T O P
athomecolonoscopy

you should change her ringtone to the homedepot song for whenever she calls


_slowheat

lol i’d probably get conditioned to the sound and pop a stiffy every time a home depot commercial came on the radio


athomecolonoscopy

significantly cheaper then viagra


anon6767676767677

More saving, more doing. That's the power of The Home Depot.


Undiscriminatingness

The price of good wood is climaxing as we speak.


dreams_in_bytecodes

'pop a stiffy' is my favorite goto phrase from now on


anal_juul_inhalation

It works for nearly everything in the professional world! I started using “let’s pop a stiffy” instead of “let’s touch base” and my coworkers love it!


Djaja

Mine is one I heard yesterday. *A satchel full of Richards*


Euphoric18

I don’t see a problem here


rosco2155

Bring her lunch and bang in the break room. Problem solved. Also *BONK*


95blackz26

Take her out to one of the sheds that they sell


walterknox

And nail her


Shrappy

If she works in the lumber section, there's a "screw, bang, and nail" joke in there somewhere


6F9I

Bone Depot


xxcoopdoggxx

By that comment, I'm going to assume this relationship fell flat :/


Franklin_le_Tanklin

Go on. What’s the issue?


Maracuja_Sagrado

Does it come on often?


memerino

Pavlov’s cock


hibsta1992

Is that not supposed to happen?


notthrowaway027452

Does that not already happen for you guys?


Phreakhead

You mean you don't already?


AbsolutelyUnlikely

Change her ring tone? Doesn't that mean bleach her anus?


mlgkurd

This is an incredible joke, and I’m disappointed you don’t have more upvotes.


sirlouie75

Could also mean sphincter exercises 🤷


AlabamaH0tpocket

[well played](https://youtu.be/PSZy6lGgOcI)


mikelln

Bum-bum bum-bum


Blackwolf359

Well their theme song sounds like it should have been used on a sports highlight show from the 90’s.


CrippledHo

Nope. Just the sound of our phones. It will immediately change the mood


MrRobotTheorist

My work friends from when I used to work at Home Depot every single one of them the ringtone is Home Depot.


Downtown-Travel9993

You finessed this one, hats off to you


No-job-no-money

OP, I'm Hats off to you 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8=✊=====D 😣8==✊====D 😣8===✊===D 😣8====✊==D 😣8=====✊=D 😣8====✊==D 😣8===✊===D 😣8==✊====D 😣8=✊=====D 😫8✊======D💦💦 **To stave off premature ejaculation, stop thinking about your mom.**


buttplugpeddler

Who takes that long to jizz?


Disco_Ninjas

How long does it take you to get 12 thrusts?


[deleted]

One, twoooo, threeeee *crunch* the world may never know


MontgomeryBillings

God I miss those days lmfao


RaptorDash

.mr owl?


press757

57 minutes alone this morning, I bullshit you not. I was pretty upset too.


Generalissimo_II

That's just abusing it, gotta stop and call it off after 15 minutes


CricketDrop

Yeah you know, I'm pretty sure there's an optimal stimulation time that doesn't agree with the EDGE FOR HOURS crowd. It's at least 15 minutes but not longer than 45. It actually feels weaker over an hour...


press757

It was forced lol


press757

I was motivated. Like on some “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can” type shit.


SasoDuck

15 mins? That's hardly anything...


CaptainFeather

Bro that's domestic abuse at that point


Astan92

More like who cums after only 12 thrusts?


Lucid-Design

Teenage boys I call bullshit on the whole “18 being a male’s sexual prime”


shady-lampshade

Based on my experience I’m saying mid thirties to mid forties


dutch_penguin

That's experience, not age. Your first time'll be shit if you're 18 or 40. By your 100th you'll hopefully have some idea what you're doing. I would say 18 definitely is prime (provided you started at 16).


Lucid-Design

You’re 18, huh?


JukeBoxDildo

And now the sobbing!


ZeroProz

Not for op


smallmouth-bigmouth

i barely passed math this year but this is a sinusoidal function righttttt?


milk4all

Getting DNA all over his post


harassmaster

What’s great about this comment is it’s just like jerking off. You start moving slowly and then super fast just to get through it.


johnsonvilleBrowurst

My favorite part is the hand doesn’t reach the base until ejaculation. Your handywork is superb. True craftsmanship.


PippyLongSausage

What a stupid fucking waste of space comment.


Desertbro

Bring your drill.


SongbirdManafort

This job calls for a jackhammer


Interamphibian

Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable


AntsOnALogg

thank you Dwight


shady-lampshade

Dwigt


muchacho7734

Dwgt


zlaw32

I just hope they have an extra screw


j4ckbauer

When someone reposts this they probably won't copy the title correctly


[deleted]

Mmm that girl works at Home Depot?? Looks like no more Lowe’s for me


IridiumXXI

In my experience, Home Depot has the hotties, straight up.


ENGR_ED

In my area, Menards is where they're at.


IridiumXXI

Coo, yeah, I'm familiar with Menards. We don't have those where I'm at. I'm in Austin Texas, we have a grocery chain here called H.E.B and that's the place that really has the most attractive women. When it comes to Lowes or Home Depot, at least in San Antonio and Austin I pick Home Depot everytime.


MrSelophane

HEB gets all the hotties


SelfDelet

Not HEB in Houston I can tell you that much


MrSelophane

Austin master race *hair flick*


IridiumXXI

Austin and San Antonio HEB always has hot females!


Frigid-Beezy

I said heb instead of H.E.B. for an embarrassingly long time. The shame. The shaaaaaaame!


IridiumXXI

Lol, I did that when I first moved to San Antonio 😂


ChrlieTngoFxtrotOscr

When you come across a Publix, same vibe


Yaboymarvo

HEB or Target for sure.


IridiumXXI

I agree with that! Hell where I'm at in Austin, and you might not believe this because it's sounds outrageous, even my closest Walmart has cute girls working there.


darkshadow120

Yeah I noticed this WTF! And they all seem to be cashiers.


ActualWhiterabbit

Shave big monkeys shave big monkeys at my nards


almenjr

I work at HD and can confirm, the hotties work here. Lol.


brando56894

Yeah, I remember going to home depot one time with my dad and saw this beautiful brunette working there and I was like "what are you doing here??".


IridiumXXI

Lol, I think the same thing everytime I go in there


Interamphibian

Good pay good company easy job no skills required Plus once you get a reputation as a good place to work you get better... Choice of applicants Check out costco as well


McLuvin208

What does a pirate say when he gets hit in the nuts? Arghh!! Menards! …..I’ll see myself out


IridiumXXI

Don't leave, you're the guest of honor! Shit this made me laugh!


drumrockstar21

Worked at home depot, can confirm


IridiumXXI

I'm starting to think they have a hot girl policy that if they hire a hot girl and hot girl leaves or quits they have to replace her with a girl that is just as hot or hotter. Because I have been in there, thinking, "dope, I hope that one girl is working" and when I don't see her, I see some new hot girl that I hadn't seen before, and I'm like "damn, I need to get a job here for real!", "The hiring manager is on fire! Give him a raise!"


drumrockstar21

I...I hate it because it's super accurate, and the HR at my store was a grumpy old lady


KongKev

Upvote cause true


thegoatfreak

I work at Home Depot. Can confirm. Am hottie.


Exmerus

How is it possible that beautiful girls work at those places? In my country all girls who work on places like that are 5's or so.


RemCogito

I worked for Home depot for one year around 12 years ago. The hot women that I worked with there, were either in university, or looking to meet self employed/management level tradesmen. In my area, there are lots of small construction contracting companies with 5 or 10 workers. in companies that size it was usually the boss's job to do the shopping, and it would give them an opportunity to flirt. in the year I worked there, 6 of the 20 or so cashiers started dating regular customers. 3 of them I still have on facebook, and all three ended up married to small business owners. 1 is now divorced and still working there. the other 2 seem happy enough helping their husbands and taking care of the children, and no longer work for home depot.


Interamphibian

Lol based Midwestern mating strategy


[deleted]

I mean, it's not a bad approach, most of them are on decent money and it's either a guy who is well organised and works hard, or someone who's dad subcontracts to them, which you can usually tell pretty quickly.


Interamphibian

Nope not bad hahaha. I'm genuinely complimenting the idea


[deleted]

True, hidden upside, you get to see how they interact with service workers before a date haha


Interamphibian

Hot service workers they want to fuck, so not really helpful lol


[deleted]

Was more referring to their co workers lol


IridiumXXI

Sorry, to hear that bro. Come to Texas! I work at a strip club so I see beautiful women all the time.


[deleted]

Lowe’s by me has rad punk chicks working there, so that’s where I go.


IridiumXXI

Yeah, I imagine it's different everywhere. In Austin and San Antonio it's definitely Home Depot over Lowe's, but H.E.B. our major grocery is where it really is, not to mention the female customers that go in.


Talkingmice

Take my drunk updoot you Lowe’s hating genius!


Peachmuffin91

Hoe Depot


KDao18

If you’re from Canada, Canadian Tire creates some beautiful women!


PictureMost8297

Where the rubber hits the hoed?


iWasAwesome

Not in my city


Dark_Vengence

Sadly no home depot in australia.


[deleted]

Don’t sweat it mate something tells me this chick doesn’t actually work at Home Depot


Dark_Vengence

There are hot checkout chicks though.


lilacmacchiato

very good. Haven't seen one this good in a while.


etkoppy

Imma write that me down


_slowheat

hahaha i hope it serves you well


dob_bindi

Can someone please explain this. I guess I'm OOTL


plastix3000

Same. Guess you have to be American?


BartholomewBibulus

Also not American but before I check I would guess the slogan of Home Depot is more saving, more doing. Or something like that


fucktthat

More saving, more doing, that's the power of the home depot


BartholomewBibulus

Ah makes sense


redneckleatherneck

You’re correct. “More saving, more doing. That’s the power of the Home Depot.” Also for anyone who isn’t American and might not know, Home Depot is a chain of hardware stores.


BiggerDamnederHeroer

This is a fucking ad


IIdsandsII

And all the comments in here are part of the campaign


BiggerDamnederHeroer

Yup


D_forn

Do you guys really believe this or is it sarcasm I can never tell


BiggerDamnederHeroer

Yes, I really believe it. One of the reasons people have a hard time spotting sincerity is because of advertising schlock like this.


gameboicarti1

Greatest Home Depot line ever crafted


Odd_Conference_5342

Hoe Depot


ShredableSending

And she's a babe too.


GeneralJapery

"This is the best one yet" ad infinitum.


_slowheat

you mean i’m not special?


Royal-Scientist8559

Then there's the other slogan of theirs: "Let's DO THIS!"


TheWhiteWalkerSpeaks

So this is what they call a Price Match? Idk never been to Home Depot


QuarantineSucksALot

Idk what’s all still there


[deleted]

Oh man. That's better than mine! My new fwb works at Home Depot, in the garden section...I asked her if she was responsible for the unpacking the fertilizer loads when they came in. She said "yes." And I asked her if I could fertilize her with a load when it comes in...too much? Apparently not, she'll be here in at couple hours.


LlamaJacks

this is hilarious lol


Honest-Apricot6086

As a Home Depot employee, I am stealing this.


kobear403

[WAP Depot](https://youtu.be/WsLQuSQ5c-w)


[deleted]

If someone replies to you at 9:28 am, you’re in a good spot.


Dark_Vengence

Damn you must handsome.


rocharox

Her pic is gorgeous. I hope she looks like that or better


boomboomraccoon

Reality is often disappointing


Deez_who

Did you smash tho


[deleted]

No. They just on tinder to (briefly) entertain them


Low_Fondant9911

This is some of the slickest shit I've ever seen 🤘


Daft_Prince

Girls that look like that here in Vegas ain’t workin at home depot I’ll tell you that. Lock her down bruh


Unidan_how_could_you

Son I know these corny lines not getting y’all sex.


_slowheat

maybe not, but it is getting me reddit upvotes


xanielgreen4

Bravo 👏🏾


kid-17

I guess whores DO care about lumber


ShockAndBallTorture

God tier game


Acceptable-Mousse832

damn, very well played


bag0995

Lmao this is great dude, you def getting the buns


labonnesauce

Can we have an update plz!!!


MeatnCheeze

Honestly… i’m surprised at the amount of babes that work at HD. Is that like in the operations manual?


BroccoliRobCornell

I’m pretty sure you have to be attractive to work in the store, everyone else works in the lot


Placeboy0

i dont get it. is it an american thing?


KaniWeston

I work @ HD too


pinkbasement

Nice work mate


throwawy987423

You are flirting with a dude


NotMyRealName90210

I'm calling bullshit. I've never walked into a Home Depot and seen someone this hot work there.


PanelJudge

Bravo


Gnostromo

At the point of insertion "I hope you brought your check boom....you work at home Depot, you know this wood is expensive "


90s_Brand_Sarcasm

Nice work, my guy! Hope she's cool!


mmoo7114

I LOLed with friends for a minute. Legendary.


Trunidadscorpion

Garbage pick up line.


ZippZappZippty

she’ll be fine


cupcakesloth94

Ayy when’s the wedding?


zvcix

If I had an award, it’d be yours!


spongebobs_spatula

I feel like she’s way too hot to work at Home Depot. My experience there all the women look like men and all the men look like lesbian women.


adumb20something

Kudos, sir


Dinonuggie420

E


epic_pig

So did you "get on the tools", as they say?


BanceLomance

I see the Tinder posts all the time. Don't get me wrong. Most are great. But I have to wonder. Is anyone getting laid?


suktupbutterkup

obviously not, they’re too busy giving each other high fives.


lordodtheidiots

I wish I knew how/could afford to give you an award


BigSweatyYeti

She’s the hottest Home Depot employee I’ve ever seen…


mordsy

I would even give you a shot with that one! ☝️


bionerdsupreme

That was so damn smooth.


SpookeyClown

did this lead to getting laid?


redveinlover

On what planet is there a Home Depot with even one employee that looks like that?


Vegetable_Diet_6447

When she’s say 10/10 when he pay for me tho


so_it_goes90

As a side note, singe worst job I’ve ever had was working at Home Depot


Subject-Monitor-6241

Favorite line, really?


Farmerwill420

She’s just a home deephoe


kantowrestler

She looks like a supermodel


Excellent-Pumpkin176

youre clearly creative and all, but you still need to know how to f3ck. ​ She clearly looks like a model bro, she'll need more than words.


DwightsEgo

Damn someone is jealous they ain't matching with the Home Depot Hotties


_slowheat

what is sex?


DaGreataFoo

I have NO DOUBT that's her real picture.


ZuraKatsu

She ruined it by responding


Jamesdoink

😂😂😂


TurdFerguson0526

👏👏👏 well done mate


lucutes5th

Gay