T O P

Atta boy, you have her now.

Atta boy, you have her now.

horseaholic2010

I wish I was a man purely so I can use that line


LexieSinclair

I intend to use it but replace the ‘I’ with you’


NyiatiZ

Just go the extra mile and say „because I had to get breakfast“


SnooShortcuts9526

Lmaoo!!!


FadedGhost516

You can be anything in this world.. just look at bruice Jenner


AsclepiusSonOfApollo

You misspelled Caitlyn


CantStonkWontStonk

and “bruice” for good measure


VonDasmarck

weirdo


jonjonesjohnson

Is cumming into socks an American thing? Fr


plutosdad

I don't get it. I always use tissue, not towels or socks. I have Kleenex right there


isjahammer

It's propably to hide it from parents. They would know if you are using lots of kleenex all the time even though you aren't sick... Socks get washed (usually) so u just do that and hope That your parents are stupid enough to not notice...


Zero_Mehanix

Not to notice a sock able to stand on its own?


snoburn

How much cum you got bro


Zero_Mehanix

Not a lot but I make up for it with entusiasm and a lot of a masturbation


PEEWUN

Atta boy!


SarixInTheHouse

Average cumshot is 1.25ml to 5ml. Assuming he cums every day, thats ~500ml to ~1800 ml of cum each year


Krunchy_Almond

I just realised how many dreams I've flushed down the toilet....


InEenEmmer

Someone was wondering about this so much that they actually researched a sizable amount of samples to get to the fact it would be 1.25 to 5ml…


Skyrim_For_Everyone

r/theydidthemath


themememan6

Dare I ask?


HoomanOnFire

Not enough


m0nstr5oul

Just go to the toilet


throwawaymollyact

Than you'll only come when you can see water In porcelain


jershdahersh

And end up devoping a fetish possibly


Floppydisksareop

Can't relate, am always sick.


smurb15

I know bro it sucks *cough cough *sneeze sneeze


LUCKY_GUY_3

HAHAHAHAAHAH, and because we usually lose one sock out of a pair, it's easy to make use of that extra cloth.


Gohron

I mean, people blowing their nose isn’t unusual. Unless you’re jerking off 100 times a day, I don’t think a few tissues in the trash can are going to be setting anybody off


isjahammer

I don´t know about your nose but i only blow my nose when i either have a cold or it´s pretty cold outside. Not every day in the summer.


Gohron

My nose has ran constantly since as far back as I can remember (literally, my clearest memories of early childhood involve snot and blowing noses) and my oldest child is that way too. I wouldn’t say it’s anywhere near the majority but a lot of folks are like that.


coolmanjack

Whats so hard about using toilet paper, flushing it down the toilet, and then taking a shower. People who masturbate without showering after are disgusting.


GuyCasual

You blasting loads on yourself?


Flopster711

Word


plutosdad

When I was a kid Id shove the paper into the bottom of the garbage. A sock would guarantee I'd get caught


MeyoMix

Does the kleenex get stuck to your dick and then you have to spend 5 minutes picking off the paper? If so, then using a sock or rag that won't get stuck to you makes at least a little sense.


SarixInTheHouse

What about kitchen towels. Like the big paper tissue rolls. They can suck up a lot of liquid andthey dont stick to your dick like that or at least dont rip since its just one thick layer


rynaco

I just eat it


RattleSnakeNate

I just use the toilet and flush them bad boys away. They'll eventually be cashed sea creatures...


NichollasHunter

i just cum on my underwear...


coolmanjack

God I hope you're joking. So fucking gross.


NichollasHunter

No one ever told me where im supposed to cum


coolmanjack

Not in your clothes. This shouldn't need to be said. It's very simple. Clean up with toilet paper, then throw that in toilet and flush, then take a shower and thoroughly clean any cum off of yourself. The fact that there are people who masturbate without showering afterwards is absolutely insane to me.


HiMillyBaysHere

I don’t know what kind of loads you’re blowing that you need to rinse off your whole body dude but god damn I bet it feels good


coolmanjack

What? What part of anything I said implies that your whole body needs to be rinsed? If it were possible to effectively wash just your crotch area, then that would be good. Unfortunately, that is not possible. I know that you're messing with me, but this is still very stupid regardless. You can't exactly wash just your crotch, because you wouldn't properly be able to scrub it with soap and water, and so the cum wouldn't be able to leave. Beyond that, if you did try just washing your crotch, the water would mix with the cum and drip all over your legs, thus covering them in cum-contaminated water. Try to think before you say some dumb shit.


HiMillyBaysHere

Damn bro you take your batin’ seriously


coolmanjack

What are you talking about? Do you think I'm baiting? I have diagnosed OCD, and the thought of masturbating without showering is unconscionable. I have never once considered it.


b1ackcat

You are spare parts, aren't ya, bud?


big_red_160

Kleenex falls apart too easily


PEEWUN

Layer the Kleenex?


Sir_Scizor20

Kleenex? That shit should just stick to everything and fall apart, the fuck? Nah, towels/rags work best. Socks itself you have one without a match.


DM__boobs

Tissues? How little cum you got bro?


plutosdad

Not just one. You can use a bunch. Or paper towels. Throw them out. Are you afraid of even getting a drop on you? You can use them to wipe that off too. They work for everything!


TrueComplaint8847

I’ve never understood the sock thing, first time I’ve came across it was American pie. Like how does it work? Do you just have the sock over the whole time like a condom? For what reason? Just have a towel or something ready xD


The_Karaethon_Cycle

You just hold the sock in your hand and jerk off with it. Pretty straight forward and easy to clean up. I bought some And1 socks at Walmart a few years ago that wouldn’t stop slipping off my heel, so I bought different socks and now only JO with the And1’s. What I don’t understand is how people jerk off with Kleenex.


TrueComplaint8847

I didn’t mean it as an Offenes like everyone do it how it pleases them, I just never understood the technique behind it xD I think it’s actually a country thing because the sock method seems to be more common in the us than it is in Europe Ps this is by far the weirdest but also most informative dialogue I’ve had on the internet in a while thx for enlightening me!


Lillytwist

No it’s common to have a wank sock in the uk too


JeanneD4Rk

And they dare say French people are gross...


theextracharacter

With French people I'm pretty sure it's a croissant instead of a sock


oscar-4242109743

My flaky French breakfast staple has been destroyed


theextracharacter

What's wrong with a little icing on your croissant?


lalalane76

You should've used a sock.


Pix_Me_Plz

Croissant socks? 🤔


WritersMoment

*cross socks


WritersMoment

*cross socks


Lillytwist

🤣 when in rome🤷‍♂️


Affectionate-Sky-548

Fuck a fancy Italian sock.


Brinkfl0yd

With a baguette


FadedGhost516

With a lil fettuccine on the ravioli


ConcentrateNo7090

Interesting


LarryKoofer43

Not a bad call. Bout to head to the store


TheSoulsCrusher

Lmao, also in a BAGUETTE 🥖


[deleted]

Must be why i love eclairs


LUCKY_GUY_3

hahahahahahaha


Eis_Gefluester

But croissant is an Austrian invention.


uggsandstarbux

As long as it isn't a coconut


buffaloguyRon

I believe you are looking for a European swallow?


fruitlessideas

I baguette your pardon, but yes, we dare.


Curious_Elk2648

Is it? That disgusts me and I'm UK based


Lillytwist

What do you use, your PS4?


Curious_Elk2648

Isn't that what everyone else uses?


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Lillytwist

Nah it really is , not sure I know any guys who have never used their sock to clean up their mess at some point in life. You must know the weird types who get pre prepped with lube and toilet roll.


MewtilationXIV

Nah. I just keep kleenex beside my bed for when my wife's not in the mood to help a homie out. Easy catch and clean.


Brinkfl0yd

I guess that’s one way to get your point across.


snoburn

I like my socks cum free


Affectionate-Cost525

"Common" I don't think I've ever known any guy to have one before. Obviously it's not something that comes up in conversation much but it's not something I've ever heard of apart from in jokes/stories/American teen movies. So many better options to choose from...


Lillytwist

Yea I agree loads better options but when your already in bed it’s the nearest thing available 😂


Affectionate-Cost525

Not for me it's not lol Socks are in a chest of drawers on the other side of the room. Theres a full toilet roll in the bedside table and some baby wipes in a basket on top that would be quicker and easier. Don't think I've used either for that purpose in years though... tend to just use the bathroom instead. Growing up I shared a room with my brother until I was 16 so the bathroom was the only place I could get the privacy and now I'm married with two kids and a cat.... privacy is at an all time low 😂


Affectionate-Sky-548

Growing up we a corduroy couch with two very pressed together cushions. That was fun to lay on and watch the pink power ranger.


NewRedditorWhoDis

I'm having a hard time parsing this because either you were too old for Power Rangers or too young to actually fuck your couch.


Affectionate-Sky-548

I was around 11. Is that too old for power rangers?


Brinkfl0yd

Nope, and right around that weird prepubescent dating your couch cushion stage. It was Kelly Kapowski for me, until Jessie Spano became a stripper, that is.


NewRedditorWhoDis

That was around the age that I started rubbing up on things and stashing my stepdad's porn magazines in my room. I stopped watching Power Rangers when my oldest brother did, so I think my gauge is off because if that's young enough for Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon, it's definitely the right age for Power Rangers. Definitely no judgement here btw, I was just in the wrong mindset earlier lol.


jonjonesjohnson

"Fuck - yo - couch - n***a - fuck - yo - couch! Buy another one, you rich muthafucka!"


Curious_Elk2648

How did this comment get upvotes? Depraved haha


Affectionate-Sky-548

A lot of people had a sexy couch in their life I guess.


destruc786

Nah, that shit is gross af, grab some tissues or toilet paper


hunter_Munder

damm i just got the joke after reading this comment


TheRatKingZadrun

Yes, because they tend to be circumcised.


SomaCityWard

Yeah, I asked my friend why he doesn't just wrap a paper towel around it and he's like "that would be rough as fuck!", then I realized.


kangareagle

Except no, because people in other countries do it, too. In the UK, for example, as mentioned above.


Living_Job_8127

I always cum in my pants


dedicatedkicker

Why would you ever keep it that way??


LUCKY_GUY_3

I really think it is, am not american but that one got me too.


Charlie1210USAF

Never heard of a wank sock‽


jonjonesjohnson

Only in American movies. It has never crossed my mind to cum in a sock, nor have i ever heard about/from anyone doing it


Charlie1210USAF

Weird. I was given the idea by British soldiers lmao


kangareagle

I doubt that you’ve heard “wank sock” in an American movie, because it’s a British term. I first heard the term in a British show called Misfits.


jonjonesjohnson

I was more referring to the actual thing, rather than the name.


unhumanity

Not sure really exclusive to Americans but more to degenerates.


SmashinCetacean

We must all now duscuss this very urgent and important matter. Global male masturbation conference of 2021?


kangareagle

Nope! In the British TV show Misfits, a character talked about his “wank sock.”


Fickle-Potential-247

Yes…. American


Aidrox

It’s global. Men everywhere have the propensity to be disgusting monsters. I know, I am one.


Largonarco

Why do people cum in socks? Seems so weird tbh


fruitlessideas

Gloves would leave our hands sticky.


CantStonkWontStonk

Yeah but you get to wash the ol’ love glove 5 times less often than a sock. Water conservation is a thing, sir.


JRansomBioDermKiller

It seems weird because it is weird.


ShroomanEvolution

No idea, I always dropped the kids off at the pool.


The_Karaethon_Cycle

I’m not sure why people are so grossed out by it. I have dedicated jerk off socks, so I never wear my JO socks. After I’m done I toss them in the laundry basket and wash them with the rest of my clothes. There’s not really anything weird about it unless you’re using dirty socks.


coderbator

More eco friendly than wasting tissue papers. It also saves money that way as well.


spoiled11

#


fIagged

thank you for your insightful message


black_hole__sun

WOW! This man has a way with words.


SomaCityWard

U WOT M8?!


ThatRandomTomato

What the fuck dyou say about my mum


RetrogradeUranus

#


greenspinachbaby

#


mykeTyson

Hey he wore his cum sock by accident on my birthday :)


Fun-Elk-2488

I found this one way funnier than i probably shouldve


ThrowAway_biologist

Me too! I would have responded exactly the same way as she did to be polite but I would simultaneously been dreading the answer. This made me cackle though because I was not expecting it to be funny at all


swollenpenile

funny but anyone who jerks it into a sock iss a literal fucking chimp


tiptoemicrobe

Can't say I've ever seen a chimp with a sock, but to be fair, I haven't seen too many chimps.


swollenpenile

theres a vieo on youtube where one fucks a frog


mashari00

A frog is slightly different than a sock


Affectionate-Sky-548

Then I've been using frogs wrong.


lalalane76

What kind of fucking weird rabbit hole did you fall down to find that particular video?


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swollenpenile

bear doesnt actually rape the deer tho never even humps it


[deleted]

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swollenpenile

just watched it again to ddouble check it does not just bites it and trys to hod it down


Tiny_Air_836

Its almost ten years old too, one time i showed my then future husband and i will never forget the conversation that ensued. He was horrified and… there were things we never talked ever more


PEEWUN

Am I the only one that's **never done this?**


SumCat22

I never have, but I don't find it all that odd.


GiantsFan2645

While it won’t get him a date, it’s still hilarious


ExistingEffort7

ew


RedderGrass

It’s pretty counterintuitive. Valuable nutrients are lost by not swallowing.


PEEWUN

Most people don't swallow their own cum.


jon_mnemonic

I'm guessing your curtains don't get much exercise then Lol


QuiteHistorical

That's a keeper.


LarryKoofer43

Hahahahahahahaha


plutosdad

I think I just threw up in my mouth


random_user_1118999

lol


Nincomsoup

Duuude.


drunkeskimo_partdeux

The best way to tell this one is “what’s long, hard, and full of seamen?” “A submarine” “Why did the semen cross the road?” “I put on the wrong socks this morning”


IstseuSoleus

Is it just me, or have you never jerked off into your socks?


kelrunner

I'm missing something.. Wrong socks? Edit: Thought about it and got it, now I wish I still didn't get it. That's one of the worst jokes I've ever read.


Soft_Business_2347

upvotES For the LOT OF YA!!


masked_me

Why the fuck you guys cum into your fucking socks? For real I don't get it. And don't give me the 'paper gets stuck into the dick'. You have to wash your dick after cumming into the sock anyway so it just doesn't make any sense not to use toiler paper. Just wash your dicks people.


Moist-Toweliet

https://t.me/teenheavenchat


Upstairs_Agent3814

I’ve been laughing about this for two hours now.


Thatgordoboi

Just walking outside and hearing a VERY audible “CRUNCH”.


PEEWUN

#🤮


Psychological_Baby12

Omg 🤣😂


TheMerlinBrando

“I have you now” -Darth Vader voice


galaxyeyes47

What’s the next step here? How do you even respond to that?


Ornnge

I actually laughed at this one


Fickle-Potential-247

Lmao


fyrflyeffect

The sock needs to stand up for itself


Particular-Strain248

Hahaha! 😄


Tots2Hots

Why not just crank one out in the shower or directly into the toilet? Its the hyper efficient way to do it.


1867PointTurn

That made me shout laugh 😆