Does everyone think about killing themselves at times?
By - leighemi
This kind of question does not break our rules as it is not asking for methods to commit suicide or sharing a method to commit suicide. Please report comments that do so.
Passive suicidal ideation (where you have intrusive thoughts about suicide, or wonder about it but have no plans to act on it) are way more common than most people think. Definitely get help if you are feeling this way often, but even though it’s a minority of people it’s still pretty common. It can be really hard to talk about because many well meaning people will respond to hearing about these thoughts by panicking, when often what you need isn’t for someone to jump into action but just to listen and be there for you. It can feel really lonely and scary to deal with these thoughts alone.
EDIT: I appreciate the awards, but if anyone else is thinking of paying for one, I encourage you to look up a mental health charity or sliding-scale health clinic in the area where you live and send them a small donation instead. [Outside In](https://outsidein.org/about-us/donate-now/) is one that does a lot of good that I’m particularly fond of.
I thought everyone has these thoughts
I think they do too, but it is a matter of frequency and depth that comes along with those thoughts that is the bigger problem.
Yeah, I kind of thought everyone goes like I could start on my 20 pages essay due tomorrow or I could take a bunch of sleeping pills, then laughs because they're funny
I'm just one person but I literally never have these thoughts, ever, in my 32 years. Am I the weird one? I have intrusive thoughts sometimes but it's never like: "what if I jumped off this cliff" it's always " what if I slipped and fell off this cliff". So in my intrusive thoughts, I'm never the one responsible for my hypothetical death.
Yes, you are the weird one 😘
I have never had them either, and I'm 43 :D
No. But I can only speak anecdotally for myself.
Most nights when I go to sleep I think "I hope I don't die tonight in my sleep; I want more time."
I saw this [comic](https://emmengard.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Emmengards_Suicide_Scale.jpg) before. Not sure how much truth there is to it. Regardless, it seems I'd be at a 3 most of the time, while sometimes being a 2. I would assume that the people in this thread thinking about suicide at night are 4/5 or higher.
That's a good scale, wanting to live is something we don't really appreciate
I was at a 7-8 a couple weeks ago and reached out. This scale would have helped part of that discussion a lot, so thanks for sharing.
I'm at a comfortable 4 now. :)
I hate the term "get help". Like, what are you supposed to do? Hire a clown to cheer you up? If I told my doctor that I live between 7 and 8 ALL THE TIME, he'd tell me to lose some weight or Google ASMR stuff.
What "help" did you get?
There's a former teammate of mine who I was really good friends with. I messaged him kind of out of the blue and asked how he was doing and told him I loved him. He asked back the obligatory, "how are you" (the 'love ya' from me is not a warning - I try to say it when I feel it). And I told him I was in a dark place. He asked how he could help - drinks or meet up or a zoom or dinner, and I went over and we talked.
Really, here's how I'd start getting help. If you've got friends who say, "Let me know if you need anything - I'm here for you", I'd say *stop saying you're OK when you're not*. I know it's easy to not want to bother someone with what's bothering you, but being honest about not being ok I think puts folks in a better net position to support you.
If you don't have someone, DM me. I'm not a social butterfly by any means, but I'll hop on a Skype or zoom or something and chat if you need someone. ❤
That's a great comic! I'm somewhere in the 4 to 5 range. Suicidal ideation is kind of like a relief valve for stress and worry. I think a bit about permanently escaping life, then get back to work.
Oof, definitely a high six.
Very interesting! I guess stress puts me at a 3.5? I don’t think about suicide but serious injury/illness that puts me in the hospital for a bit. Just to get away from responsibilities for a while. Then I think what a bad idea that is because I’ll have to play catch-up.
I had an acquaintance who told me something similar before.
She was a lawyer working at a big time law firm working almost 80 hours a week and told me "sometimes I just wish I would get hit by a car so I wouldn't have to go into work on Monday."
I switch between 4 and 6 every other day except i don't think about suicide very often
Most people aren’t depressed. It’s hard to wrap your head around if you are.
True. To be depressed just seems like the appropriate response
I didn’t until I was about 25, experienced it frequently for 5 years, but haven’t had hear thoughts in a year. It’s common but that doesn’t mean *everyone* feels this way.
Nope, most people don't. Used to think constantly about suicide, then I went to therapy and got treatment and those thoughts disappeared completely.
Yeah I've been battleing depression since age 13, am 35yo now. I'm on meds, and since then no active suïcide plans, but even with decades of therapy (and still going), I keep having intrusive thougths. About killing myself, about running away, about everyone hating me and me being a fuck up because of a minor fault, etcetera.
I just recognize them as intrusive thougths and as a sign I have to level up my selfcare and just do less other stuff, striving not so hard to be perfect. I don't... Engage with them, see them as truths I have to act upon. I just accept them as a part of my illness. Just like a diabetic having triggers that they have to test themselves or care better for themselves.
I'm not a therapist, I just have learned from therapy that my thougths aren't the same as reality. And most often that a good meal, a good night sleep and tranquil alone time with a podcast and some crochet or knitting can help enormous to my self view
>I keep having intrusive thougths. About killing myself, about running away, about everyone hating me and me being a fuck up because of a minor fault, etcetera.
Ive had these very same thoughts. Even while going through therapy. I found a new psychologist and it's amazing how much she's helped.
I think these things all the time but I can assure you that I have never done actual action towards realizing these thoughts. I’ve thought them through and analyzed it like any life-altering decision, and determined to live on. It’s a decision I have no intention of ever changing.
Wait, even if I don't plan on acting upon them, it's still bad?... huh...
Yeah. That’s kind of where I’ve been living for a couple months. I’ve had suicidal ideation before - then it kind of faded away, now it’s back. It’s just like - I make a small mistake “oh I should just kill myself” or a conversation goes poorly “oh they hate me, I hate me too, I’m going to kill myself” or this agonizing feeling that I will die by suicide even though I do not have an intention on committing suicide at all. I’ve never self-harmed and generally have a very low pain tolerance and no motivation to go through all that work. I’m working on it in therapy and have meds for intrusive thoughts.
Tacking on to this. OP, your description definitely sounds like passive suicidal ideation. Therapy can be super helpful in decreasing the frequency of these thoughts and helping you to reframe them as just that—thoughts.
Passive suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism your brain has learned. When these thoughts pop up, it’s literally your brain trying to protect you (as weird and unhelpful as it actually is). Acknowledging that and redirecting can be a great way of training your brain to choose healthier (and more effective) responses to stress.
Passive suicidal ideation definitely freaked me out for a while. I also deal with depression and anxiety and It felt like further evidence that there was something wrong with me. Therapy (and meds) have helped a ton in lessening these thoughts and accepting that they are just a neural pathway. It makes it easier to not ruminate or engage with them which in turn can help decrease frequency.
I do, for sure. For me, I feel like I (at least usually) don’t want to actually die- I just think about it and verbalize my thoughts about it when I’m feeling overwhelmed. When I actually feel like not being on this earth anymore, then I feel like I need to be more concerned. What about you?
Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m sorry you’ve gone through that.
I have a lot thoughts about it in passing like all the time even when I’m happy, and in those moment I don’t want to die either.
but occasionally I get into these wild downward spirals when I’m unpredictable, self destructive, and I tend to kinda black out despite being sober. In the down moments I won’t talk to anyone, I won’t say that I’m struggling and I won’t ask for help.
The last time I was there, it really scared me and I realized I need to do something proactively to prevent it from getting bad again. I’m trying as much as I can and I know it’s not enough but it’s hard
Yes I suffer from suicidal ideation and have for some time. I too get them in good moods bub they're very prevalent when I'm in a downward spiral.
Think of suicidal ideation as a well worn snow path in your brain. The more thoughts you have of suicide, that path becomes more packed down snow wise, wider and overall easier to walk through. When your brain is stressed or in depression mode, your brain will frequently walk this path because it's well worn in and easier to navigate than the uncomfortable emotions involved with depressive states. Its a symptom of a depressed brain.. and the non-depressed parts recognize it as such. It's a habit of thinking.
Our bodies are primal, fight, flight and freeze are your main options. They're starting to hypothesize suicidal ideation is 1.curiosity thinking 2. Your body looking for a way out of discomfort when it doesn't know what else to do
The most important thing I can tell you, is you are not your thoughts and always reject those ideas.
When I feel one pop up, I will physically say out loud the response and I get pretty sarcastic and cheeky in my replies. "You should steer in to traffic" "Well of course I can't do that this '08s got another decade of miles on her" ...no matter how dark it gets, pull yourself out..
"Well I can't be picked off the side of the road in this outfit, itd be awful"
I think humor is a large part of normalizing suicidal thoughts and getting through them. Only in the last two years have I seen memes about depression etc. And found them all to relatable and equally funny. They're also hugely important in showing the normalcy of mental illness.
Call your brain stupid, not yourself.
By making it light-hearted and using humor, it attempts to remove the impeding doom feeling that you could actually snap.
When all else failed me, I did something most caution against, I lived for someone else. I stayed alive for my (ex)bf, my dogs, my boss. I had to overcome the parts of myself I didn't want controlling my thoughts and fill them with other people. I didn't want to be around, but I chose to stay for them. It got me through it and that's all I could've asked for during that time.
>your brain will frequently walk this path because it's well worn in and easier to navigate than the uncomfortable emotions involved with depressive states. Its a symptom of a depressed brain.. and the non-depressed parts recognize it as such. It's a habit of thinking.
Is this to say people who suffer from suicidal ideation are depressed?
Depending on the frequency, yes. "Normal" brained people may have these thoughts a few times a year. Those suffering from depression or other mental illnesses can experience it much, much more frequently.
It's usually my first clue I'm in or about to be in a depressive state.
Edit: it's a symptom of depression, normally.
but frequent suicidal thaughts can be there despite a lack of mental illness, thats me
Thanks for sharing this. I really liked the way you described suicidal thoughts as a well worn snowy path. It totally makes sense. You don't want to walk through a foot of snow when there's a perfectly walkable path in front of you. But sometimes it's necessary to get where you want to go. I'm going to have to remember this the next time I end up spiraling.
Also, it's totally, perfectly fine to live for someone else if you can't find anything in yourself to live for. Sometimes you just need a few days or weeks to get through the worst of your thoughts and you're able to get back to living for yourself. While it shouldn't be your first option, it's definitely a valid option in my opinion
I’ve been in that same situation and it is really really scary. It’s definitely a good idea to pay attention to the way that you’re feeling, and to know the warning signs that you display before you go into one of those spirals, so that you can be proactive and try to get yourself out of it before it gets worse. Please be kind to yourself!! I know depression is such a bitch to deal with. Hang in there and take care of yourself!
Every day for 17 years, I have taken every combination of medicine my drs could think of and when I was 19 I hurt myself and now I think about it even more because I consider myself such a failure that I couldn't even do that right
Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now - can I dm you?
Keep your chin up and do your best to take it one day at a time dont look too far into the future thats what caused alot of my depression
My depression can often be triggered by looking into the past and my anxiety increases with thoughts of the future.
Hope things for all of us gets better.
Are you also in therapy?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I’m quite similar in that regard, so I should say that while meds like the ones you and I take are great for helping us control these thoughts, therapy is the best when it comes to mediating those thoughts and actually dealing with the issues driving them and to get coping mechanisms that can help when nothing else works. I know that you might already be in therapy, but if you’re not, please consider it.
I personally don’t. At least not in a serious way. Sometimes I get those “what if I just walked into the street” or “who would show up to the funeral if I died” thoughts but I don’t have a desire to actually be dead. It’s not normal to want to die but unfortunately it’s a common experience for people. Just know that seeking help from a professional and continuing to receive help is one of the best things you can do for yourself and try to surround yourself with kind people as much as you possibly can. Best of luck, dude
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and gentle nudge to get the help I need
It’s reassuring to see that people believe getting help can work
It absolutely can work! Keep in mind that the study of psychology is always expanding and developing so new and more effective treatments, therapies, and medications are always being discovered. There will be someone or something that can help you but you’ve gotta hang on until it’s able to find you. Wishing you the best
When I’m hungover, this happens and is a big reason I drink infrequently now. Idk why hangovers cause general anxiety about death but it’s enough to deter me from drinking.
When I was in a really stressful and bad place I did think about suicide. I even imagined how I would kill myself. That's when I got help because while I thought about ending it all, I didn't want to hurt my family/friends by making a stupid permanent decision. Talking to a therapist really helped me. I was scared to take that first step, but I googled therapists in my area and found a face I felt I could talk to and it was the best thing that happened to me. I cried in every session I had, but it saved me.
Thank you for sharing and I’m really happy it worked out for you! I started therapy last week and it’s been nice so far but I’m having a hard time opening up to my therapist about suicidal thoughts/ self harm.
If you have/anyone has any tips I’d love to hear it
I have spent the last 7 years in therapy, so I can tell you that at the start, it is hard to open up to them. You have to build a certain level of comfort and trust first and that may take some time. Once you are sure you're comfortable with them, you can start sharing things at YOUR pace. Please don't be afraid to talk about suicide or thoughts of self harm if there are consuming a large part of your daily thoughts though. If you're concerned about being admitted to a psych unit, they generally don't do that unless you have an active plan, or unless they think you a serious harm to yourself or others. The sooner you can start working on that aspect, the better.
I have been on that dark road many times, so I understand the thoughts and feelings. If you have any questions, or want to chat, feel free to PM me. I am always willing to listen and try and offer some advice, if you'd like. Even if you're having a particularly rough day and want to vent. I'm not a therapist or anything but I have a lot of experience with depression, suicidal stuff and self harm and always offer a nonjudgmental ear.
Wow thank you so much this is so helpful (and I’m really sorry you have had to go through this. But simultaneously it’s calming to know I’m not alone in feeling this.)
So sorry you’re feeling this way. It is more common than we probably all think but definitely a sign that something is wrong - please open up to your therapist about it as soon as you feel able.
Until last year I never had suicidal thoughts in my life, but after 18months of trauma therapy I was having a hard time and I did. It’s very scary how it seems like a completely viable solution to life’s problems. Pleased to say I came out the other side and haven’t thought about it seriously since.
A few tips to tell your therapist (also struggled with this):
- keep in mind that it’s not the first time they will have heard this, and they are trained to help you
- they can’t help you as effectively if they don’t have a full picture
- identify (maybe through journaling?) what is stopping you from talking to them about it
- if you can’t say it out loud, maybe write it down in a letter and give it to them
Wish you the best of luck, and really hope things get better for you
But its feels so dramatic. I mean, despite there are alot of people suffer in pain, they keep living you know. I am afraid of getting criticized about me bitching. In my f\*cking country if you say that you are suicidal people cuts all comminication with you
I mean there are two types of thinking about killing yourself. There’s the “I could just drive off the road right now and I’d die” kind of thing which sounds scary but is actually just your body assessing your own mortality.
Then there’s actually contemplating suicide which not everyone experiences, and not everyone who experiences it is necessarily depressed and not all those who are depressed contemplate suicide.
If you are contemplating suicide you should definitely get some professional help. I know it can cost a lot of money but it really does make a difference and is worth it.
I have never really contemplated suicide and I feel like the only reason I haven’t is because I lost my cousin to suicide when I was 13. Even though I didn’t know him very well his death had a deep impact on me. Lead me to struggle with depression and triggered an eating disorder. But no matter how bad things got I never really felt like suicide is an option for me because I saw what my cousin’s death did to my family. So even if you are feeling that way and think that it won’t matter it will. It will even matter to people who don’t talk to you or people you think don’t care about you.
Yes but I’m bipolar so
I often think about it but I never actually consider it... if that makes sense.
Yes I talked many times to my doctor's and therapist, there keep trying to find me copng mechanisms, but it doesn't work because the coping mechanisms they taught me had become a trigger for me after I was raped while practicing mindfulness during a massage by my licensed massage therapist.
I’m so so sorry, I hope you’re able to find a coping mechanism that works for you and no one else stands between you and healing. I’m so sorry
I play video games 24/7 that's the only thing that can distract me enough and it also helps with my physical pain as well.
Never. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety, my life is far far from ideal and the last year and a half or so has been incredibly shitty but I simply have too much to live for to even consider it. I have my family, my friends, my hobbies and interest (I've been following certain series for well over a decade and I'll be damned if I don't get to see how they end) and there are many places I want to travel to and many things I want to do.
No. I don’t think everyone does. I think a lot of people have experienced it and I certainly have a few times, but it is definitely a worrying sign of (potentially) untreated, severe depression.
Yes, I do. Apparently, it's not normal.
One of the ways I discovered I needed serious mental health help was after I got finished describing how often I fantasize (not the right word, but same thing) about driving head first into oncoming traffic or driving into trees or whatever other methods my brain concocts to a friend who was being treated for bpd. She looked at me and said "Uhh, C, that is not normal. You shouldn't be thinking about that." It was that combined with the fact that I struggle with hurting myself.
I've been on an antidepressant for almost a year. The suicidal ideation is not entirely gone, but I don't think about it as much.
Edited to add: I am also in therapy. The psychiatrist I went to originally recommended both therapy and antidepressants. The combination of both is what is helping me. Unfortunately, last week my therapist told me I will probably always struggle with thoughts of self harm, similar to how someone addicted to drugs has to deal with their addiction even after they've been sober.
When I took abnormal psych in college I read that fleeting ideations of suicide kinda how you described can be your body’s way or accessing it’s own mortality which as long as it doesn’t lead to obsessive thoughts or affect other areas of your life it can be normal and harmless. Usually happens to teens and young adults.
But it sounds like it might have gone deeper for you and I’m glad you were able to get the help you need.
Absolutely not, I could never ever think of any reason at all to end it all. Your life is more precious than ANYTHING in the entire world.
And don’t ever feel ashamed about asking for professional help regarding this. You deserve it and you deserve feeling better.
Yes and no. Daily I think to myself how I do not want to be here anymore, but I dont want to kill my self. I also dont fantasize about ways to die, I am just certain right now I really don't want to be here.
Like everyone else, I've talked to my therapist and doctor. It does help, but can be quite uncomfortable. It comes and goes, some days it takes up most of my thoughts, and other days just for a few moments, but it tends to still be there.
I feel like I might be the odd one out here based on responses so far but I can honestly say it’s never crossed my mind. I’ve had personal struggles, depression, alcohol and cocaine dependency most of my 20s but for some reason suicide was never a thought that I had, not even an intrusive thought. Just would never be an option no matter what.
Can’t speak for everyone but I do.
Thank you for sharing, I’m really sorry you’ve experienced this and I hope things improve - can I dm you?
But it passes. If it feels like it's been going on too long, get help
Better safe than sorry and all that
Yes especially lately. No direction or passion, no hobbies or interests, going through a long term break up and very lonely.
I haven't until this year. But 4 weeks ago, I started to have suicidal thoughts. It lasted for 3 weeks. I guess I am better for a week now. I am not saying "I'm happy now" because I'm not, not at all, but I am not thinking about kms.
I brought this up withy my therapist recently and all he made me do was promise i woulsnt hurt myself before next appointment. Im not planning on acting on it, I just want to stop thinking about it ffs
Thats Why I don't like professional help. They all are same. Saying same things doing same things like motivational speakers. Its make me more irritated.
i was about not saying a similar thing
making me promise not to harm myself makes the thaught about doing exactly that even more attractive
damn that teenager brain
No. Way too much joy left to have and experience for me to do that.
I think about it a lot. Although I guess most people do not think about killing themselves, it’s hard for me to image how does it feel. Like, how can one never feel life doesn’t worth the suffering?
I think about it constantly. The last year has been the most awful of my entire life, and it just keeps going further and further downhill. I've thought I've hit bottom about four times, and it's just somehow got worse. I'm on antidepressants which don't seem to touch the sides any more. I just want to no longer be in pain, and not existing anymore seems to be the only way that's ever going to happen anymore.
No I’ve never thought like this
No, I’m a stubborn sort and I live because I want to. My life has nothing to do with anyone but me.
It’s indifference actually, my life is mine, your life is yours.
Selfish? Never! Your life is valuable and beautiful, run with that.
Never because we only live once
My mom, we are pretty sure, committed suicide. She drown. She left no note. We aren’t really clear on what happened. It’s terrible for the family. So many questions, no answers.
No, people generally don't have suicidal thoughts. It's why certain people absolutely loose it and get super weird when you confess to feeling that way. They cannot relate to the feeling at all. I'm sure everyone has these invasive thoughts sometimes like "oh, I wonder if this plane is gonna crash and I die". Maybe even "how would my family react if I threw myself under that train" but I believe those then freak people out. Personally I have decent levels of anxiety, and any thought of me dying can spiral me into an anxiety attack and a deep feeling of panic, emptiness and dread. I'm actively scared of dying.
However. Having suicidal thoughts is not uncommon. In fact, it's very quite common. Depression is sadly very prevalent, and these thoughts accompany it fairly often. You're not weird and bad for having it. You have a common syndrome, and this is one of the common things it causes. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Yes. Nearly killed myself on the motorway on new years day, just wanted all the pain, suffering and loneliness to end. But I can't even tell anyone without completely breaking down so I keep it to myself
Yes, but I don't want to die too.
#I want a time skip remote control
I’d say a good majority of the time. If there was a way to end my life instantly and painlessly, I would do it.
Life is a set of milestones. I had a pistol to my head and didn’t do it. Now I have a wife and kids and that’s not an option due to my responsibilities and I’m grateful. My friend blew his head off couple months ago. He will never reach greater milestones.
Oddly enough no. I had depression and anxiety starting from my pre-teen years (11-12 or so) till 21-22 years of age, varying in its intensitiy over the years. So I can say that for a decade I was somewhat depressed, heaviest period of it being 3 years following my father's death, although I was already depressed by that point so it did not cause the depression itself.
Strangely, I have never considered suicide. At my worst I was %100 indifferent to dying, like thinking " If I were to die right at this second, I geniunely wouldn't mind but it would suck for my family."
I think I am just lucky enough to be one of those people who does not have suicidal ideation in them even though they are depressed for prolong periods of time.
No. The opposite. I worry a out what would happen if i died!
I don't, not at all. I quite enjoy living.
No. I don't have thoughts like that. I do have thoughts about death occasionally, but it's more like how can I prevent it, or how will my children survive?
Yes. But don't kill yourself. Killing yourself is not worth it. You think it might be sometimes but it never is. Your life can always potentially get better. You have to ask yourself why does my life suck so much that I'm thinking this way ? It's most likely caused by the other people around you. It's not you, it's them. You're probably surrounded by assholes, negative people, or worse yet family members who are ruining your life. Your option is to move on. Remove the bad things. Even if you are disabled and missing your legs for example living is still better than dying. Plus if you think this all the way through all of us will die at some point no matter what. Why bother ending it sooner? If you're thinking about killing yourself you are under a lot of mental pressure. Get rid of that mental pressure. Also smoke or eat some pot. Pot is way better for depression then pharmaceuticals.
I really appreciate this perspective. Thank you for sharing. I think you’re right, I need to take an inventory of the people and things in my life and separate myself from the bad things
I think i need to as well i have a son who was recently diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia and my family and friends havent been there to help me they've only thought about what they want to do and how they feel and i have gotten rid of 1 friend bc of this i dont need her i have God in my life and i can get through this with him
I'm pretty sure I was the asshole and negative person that needed removing.
Yeah, struggling financially super hard and to be honest I just can’t keep my head up anymore it’s too much to continue for me, stress is making my MS way worse and everyday is a struggle, apparently it can get better everyone says
I think it's normal because we recognize it as a possible solution to our problems, just like how a person might think wrecking their car might solve their inability to pay it off, or how leaving their spouse would solve their marital issues. It doesn't mean that that's the option you're going to pursue. If you can think of a reason not to pursue that option, then you're likely to be fine.
I've had intrusive thoughts about suicide for roughly 15 years. Attempted a few times in my teen years. I cycled through therapists until I found the right one and am doing much better now. I do still experience passive suicidal ideations, but they're easier to ignore, and I've gotten pretty good at shutting down the real thoughts that arise in very painful situations. It gets better. It'll keep getting better. I promise.
I think it’s common and that it really translates to: “I want my situation to change”.
I remember when I was young thinking I could jump while walking over a bridge or turn my steering wheel to crash my car. It was less about committing suicide and more about the fact that it could happen, I could die in an instant. If you are having thoughts that concern you or coming up with a plan for suicide please seek help, that is something that needs to be addressed.
Camh (canada) 1-833-456-4566
National suicide precention (usa) 1-800-273-8255
Well ...once in a very hard moment in my life, at the short age of 19.
Yes but i too have gotten professional help and yes it helps alot and i wouldnt change a thing about how i feel or who i am for anything i am who i am and i am happy now that i have gotten the help i needed
Majority of the time, about 3-4 times a week at least
Yes, not too often nowadays. When I do I have this overwhelming feeling that what I do doesn’t matter and everyone would be fine without me. To be honest it sounds simple when typing it out but I honestly get in this mood where l feel I don’t even have the energy to have a positive thought. I’m generally not that bad a guy but I guess I tend to make my mistakes a catastrophe. I’m 23 (M) I’m not the best but I’m me. I realize that though I’m kind of an ass and not always the best to be around people care. Remember that you don’t always have to feel amazing. Sometimes just living is okay. Don’t feel like you have to prove to yourself that you deserve to live. You are alive and that’s a special thing. Try to embrace life and get out of your head. Life doesn’t have to be going right for you to have a smile you just have to keep trying and that IS enough. YOU are enough.
Not everybody but i dont think its all that uncommon either.
Theres the phenomenon called 'the call of the void' which some people attribute to suicidal thoughts, however some say its the brain working through possible senarios to keep you on your toes, eg if your driving along the edge of a cliff and the thoughts what would happen if i just turned the wheel to the right, or if i didnt turn on the next bend etc.
As for the direct suicidal thoughts i think there are many levels, from thoughts like 'i dont want to be here anymore' or 'people would be better off if i was gone' ranging all the way to active suicidal plans.
The reasoning behind this is going to be different for every person though, it may be tied to self esteem issues, depression even hearing voices and command hallucinations.
All i can say is dont punish yourself for having the thoughts, it happens, we cant always control the thoughts that come into our head. But dont keep it inside there are people that care about you and you can talk to them, if not friends/family then there are dedicated phone lines that are free to call so that you can talk it through with someone who cares
Yes mate, Yes everyday I think about ending all. even though I have very succesfull career and skills.
Because I don't know what I am doing or what I will do in the future. Nothing satisfies me.
I wish I don't have sister to look after when my parents die. But I am on the edge where I don't care about her anymore.
end is very close.
theres an unbelievable amount of different jobs out there, i felt similar about three years ago but then i discovered forensic sciences and decided that this stuff is actually quite interesting (still scared of the future because i´m useless af and two teachers already told me i wont pass the final exams but thats another story)
Yep but eh I'm a pussy so wouldent do it and also I'm afraid of just nothingness and oblivion when u die so yea I'm good
I do, several times a week.
I have no desire to actually do it since I already sunk very deep in the pit of depression before and I do know there's a coming back even if it takes several years sometimes. I am a patient person and video games are always here for me if I need to fast forward my life.
Knowing that I have a way out in case I'd need it is comforting though.
I do, a lot. Always have for as long as I can remember. I can't always pinpoint a reason why. Currently its because I'm so tired of hurting and being so damn lonely but can never bring myself to do it. I seem to think about it more in the winter months.
Part of what keeps me from doing it is my cats, and the fact that I know I wouldn't be found for God knows how long. And partially because I have 3 attempts under my belt and I've failed them all 🤷♀️
For me, its normal. Earliest time I thought about it was when I was 7. I'm 31 now. Will I do it, most likely not, but the intrusive thoughts are almost there.
Yes , sometimes when I think about how insignificant my life is and how no one will remember after a few decades and also thinking about the grim future the world is heading towards
This isn’t a very common thought anymore but yes there was a period of time where I thought this once or twice a week
Welcome to depression. Its fun
I think of this almost daily for more than 10 years. And yet I know, I probably won't ever do it.
I stay alive for my parents so there's that.
Yes I do, but its like, most of the day its fine and the moment I don't really have anything else to think about its suicide time
I did, but it wasn't about me being stressed or depressed, I wanted to kill myself because I wanted to see what happens, where we go, is there an afterlife or not, thoughts like those, had always plagued my mind for the past years
I’ve always had passive (and sometimes not passive) suicidal ideation. When I was a preteen or early teen I was pretty suicidal due to undiagnosed depression and a messed up home life. I remember telling my teachers (really letting it slip out) “if I could kill myself to not take this test tomorrow I would”. They just kind of laughed, but I did mean it in a way.
I have taken antidepressants since age 15. They do help (when I’m on the right one). Honestly I’ve had depression for so long that it’s so much easier for me to hold it in and think it’s all totally normal. If someone else had my level of depression, they’d be a wreck half the time but I’m basically the meme of the burning house and going “this is fine!”
Years ago I was pretty depressed. Thoughts of suicide/not being alive helped me realise how much I had to live for. Not the kind of thoughts of "ending" it, but thinking about the world around you, without you in it.
However, if youre not sure about what you feel exactly: always seek help!
Yeah once everyday I always figured it's just what comes with being human and a constant battle everyone battles in their own ways along with everyday problems
Yes, I'm in no way depressed but sometimes go like, "hmm, what if I just did"
Me whenever a tiny problem shows up.
Yeah I know it’s not healthy, but my first thought it’s always to kill myself so I don’t have to face any more problems
I always answer no when people ask me but the truth is I have, but there are times when I so desperately want to live but just not in constant pain
Yes, multiple times. Lately almost daily but I'm not motivated to change it
From time to time. For me it's not just the thought, but the feeling of peace and quiet that comes with it too. The feeling of "I don't have to worry about all this shit anymore"
Almost every day for the past three decades.
for the last 5-6 years i am thinking if i should bcs my family and everyone feels like i am super smart so they want me to get a+ from everything rn i dont have a phone or i can play games i am typing this secretly i know there is way worse situations but still i want to die
I always have to remind myself constantly genuinely wishing you were dead more than anything, is not normal. But that's been my mindset for as long as I remember so I don't think much of it. However, aside from a few feeble attempts in my early 20s/ late teens, I don't think I'd realistically ever attempt it. I'm far too worried about the consequences of failure to try something I didn't think was nearly foolproof. And I wouldnt want a method that directly impacts someone else (i.e. stepping in front of a train or something- feel bad for the conductor).
Yes, the feeling that my goals may not be reached can bring on the temptation of suicide. But know that if you do suicide, you're giving up on your goals, they'll never be completed and you'll never have the satisfaction of being fulfilled.
I can't spend a day without suicidal thoughts
Basically everyday, until I get get high enough to drug myself into complacency and go to work. But I often regret being born more than the desire to off myself. I write music and I'm holding onto that for a sense of purpose. I can't die until the album is out
All day every day even when I’m supposed to be having fun.
Yes all the time. I have so many emotions and overreact all the time and have barely any control over it. I wish I could just end it all so i don’t have to feel anymore. But my mom and best friend have given so many gifts over the past few months that I’d feel too guilty. I wish I’d die in a car accident instead. That way it won’t really be my fault or anything.
Like in which respect, as some can be morbid curiosity, the others a dangerous mental cycle of self affirmation over ones own mortality, I guarantee one is more common than the other.
A: I hate everything about life and cant help thinking its better to die.
B: If i just jump flopped in front of a bus face first how would everyone react to the madness that was my death?
Get help for it, life is a precious thing no matter who or how long others have brainwashed you into thinking otherwise.
Yes I've thought about it every day since I was 19. I'm now 45. Sometimes its obsessive, sometimes its fleeting . I'm used to I actually couldn't imagine not feeling like this. I'm a single parent so I wont act on it for now but I probably will when I feel my kids are no longer dependent on me.
Lol i have maybe 5 different detailed scenarios to kill myself, my devise, automated messages and letters etc but I like being alive. There are too many thing to do and I want to do at least some of them. When I think about really killing myself, I be like bruh life is good lets play some Stellaris then I'll cycle in the city maybe masturbate
Yes, but always ends up not to because I worry about the financial burden id give my loved ones...
For me yes. I would always remember that everyone avoids me especially in my first year in high school. No one talks to me or gets to know me even my teachers dont care they would just humiliate me infront of the class due to the way I look. It was just 4 years ago but still happened to me throughout my years in highschool so I would think to myself i'm not that important to others(But i'm still not planning to kill myself).
I was occasionally thinking about it in my teenage years. However, I quickly came to the conclusion that I would rather take a plane and completely restart somewhere else than simply ending it.
Yes. It’s more like an intrusive thought. I don’t actually want to kill myself at all, but sometimes some morbid curiosity happens. This is rare for me though and not some common occurrence.
All the time. But I don’t do it because people I have close to me would miss me, but it definitely hurts to exist on this cruel planet.
Yeah, it's almost everyday for me. I thought about taking melatonin to sleep until it went away but I didn't have any. Looked over the easiest methods and all of that one time, maybe a year ago. I'm trying to get help now, but I feel trapped.
Yes, i am happy with my life but every once in a while when some thing terrible happens the thoughts are there but something i would bever do
sometimes, it's unavoidable at least for me. however it's usually just something i regret or feel terrible about, i try my best to mitigate uncontrolled thoughts and i manage at a cost.
I have passive suicidal ideation. It has helped a lot to tell my partner and therapist about it. There is a difference between passive and active ideation for sure, but I cannot recommend speaking to a professional any more. It’s helping my suicidal thoughts shrink away.
Yup, can't walk over a bridge without thinking "I may as well just yeet myself off this".
I don't think about actually doing it. I have kids and I would never want to cause them pain like that...
But sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I could just "accidentally" drive in front of a tractor trailer. The pain would all be over and I wouldn't have to do this anymore. Everything keeps getting worse and I feel so alone. It feels never ending
Does everyone think about killing themselves at times?
I think most people think about wanting to die at some point in their life. It's not necessarily wanting to kill themselves though. It's that feeling of "everything in my life is shit right now, it's overwhelming, I can't take it anymore, I just want it to end, if I didn't wake up tomorrow that would be ok."
It's not a thought of wanting to kill themselves though. That's different. That's not just "I want this pain to end" but it's more "I want to end my life." That's like thinking or imagining how you would end your life.
No not everyone thinks about killing themselves at times. I've gotten very overwhelmed with life, I've had mental breakdowns, I've had moments where I just want the pain to end. But I don't actually think about taking my life.
If someone is having thoughts about killing themselves, & especially if it's happening often, I would suggest talking to your doctor or psychiatrist about it. If you're experiencing depression or some other mood or mental illness there may be a medication that can help pull you out of those dark thoughts. Counseling is helpful as well.
It's not a normal thing to be thinking about killing yourself. Please reach out for help.
I think about it all the time mate. My life feels pretty hopeless with no light and no way of escaping this.
Before things get too much though, please try and seek help first. It might not do good or help or mean anything to you but it may just help you see light one more time.
Hell, I'm a random guy in England but I would love to hear how shit everything is and maybe have a laugh with you some day.
Pm me anytime internet friend, you aren't alone
Every day of my life, but I’ve lived with depression for 20 years. I’ve had times when I was better medicated and in a better place where it wasn’t that constant, now I’m alone and struggling to support a family, with a wife who doesn’t even like me and zero friends... It’s rough.
I’ve tried to do something a few times at my lowest points, and I would have done something this year, but I have a 1 year-old and I *do* care about him.
I think it’s bad for me now especially because I’m struggling so hard (like 50-60 hours a week overnights) just to get by (but also saving for his college and my retirement, somewhat ironically). I know I’ll never be happy with my work, I’m treated like shit by everyone in every corner of my life, and I *always* get down on myself because of my legacy... I’d like to do something positive for the world, help the homeless or have some positive impact, but I just don’t have ANY time. And it won’t get better. If I lose my job, I’m stuck withdrawing from my 401k to survive and I’d be far too panicked to use that time for anything but finding work (or doing some side work like Uber).
Creeping up on 40, a lot of my friends are doing VERY well and I can’t imagine ever making it to their level of comfort in my life... there will never be vacations or newer cars or nice things... I’m stuck. And so I think about this every day, mostly while driving to work or laying alone in bed trying to sleep.
I personally have suffered with depression and GAD since I was a kid and it comes and goes in waves. I've only ever taken meds once when I was 18 and it didn't last long because I reacted badly to them. Since then I've found other ways to cope with it and I'm doing pretty good.
At my worst though, I would have severe panic attacks just from stepping out of the door. I didn't leave the house for a year or so after and the urges kicked in during that time.
Washing dishes was hard because my thoughts immediately went to the knives. I didn't want to do it, but my mind just kept flaring up about them when I was close, I hated it. It always feels like when your up high and your body wants to jump.
To this day I tend to do the knives first so I can put them away quick.
I don't think you ever really lose that part of you and I don't think it's something to be ashamed of when it comes to reaching out to someone, even just to talk about it.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope everyone is doing well for themselves right now <3
I'd always been mystified by those who say it's never crossed their mind.
Finally, in my old age, I can finally feel what it's like to not think of it everyday.
For me, yes. It’s not the suicidal ideation though. Just hypothetical scenarios of how I’ll die and what happens after. Stuff like that.
I've had suicidal ideation for years stemming from physical and mental abuse. At this point, I haven't been exposed to any abuse for years, and it's now a coping mechanism more than anything bc I am in a good place. I just never got a chance to develop healthy mechanisms so it is what it is.
Often, more frequently than sometimes..
i like to make the distinction between "i want to end my life" and " i don't want to be alive"
having a plan, saying goodbye, asking for help is a whole other level....
Yes and no. I don't think about killing myself. I just often wish that I never existed. The shitty impact I made on some people. The bad memories I have that make me awkward. The friends that I don't even deserve. My friends are all talented and support me, while I cannot do shit. They are too nice to me and I can't appreciate it. I can't kill myself because. My family and them would be sad. And this irritates me.
Nope, I'm too selfish for that. My escape fantasy is more like "kill everyone else, flee the law and live as a homeless vagrant".
I do. A lot. The biggest one was when i was maybe 15 or 16. Everything just got dark for me and wanted to end everything. No one knew of my struggle. I never opened it up to my family even to my closest friends. The moment that they knew was when I already attempted but I stopped and ran away because I knew that I just can’t do it. My mom begged me to never do it again. And that, is the only reason that’s keeping me here. Though, after all that, I came to school a week after that incident and I think they thought that I have already “recovered”. Like all of a sudden I don’t have depression and anxiety just because I am able to go back to “my old self”. It’s as if they haven’t realized that who I was before the incident, the old me, was the me who’s masking the same mental illness from everyone else, and if that’s the old self that they were talking about, then maybe yes, I did come back, but with an even better masking.
Yes absolutely, but I've never actually been serious about it.
I did a workshop once with about 30 others (ages ranging from 18-40) and every single person in that room had suicidal thoughts, but not in a serious way.
It's crossed my mind rather quickly a few times but I would never follow through with it.
I’m not depressed or anything. But I’ve definitely thought about killing myself when I was living with my mother and going to college. My mom would literally yell at me over the smallest things and tell me to kill myself. It was miserable and I just felt like a failure overall. But then I moved out and am now living happily with my boyfriend. Haven’t thought about killing myself since.
“Does anyone else have suicidal thoughts?”
Dont know about others but it happens with me a lot. Its a very sickening feeling to have when things aren't really going your way.
My whole life whenever i was sad and the thought of suicide came to mind i would always shiver and think "No, what am i thinking, i'd never do that." Except for one period of time when things were really bad and i didn't think like that anymore, i wouldn't even think of it as something big, i would think "Should i just kill myself?" From time to time. Thankfully i'm doing alright now and no longer think that way.
Yeah I do, regularly, even though I know I won't do it as long as my family is here - they are very loving and really don't deserve the pain I would cause.
Another thing I think about, a bit different but not that much, is what if I just went to the other side of the world and disappeared to everyone I know. That would effectively be a suicide, but the thought is easier to bear so I contemplate it more often.
Meanwhile my depression makes me commit "quasi-suicide" : I just don't *do* anything anymore. And what's the point of living if you don't do stuff ?
I've been in a bad place for a few years now, I really hope I can live again sometime.
Yes, I have a lot of suicidal ideation. It used to be more common for me but sometimes I’ll have a random, passive thought come floating in. It’s not necessarily depressing or painful when it’s like that either. I could be in the middle of something completely content and not at a place where I am seriously considering suicide and my brain will still echo the idea for some reason. I think for people with mental health issues it’s actually really common. Mental health professionals seem to want to educate people when it comes to intended suicidal thoughts, but they don’t seem to normalize or explain ideation unless someone explicitly mentions it. It’s interesting. But yeah if those ideations get harder to control and become contemplation, I urge you to seek out help. Call a help line or a doctor, or an understanding and trusting person if you need to. Keep strong. ❤️
Can’t speak for everyone but I do. There’s also something called “call of the void” (someone correct me if that’s wrong). It’s sort of a weird sensation where an individual could be driving, for instance, and suddenly have the thought to drive their car into a concrete over pass or be standing near the edge of a cliff and suddenly think about jumping for no discernible reason. To my understanding, this happens to people who aren’t suicidal and the thought seemingly pops out of nowhere. Again, if I have this wrong or someone knows more about this phenomenon, please jump in.
I do, I know one of my daughters (28y) does.
It’s my youngest son now who keeps me focused and I live for him.
yes. just a few days back I thought about it again. I am actually glad I refrained from hurting myself again by reading. I want to seek professional help but I am terrified of doing so ;(
Every single day I’m working. The only reason I’m suicidal is bc I hate my job. I don’t get breaks, I work nights, always close, work every single weekend, work 2 doubles shifts/week minimum, only 1 day off, work OT every single week, no time to do my own errands or even hobbies... I work in a kitchen.
I’m applying to other jobs *everywhere*, but I’m being avoided like the plague. I have 7 total certificates and an associate degree in graphic design and I’m applying to any graphic design job, data entry, bookkeeping, finance related job, etc. Any job that has a steady schedule and weekends off that pays a minimum of $28k will do for me rn. I live in a low cost of living area and I did the math. I’ll need $28k minimum in order to be able to afford everything aside from retirement, but I’m young so I still have time for that.
The suicidal thoughts are more intrusive than anything for me. I hate them, but I can’t help but hate my life.
I sometimes do. Anyway, have to say that instead I would never do because of my family (as many people say), to be sincere I wouldn’t because of me. Apart from the fact that I think I wouldn’t be capable of when in the real moment, I think there’s another main reason; I often think about there will be a moment in my life (no matter how short or tiny) when I’ll be actually so please with life and myself, that all the current shit will seem insignificant comparing with all that joy. Thinking about I don’t want to miss this moment, I always conclude suicide would be totally unworthy.
Be strong, you’re much more than you think❤️
I’ve thought about it many, many times over the last 10 years. I almost went through with it last March... Thankfully I have an amazing support system; I have my mom, my husband, my therapist and my psychiatrist. I still have suicidal thoughts occasionally, but they’re more fleeting thoughts and not something I’d act on. I hope I never feel that low again. I hope you talk to your doc or someone you love and trust, OP. <3
Edit: left out the word it in my first sentence
I wanted to add this quote I saw a few months ago that resonated with me, “I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too afraid to die.”
I think it is normal to have the thought every once in a while. However, if it is every day then I'd suggest seeking professional help.
To die, yes. To make myself die, no.
Oh yeah, all the time. But suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem so I won't ever do it
Yes, I use to be in an abusive relationship and he messed me up. My boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) helped me through it. Even now I still think about it. I just stop and ask myself. What will killing yourself accomplish? You will cause everyone else pain and suffering who loves and care for you. You are so much stronger than you think you can do anything. My best friend also helps me talk to through and help ease my mind.
I have in the past, but not for 3-4 years. Even then it was a solitary incident
I started experiencing suicidal ideation when I was probably 9-10. That was when my mom first started becoming comfortable expressing the depths of her depression to me while we were alone.
She would tell me how amazing it would be if she could be "relieved" of the burden of life. But that she wouldn't kill herself due to the religious implications of suicide.
So for years I also used my God to stay my own hand from taking my life.
Looking back my mom was always under an extremely heavy burden to please and had a lot of bad things happen to her in life so I don't spite her for whenever she has these "snaps" ever so often.
My dad was raised by a man he wasn't related to and who despised him and no one ever explained that relationship to him until he was in his late forties so he got a very strange idea of what father's should do. And he knows first hand that loving your son means being tough as shit on him as much as you can and more or less ignoring him when you've reduced him to a weeping puddle in his room.
Middleschool, Highschool, college, the military, my first three years post military. Especially after I forsook my religion when I entered the military.
When my fiancee cheated on me,
Yeah, thinking about killing myself was at least always a small part of who I was every day of my life for more than a decade almost two decades and all of my youth.
So here's the answer to your question, no, most people do not have suicidal ideation. Someone might have considered it briefly at one point in the past but if you can look back on a month and say, man, I really wanted to die this month, that's a bit of a red flag.
Suicidal ideation won't always lead to suicide. But the fact that you are having suicidal ideation means you're drowning your brain in stress chemicals frequently. It's not good for your mind, body or Spirit, and having frequent periods of intense depression can also negatively impact your children's lives because lots of high intensity stress creates genetic markers that pass down.
Best thing to do is think about what you could be happy doing and then claw your way out of the situation you are currently in, in the direction of where you want to be. Then just focus on not backsliding and making an inch or more progress a day.
No. I had thoughts in high school and my early to mid-20’s, but not in my 30’s, except one week in early quarantine 2020. I felt so isolated with stay home orders, and I thought about how having no human contact was too much to bear and I was really depressed and thought about how I couldn’t take it anymore and whether life was even worth living (even though I didn’t make any actual plans to hurt myself), but those thoughts have since went away (I found ways to increase human interaction while social distancing and shared my concerns with some family about needing to socialize more and we talk on the phone everyday now). So aside from that one week, I haven’t had any thoughts like that since my mid-20’s. For anyone struggling with this, if you have anyone to talk to, please do. Or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, (800) 273-8255. Sending you love 💛✨
I do. Quite regularly infact.
I don't see myself as some sort of irredeemable failure, and neither do I hate who I am.
But the sheer pressure to perform is insane. Especially since I'm asian, and it's part of my culture.
Also, i'm pretty depressed that I've never managed to make any real friends, nor have I really managed to hold down real relationships. I know that at this point I'm the problem, but I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong in this whole *friend making* ritual. So that haunts me.
But otherwise I'm still moving.