T O P

Laura, 26

Laura, 26

ModingusKhan

Chicken nuggets addict? Like, what is she willing to do for a 10 piece?


A2326P

[*eyebrow wiggle*] ever heard of a hot Carl?


Yolosoogie

please describe that to me thoroughly using no less than 50 words


Sev_seven777

From urban dictionary Mostly everyone is wrong, a 'hot carl' is the act of putting seran-wrap over the face and taking a dump on it. Anal to oral is called a 'rusty trombone', dumping on the chest is a 'Cleaveland steamer', and anal to tit fuckin is a chilli dog. If you have the squirts and can attain maximum heat and force a hole through the seran and onto the skin/mouth then you are awarded extra points, carl would be proud.


Stand_kicker

Is there anything called brain bleach?


Sev_seven777

From urban dictionary Much like Eye Bleach, it is the only cure to when somehting so terribly awful stains your gray matter. Used when Eye Bleach, and steel wool are just not d*mned good enough.


PretendThisIsMyName

I’m upset that you aren’t a bot. And you name drop urban dictionary to make it seem like you haven’t been through some shit.


Faultylogic83

Bad bot. What are you talking about? This is the internet, of course they are a bot.


yomommafool

Everyone’s a bot except you


Gerrent95

You sure they arent also a bot?


Kuuhaakuu

He's talking as if he doesn't know he's the only human here ...


Sev_seven777

Please don’t call me out like this


NotTheRocketman

I would love to know who is using these terms on a frequent basis.


Sev_seven777

Carl


cownd

I for one will not question your reasons.


bubblesort33

Who is Carl? I need a word with him. To find out where he meets chick's willing to do this.


Sev_seven777

From the sounds of it your turning in to a Carl


rad_baron

you'd be surprised what women are willing to do after you cover their face in saran wrap.


bubblesort33

Dexter?


whill-wheaton

*sips unsee juice*


greatwood

Hand over the mercury


seuaniu

That definition of a rusty trombone is incorrect, fyi. A rusty trombone is jerking a man off from behind while eating out his asshole.


ScratchinWarlok

A chilli dog requires poo on your dick. And a dirty sanchez is when you get poo on your finger and then leave a mustache on your partners face with it.


ArousedAndAfraid

I too am curious


NPQP987

Since he won’t deliver, this is a [hot Carl](https://www.yourdictionary.com/hot-carl)


Stank407

*also waiting for an explanation*


Sev_seven777

From urban dictionary Mostly everyone is wrong, a 'hot carl' is the act of putting seran-wrap over the face and taking a dump on it. Anal to oral is called a 'rusty trombone', dumping on the chest is a 'Cleaveland steamer', and anal to tit fuckin is a chilli dog. If you have the squirts and can attain maximum heat and force a hole through the seran and onto the skin/mouth then you are awarded extra points, carl would be proud.


These-Cardiologist69

Also waiting


Sev_seven777

From urban dictionary Mostly everyone is wrong, a 'hot carl' is the act of putting seran-wrap over the face and taking a dump on it. Anal to oral is called a 'rusty trombone', dumping on the chest is a 'Cleaveland steamer', and anal to tit fuckin is a chilli dog. If you have the squirts and can attain maximum heat and force a hole through the seran and onto the skin/mouth then you are awarded extra points, carl would be proud.


diesbelief

Top 10 Things i want to forget


Stand_kicker

What have you heard/read that is worse?


DigitalDemon021

Search up rainbow kiss or blue waffle


DataVader

Depends if those are vegan chicken nuggets or not...


SQUID_FUCKER

Yeah I was a little confused by that one. Maybe that's the mentally unstable part. She's a vegan but every now and then she relapses and goes on a nugget bender. Eating a 20 piece in her car at 2am before the shame kicks in.


richard-777

Why stop at a 10 piece? Imagine what she’d do for a 20 piece.


CryptoHeron

I accidentally read that in Shaggy’s voice but it worked so fucking well.


panzerboye

What do you want me to do?


JuicySushi

Pretty sure armed robbery of a McD’s is well within her comfort zone Also, I love that this comes after saying vegan.


KnearbyKnumbskull

Denounce veganism


ferzetto

What a catch


G_Viceroy

She had me at L


Thameus

I really thought I was on r/tinder


yomommafool

I had To DOUBLE check if I was on r/tinder


ThaSercot

I had To TRIPLE check if I was on r/tinder


G_Viceroy

You all made me check if I was on r/tinder...


MERNator

I'm not ever on r/tinder, but you all made me check if I was...


Bx8xDx5mpNu4uAqA

I’ve never been on r/tinder, but you all made check if I *should* be.


Lazy_Series_4325

This came up on my feed I had to make sure r/tinder wasn't checking up on me


Chugga-Boom

I accidentally tendered my resignation. Now I don’t have a job.


Systepup

Keeper


Crowley357

Keep far, faaar away.


Prudent-Excitement19

L for alcoholic


Crypt0n0ob

Well… you have to appreciate honesty!


Drackzgull

Idk, she says she's 26 and that she's 47, might not even be called Laura.


gotwooooshed

I believe it's a joke


makemeking706

A lot of it sounds believable. Especially that chicken nugget part.


xiaodre

hey now, nothing wrong with chicken nuggets..


braunford

but she's vegan


atthevanishing

Wait, chicken's not vegan?


CCNightcore

Most chickens are on a vegan diet, yes.


humanoid_apple

So chickens eat humans?


Apologetic-Moose

If it's grass fed it's a vegetable


Dark__Dagger

By this logic vegans are also vegetables. Where the ranch at?


Stella430

You are what you eat


hawtgawbage

No vegan diet, **NO VEGAN POWERS!**


skipchestday

It’s milk and eggs, bitch.


farmallnoobies

You can be an addict that's on the wagon.


TheChickenNuggetDude

I would consider myself a very kind and empathetic person indeed. Although our friend Laura is sadly mistaken about being addicted to me because I am gay.


TinkerMech

If her addiction method is snorting them, color me impressed.


91Jammers

Its an experiment to see how many dudes read beyond the age and pic


Drackzgull

Yeah I know, that's why I mentioned the name part.


WouldbeWanderer

She's bisexual so you cut the age in half. Gotta do the math.


lickdabean1

47kg


HeyDoc_

She had me at 26 but lost me at 47 then had me at bisexual but lost me at mental unstable but had me again at dead inside…but lost me at chicken nuggets addict 😔


Stand_kicker

What do you mean she lost you at chicken nugget addict? That's the best part about her.


emmalikesplants

She’s a vegan too


grimmstone

I think she's fine if she just eats the breaded part.


missleeann

Breading usually has eggs...


grimmstone

Just checked the nutritional info, and can say with absolute certainty that we don't have to worry about there being very much actual food in a McNugget.


itwasquiteawhileago

There's very little meat in these ~~gym mats~~ chicken nuggets.


alaskanbruin

Just beaks & claws!!!


Jackie_Jormp-Jomp

And SO much rooster cock


barringtonp

As my friend's dad used to say, its all lips and assholes, and chickens don't have lips...


Frozenyogurt1995

She’s fighting that chicken nugget addiction though, sobering up.


beachfamlove671

So … Vegan nuggets ? That’s the worse out of the list.


IliveBoyo

Until she eats all the nuggets


Erickdeviking

And share my nuggets? I think not!


Square-Name1982

Her redeeming quality one might say.


pengouin85

She caught all the pokemon!


ebon_

Laura’s got it going on! Seems like every other 26-47 yo


Talbotus

Life outage control, check. Joking about mental issues, check. Cute pets in order to feel love from something, check. Yep sounds like life after boomers.


AwGe3zeRick

“Life after boomers.” Coming to HBO this fall.


AsMuchCaffeineAsACup

Sounds fake or it's satire.


Fishy_Business_

Now now she was a mother to 5 dogs now that's one of a bitch right there


Mr_Mark_David

What do you mean "was"? 0_0


Fishy_Business_

Now now little Timmy we don't ask questions around here


Mr_Mark_David

I don't know man, sounds a little... fishy.


Fishy_Business_

;)


Sev_seven777

Now now don’t you wink here we don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea here


Fishy_Business_

Oh, I'm sorry ;3


Sev_seven777

Sir I do not like what you are insinuating with that wink


Fishy_Business_

Im very sorry >;3


Sev_seven777

I won’t do anal and the safe word is fishy business


Softakofta

She is vegan but she eats chicken?


Shychopath

What part of mentally unstable didn't you understand?


Softakofta

I know i know.


dismal_sighence

Pretty sure the whole thing is a joke.


berlin_blue

Vegan chik'n nuggets exist


hackerbenny

Chicken nugs are so good now too, I bet you could fool most people. The only downside is cost, and that they're highly processed less healthy versions, gotta think chicken is healthier for you, however it is very much not as ethical and the true cost of it is much more than fake chicken nugs, its just subsidized af.


nowinterweather

Impossible just came out with some. Got to try them at a restaurant here in the SF bay and they're seriously unreal. I've had a lot of vegan nugs, many of which are very good, and these are like head and shoulders above everything else.


OhbrotheR66

Wow, she’s a hot mess


NounyAdjective

But she Gets. Shit. Done. Edit: my intention was not to ridicule a single mom, like some of the twats replying below…. Just to point out that she has her hands full with that many kids and dogs.


OhbrotheR66

Well she gets the kids to school, feeds the dogs and empties that bottle🍺 anyway


HolyPebber

Poppin a cold one open at 10 in the morning after an "excruciating" day of work.


Gunzenator2

Getting kids to school is no joke. It is difficult.


HolyPebber

Having 5 dogs is also a difficult task to fight.


OhbrotheR66

Nah, she has a doggie door, the trash locked up and a fenced back yard along with pissed off neighbors because her dogs bark all day.


HolyPebber

Is there dog crap covering the lawn too?


OhbrotheR66

Hardest thing she does all day, kids go to Grandmas after school, thank God and stay till after dinner. I think her Mom is a little worried She’ll put them outside with the dogs when she’s had enough of their bickering


HolyPebber

Praise the grandma to be able to handle those lil children.


RunTheGoat

She's honest though. That's a good character trait, right?


That_one_kid0

How is she vegan if she likes chicken nuggets


OhbrotheR66

How is she 27 and 47 at the same time or divorced and a widow…well wait she could be divorced and a widow having married 2men in her lifetime.


rdrTrapper

Chicken nuggies are vegan now! Hell yea. I’m bout to get healthy as fuck with Dino shaped ones.


Nightroad_Rider13

Dino shaped ones are the only way to go.


ramplocals

My kids yell "DINO NUGGIES!" whenever we serve them.


Ramenoodlesoup

All nuggies are dino shaped, the round ones just haven't hatched yet.


HotGrillsummer

At this point I think they have vegan bbq ribs.


celiab3delia

Morning star bbq riblets were one of the first options out there. That one always weirded me out more than the rest of them. The "rib" portion was just extra dense soy whatnot.


LazerBuns

She don’t have any red flags, she is the red flag


Pacrada

she's not just the clown, she's the entire circuss.


iTsYoBoiGlory

Loool


StupidRedditGarbage

That list of achievements is impressive at age 26


Nightroad_Rider13

But it also says 47? So is she 26 or 47 or is she between those ages?


Shychopath

Mentally unstable. She's both 26 and 47 until you swipe right.


hyperboleistheworst

Schrodinger's swipe.


Shychopath

I KNOW WHAT I SAID. *angry noises*


lookingForPatchie

She's achieved age 47 by age 26. That's quite impressive.


OllieOllerton1987

The whole profile is clearly a joke, not sure why people aren't seeing that


NotTheRocketman

47 in Dog Years?


TheRealCactusTiddy

> Mom to 5 dogs You must’ve had a lot of explaining to do in the delivery room that day.


Dawgreen

Sticking your dick in the crazy ones is fun, just don't do it for too long or you'll end up as damaged as they are .


justwalkinby91

Can confirm. I’m a bit crazy myself and after being with crazy for too long, I don’t even know who I am anymore.


nyar77

Nope. You can’t wash off the crazy.


OhbrotheR66

Dude, don’t forget to use a condom to prevent pregnancy, you don’t want her to be your kids Mom


SaltedScimitar

Also make sure said condom is in your custody from purchase to disposal. And disposed in such a way that it cannot be received.


bad_luck_charmer

Vegan chicken nugget addict 🤔


dickkitches

All I read is that she's willing to do butt stuff.


Mist3rFistr

It’s you again. I’m still scratching my dick.


ForwardInspection429

Username checks out


laurad1001

Guess that‘s a Laura thing then.


Accomplished_Bite_94

Mentally unstable says enough


justsomebish92

What a keeper!!


[deleted]

Every other woman on Tinder


shahooster

Better to swipe nugget than swipe right


neonraisin

Yeah I think she’s definitely parodying this


Southern-Parfait3398

Activists for alcoholism


biggy55775577

Anyone else pound the screen so hard hitting that X they broke a finger


Volcanic-Blood

Not everyone. Some here are strongboned. r/neverbrokenabone.


JapaneseStudentHaru

Reddit is so blind to parody lol


gamingonion

This is so obviously a joke


[deleted]

[удалено]


VirtualAlias

No one is. At some point a big portion of folks online decided that everything you say online is deadly, seriously influential on a host of gullible lemmings whose misfortunes you will be directly responsible for if you lead them astray by cracking jokes.


UtahJayhawk

This 29 year old dude in Mom’s basement is creative.


skyteno

Ah yes of course.... Yeah dont realy have anything to say to this


mateiumfidido

Laura 26 years old, but actually is 47


Ordinary_Astronaut23

This is exactly what I'm looking for @[email protected]


UncarvedMelon

She's 26 but has a mental age and responsibilities of a 47 year old.


klerknuks

R/dontputyourdickinthat


realfantasiass

I respect anyone who can admit being unstable or having an adiction. But i think most people dislike vegan activists


AztecLawyer

Reddit in human form.


EarlyBirdTheNightOwl

Vegan and chicken nuggets addict?


jhuseby

Reddit would be all over that profile.


AntAnusWater163

Ok so she is 47 and 26. She is also a vegan as well as a chicken nugget addict, makes sense.


1_dont_care

Sure she still gets three times the matches that i get... No wait 3x0 is equal to 0..


peppermintgun

She's a keeper


ToadFucker69

Momma always said not to put ur dick into crazy’s but ima curious kid


FutureCEOnamedNick

And you know that tons of guys messaged her


daddy_dostoevsky

I bet they did because it's obviously a joke


[deleted]

[удалено]


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

Are people not just being sarcastic? Do they really not get it’s a joke of all the red flags/dealbreakers when it comes to women on dating apps? I feel like I missing something because it’s so clearly a joking bio


[deleted]

[удалено]


Neuchacho

It's incredible that so many people in this thread don't get this. It's a satirical take on Tinder profiles. She is filtering out people that don't have that sense of humor on lock.


Finao333

Soooo I’m guessing we’re suppose to say she’s a keeper? Idk


gotwooooshed

She is 26 and 47, she is a vegan that loves chicken nuggets, I think it's a joke


PmMeLowCarbRecipes

Laura is a buzzfeed writer trying to see how many red flags guys will ignore for a hot girl


OhLookASquirrel

I think I was married to her


PhyllaciousArmadillo

Are you the divorced one or the dead one?


Fi3br

She's only 26.... My god


afaceinthecrowd2u

Wife that shit!


Which_Wolverine_618

At least she’s honest


IceOrthrus

At least she's honest


kenpachi212

She checks all my boxes where can i find this unicorn? Im a bit disappointed that shes not addicted to heroin or meth


roth024

Swipe right


GuyWithADonut

Vegan chicken nugget addict...


NoNameSA

26 relationships


The_NerdyPunk

Didnt need the mentally unstable, everything else gave that away.


iron40

I know guys that would accept this challenge...🤦🏻‍♂️