T O P
roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >I drink at least 20 oz of redbull every day, am the most depressed I’ve been since I was 15, got ghosted 2 months ago and have been crying almost every day. I also own a taxidermied possum. Eviscerate me! --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


Suckmyfalcon

You look like you’re being held at gun point and I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to help.


assgasket420

She looks like she's been held at gunpoint and said "I'll suck you off for a bump."


[deleted]

Ahaha


payley1

Ahahahaha


[deleted]

Ha ha!


JackeDaytonasToeNife

Cosplaying as the Olsen twin during her druggie phase?


waffen123

I've seen chicken wings with more meat on them.


spudsicle

Looks more like a mild stroke to me.


RedditHivemindMaster

Lmao, I'm glad I'm not the only one that saw the Olsen in her...


GilbertGilbert13

I get the sense you have a lot of one dollar bills in your purse


Gorilla69125

You mean the Crown Royal bag she uses as a purse.


payley1

A crown royal bag would spice up a lot of my outfits


ridethelightning47

It would be better if you emptied all the things out of the Crown Royal bag and put it over your head.


intelbox

I feel bad for your phone camera


IamYodaBot

**bad for your phone camera, i feel.** *-intelbox* *** ^(Commands: 'opt out', 'delete')


th3netw0rk

Good bot


[deleted]

Ignore the haters YodaBot. Keep up the good work.


End-of-sanity

You remind me of a chick I once slept with who got naked, jumped into bed and pulled the covers up under her chin.


payley1

Then we’ve definitely slept together


End-of-sanity

No . Definately not. You look like an alpaca with that long neck. I would remember that.


th3netw0rk

You sure you didn’t do any community service last year?


__Bugiardo__

Better get ready to drink some water first. You look like a thirsty horse.


kluglater

it is spelled whore not horse


Danburg0516

You're so skinny, Starving kids in Africa are sending you food.


WhatProtomolecule

If she skips one more meal there is a chance she could be doing some ghosting of her own very shortly.


payley1

Hahahahaha


TheOnlyTomes

Thank you for the insightful picture of an excavated Pompeii victim.


CommunityAvailable35

It was that exact statement which resulted in a diagnosis of HIV


funnyAmero

That was a hilarious statement


lukas5549

How can someone look 60 while smoking 3 packs a day but also look like an elementary school teacher


payley1

This is a good one


AyooBinoo

I’m literally sitting here trying to read this sign backwards and up side down, to look for a secret code that’s says help me or something. Because you look like an battered woman.


funkie-doobie

Is it me, but all i see is a wall and a mirror?


Unenthusiasticly

I see a herpes sore on the right side of her mouth


MonoRedFaeries

She swears it's a birth mark.


get_in_the_trunk

She told me it was a spinbrush malfunction


Noyzi_Smurff

Ay you built like a Minecraft skeleton irl


JustAnotherPyroMain

Your skinny pencil neck could fit in the hand of a lego figure


DidIAskForCheese

Ready to be roasted? You look like you're ready to be trafficked.


rjsthird

Look like your elevator neck has taken your head to the sixth floor.


xtnuser

Like when you see an old, empty Aquafina bottle that's had half the air squeezed out of it and then had the cap put back on in that condition.


kleptobismol

the only reason she doesn't swallow is because of the calories


UdooUboo

She likes the D. Just not Vitamin D.


RiverLazy679

If herpes was a somewhat hot chick


Pale-Ad1893

You r ready to be toasted


LaMasse31

You look like the person who love to be insulted just to feel something, because depression doesn't feel like you're alive


UdnasNavzar

Are you sure you didn't want to write "held captive for 20 days, no food, pls help"


Diligent_Delivery_66

This photo looks like the thumbnail of an apology video for stabbing her boyfriend for breaking her nail polish


juliasrmnts

Your top makes you look naked and I think we’d all collectively pass


Dogfish1313

And here we have the girl that has exhausted every ounce of attention from every known individual and now is being roasted to continue filling the void/beast!


payley1

You nailed it


Dogfish1313

Thanks- it’s seems like it’s a bit of a common occurrence in here.


Rick-burp-Sanchez

Into what? Bone soup?


notyourusualsaturday

I prefer my bone broth without any hints of meth


amradio1989

Try getting sunlight..


jrich44360

If you remove the paper, it would be just as flat.


Tiny-Lack-3769

Guys, she’s just trying to shrink her head to protect that wobbly neck


MassGootz

Undeniable Proof that taking ones photo steals their soul.


AR-BiTross

I really like your green neckalce around your neck, it really lets your pale-bland-basic style...POP.


dominodreams

That face just screams "sad handjobs at discount prices".


sliteyejuls

You look like you touch little children.


RubydaCherry24

I didn’t know a potato stick could use a computer


emptyraft

Looks like some defrosted another neanderthal.


thatguyfris

After we are done roasting you will you be sure to eat it so you can put on some weight


kevingharvey

Carey Mulligan, 99 cent store edition.


whateverluli

i dont think it's worth it to roast you... we will starve


sugardaddy_rochester

Light your meth lab on fire


Klewenisms204

fat ally mcbeal


Scott6700

My friend said he has never seen someone look so dead, and he worked recovering bodies from 9/11.


BalloonKnotAstronaut

You look like your answer to swallowing a lot of dicks was to go vegan.


Aiyah223

The lights is looking brighter than your future.


MonoRedFaeries

Coming to r/roastme after updating your only fans isn't going to help you *feel something*


ScaleStrict8142

If you skip another meal you will be a skeleton


elonsghost

Meth sure keeps your figure thin.


[deleted]

You look like you ready for a big mac. I bet if you swallowed a marble you'd look 9 months pregnant.


littlebabyhands03

I dont care what your mom told you. Posting here won't find you a man


overimportance

You look like you get mad when people don't say goodbye to you personally at parties.


Papichuloft

Looking like an anorexic discount Calista Flockhart....and the real bitch is already too skinny.


ehdeeaitchdee

Spoiler alert: The ceiling fan won't work. Find a sturdy beam


simba5674

Please eat some food


spooksperson

She looks... narcoleptic... 😐


funkbait

Tori Amos without the talent.


HangmanJohnRuth

Elizabeth Olsen is now playing the beige witch in the bland avengers


[deleted]

Look directly up. That’s your one and only fan in this life.


TheTranquilOne

You're the kind of girl that insists on going dutch, then complains to your girlfriend's how cheap your date was.


Jewesph

Lookin like a crack fiend out here...


Natural-Candy7149

Go roast a chicken and eat it. Way too thin lookin.


sundayroastthrowaway

She's so dumb she thinks OnlyFans involves taking pictures of herself with a fan in the background.


waterdaemon

You look like you write devastating Yelp reviews of every restaurant you have ever been to


Valuable-Baked

Man Lara Trump will do ANYTHING for votes


enygma9753

I'm thinking you get roasted every spring and summer in direct sunlight and burst into flames like a vampire between May - Sept.


Pyrophobia99

If you look at the ceiling, you will see the only high light of her life.


ExistentialClutter

Careful, looks like that collarbone might slip out at any moment


mcxxv

“1-800-Cymbalta”


Snoo-68727

Could do with a good pan of scouse.


jakepack6111

Maybe one day you’ll stop throwing up after every meal..


CarbonRunner

Roasted? Your so boney that 30 seconds on a toaster oven set to warm and you're well done.


Zoriene25

Would you rather I roast you some chicken?


payley1

I’d love some


Tobi-cast

Didn’t Know someone could look more plain than flour


Iseeurmombyvalkcams

Covering ur chest by that paper doesn't hide the fact that u r flat asf. Nice try honey!


Twentynickels

I can see your adams apple


highfatoffaltube

You look like you're halfway through a desructive meth habit.


[deleted]

Cheer up, you’ve got a bright future of being a crossing guard. As the stop sign.


[deleted]

No you arent, you need to gain like 40 pounds first.


payley1

I have a normal BMI! 🤪


[deleted]

Oh i thought we were talking about BBQ, sorry.


payley1

That is fair, I wouldn’t be my first choice to barbecue either


SnooEagles6930

I am guessing your finger is the only thing you like to put in your mouth


EaterOfTheBees

Calista Flockhart beats anorexia, everyone!


Subject_Masterpiece7

You look like a more cracked out version of Courtney love


Herr_Poopypants

It looks like the bulimia is really going well for you, so hurray


Glittering-Tie3416

Ghostbusters should be there any minute now, to take your skinny ass wraith face away.


illegitimate_Raccoon

This page took forever to load. Now I wish it hadn't.


Pearl_is_gone

You look like someone who wanted to look like a young Nicole Kilmun but then ended up looking like a a prematurely aged Nicole Kidman instead


rsgriffin

Roasted must be her safe word


[deleted]

One push to the wall and you’re dead


Milwdoc

You need to be ready to eat a cheeseburger


JackZodiac2008

Morticia Addams went blonde & disapproves of your choices.


payley1

I have a morticia Addams tattoo!


Odd_Conference_5342

Not sure if that’s a piece of paper or you wrote “roast me” on your flat af chest


tcap5225

I mean, an index card probably would have hid them too, but I understand


TheGratefulPhred

What the fuck is wrong with your earlobes


HelpfulDoubleHJ

Wrong place lady, you look like you should be in NSFW.


mazaballs

Need help with your bulimia?


Fun_Dip_Dry_Rip

You really escaped the sex dungeon and the first thing you do is post on reddit?


gentryadams

You look like you have black teeth


payley1

Just yellow!


Mau_Pat

If you were my stepsis and stuck in a dryer, I'd definitely turn it on.


husqvarna576

I can’t tell if you are Sharon Stone on meth or Fabio on meth


whodrankalltherum

I made that same face during my last prostate exam.


saltzja

Flat chested basket cases lining up to be roasted... ”treat me like the trash I am, fuck me and leave like daddy did.”


bigga14u

Now I know where the saying, "I boned her..." Comes from.


-Azrael-Blick-

You look like one of those chicks that peaked too early and hasn’t quite accepted it yet.


RobotXenu

Idk what's thinner your neck or your hair?


No-Control5487

You look like the equivalent of a washed up, old flimsy dollar someone found in their pants pocket after doing laundry.


ninobrown79

Bitch you should be ready for a cheeseburger and some sunlight cause those are the two things you are lacking


Affectionate-Day6161

She’s so horrific that the color on the walls of that room fled in fear.


kiefknifing

Wear a yellow shirt tomorrow if you need help...


WhatProtomolecule

What scares off men quicker? Finding your taxidermied possum or seeing how stuffed your beaver is.?


Smasher96

Are you trying to hide your tflat tits?


cheekytikiroom

Exhumed. The term is exhumed, not roasted.


toccopizza4499

Glad rehab worked out for you. Stay off the coke and take care.


Rod_Thick

Looks like you been getting roasted for 48 years now.


Zero-2-Sixty

Her ceiling fan is off so she doesn’t blow the cocaine off the Walmart coffee table


zealousesq

yeah I'd ghost you too...


Holdthemuffins

Decent taxidermy job, but where's your picture?


rakknoss

For some reason u remind me of off brand glue


Anteater-Moist

Are you 20 or 50 I can't tell


payley1

That’s my secret


Fiivestar13

Ur boyfriends truck is on the front lawn on blocks. He has mustard stains on his wife beater and has a mullet.


scot321

That neck is longer then my last relationship


Laugh_Forward

You look like you criticize everything a man does


DJ_Awful

Looks like your dad and uncle have beaten us to it


[deleted]

How many breaths did you take while telling yourself “I can do this” before posting this?


weswes23

Please don't do anymore heroin


rheasylvia81

Is Mischa Barton on diet pills again?


FallingforDifference

You look adorable I can’t even


Humble-C

Eat.


GuybrushLightman

how can something look like pre and post nose job at the same time ???


dcarroll633

You need to get off heroin and eat a fucking sandwich


overimportance

With the paper there it looks like youre topless. What i mean is your chest is a flat piece of paper.


Maverick_Walker

Crying won't get you much sympathy here


wrong-astronomer-916

If bulimia took a picture


[deleted]

You should swallow more often unlike your mother, who should have spat you out.


payley1

I don’t think you understand how making a baby works


iamthebrain2021

Wait. Let me guess. You were ghosted by the possum.


iamthebrain2021

Were you just spawned by your ceiling fan. “Go observe them Smegma. But remember never let them see your lizard face”


Jackhogan8491

Elizabeth No-lsen


cujo1599

Don't worry, there are many more fish in the sea. And they will all numb you to the experience of being ghosted.


iOwn2Bitcoins

Your head to body ratio is bobblehead.


iOwn2Bitcoins

After drinking that many redbulls, your pussy‘s probably as dry as that possum.


[deleted]

It’s the speedball express. BTW - Please show us your possum.


iOwn2Bitcoins

Depression is probably your most attractive feature.


getmarshall

That which doesn't die cannot ghost, so I foresee your next gentleman caller becoming as stuffed as your poor opossum.


Turd_Furgusons_Bruh

Why not! You've already been nose-ted


grizzlygawd

If you breathe in harder you might look even skinnier


javanator999

Make sure to wash your mouth out with some baking soda and water after your bulimia sessions, you don't want your teeth to go too fast.


yaboisteffert

You've been crying before this picture because you know this is the only way for people to notice you exept for your clients at the strip club


EB3031

You look as if someone just pulled you up from the bottom of Lake Tahoe and used his leftover Fentanyl to resurrect you.


Hey_Mikey8008

Bet you need to clear the air with a smudge stick or special crystal prayer anytime someone tells you they’re not loaning you more money for your kombucha venture


Eraganos

You look like you organize your shoe laces.