T O P
  • By - 1q8b

TheMagicConchSays

*Don't forget to bring a towel*


Cartman4wesome

You wanna get high?


Guindon05

I cam hear his voice lol


beakerNH

You're the worst character ever.


tegrtyfrm

You’re a towel


TheFlyingBoxcar

*YER* a towel!


requiemofchaos

I know.


denverborn

r/unexpectedsouthpark


AvianLovingVegan

It would be safer to pick the eagle up with a towel.


rangeo

"It was under fucking control"


andysaurus_rex

“Did I fucking ask, Gene? Did I fucking ask for your help?”


HerrGene

:(


Scarmeow

r/beetlejuicing


Kezazel

Same look when ur spotter thinks you dont have it but you actually did


Glass_Memories

Probably did, bald eagles are great swimmers. That stance is one raptors do when caught on the ground to make themselves look bigger to deter predators. Birds also don't have much in the way of facial expressions, so they kinda just always look like that.


HQ_FIGHTER

Okay, I wouldn’t really call this swimming though, it’s trying to climb out of the water


redraider-102

Resting bird face


DrapedinVelvet247

“Sir, Imma need your ID, it’s like an $10k fine for even touching me.”


Yorttam

"Give me your hand" "Sir. I am a bird. I do not *have* hands"


madly_statuesque

"Dont you dare tell anyone you saw me like this"


ReadontheCrapper

Baleful glare. Textbook example.


Equivalent_Success39

THAT was the look it gave him! “Let us never speak of this again” 😂


RunLoud6534

“Dude seriously why are you recording rn”


Ztarog

I'm wondering why he bothered recording too. He just filmed the water.


treboratinoi

A bit of r/killthecameraman. But hey, it was ok.


dicemonger

I was actually thinking a non-orthodox version of r/blessthecameraman. Saving birb more important than getting a good shot.


phaemoor

Yeah. Otherwise it would have been an r/donthelpjustfilm


ThomasPopp

Right? Like, um…. TOWEL PLEASE


EmhyrvarSpice

Don't tell the elf.


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mlloyd67

“Thank you, long-pig. I shall kill you last.”


edgefalcon

Pull a feather. Wind up in jail.


SaltLakeCitySlicker

Idk about pulling one, but you can have them if you're native. At least in the tribe I'm familiar with, they're only given for large accomplishments or milestones.


MagNolYa-Ralf

Long pig wth lolololol


Fatherbrain1

That's just how bald eagles look. It's a whole species of resting bitch face.


[deleted]

The bird had more of a look of defeat and terror on it’s face. Usually a very prideful bird, for once being humbled by water lol.


kronos91O

" I have a *boyfriend* "


nashvo

LOLL


xXPumbaXx

"Take my strong hand"


Extremely_unlikeable

Then give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...


dclaw504

r/birdswitharms


StackOwOFlow

let me introduce you to r/birdswitharms


thatonealtchick

Now I wanna draw this entire thread


UpstairsRelation3348

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING CAKE DAY, Hope you have an amazing day 👍🏼


OneTradeAway

The look of dismay was so saddening. Great job to the lad who helped!


Gorperino

Yeah I think thats the first time I've seen a bald eagle without a badass American expression.


AllGoodNamesRInUse

Accurate portrayal of the average American at the moment Source: female American in the Deep South


lazylazylemons

We're drowning. Need a hand.


moonsun1987

Also important, don't trust any hand.


captain_ender

Urgh. It kinda really sucks here rn. My work is taking me to Europe, thinking about making it permanent. Shit sucks everywhere, but at least they got 30hr weeks and loads of wine.


ivedecidedtoscalpyou

hi do you need a wife


MrKerbinator23

Boys, send over the Polish suitors, she’s available!


Dizzy-Sprinkles1465

might want to heed the username my guy


ivedecidedtoscalpyou

aw come on, I would never scalp my new reddit husband probably


captain_ender

My mom would still be happy I finally got married.


xFreedi

30hr weeks? you're lucky. I'm european too and work 40 to 45hrs.


KrisNoble

I’m in the US, that’s about what I was doing when I was part time with some OT, full time they have me doing 65+ a week


hakplay

You’re in for a rude awakening if you think Europe is 30hr weeks and wine. Europeans work full weeks and are currently fighting a conventional land war and facing down economic and energy instability which would terrify Americans. Source: EU citizen


hobbes_shot_first

Just have to look at them straight on. Look like they’re anxious and about to cry. Perfect symbol for the US.


rmoss20

Yep, side angle majestic. Front face derp city.


fucktarddabarbarian

Can confirm. Am American and usually that makes me want to cry these days.


illit3

bird came up on the dock like "I HAVE NEVER BEFORE SUFFERED SUCH AN INDIGNITY"


Glass_Memories

Y'all know bald eagles swim, right? Like, they're really good at it and do it all the time. He probably didn't need any help and was reluctant to climb onto the dock with the human there, considering he literally swims away from the guy and gets up by himself. It's posture on the dock is one of a raptor on the ground flaring out its plumage to make itself look bigger to ward off predators, which it probably thinks the human is.


mistersnarkle

Gonna play devils advocate and say that while they swim, they can get waterlogged and drown — and there’s a bunch of crow calls at the start of the video and crows *hate eagles with a passion* and would *absolutely* drive one into water and harass it systematically until it tires itself out and drowns. I absolutely love crows and corvids but they’re maniacal bastards too smart for their own good


levEL-1boi

I’m sorry did my dude just grab a freaking bald eagle with his bare hands?


ChuckinTheCarma

I think top comment established that it’s a bird and, therefore, cannot have bear hands.


[deleted]

It's an eagle, of course it can't have bear hands. Technically bears themselves don't have bear hands either as they have paws


ChuckinTheCarma

Does a bear have four legs or two arms and two legs?


Iphotoshopincats

All bears have forearms


Snvrfz

They all have fur arms


TheFilthyBathtub

But do they have the right to bear arms?


Lombax_Rexroth

No. But they do anyways.


PoiLethe

Are you telling me eagles do not have the right to bear arms?


ToastedKropotkin

The Constitution does not protect their right to bear hands, only bear arms.


beenwilliams

Yes, yes I think so


bluamo0000

I feel like this is illegal


auerz

I think the giant beak and talons are something I'd be more worried about compared to the long dick of the law


Atrieus5

In all seriousness, that eagle is extremely exhausted… it wouldn’t pick a fight with a human.


Elsanne_J

It's more about where to grab. Hoisting from the wing too strongly can damage it, so that leaves e.g. giving a platform for it to attach to with its feet & clump by itself. And for e.g. that you shouldn't use your bare arm for.


HoodieGalore

A lot of us have been told, for most of our lives, that interfering with bald eagles *at fuckin all* is like, super illegal…I only saw my first wild bald eagle with my own eyeballs like, two months ago, and I felt so terrible for even bothering it with the car I was riding in while it was flying overhead, probably not even noticing me but, anecdote aside after hearing that shit your whole life, how are you not gonna help it? after being a living being on this planet your whole life, how are you not gonne help another living being? dude was waterlogged and woulda been toast not too much later, if he didn’t get lucky some other way


assassin_of_joy

I feel like it would be more illegal to let him drown.


_pumpkinpies

It was ill-eagle, but now it's healthy-eagle


iRadinVerse

Well considering even picking up a bald eagle feather is illegal I'd imagine yes


Micromagos

Worth noting that law is generally not enforced for two reasons. One: Is it was made to stop people from shooting them to collect feathers for decorations in ye olde times, as was common back then. Two: No police officer wants to have to look the judge in the eye as he reads out "and you arrested him for picking up a feather" at the hearing.


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Repulsive_Voice823

Are eagles that dangerous to humans?


Light_Beard

"You tell anybody about this and I'll kill ya"


ronytheronin

Well, this is going on Reddit you ungrateful bi…rd.


Sensitive_Bee_8563

“Ye ye ye, I got your back homie, lemme just post this real quick here”


yoaahif

“No towel…?”


Dead_Meme_Expert

\*breaks dock\*


MNCPA

'Merica


Channa_Argus1121

Fuck Yeah!


Cartman4wesome

Don’t forget to bring a towel….. . . . . . . . . . …..you wanna get high?


waveball03

This was like when Bruce Willis rescued Marcellus Wallace at the end of Pulp Fiction.


Its_an_ellipses

He's a damn sight far from all right...


bmore_conslutant

I'm kind of amazed how you got the feel of the quote right but nearly all of the words wrong


YubNub81

Dude quoted the TV edit version lol


[deleted]

"I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay!"


FoldyFlap

you’ve lost your LA privileges…


accountofrubbish404

"Step aside, Butch."


Queasy_Cantaloupe69

We cool?


jennatilwarts

Wet eagles be different


FacelessOldWoman1234

Scrawny ickle chicken!


Wetestblanket

Soggy murder seagull


Fex7198

damp killer pigeon


[deleted]

The look of helplessness


lordcheeto

I was in the pool! I WAS IN THE POOL!


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UntidyButterfly

This video perfectly demonstrates the definition of the word "bedraggled".


KnifeyMcStab

WAB


sherbodude

Wait until you hear about ducks


Isakistaken

The thing is they don't look wet


devilsbard

And this is how peacemaker met Eagley.


lordmagellan

I was hoping for a hug in the end.


Nounuo

Lol they really do look so worried from the front


NotDRWarren

I think it's wet and exhausted. It may genuinely be worried for it's life. Until buddy pulled him from the drink. I've never seen a dry eagle look worried. Only badass. Lol


Equivalent_Purple_81

Yeah, that poor bird knew it couldn't fly that soaked and was wondering if its rescuer was going to eat it.


deadlandsMarshal

"I have not forgotten the wizard who found me and healed my wound."


bubbles5810

Can they not get wet? I thought they could swim.


Buddie2013

They can swim. Buddy just couldn't get out


Lazypole

I don’t think this is true They have an oily coating on their feathers that allows them to dive, but if they spend too long with their flight feathers in water they get soaked and can no longer fly Edit: Completely assumed you meant that they could just get as wet they like and fly off, not sure why, my b


Russ_T_Shackelford

it's true they can't fly until they get to shore and dry off, but eagles are able to swim for a bit as long as the water isnt too cold and the distance isn't crazy. They can drown if they don't have enough energy to make it to shore though. I think Buddie is right, this one just got caught in a marina and couldnt find a spot to get out of the water ​ edit: [https://www.npr.org/2019/06/14/732843218/bald-eagle-caught-elegantly-swimming](https://www.npr.org/2019/06/14/732843218/bald-eagle-caught-elegantly-swimming) >Eagle researcher Jim Watson from the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife says "swimming is not an unusual activity" for these birds. ​ >"It takes a lot of energy to swim in the water," he says. "It's a natural flying motion ... just more difficult to do that in the water." > >Eagles have strong chest muscles from flying. Just as with the butterfly stroke, Watson says, "they actually use the wingtips and push down in the water with their wings."


Lazypole

Yeah I totally misunderstood his comment, totally assumed he meant they can dive therefore they can get as wet as they like, my bad


undeadmanana

After diving, how do they return to the surface if they can't swim? Edit: I also made the mistake of overlooking the diving in water when I was trying to say that they do indeed swim. They're actually really [good swimmers](https://www.npr.org/2019/06/14/732843218/bald-eagle-caught-elegantly-swimming). As the previous poster said the oil on their feathers doesn't make them completely waterproof, so sometimes too much contact with the water, which can happen from catching a large fish, they'll become waterlogged and will swim to shore.


StyreneAddict1965

Bald eagles don't dive (I don't believe); ospreys do. Most bald eagle clips I've seen are either fish caught just below the surface or they're stealing someone else's catch, like an osprey. Bald eagles are kinda jerks.


R00t240

Eagles don’t dive dunno what that dude above is talking about.


ErosandPragma

They can swim, but they aren't able to take off from water like ducks (they aren't waterproof essentially) sometimes they catch a large fish and have to swim to land to get it out


Itchy-Preference-619

They can it’s fine


Alaric-

It looked a lot more waterlogged than usual


Lazypole

IIRC their flight feathers are coated with oil that allows them to get a little wet, but if they get soaked like this they can’t fly until they dry out and can even drown


Lazypole

I don’t think this is true They have an oily coating on their feathers that allows them to dive, but if they spend too long with their flight feathers in water they get soaked and can no longer fly


HeyKrech

Eagles are good swimmers for the most part. I don't know what this area looked like other than what was shown but the eagle should be just fine (in a normal.area) to climb onto a beach/ shore and rest a bit before flying away.


BasicStocke

It looked like the issue was that their wasn't any shore near it. It kept trying to climb the pier


Lazypole

Eagles feathers are coated in oil for waterproofing, but if they get too wet they become soaked and cannot fly But yeah you’re right looks like he cant find an embankment


ojonegro

There’s a chance the gasoline slick in this marina caused some of that. Not trying to get all environmental or anything, but if you’ve ever looked at the surface of a marina full of boats, it’s that mother-of-pearl color from all the oil and gas. Just a crazy guess


whateversheneedsbob

It could have been young and malnourished and therefore too weak to get out. I have also seen eagles weak like this due to Bird Flu.


Captain_MasonM

It isn’t young. Bald Eagles don’t have plumage like this until they’re at least 4.5 years old.


malissalmaoxd

Ahh yes water


FistThePooper6969

Poor thing looks exhausted


Nathan-Stubblefield

The American Eagle has the right to bear arms.


KaleidoscopeThis9463

Shhhh…. don’t say arms *see above bird arm rant


Sentientmustard

Props to this guy for helping the eagle, but as a guy who has spent his whole life working with animals, including many Raptors, please don’t ever do this lol. They don’t mess around with their talons and they’re not always gonna know you’re trying to save them. There’s a reason falconers wear heavy duty arm protection, because if they don’t they’ll be going to the hospital.


PoiLethe

Yea I expected him to at least like...give him the rope to latch his beak onto and then pull him out or let him pull himself out, not like...physically handle it. I'd be afraid I'd break it's wing handling it like that.


Puzzleheaded_Disk700

Y'know it's probably kind of a good thing he DIDNT pick it up out of the water because of the eagle in it's hurry to get into land put his claws on him, they would've dug in real quick. Like when your cat jumps off your back and you get scratched


WoodyTwoBoots

That’s dangerous, but cool.


knifeknifegoose

Good god this guy is really brave really stupid or both. So happy the bird is ok, but… shit. Get a boat hook or a net or something, that bird could rip your whole face off with a swipe.


KiKiPAWG

Bird's first instinct: "*Get away from the human.*"


BeyondTheBees

“Am I really okay though, Todd? Look at me.”


MemeMavrick7000

Imagine being a majestic predator and you fall into water once and now you’re no more dangerous than a wet chicken.


WagonerA-co275

my brain just broke


WholesomeLove280

Oh, that vulnerable look makes me cry 😢


count_downvote_

I wonder if we will be able to do anything without a phone in one hand anymore.


That_Trust8428

That is amazing!


BarrenBrewer

Great job! Thank you so much to the person who helped eagle!


Snoo-43059

That’s the safest looking eagle I’ve ever seen. He’s so mad he’s on camera with his wet feathers


Telephone_Soggy

America is in your debt.


KnownMonk

"Thanks for the rescue pal, need a wing man at the bar tonight"?


IDont-G3tIt

The eagle gave the same look I give when someone helps me and I didn’t wanna be helped


Shikonug

What a perfect representation of the American economy. Drowning


cookmanager

r/killthecameraman


TheHistorian2

r/videosofwater


HoosegowFlask

"That was wild" and he captured none of it.


Father_of_trillions

r/helpingANDfilming good for him


No-Chemistry-1473

That has to be my most hated sub. Put the fking camera down and use two hands. Who the hell sees someone or something in trouble and first thinks to pull out your phone. You’re not a bro your garbage and want attention.


AdelaideMez

It’s awful what internet clout has done to us.


cbudd1117

Just got a friend for life!


Presto123ubu

Looks more like enemy due to humiliation


j2112a

Eagle looks like the grandma from George's Marvellous Medicine Ronald Dahl book.


mrgrimm-inflames

This man deserves a get out of jail free card.


lettherebemorelight

I’m always amazed that people can do these things one handed.


gr3atch33s3

America just got a boner.


ChondroArt

What state are you in? Never seen one in real life.


Boiled_SocksWOAH

how do i keep on forgetting how big bald eagles are


[deleted]

"***Ooh say, can you swim ?***"


Jadis-Pink

I was never here… GOT IT?!


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RJValdez216

This is both r/killthecameraman and r/praisethecameraman in the same video


ihavenoideanymore21

Can't Bald Eagles swim or something like that? I thought I saw a video somewhere of that happening...


LastNameIsJones

People can swim too, doesn’t mean they can’t get stuck and drown.


ihavenoideanymore21

Yeah, after looking more at the comments it seems that there wasn't a shore nearby or something like that. Either way glad the bird's okay.


CTchimchar

Yay they can


Lazypole

Feathers are coated in oil for waterproofing but if they get too wet, they become soaked and can’t fly again until they dry out


[deleted]

bald eagles are strong swimmers.


sottomoneybags

" I kill you!! "


[deleted]

FYI: when they attack humans, they go straight to the groin


[deleted]

Dude got out and looked at you arms stretched like "do you believe this shit man"


Alone-Strain

Wet Eagle: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?


Sweet_Bell_6472

This has got to be the same guy showing the camera his revolver whilst riding a lawnmower, and then screaming; " YEAAAA! I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD!!!" ( points the revolver at cop car. Video ends.) Right? Same voice.


LoopyZoopOcto

r/MURICA


Dro_mora

Dammit Carl!!! That’s the second time this week!!!


PeecockPrince

Eagly, is that you?


theseerofdoom

the look on its drenched face is genuinely hilarious i keep replaying the video to watch it stare up at the guy in dismay


Cynical___Idealist

“I’m normally very proud and majestic damnit!”


zedbeforebed

Please tell me it flew off, that right wing looked crooked. Nervous the eagle broke her wing.


[deleted]

“gimme your hand” “i don’t have hands, justin”


Zealotstim

That is one unhappy bald eagle. Glad it's safe though.