congratulations but IDK if that is the right reply. I'm glad I could help you make that realisation though.
You should go see a specialist. I'm signed up with Cerebral right now and am pretty happy with it, you can do everything remotely and at odd hours which works well for me. Let me know if you want my referral code for a discount lol.
I don't have the attention span to read this.
Correction: I read all of it, some sentences multiple times because I lost focus on got confused.
And through all of that, your perception of time is absolutely fucking NIL. Ugh. Yay for broken ADHD clocks
I also have to mention the above only happens if I summon the willpower to even get up and put the chips away in the first place. Otherwise I will give up and decide to eat the rest of the bag because throwing it in the trash is easier than putting it back in the pantry.
Is that not typical distractions for housework though, because housework isn't really interesting?
This rings true to me, to an extent, maybe not two hours though - I think I used to be a lot more this way when I lived alone.
Never ever bothered to dust though, unless I was on a cleaning-for-guests binge!
Once or twice is probably normal. I don't think this level of distraction is. I can literally set out to check my email, unlock my phone, get distracted by another app, fuck around with it, remember I was going to check my email, go to home screen, get distracted by something else, repeat 5x before I actually manage to check my email.
Also this happens with everything, not just housework. Even stuff I enjoy doing.
This is turning out like the thread where I learned I had aphantasia and that when people said they pictured things in their heads they meant actual picture-like pictures instead of well-constructed concepts of things.
Well, down this rabbit hole I go - aaaad the hot cocoa just boiled over in the microwave.
lolol. Good luck on your self-discovery journey.
Imagine if you were in a room where there were dozens of people talking at you and you had to maintain conversations with all of these people despite the fact that they were all talking over each other. They all expect you to hear what they are saying and respond quickly. You have trouble making out the distinct conversations and people get angry at you for having trouble.
It's like everything all the time, everything is as important as everything else. It's like the world is screaming at you.
Agreed. It's not that you can't focus because you suck at focusing, it's that you can't focus because there are too many things to focus on at once.
In glad I had an ADHD mom.
I'm not sure she ever told me if was like this for me. But she told me that *this* is ADHD. Life without filters.
It’s like all radio frequencies at once, yes!
making lots of lists and nearly nothing gets done
The key is making a to do list with something on it you're about to do so you can cross one thing off of it.
When I’m making my checklists, if I’ve finished anything already, I will add it just so I can check it off. That may not be the point of the checklist, but I see instant progress, so it’s not another lost day
My day planner has entered the chat
Yep. The only lists that work for me are shopping lists.
They get crossed off easy, and if I don't make one, I get distracted by some new tasty yoghurt flavour that I don't need and forget something that I do need.
Thanks that's a neat trick!
made a todo list for work so I dont forget stuff everyday
ahahaha this is me.
My notes in my phone is full of crap from 6-12 months ago. Even old shopping lists that I can't be bothered going through to delete.
Procrastination is a symptom of ADHD for sure.
I just kind of walk around my house a lot
Did you forget why you got up. Cause I'm with you.
I do this all the time.
I have conversations.... Not in my head. I mean I'm known for talking to myself.
No. I'm known for *talking out loud*.
The conversations I'm having are usually roleplaying characters.
Am I'm the only one bothered by being told I'm talking to myself if I'm just voicing thoughts..?
Omg yes. And some of the conversations have me so engaged I feel crazy
Open up the fridge just because
"You know that one really, really important thing you needed to get done?"
"Let's not do that, and instead watch videos of people skinning potatoes for 37 minutes."
"Hey, your mortgage payment is due today."
"Okay, I'll go online and pay it now."
*See open browser tab from last night left over from reading about why wombat poop is cube shaped, end up spending an hour reading about Australian animals, and then forget to pay the mortgage.*
Or requesting a payment extension because, even though you have more than enough to pay the bill, you'd rather see your bank balance just that little bit higher for a few days, even though you're not going to spend that money on anything other than the bill.
Auto payments are a God-send. I had utilities shut off in the past because I just forgot to pay the bill.
Yup, I have had the exact same situation! All my bills are now auto pay except my mortgage (has to do with my payday schedule since it's my biggest expense of the month) I LOVE auto debit.
Wait a second wombat poop is cube shaped? *cue the ADHD scroll-a-thon*
Knowing that you actively annoy people and no matter how hard you try, you can never fully fix the shit that annoys them. A common thing with ADHD is inadvertently interrupting people. I can catch myself now and apologize as soon as it happens, but I can never completely stop doing it.
I talk a ton. I try so fucking hard not to. I literally tell people "by the way I'm super excited about [topic] but if I go on too much feel free to tell me to STFU", but most people are too polite to actually do that, so I end up going on for 10 minutes before I realize they got bored as fuck 9 minutes ago.
ADHD causes hyperfixations, like autism does. I understand that the vast majority of people really don't give a shit about igneous petrology and rare earth element minerals (I'm a geologist, so this interest isn't *completely* random, lol), but I still catch myself babbling about shit like that. I get so excited about a topic that it just bubbles over.
I have so much trouble motivating myself to do onerous work tasks. Unless it's highly engaging or new, it takes a great deal of effort to accomplish things in a timely manner, even with Adderall. Executive dysfunction sucks.
I'm clumsy and awkward. Accident prone. I once gave myself a black eye walking into a doorframe. I have so many little bruises from walking into things that I can't even remember what they're from.
I forget things, no matter how hard I try to keep them in my head. My ex used to yell at me constantly for not hanging the toilet paper the right way; I just replaced it, I never remembered to make sure it was overhand. Ditto with using certain coat hooks, or a dozen other little things. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was just that I **couldn't** remember. I think that was honestly the worst part of all of my ADHD, being accused of being selfish and not caring about my spouse because I forgot things.
Do you have inattentive adhd? Because you sound just like me.
I am NOT hyperactive at all and I kinda managed to deal with it until it got too much and was diagnosed in my 20s.
This is me. Sometimes I wish I had the hyperactivity.
Yup, I do indeed! I'm pretty lethargic for a regular person, let alone a stereotypical ADHD patient.
I find myself thinking of the perfect response while the other person is still talking and I want to share with them, but if they’re still going, the topic will change and the response will no longer fit. I get excited to contribute but it comes out as talking over them, I feel myself doing it and I cringe when I think about it later
This is so relatable.
It's really kind of comforting to see how universal ADHD experiences are. Like it's not just a personal flaw, there's an explanation for it.
Thanks for sharing. I very much feel the first two paragraphs and I still badly struggle at accepting them. It helps to not be alone.
I hope you remember you care and others see it. Don't let anyone tell you you're not burning hot enough just because it shows differently.
Wait, sorry, I didn't read the rest of your comment but could you tell me more about the igneous petrology? (First question: what is petrology?)
Petrology is the study of the properties of rocks and using those properties to infer how those rocks formed. Igneous rocks are rocks that crystallized underground from a magma, or above ground from a lava.
Specifically, we look at things like mineral assemblages, mineral chemistry, bulk rock chemistry, melt inclusions in minerals, mineral shapes and sizes, and rock textures. These can tell us things like: What the magma was melted from, how long it took to cool, what changes occurred as it was cooling, the order minerals formed in, and what the rock may tell us about things like past volcanism related to plate tectonics or mantle plumes. This can help us with evaluating current volcanic hazards and whether these rock types might have economic value (or indicate the presence of other associated rocks that have economic value).
I'm a geochemist, so I specifically look at how elements are distributed in individual minerals versus the entire rock. I also look at mineral shapes to determine crystallization sequence. This helps me with modeling "petrogenesis" (the process steps that lead to this rock forming).
I studied carbonatite petrogenesis in undergrad (hence my username) by modeling crystallization sequence from rare earth element content in accessory minerals, and modeling halogen content over time by using chlorine and fluorine concentrations in those same minerals. In grad school, I looked at mineral textures and polymorphs (where minerals have the same composition but different crystallography- think diamond vs. graphite) and mineral chemistry to model geothermal activity over time and see if those rocks indicated current potential for geothermal electricity generation.
Sorry for the incredibly long and jargony explanation, lol. Hopefully some of it made sense!
Cool! What's your favorite mineral, if you have one? Mine's Rhodochrosite :)
Apatite! It's so versatile for geochemistry and it has fluorine, my favorite element.
Rhodochrosite is so cool. I used to work in a mining district with a ton of manganese minerals so I got some good samples there.
Geochemistry... Chemistry with rocks or chemistry ON rocks?
Kind of both! Mostly chemistry with rocks, but what I do now (environmental geochemistry) has to do with chemical reactions between groundwater and rocks that might make drinking water harmful.
Apatite composition allows us to see the origins/evolution of rocks, especially igneous rocks.
I mean, if you want to go on a long spiel about geology, do you have any off-the-top-of-your-head information about iron ores and how they typically form? I’m a materials scientist so you can go a bit more in depth with things like phase transformations and solidification.
Yay! A chance to rant. You asked for it...
Sedimentary Fe ores: You have BIFs and oxyhydroxides. BIFs (Banded Iron Formations) are a specific type of deposit with alternating layers of chert and iron-rich oxides. They're old, they formed before multicellular organisms existed and have to do with cyclical oxygenation events from photosynthesis causing iron precipitation in oceans.
Oxyhydroxides (goethite, limonite, etc.) are minerals that form in reducing environments like peat bogs.
Igneous/metamorphic iron ores: These form in rocks due to metasomatization (hydrothermal fluids percolating through rocks, resulting in alteration and replacement of minerals through various reactions) or via direct crystallization from certain melts.
Metasomatization typically forms a combination of hematite, ilmenite, and iron sulfides (pyrite, pyrrhotite, etc.) Direct crystallization either comes from ultrapotassic or exotic, highly fractionated, silica undersaturated magmas (those associated with carbonatites, for example- look up jacupirangites, they're ridiculous). You can also sometimes get them in layered mafic intrusions, which are usually mined for platinum group elements (like the Stillwater Complex in Montana, or the Bushveld Complex in South Africa). Layered mafic intrusions form from a complex cyclic crystallization process, I'd have to look up the details if you want to know more since it's been a while. These rocks are noteworthy because they have extremely regular mineral banding, it literally looks like the rocks are pinstriped.
I do environmental chemistry now, so I'm somewhat rusty on ore deposit geology. I apologized if this is super basic, happy to answer more questions if I missed anything!
Such a good metaphor, stealing this.
Also my browsers always fill up with tabs. Currently have 13 open now and really don't know why.
I have thousands open between my phone and 2 desktop browsers.
I might have a problem
Omfg you should’ve seen my tabs last year during distance learning! I had at least 10 open at all times because everything was in progress.
My literal browsers are embarrassingly crowded… nearing 500 tabs on my laptop, 330 on my phone of just random stuff
Opening a new tab just because you feel like going to a new page and you wanna save the previous tab on your phone then opening another one for some reason and now you have like 25 different new tabs that are empty and have no purpose.
Literally and not literally.
I'm not hoarding Tabs, many other software engineers do.
But I wouldn't know why 2/3 are open anyhow and wouldn't find what I'm looking for in the remaing third
> It’s like having 11 tabs open in your browser and every one was open for an important reason, but then you follow a link and now you have 12 open.
And 3 of them are playing audio
Not the biggest issue, but two big ones that don't get talked about is people around you self diagnosing themselves with it when they don't have it.
Another is people thinking it isn't real.
And along with the self diagnosing...
"Yeah I took an Adderall once in college and I got a 20 page paper written in 4 hours. It was so great. You must love being able to take it every day. Any chance I can borrow one of your pills?"
Meanwhile, taking Adderall means I can usually wash the dishes AND fold laundry in the same day.
I love this comment so much
My "yay medication do thingy" currently is that I'm keeping up with laundry. Yay me?
Also: **borrow**? Do I want to know the state in which I'll get it back?
Yeah, I've been really improving on the laundry lately, haha.
The person who always asked to "borrow" stuff would really only reach out if they needed Adderall. I'd lie and say I was running low. I realized they only reached out to me when they was asking for pills, so I don't talk to them much any more.
Their idea of "borrowing" was offering me shrooms in exchange, lol.
I feel this one so much. They just put me on adderall but I think it's too low of a dose because so far I don't feel different. Still no energy to do anything.
Yeah, after a while I've found I get a tolerance to meds. Once in a while I'll just stop taking it over the weekend to "reset". Not sure how well it works, but it seems to make a small difference.
Honestly, supplementing with coping amounts of caffeine has been real helpful. I feel like there's an actual synergistic effect rather than just an additive one with those twp stimulants, plus it helps my mood.
Admittedly, the only person I know that took Adderall for studying was great about it. Wouldn't eben habe dared to ask, openly shared and then took the time to actually listen what's it like to need the meds while being very reassuring and accomodating.
Even worse are the people who self diagnose and try to give you “advice” for how to concentrate more or to stop being so hyper. For example, someone I spoke to once told me he had ADHD (a self diagnosis of course) and that if I stop thinking about it and ignored it, it would go away. Needless to say I’ve never wanted to punch someone more than I did right there
I've more often seen the latter than the first.
Which makes the latter even worse. I think I have *never* met any teenager or older who told me they have ADHD who I doubted about it. The only one with whom I didn't go "huh, makes sense" was someone in march bachelor who was medicated. Had a way to describe things that didn't fit my experience, but was comparable enough to directly go "Oh yeah - that sounds like you know,".
It has two modes.
The first mode is best described in the morning. You get up to turn on the coffee pot and plan to head to the shower. When you get the coffee out of the cabinet, you see a brand name that reminds you of a client. You need to email him. You go to email the client and notice another email that there is a sale on marshmallows. You go to the cabinet to see if you need to buy some while they’re on sale. You have not started the coffee.
Then there’s mode two. You can see everything you need to do. People are texting you and calling you and emailing you and you have meetings and it is all too overwhelming. You panic over what to do first and you realize you have done nothing for four hours.
You forgot about the 3rd mode where you do everything you were supposed to to in the last 8 hours in an hour.
HealthyGamerGG describes ADHD very well- it’s a mix of hyperfocus with an inability to focus. You hyperfocus on the wrong things while being unable to focus on the right things or the things you should be doing. But for a short period of time each day (1-4 hours usually) you go into a hyperfocus mode and are far more efficient than you normally are. Or you may be a gamer who turns that hyperfocus on when playing something competitive or intense.
The "urgency from procrastination near a deadline" generally leads to my best work, but I'm not a fan of the stress that comes with it.
Oh it’s not a preferred method of getting things done, but on the bright side, it’s there
I relate to mode 2 so much.
Personally, I also know mode 3 and I know many ADHD folks do:
Plane crash. Scrubs once described "everything is happening at once and going wrong with a patient" as a plane crash.
You get thrown/pushed in a situation where everything is **just** on schedule if things go well. You have to act now and *everything has to be done now and in parallel*. For me, this happened with planning big parties in a smaller club I'm helping out at. It's six hours to opening and you'd need at least one more helper, and apart from you there is just one person with half the experience. So you start to send the people into every direction. One goes to open the locks and to black out the windows, two can start putting the usual seatings aside but remember to first open the thing you put them in front of, the other three are going to storage with you so you can hand out decorations. At the same time you're texting the actual lead of they'll swing by and if you'll have to set up the tech or if a tech will swing by and when.
Suddenly your brain running in overdrive 24/7 has found a situation where overdrive matches the pace.
>Suddenly your brain running in overdrive 24/7 has found a situation where overdrive matches the pace.
...and another piece of my ridiculous puzzle fits in to place.
My mother and I were watching the news one morning before I had to go to school. There was a story about an albino kangaroo that was born on Easter that needed a name.
Without skipping a beat I remarked that it looked like a rabbit and they should call it Jesús.
My mother could not understand what the fuck I meant. I had to explain. It was born on Easter and white as milk. Physically it looked like an oversized rabbit. Easter is predominantly a Christian holiday, thus Jesus. But it was in a zoo in a Spanish speaking nation, thus Jesús.
That's ADHD. You get input and your brain spits out something that everyone else thinks makes no sense because you skipped about 5 steps of a conversation and reached the conclusion first.
Even better if your brain just shrugs on the "wait which steps did you just skip" part.
Switch 'confused' for 'concerned'...
Damn, I feel the same.
Also I am studying mechanics and it's the same when I have to calculate things. I know the answer but i can't explain how i came to the conclusion.
It's like knowing you have to do something but not able to get the motivation to do it because all the steps seem so hard and so much (even if it is simple). So you ignore it for a bit then decide to do it but halfway through you find this book and it really won't hurt to read it a little bit right? Then after ages reading you remember you were supposed to do something so you wander into the kitchen only to be distracted by the patterns the lights are making. You completely forget what you came in to do and then get yelled at for forgetting
Hello other me.
Its Not being able to read any of the replies on this post cuz Theyre too long
I feel called out...
Tasks 1 through 4 will be completed in the following order; the first part of task 1, the first part of task 2, the second part of task 1, the first part of task 3, all of task 4, the second part of task 2, the final part of task 1. Tasks 2 and 3 will be completed tomorrow, after task 6.
I have the hardest time following verbal instructions, conversations (unless you are actually talking about something that interests me) and remembering thing. If it's really important information I need it written down and reminders.
I either can't focus at all or I hyperfixate for hours there is no inbetween.
I get so distracted so easily.
Time means nothing to me. I can't conceptualize time. I am usually late.
I've got like no short term memory but I can remember a lot of random information about my favorite interests and can recall them at any moment.
Sensory overload is the worst.
Uh... I have inattentive type adhd(or add), so not exactly the adhd most people think of but close enough so I'll answer the question
So a while ago I failed a class, so I was looking on my school's website to see if it would prevent me from graduating, but as I was looking I saw a notice about applying for course exemption. I remembered that I wanted to do that (for a different subject), and I clicked into the link to see the guidelines. But then I remembered what I was supposed to be doing and went back to the original link.
Then I decided this was too stressful and went back to the course exemption thing, then I realized that a failing grade should be dealt with soon since I'm applying to college and went back to that.
Then repeat until I end up procrastinating both of those things. That was a week ago and I'm still not done with them.
Yeah, this is me.
Like the beginning of home alone where they’re all panicking trying to go to the airport but if everyone forgot what they were doing midway and they’re just roaming around this big house (which is your head) and the clock keeps ticking and you’re gonna miss your flight (but in real life this flight is just a simple task like washing the dishes that doesn’t really have a time restriction, but you get so overwhelmed that you end up doing nothing at all.)
I have inattentive adhd, so I just daydream a lot.
I want to do stuff like clean up the house, but I literally cannot make myself do it. Interesting things I have no problem spending hours on, but those mundane tasks are impossible. I thought it might be depression but I generally feel ok within myself, so I made a list of all my symptoms to take to my GP:
* Easily distracted/Short attention span
* Forgetfulness (\*puts something down\* - "where the hell did I put that? It was literally just here!")
* fidgety - constantly bouncing my leg while sitting like I'm busting for the toilet
* Sleep problems
* Get fixated on things/ideas (this is when I'm FAR from easily distracted lol)
* Difficulty "switching off"
* Impatience (eg, when someone is talking, I'm almost finishing their sentences so I can jump in and say whatever is in my head)
* Horrible routine/planning
* Leaving absolutely everything until the last minute. With my degree, I actually used my stress (caused by waiting until right before the deadline) to motivate me to study, because if I had ample time before the due date, I just had no desire to start. Somehow this worked and I graduated with a 3.8. I am the exception to that rule though lol
Doc gave me a referral to a psych, went through a copious amount of tests and was diagnosed. Meds pretty much deal with most of this, but I have had to discuss other methods with my psych as well, because meds only do so much. You have to meet them in the middle.
I have all of those symptoms. I've been pondering whether I actually have ADHD for a while now and I have tried to discuss it with my wife but she just dismissed it as me "diagnosing myself stupidly" as she only knows what ADHD is like in children and as she suffered with severe anxiety/depression and PTSD which have all been diagnosed and alot of people we know "self diagnose" and use it as an excuse for things she gets very annoyed at this sort of thing.
I live in the UK and have been trying to get an appointment with a doctor but I just can't do it (thats when I can actually remember to do it as every morning I forgot and you have to book appointments first thing here at the moment otherwise you don't get one) but I am also worried that I am just overthinking it and I don't actually have ADHD or anything similar.
It's like every single thing that crosses your vision is the equivalent of a phone that keeps getting notifications; you drop the last thing and pick up the next, and bounce back and forth over and over again and get nothing done.
Staying employed with ADHD is hell, honestly. Because there are times when it gets overwhelming and I just shut down and hide in the bathroom for a few minutes.
I can't talk correctly without losing my thoughts can't play attention to anything and the fidgeting I used always get in trouble for either stimming or fidgeting. Those are the worst things for me
I’ve thought about more things on my first hour of the day than most people will in their entire day. This is exponential and it never ever stops though it can be slowed with drugs and alcohol.
I'm still amazed how often people tell me to stop thinking or overthinking. Until I realised that my normal thinking amount is probably overthinking for them, so if it pours into one topping... Yeah.
Still no idea how to solve that.
Tonight I sent myself an email to remind me to do something tomorrow. Thirty seconds later I got an email and thought, “Oh new email. Let’s check it out!”
Lately I read that object permanence is the first step of recognising something as thinking and felt mocked...
I’ve tried to write a response to this post about 4 different times, didn’t like what I wrote or wanted to see what other people had to say, X-ed out, and scrolled some more.
Inattentive Type here. I went back to school last year (I’m 34) and I finally figured out that I need to make my notes and study guides pretty or else I’m going to be like I was back in middle school/high school/the few years I went to college. I’m smart, but I’m not good at being smart. But now I know I need to color code everything. Anything I print out (I’m pre-nursing so there are a lot of chapter outlines etc for my prereqs) I label with page numbers because my notebooks will inevitably end up a chaotic mess. And I enjoy making the study guides because the artistic aspect gets the dopamine going and I hyperfocus…but then there are other times I’ll write a really pretty word which will make me start watching penmanship tutorials, and then I’ll end up on Amazon because I absolutely 100% need a new calligraphy book, and wait…do I have that book already? Better go and check. Oh, the calligraphy book isn’t where I thought it was but there’s some sheet music…I never play my violin anymore, I should do that. Right now. 1 hour later, “fuuuuck I really need to study”
I've resorted to putting all my "to-do" items in a Google calendar. Work tasks, extracurricular stuff like dates and meals with friends, reminders to do laundry, etc. This way, I can at least prioritize by time. If one of those things gets interrupted by something urgent, I can easily rearrange the times on the other things.
Day to day though, unless it's in the calendar, it's like knowing that there are 5 things I need to do, forgetting three of them, completing two of them, thinking I've done everything for the day, relaxing or hyperfocusing into a video game or binging a show...then realizing there are three more things that need to be done, and scurrying to get those done.
For someone who doesn't have it, imagine all your tasks for the day (including the basics like showering, brushing your teeth...and the less basic like remembering to pick up eggs at the grocery store, someone's birthday, filling up the car...etc) were all written down on little notecards. Now, take those cards outside on a windy day and throw them in the air. You might find some of them, but some will be lost. Do this every day.
It’s like my brain is being jerked around by an excited puppy on a leash.
I can tell you what it’s like to date one; hard. Really, really hard.
Yeah that is true. Part of my issue was he and I didn’t know each other very well when we got together in the first place, but I also didn’t understand everything about his severe ADHD that I do now. Now I know why certain things went the way they did and what not, and flash forward basically a year and we know each other very well now and he is one of my closest friends and I try to the best of my ability to understand and learn more about his disability.
I think the hardest part for me was knowing that it was something he couldn’t control, but in any other person the traits he exhibited would be considered selfish and inconsiderate and infuriatingly self-centered. And all of those things are still true as far as your relationship to them. I understand that it’s a disorder, But being expected to just absorb those difficult traits and not be annoyed by them or have them be dealbreakers…that can absolutely degrade the love in a relationship.
That’s true! I have anxiety so I would get worried when I hadn’t gotten a text from him in a while and I would overthink everything and what not, in a way I kind of need reassurance I guess sometimes? I never blamed him for it because I know there were a lot of things he couldn’t help, but again I wasn’t used to that and I did not know him nearly as well as I do now which I’m glad that I do now.
An ADHD person and an anxious person dating each other is just a recipe for disaster. I know this from personal experience.
Yeah for sure! We only lasted about a month, he had a lot of personal things going on in his life and he was so overwhelmed at the time so he broke it off he knew it was for the best. And I agreed, I’m just really happy he’s still in my life. Such a beautiful soul
I have ADHD and am an anxious person.
Can confirm I am a disaster.
I'm ... Jumping in unannounced, yet I hope not unwelcomed.
You have a right to be *annoyed*. Yes I have ADHD, yes I have no to little control over things, but that does not mean I can expect someone else for regulate their emotions accordingly. Even less concerning my emotional regulation is a shitshow.
Can you just put up an expectation and then make him jump that? No. But you have a right to be annoyed and voice it. Because from both ends any relationship is about compromise. If it bothers you, both of you should at least make trials to find a working in-between.
There are a few great books on ADHD and relationships - said my mom. But may be worth checking.
I personally love ADHDAlien comics (Tumblr), they also have parts on relationships.
Overall, being in a relationship with a partner who has ADHD means both sides should communicate a lot. And just take things as truths at face value. Trust each other to not lie about intentions. You're working differently. If you tell him something bother you, he has to accept that. If he tells you he "can't do that" you may add "this way", but have to accept it. The trick is to continue communicating then.
In many cases ADHD people can very well tell you "No I can't." Because that's what it feels like. I gigantic, invisible wall. You can't. Not *this way*. For some things if may be you actually can't do them in a good degree. In many cases, it is just the inability to either see another angle how to go about things or identify what is holding you back.
Super helpful questions on these cases, friendly and open *not accusing* or anywhere close:
- Have you tried techniques helping you to do it?
- Is there an aspect you feel most uncomfortable with?
- Do you feel there is a certain aspect holding you back from doing it? Something that has to be done beforehand? Or are you fearing a certain outcome?
- Would it help if I would start it with you?
- Would it help you if I reminded you?
- Is there a structure I can help create and maintain that would help you? (Such as a task board and checking it together every evening)
- should we write down the steps and constraints for this? (ADHD = no prioritizing, no object permanence. I empty the trashcan when I can't use it anymore, unless someone gives me the rule to do so when it's halfway full)
- is there something you do regularly that you might be able to combine it with?
Also it helps to vary and talk about circumstances when things seem easy and when they don't.
Additionally, ADHD brains just don't reward enough for tasks we don't like. At the same time, many ADHD people experience massive emotional problems on rejection or critic.
So hacking this means that when trying to enforce an agreement it's better to praise and reward if things worked out well, and not get angry of they did not. Even "I tried and did it halfway" is better to get a praise than a scowl, because the praise of a loved one is dopamine your brain may be willing to work for.
So, for a concrete example: Assume you want him to communicate better with you. Identify why he does not answer. It could be he feels overwhelmed with answering. It's likely he reads the message and then has to do something else. So you come to the agreement of him setting an alarm and then *at least* answering with a smiley or ask you to call if he doesn't feel like he can write the answer. If that worked for 2 out of 3 messages, that is something where you should then tell them how happy it made you to get the messages (maybe not over text but in person).
Or... Yeah. Something like that ^^'
It's what would work with me and what I try to communicate as expectation management
Basically your whole life is a mess. Short term memory loss pisses people off, makes you lose things, forget about homework chores ect. If you don't get ur coffee in the morning ur dead. Being able to hyper focus is useful though. You lose feelings so quickly, and it's the same with losing interest in Hobby's and things. ADHD people go through so many phases it's expensive and makes you feel like shit when u lose interest in something that u spent hundreds of dollars on. Sometimes we can't tell when we're hurting someone (mentally) and it's hard to decide what to say and how to say when ur out in the real world. Virtually it's hard to talk but hard for most people to notice it. ADHD sucks and some people don't understand the struggles of living like this. There's many more things I could go on about but I don't feel like.
I am not in control and just here for the ride.
Not ideal, but I'd rather have ADHD than a lot of other things that I could have
Absolutely! Still, I feel like ranting helps a lot with emotional regulation and these questions often enable me to find a faster/better way to describe it in real life.
You guys remember in the 90’s where the thought every kid had ADHD? But in reality we just hated school.
Yes. Actually one of my teachers then told my parents they thought I had ADHD. My dad says they took me to get me checked out but I guess the person they went to which may have been my regular doctor (because I don't remember going to a specialist) told them I didn't, probably because they thought ADHD was overdiagnosed and I just hated school (I didn't).
Like two decades later I realise I definitely fucking have ADHD, booked myself an appointment, talked to a specialist, she was like "lol yeah you do bitch."
So thanks for nothing, whoever told my parents I didn't have ADHD.
Honestly: in the 90s it is said there was a massive overdiagnosis.
That's still being said. Most likely, it's at least wrong in the sense it's *misdiagnosed* and *mistreated*.
ADHD is a rather nee diagnosis, in the 90s it slowly was disseminated enough as knowledge to actually started to be diagnosed at all. And then yeah, suddenly 5-10 % of children seemed to have it.
Which is **still** the case. Yeah, criteria have adjusted a little and treatment is still a chaotic shitshow.
But to people actually **suffering** from ADHD simply keeping "ADHD is overdiagnosed" on repeat is the most hurtful thing.
This nonsense is why 12 year old me stopped telling people about a diagnosed disability, because they didn't care anyhow and would just think even worse of me and my mother and how we handled "hating school" and were lazy. Especially considering I loved school...
Idk I grew up with it.. ooh butterfly
This isn’t a direct answer to your question or anything, but my very close guy friend has ADHD and is one of the smartest/most intelligent, and clever people that I know! Because of his ADHD his mind works so fast and he is quick to answer questions and things like that. I think it makes him very unique and special, in a good way of course. I absolutely adore that man!
Happy to hear.
Please tell him if life gets frustrating for home. ADHD tends to make us forget the good things. And it's honestly hard to even see what's normal or not.
One word: Hell
I couldn’t even read the replies to this post.
Like living with a toddler who’s practically attached at the hip.
It’s a barrel of monkeys.
ABCDEF...OH LOOK....I HAVE TO FINISH READING..123456ABCDEF....ALRIGHT NEW POST....UGH I CANT SIT ANYMORE....
Basically everything is on my mind constantly; however, when I take my medication, I'm completely normal with controlled thoughts 🙃
Completely normal? What’s that like?
I hear normal is a pretty broad spectrum these days.
Problem with me and marijuana is I just get way to paranoid and antisocial in public to use it like a treatment. I also forget complicated procedures I don’t have fully cemented in memory.
I have friends and a dad that fully function on weed but I can’t.
Peacemaker just had a scene about all the different helmets and what they could do, and how none of them could help solve the problem. THAT.
I forget where I put stuff because I forget the previous logic I used to justify where I put it. For example: I lost my birth control for two days this week (I had another pack so I didn’t miss these days) because for whatever reason I put it in my purse in my backpack even though I wasn’t going anywhere the last few days where I’d need to take my pills with me. I genuinely don’t know why I would do that. It’s really like my body is being possessed by me.
Everything needs doing, so I’m going to go hyper focus on the one thing in my house that doesn’t need doing. Or completely leave the house. It’s like having an override function that you don’t control that just says “no.” No matter what the thing is.
In freaking late, but in need for a place to pour things out. This post is long. It starts with a simile, trying to make ADHD ... Experiencable? Afterwards it also contains a mixture of how I would describe my experience and what I find bothering.
My experience with ADHD is something I have compared more than once with the experience a neurotypical may have if they decided to move their office into an underground techno club. There is constantly something more violently demanding your attention than the things you currently work on. There are heaps of distractions. It's nearly impossible to focus without additional focus catchers, because everything around you is so loud and blinky. When you get up from your desk to do something minor like getting a drink, you often get sidetracked. And because all of this is *a lot* at once, you tend to overlook or forget things, and to be a little overemotional. Furthermore, this is tiring. And while you cannot leave the club, you can just decide to go with the flow of everything around you, instead of forcing down onto your work.
On the other hand, you've never known a real office. This *is* an office for you.
So, overall, it feels *normal*. You're used to the strange guy trying to hit on you every night, you're used to take a break for a bar fight, you're used that there are days were the LJ decides that the stroboscope is the best invention in the whole world. The feeling only leaves when you interact with people with normal offices. It's hard to explain your problems, because you can only describe it vaguely as "getting distracted by someone wanting to talk to you" and workers from normal offices tell you "Yeah sure,happens all the time, but I can usually wave them off". And neither of the both realises that it's easier to shoo away a corporate coworker then a drunk patty goer, just that both of you have things bothering them while working. So both somehow assume that the same standards and procedures should work for both of you, and the rave-office folk constantly falls behind expectations because the procedures do not work.
(From here on, this is very much my experiences now)
So, switching to the real world. When I'm alone with myself, I'm not bothered or overly hindered. Sure, there are things that annoy me. It's nearly comical having to get up three times just to grab a bottle of water once and bring it back to your room. I'm not proud of forgetting to send letters for days. I hate that I sometimes can't bring myself to tidy up. Yet... At this level of being with myself literally *everyone* has these. And I'm very much used to them.
As soon as life comes in, if feels like someone just ill-adjusted everything. Even when I refrain from comparing myself, things like 2 year renewing contracts or the fact that next to no doctor has an e-mail or call-me-back system throws me off my game. A lot. Expectations stretch differently to how I work. Task switching takes effort for me, so cooking or cleaning right after coming home seems absurd, or leaving just 30 minutes later for a gym class. For others, this is comfortable. For me, this is stressful.
As a result, as long as one tries to follow the standards of "normal life" and many of the well meant advices, life just feels like a tiring marathon. It gets a lot better when those are thrown out the window. As soon as I just started adjusting to my needs, however weird the result, things got better.
Still, people are incredibly idiotic. (I think this is a rant as much as experiences I had)
It feels like for a good part of humans it's absolutely unbelievable that there could be people who do not function the exact same way they do. And I'm not yet even talking about neurodiversity. In a **volunteers group** the new lead once answered to my suggestion that maybe the leading group should ask people about tasks a few days before the deadline if they haven't heard anything: "No. If people want to work here, they have to want it enough to remember." It doesn't work that way! Absolutely not for ADHD, but girl this is a group of volunteers, having life's, still being in university and often learning selfmanagement, and not only ADHD people have bad memories! I guess everyone has a story like that - I have a lot.
And it gets worse considering that people do not only not help create accomodations, they offen can't get over themselves to accept accomodations made by someone with ADHD for themselves - just because those wouldn't work on them. Two examples from school as a teenager, where I had stopped telling people I have ADHD (next rant, next paragraph!), showcasing how to do it Vs why people suck:
I was diagnosed at 7, had behavioural therapy (aside from fruitlessly trying meds) and learned coping mechanisms so that I would listen and take notes. The ones that stayed with me were being very active in class (answering questions, not jumping around) and *mindlessly* doodling. I didn't draw, I just filled a sheet of checkered paper with fineliners, in a rainbow colour (or similar). It helped greatly. I was a mostly straight A student. I didn't interrupt class. I had chaotic, yet complete notes. My chemistry teacher never said a peep about doodling when I had her in 9th grade - but when we met shortly before I graduated and got to talking (didn't have chemistry anymore), she confessed she normally didn't let people doodle in class, but she saw I still got all the material, understood it and participated, so she felt it wasn't worth bringing up. At the other end of the scale, I had a physics teacher grad me A- while I was one of three classmates taking part of the course *at all* and did exactly as well as the guy getting an A (the other one rightfully got an A+). I went to enquire why and he, who had bad hearing on one ear and would have been very annoyed by talking, was adamant that I was "doing something else in class". So I stopped doodling and started doing homework. Still got an A-, but at least I felt like I *earned* the worse grade.
So ... That sucks. Suppose it does for anyone with mental health issues, though.
One of the real burdens is, however, the stigma. I also suffer(ed) from social fears and slight depression so I know a good bit about mental health stigma. Yet, ADHD is special.
First, while I have had my diagnosis very early, I hadn't looked into it for nearly twenty years *even while being treat for mental health issues*. Neither did anyone else - albeit especially in my teenage years it would have helped a freaking lot, I think. But alright, a lot of the understanding what ADHD encompasses had developed and the parts bothering me the most are on the "newer" side.
What sucks and sets ADHD apart is how many people **do not believe in ADHD**. Yes those also exist for other things, but for ADHD there are more. Where it's hard to get accomodations for anxiety, but there is a process, there isn't even a process for ADHD. I didn't even know I was entitled o any until I finished university... And it's *incredibly* hurtful to be told even by your family that things can't be that bad and that you grow out and that this is overdiagnosed.
First off: there is no or at best very little proof that ADHD is overdiagnosed or medicated and the margin is very small. It's a fallacy of perception, but was blown up to incredible capacities through media.
Second: even if it is I'm a **girl** diagnosed at school age *without any educational troubles*, by am expert in the field who had one look and told my mom "Yeah sure she had ADHD, that's pretty obvious". Yes, we still did all the tests and yes it's fucking obvious. But I guess a child coming in, greeting you, then wandering around the office/exam room, looking at everything while (surely) fiddling around, which then spots a book she likes, grabs it, moves to the couch and hard switches to hyperfixation "you have to shake me to get my attention" is ... Obvious. My second diagnosis as an adult went similarly "well". **I'm not overdiagnosed.** And it's not ok to assume just because something is (or isn't...) overdiagnosed that the person telling you of the diagnosis got it wrongfully. Do your due diligence and *check*.
But no. People don't check. It's overdiagnosed is the same as it not being real and not making problems. It's the worst with teachers. Or was, back when. It's why I stopped telling for over a decade. Because at **12!** I had more than one experience where teachers treated me more harshly and unfairly when mom told them I had ADHD, which had gone to "we only tell teachers if your coping is getting you into problems", which was even worse of an experience because they just walled themselves in and all I learned was "either they'll accept it helps me cope, or they will think worse of me if I tell them". And not in the pity or wrong assumptions about what if affects way, in the "she is a lying, lazy child" way. So, all the burden of realising I'm doing things differently, that I'm not as good at certain things than others, when I need help, and how this help can look, is pushed to me constantly because my mental health issue is just not real enough for people to even take the time to read a short "these are ADHD symptoms and issues".
Overall... Living with ADHD for me is the growing wish for people to just **please** listen when others tell them they struggle and to show the compassion to accept it at face value and ease such struggles.
The length of this is ironic in this thread lol. I gave it my best though, thanks for this.
Oh im absolutely aware this is wya too long. It's much more of a free writing exercise than it should be.
I have ADHD, inattentive type. It sucks. No one wants to hangout with the "slow" person. I'm impulsive and I embarrassed myself on too many occasions. I don't have friends. The friends I did have no longer talk to me. I daydream constantly with different plots and storylines and I can't stop no matter how hard I try. It sucks. No medicine has worked for me, except losing a bunch of weight and being taken off of it, I gain it back.
Being able to focus like you wouldn't believe on one thing for 12 hours straight, with no breaks. Except you have no control over what that thing is, and it's almost never the thing that actually needs doing.
Whats worse for me is that it's never anything I can make money on. It's always the dumbest shit.
I sit down to start a project. 15 minutes later I get restless and my brain decides it wants music so I spend another 15 to 30 min with the zoomies in my room maladaptive daydreaming while listening to the same song on loop. I come back to reality and I’m like, what was I gonna do... of right, continue writing that story I started 3 months ago. 15 minutes later I need music and zoomies again and after half hour I’m like, what was I gonna do... start up my sims game and continue to play my family. After an hour I do zoomies and music again and I’m like, what was I gonna do again... then I finally start on the project I just remembered about and I manage to hyperfixate on it for 4 to 6 hours until the cycle starts again. Also not being able to sleep because I’m so restless and overstimulated. This is literally my whole life.
You are the CEO a medium-sized organisation, with different departments that all need to be managed. You can call these departments 'work / career', 'home / domestic / chores', 'finances / personal adminsitration', 'family', 'friendships', 'self-maintenance' - all the different aspects of your life that you need to keep on top of.
Sounds easy, right. Everyone does it. But this one comes with added ADHD fun: -
1. The IT department all quit, taking all your planning software off-line, deleting random files, and putting up a series of passwords you don't know blocking access to important records.
2. Your PA / secretary is on long term sick leave, so you have to keep your own agenda / appointments. So she did write down the relevant information *somewhere* but she won't tell you where.
3. The phone switchboard is jammed so every trivial call comes right through to your desk.
4. You have a deputy to help, but he only works when he feels like it. Most days he prefers to go fishing or to obsess about random things. When they are good, they are good, but you can't rely on them at all. If you do, they will let you down.
5. There's loud music coming through the wall behind you. You ask them to turn it down, and they do, for about 5 minutes. Then it's back.
6. You share your office with an over-excited bonobo, a toddler and a puppy.
7. There's a poltergeist fucking with you, hiding your shit and moving things from where you think you put them.
So you are still trying - damn trying, really hard - to be a good CEO, to be on top of things, to make good decisions, to lead and take charge of your life - but oh fuck the toddler is about to choke on a paperweight and the bonobo is answering the phone in grunts...
...and you have a meeting in five minutes that you didn't prepare for because the bit of paper that was supposed to remind you about it was torn up by the poltergeist and you can't hear yourself think because the phone won't stop ringing and the music through the wall is playing...
...and now the puppy is peeing on the floor and you can't find your shoes even though they were right there a few minutes ago and the next call is coming in and there's a stack of things that need to be done and you are trying to do them all and the clock is ticking...
...and the noise won't stop and the bonobo is throwing the toddler out of the window and I'm tired and I want to nap and I can't because it all hangs on me...
...and so I just sit here daydreaming while the world burns around me because I can't *grip* anything and my brain is shouting, 'Get a grip! Get a grip, man!' and it just can't...
...and so I collapse into a heap of panic and despair and then I realise it's only Tuesday and not even lunchtime yet and I just have to keep trying and it hurts...
...and everyone thinks you are an incompetent failure but you are not you just have a neurological disorder that affects planning, memory, executive function, data-processing and retrieval...
...and this week you are really into learning about mechanisms of democratic governance in 12th century Italian city states (in Italian, why not learn another language?)...
...and there are 738 tabs open on your computer and you have no clue what to do next...
...and then you remember what it was, but you realise that instead of doing what you had to do you've spent ages typing a reddit comment...
...and it's probably too late to start doing that other thing anyway, because you need to go out in two hours, so you might as well eat chocolate and cry while watching really interesting documentaries on youtube.
“Every my chemical romance song at the same time”
But replace the MCR songs with thoughts piled on thoughts piled on angry rap music metal music and hard rock
so like every falling in reverse song?
Eh. If I try to give a good reason. Half way through the conversation I will. Hey look at that stupid bird. Wait what was i saying? Anyways that's why we shouldn't do what I was trying to explain.
Also something else goes to my head which then I forgot the point of the conversation and look and feel like a total dumbass.
Hard but I’m surprised how I’m not depressed after what hell I have been threw
It's like locking a precocious toddler, an excited preteen with a new favorite band, that girl from 50 First Dates, a puppy, a hermit, and a perfectionist overachiever in ONE BRAIN.
For shorthand I describe it as the lift not going to the top floor.
It's like being above the fray in a way. I didn't have to get a degree to be the best in my field. The faster shit comes at me the better i am at figuring it out it's like being neo in the matrix. But then u suck at other things.
Like registering my car took a lot out of me
Misplacing things, intense daydreaming, zoning out, lack of attention, and misnaming people.
Sorry, what was the question again???
I got up 14 hours ago with the sole purpose of doing my 2017 tax return. I have been on Reddit for most of that time, thinking "I'll start soon. Just one more post..."
You have 4 important tasks to do but instead of choosing the order you have to roll a dice every 5 minutes to determine which task you work on for 5 minutes. Everytime the dice comes up with a 5 or 6, you add a random activity to spend the next 5 minutes with. If you roll a 5 or 6 two times in a row, you instead spend 1 hour with that random activity.
Before medication, it was surreal. I was watching myself make reckless, impulsive decisions, felt awful and guilty about them but powerless to stop myself. I was constantly overwhelmed and failing in every direction. Major depression caused by lack of treatment.
Now I’m a reasonable facsimile of a functional human, but with added fun.
its like having a bunch of task under a big general task.
and these tasks are organized without your permission, and sometimes a task gets put on top of the list while you're in the middle of doing another task.
and you can't really skip a task to start another chore, you have to finish these chores according to the order they are in.
Hard to focus on important things, especially at school.
I think I have a unique perspective because I’m pretty sure my dad has ADHD also. I have two young male cousins and a nephew with the stereotypical hyperactive ADHD but mine is very much inattentive. I had no idea that ADHD could look different in women.
I was diagnosed a year ago while turning 27. I don’t take meds for it and while I do relate to a lot of the other explanations and comments on here (I’ve definitely done a lot of the examples lol) it’s a bit like having a narration in my head constantly going.
I have GAD (intrusive thoughts *and* constant narration yaaay) and dysthymia so those kinda go hand in hand with my ADHD lmao but my psychologist thinks my family was so used to my dad having absolute shit memory and attention span that when I came out the same way - they sort of taught me to live with it?
Like, I have three alarm/notification apps on my phone, I’ve always had a dry erase calendar or board with shit I need to do (half of it won’t be done in one day but it does get done eventually), or like set up my apartment organizationally in a way that helps me best. For example, my keys/wallet/metrocard always went onto a bowl by the entrance. She’s drilled that into me since I was like 11. So, 15 years of doing it and it’s became a habit lol. My mom did it for me (+ my dad!) since I was a kid so I grew into an adult with habits that just…help? I guess.
I am also an incredibly messy person, still misplace my wallet, still don’t get my lists done all the time, still absolute shit memory, still spend a whole day trying to sweep the floor but end up doing 100 house chores (that doesn’t include sweeping and I’ll remember right before bed and swear I’ll do it the next day and I don’t) My therapist says it’s kinda like the ocean, waves come and go but I always tell people - I swear I’m trying my best 😅
I have constant urge to blink weirdly and look to the left and look between the two walls of a corner on the left side.
Imagine you had a bag with papers listing of all your important tasks, then papers that have your interests/fixations, and papers that say mental breakdown.
You get one slip for each important task.
Three slips for each hobby or fixation.
There's only a couple mental breakdown ones but they can't be dropped until they're removed from the bag.
Reach your hand in once a day and choose ONE. You get what you get.
Edit- forgot some words.
Like navigating a maze, trying to find the correct path to completing a task, but the maze is made of glass walls so although you can see exactly where you need to go, you can’t get there. And the harder you try, the more often you crash into the glass walls holding you back. Oh, and no one else can see the glass walls- they only see you not being able to walk the path that looks so completely obvious to them and assume you’re just not trying hard enough. So on top of being bruised and bleeding from running into walls, you’re constantly criticized and reminded how much everyone else is counting on you to just put your mind to it and get it done.
Your life is a just a constant response to stimulus and absently forgetting the previous stimulus.
For example: when I clean the house I essentially clean everything at once, a little bit at a time, as I notice the deficits. Given enough time, the entire house gets clean. However, most of the time, it’s just scratching the surface of everything because I don’t have 4 hours to spare. My wife, who does not have ADHD, will do the dishes. Just the dishes. And they all get clean. I start to load the dishwasher, notice the garbage is getting full so I pull the bag from the bin. On my way to get a new bag from the broom closet I notice closet is messy and sorting that out. EVENTUALLY I will circle back to the dishes but 42 other things have been done in that time.
Normal it’s what I’m used to and I kninda love it