Ghosted after sending pictures?
By - SOCCER_MOM_BRAWLL
Good advice. Photos are an important, albeit ultimately not the most important IMHO, part of the process.
What apps are you using that don't show your pictures upfront? You should use apps that show your pictures right away.
LOL!! Good one!
I don’t think I have the right or the expertise to tell people how they can improve. To answer such question is very condescending. People just have different preference. You can’t please everyone.
They don't find you attractive. Simple as that.
I have not seen your photos but the thing you can do is working on how you look. Haircut, makeup and so on.
Yes. I know. The whole post is the fact that they aren't willing to give a clue why. It's hard to work towards something if I don't know why.
Go to the gym/eat healthier.
I'm not sure what app you are using but the thing is, people have a type. They all vary. So if someone isn't attracted to you it doesn't mean you need to improve. You just were not that person's type.
“Then suddenly they say they’re not interested in you after they see pictures of your face…”
The answer seems clear as day. They are not attracted to you.
Yeah but there is a reason why. Anytime I've ever found someone unattractive there's always a reason why. They just don't want to say it because they're afraid of conflict, despite the fact that it might tell me why so I can work towards fixing it.
> They just don't want to say it because they're afraid of conflict,
People don’t tell you because it’s personal, and you don’t have a personal relationship.
I don’t tell strangers what sexually exites me and doesn’t sexually excite me. That isn’t information I want a stranger to know about me.
I don’t tell strangers “You look like the guy who sexually assaulted me.” That isn’t information I want strangers to know.
These are reasonable and appropriate boundaries for people to have.
I shared alot about myself with this person before they suddenly decided to ghost me after seeing my photos. The least they could do is tell me something I could improve on. While the example you provided IS of a personal nature, 90% of the issues someone could have with my face are not at all.
You sound like you have a poor understanding of personal boundaries and consent.
Choosing to be open about something does not obligate others to be open with you, much less do favors for you.
You have a sense of entitlement to others’ time and intimate thoughts that is inappropriate.
I never said it obligated them to doing favors or being open towards me.
I have no entitlement to anyone's time.
I said "its the least they could've done" which is absolutely true. It would've been so easy for them to simply be honest and would've helped me greatly.
But the truth is they evidently don't give a shit about me.
If I was attractive to them in the photos, we would've been getting together.
But if I'm not, suddenly I don't even deserve to be treated like a human being.
Are you in therapy?
Good. These issues are above Reddit’s pay grade. Take care.
No one owes you anything be it a stranger online or a local shopkeeper. Best of luck, don't get discouraged x
Everyone keeps telling me that when I've clearly said multiple times that I AGREE. NOBODY OWES ME ANYTHING.
Billionaires don't owe anyone their money, but that doesn't mean they're not shitty people for hoarding their wealth. (And Im not saying every billionaire is a shitty person but you get my point)
But thank you for your encouragement.
> things that can be improved like skincare, haircut. Anything would help really, the void sucks.
These aren’t questions to ask people you’ve never met and have no relationship with.
Ask friends if they are willing to give you advice.
They only aren't because people have become heartless.
People are heartless because they don’t want to spend their personal time recommending skincare routines to strangers?
Yeah, they are. Because they can't spend a single moment to help someone out. I didn't ask for much. This worlds cruel because we make it cruel.
> Because they can't spend a single moment to help someone out.
What a horrible and ignorant assumption about a stranger.
You could be talking to people who spend their free time volunteering. You could be talking to people who support people in need.
It’s likely that many of the people devote a lot of time to helping other people.
I could be, yes. Plenty of people do those things. Could this person overall be a good person? Yeah. But they also might not be. I'm judging their act that I directly experienced, I can't make any assumptions about things I don't know about them. In that way you're right. I can't know for sure if they're actually heartless, but what they did was heartless.
You sound massively self-centered.
Why? How can you tell I am self-centered from a few comments? I honestly am curious and want to know.
Even if they did respond, it's literally just their opinion. Who's to say they are right!? I personally would never ask that from someone online. You need to be happy with you, period. They say there is someone for everyone, but if you are relying on feedback and opinions from people that aren't your person, it's a waste of time and energy.
That's a good point, I appreciate your response
Don't give them a second thought, they aren't worth it! Figure out what makes you happy (style wise) and watch your confidence grow!
anybody owes you an explanation on why they didn't like you. Not sure how their opinion can help you improve yourself, the person didn't like you but other is going to. Are you really going to change your entire behavior just because one person rejected you?
Like I said in my post: "I know they have no obligation to but it seems really heartless"
Still waiting on "other is going to"
Yes, but you are missing my point, If they tell you that they don't want to date you because you are ugly, how is it going to help you? somebody can find you unattractive and another one might not
That is a good point. However, if it something that can be fixed with effort or surgery, I wish I would know. Any information is better than nothing.
So you would get surgery for one person's opinion? That doesn't make any sense. Go on dating apps that require photos, problem solved.
Fuck facial surgery, OP. Like many said, people have to accept us for who we are or byeee ✌️. The moment you start with I’ll fix this for this person and that for that person, at what point does it stop?
But they don’t need to tell you “you’re not my type.” Them not responding after they saw your photo tells you that. And I mean, do you really want someone to critique your appearance? I once showed my photo to someone that I was talking to (god, remember Omegle?) and he called me an “ugly N-word” and immediately ended the conversation. Trust me, you don’t need to want that from someone.
Next time, maybe stick to apps that showcase photos of people?
I absolutely want someone to critique my appearance. I have money that I have worked hard for to earn that I intend on using for surgery if need be. It seems like in this world that's the only option for people like myself
I’m not going to offer any self-help “please like yourself” encouragement, but I do hope that you find peace
Thank you, I really appreciate it
Why would you ever go to those lengths for someone else?
I did an experiment once. I had identical bios on 2 apps and I hid my face on one. I found the one where I didn’t show my appearance got exponentially more likes and messages, but once they saw my face, I was rejected. Some ghosted and some were just honest and said they weren’t attracted to me physically or I wasn’t their type. Sometimes it’s as simple as you don’t have much appeal physically.
Shits painful man. Gay guys are into me plenty but apparently something about my appearance makes me repulsive to the opposite sex.
My heart aches for you that you feel repulsive to the opposite sex. I’m glad to know you are in therapy. Please learn to truly love yourself before you seek approval from others.
Thank you for your comforting comment.
Some of us just are suited to online dating. We have much better luck irl. Having said that, I have a photographer friend who is going to do a photo shoot for me FOC because she thinks I just need better pics.
Never ask someone why they are not interested in you, because that makes you look desperate and already invested deeply in the person when you haven't even met them in person. When I used OLD if a guy sent me more pictures and they did not match what he had on his profile yes I said no im not interested. Any guy that asked why gave me stage 5 clinger red flag vibes.
You don't need to know why they rejected you, don't dwell on it.
Also be honest are the pictures you send them the same pictures you are using on your profile? Why are they asking you for pictures?
You're right. But at that point though I've already been rejected and there's no downside to them knowing I'm desperate (other than to my ego). I put on a pretty good facade otherwise. My life looks good on paper, the reality is.. well you can see my post history.
Just because a guy gives clinger vibes doesn't mean they're a bad person, doesn't mean they have ill intentions, etc. I say this as someone that actively resists giving clinger vibes, because I know how unattractive it is.
>Just because a guy gives clinger vibes doesn't mean they're a bad person, doesn't mean they have ill intentions, etc.
You don't get it though, you NEVER want to give a girl clinger vibes. When you do that 99% of the time you get rejected. The main thing is the girl was not interested and you need to leave it at that and move on.
No offense but you kinda remind me of a guy who I was talking to on a dating app before I met my boyfriend. We started talking for about 15 minutes and I felt uncomfortable and was not interested so I unmatched. Literally a minute later he messages me on another site asking why I unmatched, I got creeped out and blocked him. Don't be that dude just don't.
After looking at your post history you need to find a good therapist and talk about your issues before getting on any dating sites.
I never gave any clinger vibes until I was already rejected due to my photos. I am entirely aware of how unattractive neediness is.
Order of events:
1 no clinger vibes
2 girl is interested, asks for photos, provides her cell#
3 photos sent
4 rejected immediately
5 clinger vibes (because it doesn't matter at this point i was already rejected)
I can understand why you blocked that guy, but again, I don't see why you couldn't have told him he came off as clingy. It would've really helped him look at himself and fix himself so he might have better luck finding a relationship in the future.
>I never gave any clinger vibes until I was already rejected due to my photos.
Doesn't matter when you gave clinger vibes point was you gave them. You need to stop dwelling on the fact that someone rejected you because this is going to affect you in the long term when it comes to dating.
The guy I blocked wasn't clingy he was making uncomfortable with the sexual talk. If a girl feels uncomfortable with the guy she is talking with she owes him nothing and can absolutely unmatch with no explanation.
So are you saying I got rejected because of my photos or because of clinger vibes?
I absolutely agree you have the right to do what you want, I'm just saying you could do things to help the other person. If he's an asshole then by all means unmatch instantly.
> I'm just saying you could do things to help the other person.
If you have not met in person and decide you are not interested you owe the other person nothing. Having that kind of entitlement that early is alarming
Yes. Like I said, YOU OWE THEM NOTHING.
Its not entitlement whatsoever.
It is possible to help other people out, out of the goodness in your heart, without owing them anything.
> I’m just saying you could do things to help the other person.
You literally just said that, and that’s entitlement
I said "could" which is completely different than "obligated to".
I have zero entitlement towards other people helping me, but if they leave me in the dust unnecessarily then yeah, I think they're a shallow trash person.
If you don't care about helping people or you will only help someone when you OWE them something that's between you and god. Really transactional. It takes very little effort to make someone else's day.
Just because you say it’s not entitlement, doesn’t make it not entitlement.
I suppose if you were starving, homeless, on the side of the road and someone (with food) told you that you're not entitled to food you would be ok with that right?
They would be correct, you aren't entitled to their food.
Just because they're correct, doesn't make them a good person. They're a trash person.
Im not entitled to any response after being ghosted. But I can easily judge this behavior as shitty behavior by an uncaring individual. Just because it's commonly done, doesn't make it any less shitty.
Looking at your profile, you are MtF trans, do they know that before seeing your pics?
I am pre- everything, I look like a straight male.
And is it straight males that are ghosting you upon seeing your pics?
No... I like chicks or gay guys. I can completely understand why a straight male would ghost me.
Happens to me all the time, welcome to the club we have jackets
I would like a XXL please.
1. Some people won't like you. That's ok. Others will.
2. Accept that people ghost on OLD.
It's only natural for women and even men to lose interest if the face is not to their liking. Very few care care about the personality, regardless of what they say, unless there is a physical attraction first. If the best part of you is your personality, I suggest withdrawing from the online game entirely and starting a friendship with like-minded people which leads to a relationship. It's more likely to be a very long term relationship.
However, many people whose faces weren't particularly heavenly have made up for it by improving the things which can be helped: the physique. If you have a good body, most women will ignore the face.
Yeah. It just blows my mind because I never realized my face was ugly to the point of hindering my access to companionship. I've never been outright called ugly. I wish I knew exactly what it was about my face so I could fix it with plastic surgery, as I have the money. The problem is nobody wants to think of themselves as shallow so they will never tell me exactly what's up with my face.
Yea happens alot to me as well your not the only soccer mom 😭😭😭
i always thought i wanted to be told why a guy wasnt into me till i sent pics to a guy and he had his "mum" message me and say he would never be with me and he was dissolving the relationship. Ok well didnt say why exactly but i think i would have preffered to be ghosted
We need more info here OP
Post your picture anonymously (use a throwaway) and get advice.
I take horrible selfies and photos. There's almost no photos of me in the last 5 years.
Don't bother asking why, 99 times out of 100 it's something to do with personal preference that is way out of your control. There's very little you can do, if anything, to get them to change their minds. It's just not worth the time and energy.
Its not that I want them to change their minds, because i know they won't.
Its more for if they see something obvious about myself that I'm missing, I wish they would tell me so I can work on it.
That's just it; what they see about you that you don't is probably something that you're not going to be able to do much about. It could be a matter of they're looking for someone who looks exactly like Brad Pitt did back in the '90s, or they prefer someone more extroverted than introverted. You could try changing your personality but then again you wouldn't be really you anymore now would you?
This was awhile ago. I was talking to someone as i was fishing. I wound up catching a big fish. She sounded excited for me. I asked her if i could call her back in 5 minutes while i unhook the fish and snap a quick pick. Got a text from her in two minutes later saying congrats on your catch. Then asked if she could see a pic. Something in the back of my head said this wont end well. See it was hot as heck that day and on top of this i was wearing bummy clothes since i was fishing. Yea i sent the pic but knowing in the back of my head it wouldnt be a good idea. Called her back as i said i would she never answered and never heard back from her.
Which brings me to my point. If this has happened more than twice i would have a friend take new photos. Also be weary of pic collectors. Also i have a rule that i wont send more than 1 photo because of said pic collectors or people been vain.
I agree, I recently had that happen to me. We chatted for a few months, a exchanged pictures and videos etc... met for coffee, were making plans to meet again the next week once she worked out here schedule. Last message I got was "I'll respond as soon as I can". Then nothing would answer any of my messages. I just wanted to know what it was that happened... so I don't repeat it again- assuming it was something I did. For all I know her SO found out. Which would suck... but at least I would have some closure.
It's because most women can't stand honesty about certain things. When I didn't find a girl attractive enough I say that we didn't click (although we did), because they rather hear I don't find them interesting enough then that they hear 'you are not attractive enough'.
But what apps are you on that you can't see your pictures up front?
no one ever says you are too skinny, not in 2021. the number of skinny people as a percentage is small and getting smaller.
Either you lied about your appearance in your profile or they are collecting photos (weirdo or blackmailer).
No need to send photos if you use good photos in your profile that are accurate, exhaustive.
Stop trying to date without pictures of yourself.
I don’t even pursue them if they ghost me. You are not going to get an answer and you are just prolonging your misery. I also send my picture as one of the firsts post so that if they don’t like me then it is over and done quickly.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but as many on here have already commented, attraction plays a big role in the level of intent people have when it comes to developing a relationship. I'm a male and I notice that a lot of women tend not to show pics of themselves on dating sites. In most cases I guess it's for their safety, or not wanting to be seen by someone who knows them, but I normally scroll right past those profiles or don't choose them, simply because I don't want to be guilty of doing to someone exactly what you stated was done to you. And you are right. It would be good if the other person communicated why they seemed to lose interest, but unfortunately in most cases, they're not even interested enough to do that afterward for fear of possible retaliation from the other person or hurting the other person's feelings. However, as you are pointing out, feelings are hurt no matter what.
I myself have been ghosted and I've actually been called "fine/sexy" by a few people who I think may need to have their eyes checked, but I know that the ghosting doesn't necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with me or with the way I look. I mentally narrow it down to attraction. To help a bit, I will use my own example of this. Beyonce Knowles is someone we all know. And who the world thinks is beautiful. I also think she is beautiful, but for some reason I have never been "attracted" to her. I think she's pretty, but that's about it. If I ever saw her on a dating site I would probably scroll right past her. However, Kelly Roland, who we also all know and love is my type. I think she is gorgeous and I am 100% attracted to her. I'd watch Destiny's Child videos just to see her come on screen.
Then there have been people who I have know personally, that I was initially not physically attracted to, but after getting to know them I developed small crushes on them. I still didn't pursue the crush due to the lack of attraction or simply not to mess up the friendship or make things awkward, but I use that to say that segway into saying that you shouldn't interpret their ghosting as you being too ugly or even needing to change.... At least not a need to change based on their standard or view of what about you needs to change, but you should decide to change based on things about yourself that you may have always wanted to improve. Maybe, you're not good a applying make up, so you never wear it. Maybe you can watch a video on how to apply make up. Or maybe you've always wanted to fix or cut your hair a certain way. Maybe you can give it a try. Everything you do should be about making you feel better about yourself first and eventually you will find the person who appreciates that.
I usually hear people say they ghost because it’s easier than explaining to the person why you’re not interested in them. More than likely the reason is because you’re not that attractive to them but sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with your appearance.
I'll give you some constructive thoughts if you want. No harshness here, my dms are open if you wanna talk about it and vent through your thoughts.
Most OLD apps require some kind of picture so I wonder what you're using.
When it comes to ghosting, I thought about it like this.
Does someone who I barely know and who doesn't know me owe me an explanation of why they don't want to see me again?
Does that person's opinion of what you need to do to self improve mean it'll get better for you? Because you can do what they say, but it may not guarantee you chemistry with the next person.
Dating is trial and error...
Listen people are strange I KNOW I'm pretty I posted a photo the other day on snap with no makeup n a guy unfriended me people are strange lol
So if one guy/girl says he/she hates your nose, will you have rhinoplasty?
And if another hates your hair color, will you color it?
You should accept yourself and not depend on the opinions of strangers.
Be the best version of yourself that you feel you should be. Your sense of self has nothing to do with others. Also, it's their right to not like you, just as it's yours to not like them.
seeing your picture after texting?