• By -


I mean, you need to quit. That being said - she literally made you tell her why you were in the hospital and then tells you to leave your problems at home. Like, ma’am, you’re the one that’s making me talk about it at work. Fuck her. Hope you get outta there OP!


Also hella illegal. You are NOT required to disclose any personal or medical information regarding any time away from work. Your boss has broken the law by requiring you to disclose your medical information for work purposes.


Exactly, you are not required in any way to disclose anything about your mental illness, including if you suffer from mental illness, treatment, time off, etc. My job doesn't know I've been heavily depressed for years, and they don't need to. It doesn't change anything.


That and I believe this might be covered under fmla since it involved hospitalization?


It’s illegal not to inform employees of their right to use fmla


it does, we've had people at my job take time off for similar cases


I have fmla for anexity. My company only knows I have fmla and how many days a month I get. When I'm asking why I wasn't there. I give them the number too the 3rd party company they use to help employees set it up. And say "ask them why I wasn't here"


Wow, I was denied fmla for a surgery and had to use up my pto. I didn't know fmla is something a person can get monthly.


The form I had to fill out is worded very specifically. Make sure if you do get it to take it to your Dr. Or therapist to fill out. Make sure you ask for intermittent leave. That way if you get let's say 5 days a month. You can use one day a week or 5 days in a row. If you have continuous leave of 5 days a month. Once you use one day you have to use the other 4, or you lose those days for that month.


If it was a proper request and worked for a covered employer, they shouldn't be allowed to deny it. > I didn't know fmla is something a person can get monthly. FMLA does't have to be continuous. It can be to recover or provide care for any number of reasons for health conditions. Continuous durations are most commoly thought of like to recover from a surgery for birth of a baby. But also periodic absences, like to have time off to for frequent doctor's office visits, physical therapy, mental counseling, etc where only a hour or two may be needed off at a time. Even conditions that can occur randomly and could result in absences from work without prior notice can be qualifying, but the employer has to be made aware of the FMLA request as soon as possible, preferably in advance.


You get 12 weeks a year for an on going issue and sometimes restrictions as to what you can and can't do. I had it and one of the restrictions was not working with or speaking to certain people


Oh man, not speaking with your boss on Fridays would be sweet.


FML is just job protection. They can still require you to use up your pto


My company forced me to use my PTO in my FMLA. I mean, I got paid for like two weeks, but it wasn’t two weeks longer…


Depends on the size of OP's company. If they employ <50 people, the company is exempt from offering FMLA.


dang it!! wait i just remembered we are less than 100




I'm certain OP is in the UK or something (they said "I was in hospital")


How fo you hide being depressed if you dont mind me asking?


I don't let any self doubt get to me. Confidence is key. If I can't work extra, I don't go into a ton of detail about why. I leave when I'm scheduled to, and I don't work above my pay grade. You don't have to be overly friendly with everyone, but I try to make small talk when I can. Make sure to set boundaries. My life outside of work is not an open book for my coworkers. If you're not feeling well and need a mental health day, I just use my available time off and go. It's there to be used, and no matter what any gaslighting bosses say, mental illness is still an illness.


Big fax. And you smoke weed too im assuming? Thats all i use currently but ill gladly try out some of this!


Haha, no. My wife has asthma and I do okay without it. No shame if that's what helps you get through it, go for it. Setting boundaries will help you. Think of your job as your employer buying your time. It helps if you take a step back and say "I've done my time for the week, it's not my fault if everything they wanted done didn't get done." Most, if not all, issues at work come down to poor management, and they will gaslight and manipulate people under them into thinking it's their problem.


Im really an open book tho with everyone and i take everything everyone says to the heart so gaslighting works for me and i might cave in. But fuck it you got your peoblems and you helped me a lil with the ways to hide it thanks


You're very welcome. I wish you the best of luck.




i felt this 😔


OP may be in the UK. “In hospital.”


It's illegal to disclose in the UK, too


think HIPAA violation levels of naughty and subsequent punishments (if proven)


In my country you're also not required to disclose, but you have to give them a doctor's notice to qualify for medical leave. That has a code on it which is basically the diagnosis.


Your username is genius and relatable


My coworker at an old job had her underage daughter try to kill herself when she was working. She ran out after explaining to my boss at the time because she was already in hot water for having so many excused absences. She told the boss not to tell anyone what was going on. The next day a coworker asked her how her daughter was after trying to kill herself. She came into my office sobbing , I I tried my best to comfort her, but she was inconsolable and humiliated. Two days later she left early and before she left she complained to the boss about the behavior of another employee who was known for harassing people and gossiping behind their backs. Apparently the coworker confronted her via text and told her to stop talking about her behind her back. My friend asked her how she knew. She apparently was listening at doors all the time and openly admitted it. My friend angrily confronted my boss, was told: “Not my problem, how can I stop her?” She quit the next day. I nearly walked out behind her but I was piss poor with my supervisor screening any calls who were asking about my recommendations. I literally had nowhere to go. I did stop going to all employee events much to the anger of the owner. She even tried to blackmail me into going, but I always waited until they were busy and snuck out. No one ever asked me where I was going, they all knew.


> My friend angrily confronted my boss, was told: “Not my problem, how can I stop her?” "Fire that bitch, she's compromising your business security, not to mention my privacy. In fact she's liable to get you sued."


Oh, she got a promotion a few days later for it. And I caught her doing illegal things. It was a law firm where we handled people’s social security numbers. One time she admitted to calling town halls for real estate and GIVING THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER END THE PERSON WHO WE’RE ASKING ABOUT THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!! The first time she mentioned it when I told her I was having difficulty finding a phone number for some people. She actually told me to call town halls and give them their social security numbers to them for more information. This is a year in, but even before then I knew it was illegal to do this. I just ask her in disbelief that she was doing this. She was like: “Yeah, I do it all the time, pull that file for me, will you?” The second time she tried to pressure me in her office to do the same thing. I kept on saying no which she refused to take as an answer. The boss walked in and I told her that I would ask our boss. She actually panicked, and she was trying to stop me when I asked her. It was entertaining watching the blow up from that, I can tell you. That was also the only time my supervisor actually agreed with me and chewed her out.


Immoral and shameless? The full package dream* girl *nightmares are dreams too


Sue the shit out of her.




This is correct. I went through a lot of that training becoming a supervisor. HR would ream that supervisor for doing that. They would terminate their employment if you had the money and means to pursue legal action against them. Unfortunately, that boss sounds like the type to bury that information. Time to start recording your interactions with that boss, OP.


i was in a similar situation a large employer (60,000 employees). bit milder version. I suffer from depression caused by my cancer medication - not severe enough to result in suicide ideation but was making me irritable. my colleague told our supervisor about my depression who shared with HR who decided to verify it with my colleague and then “confront” me. all violating my medical privacy (but not HIPAA which doesn’t apply to employers, only healthcare providers, insurers and any “entity” handling EHR) the supervisor and HR should have known better! I found a better paying job with their competitor and wrote a letter complaining to the CEO. everyone got “coaching” / may be web based training but no one was fired. I also believe they didn’t even get written warnings! I did insist on a apology from the firm and finally the head of the employee relations did apologize verbally over phone - I live in a both party consent state so I didn’t record it ;) I did talk to a couple of attorneys and the state human rights - all said the firm had taken appropriate action. for an isolated incident, verbal coaching, and completion of web based training module was deemed sufficient.


Came here to say this. Glad to see this is a stable community for worker’s rights


If you live in the US, this definitely violates HIPPA. You don't have to disclose medical info to your employer Edit: yes, this really more falls into the "doctor patient confidentiality", if they requested the doctor's office provide specific information it would fall more under HIPAA. Either way the employee is not legally obligated to disclose


This response may fall under r/confidentlyincorrect 😃 HIPAA only applies to medical staff and organizations and how they handle information. Most states it is considered reasonable for an employer to ask the nature of a sickness, saying I was hospitalized should be sufficient in this case though. ADA and local labor laws would be the applicable governance over this.


It's irrelevant in this case as this person is most likely in the UK. "I was in hospital" instead of "at the hospital"


Yup. Learned this whenever my boss made me disclose medical information that I felt *confident* was illegal. Nope. It doesn’t mean squat if you’re not a medical organization with patients. So many have the misconception that this is illegal.


I'm just gonna leave this here https://www.staffsquared.com/blog/what-can-employers-ask-about-an-employees-medical-conditions/ I went through training as a supervisor. We had a whole HR course about NOT asking about certain topics.


Bad policy might not be strictly illegal. Also, there could be less concrete dangers like "hostile work environment"


You can tell the person isn't a reliable source on HIPAA because they called it HIPPA.


My data was out of date and don’t want anyone to be misguided for it (Plus my grammar/spelling on mobile gets atrocious).


> Technically HIPPA covers covered entities which an employer is also considered a part of except in certain situations. Nonsense. [HHS says the exact opposite](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/499/am-i-a-covered-entity-under-hipaa/index.html#:~:text=Answer%3A,care%20providers%2C%20and%20health%20plans.&text=Neither%20employers%20nor%20other%20group,as%20covered%20entities%20under%20HIPAA.), that employers are NOT defined as covered entities. > It doesn’t mean they can’t ask but the better not disclose if you give them something. If YOU disclose it as a patient to a non-covered entity, then HIPAA doesn't apply. Where employers can get into trouble is discriminating against employees due to a medical condition/disability under ADA or other similar laws.


Your edit is wrong too. "Doctor patient confidentiality" means what a patient shares with their doctor is held in confidence by them, i.e. they won't go sharing it with others without the patient's permission. It's what we had before HIPAA codified that into law. It has nothing to do with you voluntarily disclosing information to your employer. Instead of making an edit where you add more misinformation to the existing misinformation, just delete the misinformed comment!


No. It doesn’t have anything to do with HIPAA. Since the patient divulged the information themself, it has nothing to do with either doctor/patient confidentiality either. The employee already disclosed and the boss’s response was horrible. I’d find another job ASAP.


That's not what HIPAA is. If it worked this way, the antivax dorks would be correct when they say their employer is not allowed to ask them about their vaccination status. They're wrong, and so are you. That being said, not defending the manager at all. They're clearly a real piece of shit.


Why is this patently incorrect information getting upvotes? Asking fucking questions does not violate HIPAA


It doesn't violate HIPAA, but that's not the only protection we have in the USA.


This is not a HIPAA violation. It is being a complete and utter asshole but they did not attempt to get info from healthcare personnel. They badgered their employee who eventually gave more details. I'm not sure any kind of lawsuit with this would hold up and again, there does not appear to be a criminal issue, just a boss who fucking sucks.




You don’t *have* to call people stupid for being misinformed about HIPAA, you know. We can just educate others kindly instead. Here’s an example: HIPAA applies if your employer tries to ask your *doctor* about your health. Other law applies to pre-employment (interview stage) only. The boss could not ask the person about this specific condition if they were interviewing. Since the person is already an employee, the boss can ask, but the OP doesn’t necessarily have to answer. The EEOC suggests that “if you do not want the employer to know your specific diagnosis, it may be enough to provide documentation that describes your condition more generally.” OP would have been in the right to say “beyond ‘mental health medical crisis’, I’m not comfortable disclosing my specific condition, and no law states that I have to. Also, I’m recording this just in case you decide to fire me for a “random reason” this week because I wouldn’t disclose to you.”


Definitely applies to the USA. OP, are you employed in the US?


woah woah the company doesn't require managers give employee's a physical quarterly? Why has that guy been grabbing my balls an....ohhhhh... Daaaaamn...


There are many employers out there who aren’t shitheads. Don’t be scared to explore other jobs and ultimately make yourself happier because of it. It’s not going well with those jerks already so you might as well make the change!


>Fuck her. Hope you get outta there OP! Seconded.


I think badgering an employee for medical details is illegal.


Or maybe report her to the company HR instead of quitting and having no job and no income


This could work but only if it's a big company. Smaller companies don't have HR and medium-sized companies may have HR that is friends with the boss.


I mean, all HR is looking out for the interest of the company, not the employees.


While a good idea in concept, I have come to find in years of working that HR is there to protect the company first and foremost. Damage control in favor of the business. You'd think that would mean snuffing out problems like Eavesdropping Gossip Cunt Karen referenced above to keep the environment healthy, but sadly I'd bet against that happening.


Gaslighting in a nutshell.


She fucking seems like the type to say "don't worry you can tell me, I won't be mad" and then gets fucking mad anyways


How do you “waste company time” when you’re absent?


Your time belongs to them, any time you're using it to not work, it's wasted.


Slavery 2.0 logic, isn't it? Your time is your own. It's the only thing you truly own in your life. Everything else you pass on to others when you die. Your boss really wants you to think that your time belongs to them. But you get to decide that, not them.


You obviously have to leave the hospital for 8-12 hours a day to work and then go back to the hospital duh


Find a new job ASAP. I just started seeing a psychiatrist 2 months ago, hope you get the help you need.


Who the fuck can afford a psychiatrist


Even if you can good luck finding one. I called about 40 in my area before I was too burned out by no one taking new patients. The only one I did find couldn't wait to talk to me about crystals and the line of essential oils she swears by....


I experienced this, too. I was looking for a shrink for my 20 year old son (at his request) and I couldn’t believe how many I called and left messages, but they never returned my calls. Not even to tell me they weren’t taking new patients. The others who did answer weren’t taking new patients even though their websites and insurance directories said they were. All I could think was that I was glad it wasn’t a life-threatening situation like suicide.


My last appointment my psychiatrist accidentally reviewed the wrong file before meeting me so had no idea who I was and what I was there for when I arrived. $300 later :)


Mine sent me a letter two days before my last appointment that she was closing her practice and moving on. I panicked. Thankfully she told me during the appointment that she was keeping a few patients, and if I wanted to be one of them. My blood pressure probably cut in half when she said that. Basically she's opening a new practice focused on ketamine and yoga or some shit, and she said I was welcome to check that out, but she'd keep giving me my Rx and meeting with me if I wasn't interested. Considering the fact that she cited how easy of a patient I am because of how well my meds work, I really don't think fucking around with ketamine sounds like a great idea. If it ain't broke...


I’ve heard some interesting things about ketamine, but hey, if your current meds work really well, I agree. Don’t mess with a good thing. I think the thing that gets me about the poor communication is that it’s not even something they should have been taught in med school. It’s common courtesy and professionalism. I’m glad your psychiatrist retained you as a patient, but can you imagine the ones she didn’t? With most specialties, yeah, you can hand off the file to another doc pretty easily. But a new doc can’t just review lab results and decide whether to keep a patient on the same meds. If the old one had done any of the talk therapy part for any length of time, the new shrink has to start all over.


I found one that was in network and got an appointment after a three month wait. She’s canceled every appointment since then and now I don’t think she’s refilling my scripts and her office never answers the phone. Like all of the stars finally aligned for me and I still can’t get treatment


Lol not to demotivate you even further but my psychiatrists just ask webmd quiz questions to diagnose me with stuff. Its infuriating. "Are u sad a lot yes or no" "do you have loss of interest yes or no" "ok u seem depressed try Wellbutrin" I've had MUCH more luck with my GP and my therapist instead of a psych - they encouraged me to go on Zoloft, which ACTUALLY helped, unlike Wellbutrin.


Lol my dr actually put me on welbutrin and my psych continued it. But! It’s worked great for me! Along with lexapro. I’m waiting to get an autism evaluation which I think will be far more helpful than any psych or dr has been for me. If I can figure out if I’m autistic, ADD, or just have severe trauma I feel like I can start treating myself better.


i found a decent one online. - the fact that the therapist is not even in the same state gives me a better state of mind


Hell, I’m lucky enough to be in the upper middle class and finding a psychiatrist is difficult as hell. It’s hard to find one that I both connect with well and trust to make medical decisions. There’s so many fucked up things about our world… I’m tired of it. Everyone deserves to be able to get help for their mental health.


Just commenting to raise awareness since I just created a handbook for my local metropolitan area that covers this. Many different mental health services offer financial assistance. The most common form in America is something called a Sliding Scale Fee. Essentially, you submit some documentation on how much you earn and your dependents, and they adjust your rate based on ability to pay. If an appointment without insurance costs $150, then with a Sliding Scale Fee, the amount you pay could be as low as $10. The amount could also be $35, $50, or even higher. BUT it almost always is lower than that base amount. Remember, it's based off of ability. If you're below the Federal Poverty Guideline ($12,880 per year for single individual), then you'll almost certainly get that $10 number. Even if you don't think you'll qualify, I really urge everyone to at least apply. Single individuals earning $40,000 a year usually will still qualify for a fee reduction. Other forms of financial assistance that are common to mental services are things like 50/50 discounts. You pay 50% the day of (so $75 from the above example) and the office will "pay" the other half. Some offices also will offer patient reward/loyalty programs where you pay a larger sum initially (like $500) and then for the year, your bills will be a max of $100 per visit instead of the $150. If you're seeing your therapist/psychiatrist/social worker once every 2 weeks, then over a year you come out ahead. For myself personally, my doctor is very aware of my finances and purposely referred me to locations that offered sliding scales. So yeah, not many people can afford mental health services but there are programs, grants, and other community resources that help cover a portion of the cost, if not entirely. If anyone has questions about how to find resources in their community, PM me and I might be able to help


Thank you for sharing this!! I had never read the true potential of the sliding scale discounts until I applied myself. At my community health center my appointments are only $5. For anything. And my therapist there is THE NICEST person on planet earth. So much nicer than the $200+ a pop private practices I tried in the past. I really hope this influences someone to give it a try. :)


And they require the job-dependent healthcare…


I've never found one that has accepted any insurance I've ever had.


They don't even take health insurance from my experience. I was quoted $500 for an initial appointment, and $150 for each appointment thereafter. Keeping in mind, a quality pistol in the US is $400, and it's yours in 10 days or less.


I'm in the UK and mine costs £25 a session, 4 sessions a month. Not a therapist, a genuine psychiatrist. Honestly feel sorry for those in the US who can't get help.


Wow. I used to pay $400 for an hour a week in NYC


I live in Hong Kong and the therapy I've found is 4 times that price. Since I'm entry level, that's 20% of my salary. The work-life balance in Asia is fucked, I'm saving to get out of here so I can hopefully have a marginally better life.


Seeing a psychiatrist is free in many countries outside of USA




My boomer parents offered to pay but I just couldn't take the money. Felt like it was the point of it. Can't just throw money at a problem and expect it to be fixed. I didn't want to give any illusion that my hard work rested on their money (and therefore approval to go ahead).


There's a "telehealth" type app called Cerebral, where you can get help and medication with mental health. For monthly sessions with one of their care counselors it's $85/month and medication is $10. It helps me because I don't have insurance and they don't take my type of Medicaid(but I think they take other types) and I need Zoloft for anxiety and PMDD. They also offer weekly therapy with licensed therapists, but it's like $300/month yet if you have insurance and it's accepted, you only have to pay like $30/mo for everything(to my understanding). With that said, my husband has Blue Cross Blue Shield and they're out of network so I'm not sure what they accept. I consider us lucky to have what we have though, otherwise we'd be screwed.


I’m going to be honest, these apps are just as explorative of therapists labor as Lyft is of driver’s. We need to fix the healthcare system so it’s free for everyone.


I would love to see free healthcare as well but until then, it's the best choice I have right now. It's either pay them or risk my mental health and I can't go back to where I was.


Have you tried Catholic Charities? They offer non-religious counseling by licensed social workers etc. for free or lower cost than what you’d be paying an app. You do not have to be Catholic to use their services.


I'll check them out, thanks :)


Eh, while "these apps" are generally exploitative, like you say, if the OP's numbers are right – $300/mo is basically $75 a session – this one no *more* exploitative than working for a clinic as a full employee, where the insurance is paying the clinic $75/session (BCBS of MA, in fact, pays $75.25 if they pay at all). Which is to say: exploitative, but the same old exploitative we therapists know and loathe from brick-and-mortar employment.




In an a ideal world yes, but someone who is suicdially depressed may very well not be in the frame of mind do go through the often demoralising process of job hunting and interviews, nor may they have the energy for it...


This. I keep telling myself I need to find a new job for my own mental health, but finding a job is basically a full-time job in itself.


Holy shit, thank you for expressing in words how daunting the job search is for depressed people like me.


Gross. Get her ass for toxic work environment


How would one go about doing that? I recently escaped a toxic environment and want to get back at them so badly.


That is a good question. I would start with contacting labor boards


You might need A job, but you don’t need THAT job. Do not give your time to someone who does not respect you. Get the hell out of there.


Do not EVER tell an employer about ANYTHING related to mental health. I learned this the hard way, just like you just did. I’m writing to warn other people. I had an employer push me to the same point you reached and I ended up in a mental health treatment facility. It has taken me nearly 2 years to recover, but that’s besides the point. Everyone - you WILL be discriminated against if you admit anything about your mental health. Don’t use words like anxiety, panic attacks, depression (even major depressive disorder), or PTSD. 100% of bosses will be shitty about it. I only bring it up if I have to formally disclose something as a disability.


I second this. I told a coworker that I suffered from severe depression and BPD. I was admitted to the ER for a Xanax overdose. I attempted. I took way too much Xanax and still managed to get to work somehow. The company fired me. Apparently my coworker told our boss that I had mental health issues. Stupid stupid me. In every single BPD forum, someone asks if they should tell their employer. On first dates too. "It's part of me. They need to deal with it" blah blah.


I'd argue from a dating point of view they should. Bit off topic for the sub but yeah I think dating is a little different to a job


Trying to get across to my employer that I can't be more available because I'm busy all the time outside of work instead of admitting it's my autism and ADHD and other mental disorders like my depression and anxiety disorders has been exhausting. I've learned that people simply don't believe adults can have mental health disabilities unless it physically handicaps you, and it fucking sucks.


Or physical health either. DO NOT REVEAL ANY MEDICAL INFO OF **ANY** sort. Even if your job requires a medical certificate by law, as one of the jobs I applied to did, DON'T tell them ANYTHING. Just get the certificate and show it to them and if they have questions tell them to talk to the certificating authority or the doctor who issued the certificate (who shouldn't tell them anything cause of HIPAA).


CTO of my company asked me if I thought I was “being hormonal” because I recently had a hysterectomy. I still have my ovaries you dumb fuck! All because I was explaining how their plan for software wouldn’t work.


YMMV, I once had work where it turned out I was PETRIFIED of taking patient calls, but calling insurance companies was a safe endeavor, and they allowed me that.


This really depends on the employer. I disclosed my issues and they've been helpful ever since. I get time off when I need it, my manager checks in on me regularly while working from home to make sure I'm in a good place. They've supported me no end, and during that time I've gone from being a part time worker in one of our stores to full-time in head office. The support they gave me allowed me to grow and develop There's also loads of support they offer all workers around mental health and support whenever they are aware. I know we like to shit on all companies here but there are some good ones out there. And if you find a good one if they are made aware they'll support you.


I was fired for making this same mistake. As soon as it was out of the bag the writing was on the wall. All in from asking for a mental health day to firing was about 3 weeks.


Sad but true 😔


Even with friends and family. I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and I started to get treated differently by the people I had told in the first place.


I learned the hard way too, but with me I was just discriminated against. I made the mistake of voluntarily opening up about my depression after I had an episode at home and needed someone to take a shift. It was only one time ever, but after that they stopped scheduling me much despite my depression not affecting my work at all in any other way or time. I don't have a lot of positive things to say about myself, but I know I'm a good worker, and have been recognized as such by previous managers and even my supervisor there. It was just the manager who made the schedule that decided that, and I eventually left because it sucked continuing to show myself as a good and capable employee yet not be able to shake off that stigma from her.


I know I'm posting this on the wrong subreddit, but some companies have a lot of support for people who identify as neurodiverse. Mine has a resource group that gets significant funding (also one for women, lgbtq+, and people of color). That said, if you're working at one of those places you'd probably know it.


I promise you you can find something better. And I promise you it will get better. She sounds like an asshole.


I am SO sorry OP. Their behavior is unacceptable. You’re not required to divulge ANY of that information, but she pressured you to. Depending on where you live, you’re not even required to provide a doctor’s note unless you’ve been out three consecutive days - and even then it doesn’t say why you’re in the hospital or being seen, just when you can return to work. Do NOT accept this treatment, you deserve more than this shit. Please look for other jobs and find resources for your mental health and potentially financial assistance so you can quit that piece of shit job and tell the boss to shove it up her ass. Be strong OP, we are with you.


I’d be more likely to kill my boss than myself at that point


This is the way to go. Or if you still have to kill yourself, go into their office and hit 2 birds with one stone with overpenetration.


Ya'll fkn scary. ...but honestly people as horrible as her should be expecting the universe to even shit out anyways.


Scary as hell😂 Just quit the job lol


>overpenetration death by snoo snoo?


You should see a lawyer.


Honest question: what would they even sue for?


Employer forced her to tell her why she was in the hospital. Not legal


This is what I was thinking too. They can’t force you to share that, a Doctor’s note is all they can require in the US. I don’t know if the OP is in the US, but most places have some sort of protection. Found an article: The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) prohibits employers from asking questions that could force employees to disclose disabilities. The law only allows employers to ask about serious health conditions under a few circumstances. Those are: If you’ve already disclosed that you have a medical condition and you are seeking a job accommodation under the ADA, or you are requesting medical leave. Then, employers are allowed to ask for documentation to verify the existence or severity of your health issue. If an employer suspects that you’re suffering from a condition that might cause you to be unable to perform your job, or might cause you to be unsafe on the job. So if you look like you’re coming down with the flu, and your boss asks if you’re feeling OK, that’s generally within the realm of acceptable behavior as far as federal law is concerned. Your boss may have genuine concerns about your ability to complete your work that day. However, it’s another story if a boss asks probing questions in order to determine if you’re pregnant, diabetic, or suffering from some kind of serious health condition.


This is much more comprehensive than my Reply. Thanks for picking up my slack


Depending on exactly what was said (and whether OP is an eligible employee), this could be an actionable request for accommodation under the ADA, or for some form of FMLA leave. In addition, if the employer takes any adverse action towards OP, its possible that would be an illegal act of discrimination based on disability. Failing to provide reasonable accommodations, discriminating against employees based on their disabilities, and just generally coercing employees to divulge otherwise confidential mental health records could create a number of causes of action, and it probably would be a good idea to consult with an attorney directly. Some of those causes of action include fee shifting provisions where the employer pays attorney fees if they lose, so a lawyer may even be willing to take the case without charging OP. Of course, dealing with that litigation will carry its own set of stresses even if they win, and--if you're reading this, OP--take care of yourself first and foremost. You are valuable and your mental health should always come first.


I know this situation is probably just the worst. I'm so sorry that you're having to experience this. I've been through all of this, too. I know a lot of comments are urging you to quit the job, and I agree with them. But I also recognize how difficult something like that is, especially when dealing with abysmal mental health. Hopefully knowing you're not alone will help, even in some small way. I also wanted to say, from personal experience, that you will get through this. It won't be easy, but once you've made it through to the other side, I hope you're able to find some pride in that accomplishment. Stay strong, brüther.


I won't tell you to bring a large bag to work and fill it with anything small, valuable, and not nailed to floor. I also won't tell you to sell it off on eBay for quick cash. But I will tell you to never go back there ever again. Fuck that bastard.


Why go to all that trouble? Just have an in-office rummage sale. 5$ for a grocery bag full of whatever you can fit in it.


Boss: who are all these people? EMP: Oh, I put the office up on Craigslist, just come on by, and haul stuff away. Boss: Wha.. EMP: I was impressed when a family of three pack all of HR in the truck and drove off. Boss: ... EMP: All of HR.. Including Karen, and I thought we'd never be rid of her.


bro what the fuck loool she does not give a fuck . what kinda shit is going on in the work place


I know what you should do. Quit. Quit. Please for the love of all that is holy and for the sake of your mental health quit. You have a place in this world, and if this job is going to play on your suicidal tendencies please quit. You're worth so much more than this job and you deserve to be happy. What you're going through isnt uncommon and I have full faith that you're going to make it through this. You're stronger than you know. :)


Ok definitely contact HR, one for the comment and two for making you disclose details


That doesn’t always help. My boss is the director and is HR. I thought this was illegal, but apparently it is not (in UK). Most small companies I know have an HR person who is friends of the bosses too.


He may work for a larger corporation though and HR is a huge deal in US for big companies. It’s small ones that have the intertwined confusion.


I’m sorry OP. You prob work for satan… I’m sorry you have to deal with a terrible person while feeling the way you feel. I am not here to tell you what to do, but if I were in your shoes, I’d look for a more supportive workplace to spend my days. Good luck brother. I hope you feel better soon. ❤️


This is illegal in the United States. Employers can not press you for personal medical information! It's illegal!


The worst job I’ve ever had still cared about my suicide attempt. You deserve better


Fuck that MF manager. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Bi polar disorder a few years back and I dont take medication (by choice) When I got a new job after I left the psych Ward. My manager was understanding and worked with me and and help me become a stronger individual. You don't need that toxic work environment. Nature vs Nurture is a real factor. Leave that job asap.


Tell the boss to kick rocks and leave. Fuck managers like this


Seek immediate help.


I got fired from a job for missing a day due to having a suicide scare and ending up in a mental health ffacility. No explanation, no extra chances were allowed to get my act together. The company didn't even contact me. It was the contract manager who demanded us to clock in and out exactly on time, no excuses, because the contractors refused to offer any overtime.


You need to find a new job asap man. You aren't alone in this and things will get better. Standing up for yourself and making a change is always the first step There's a labor shortage rn you could find another job and probably get a raise too, don't let bosses scare you into doing what they want


This "you should leave your problems at home" pissed me the fuck off. Like oh yeah as soon as I step through the door I can instantly just switch off. I'm not suicidal however I've had alot of shit going on this year. From a suicidal housemate, dad with cancer, barely having enough money to live, sense of worthlessness just all shit. I went into work on day and was told this "I understand you have problems, but you should leave them at home" FUCK OFF! that's not how my mental health works. I can't just instantly switch off just because you say it. If I could I wouldn't have a problem.


You don’t need *that* job to survive, you need a job. Find a job that isn’t going to kill you


I'm glad you're still here. Fuck that job. Nothing is or should be treated as more important than your own well being, both physical and mental. Live, live, live, live.


Tell her “CU next Tuesday”. You don’t need that job to survive. You need mental-health care to survive. There are support and legal channels you can go through to deal with your boss. …but that’s not the priority. Your main concern should be your own health. I sincerely hope you realize that YOU are more important than the company you work for and that your boss is well out of line. I suffer from depression. It sometimes feels like everything is piling up into one big ball of shit. It’s not. One thing at a time. Get the help you need. Worry about the rest later. Sending good vibes your way.


So looking at OP's other post about universal credit, they're in the UK. So the rules hee are that if you're off less than a week you can self certificate. Longer than that you need a fit note from your doctor. I've had (less serious) mental health issues and when I wanted to return to work I was sent for an occupational health review with a psychologist before boss would let me back on site. Importantly, HASAW Act states youf employer has a duty of care whilst you are at work. They are required by law to look after OP and help them get back go work. This includes things like phased return, WAH, flexible shift times and additional psych reviews. To OP: they broke the law and they know it. Your choices are to leave, walk away and never look back or take them to tribinal


Just quit. Don't think about the long term for now, just quit. It was way out of line for her to press for your information and the answer she gave you is callous and heartless. For your own mental health you have to do what you think is best but staying in a toxic job like that will not help. If you are in the states, you can prepare an unemployment claim later or maybe try some community outreach. I speak as someone whose job pushed him to try killing himself. I caught myself before the fork met jugular and didn't need to be hospitalized but I've been in that position before. I know I'm just a voice on the other end of the computer and things are really hard right now. If you ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open.


Oh, my goodness, this is 12 kinds of awful. First, I am so sorry you’re going through this, but I am really glad you are getting the help you need. What your boss did is illegal. If you are in the US, you may be eligible for FMLA. I hope you can take it. If so, your HR department should be able to arrange it without you going through your boss. Your mental health is more important than your job. Sending hugs from a rando on the internet.


Please quit. This job isn‘t worth losing your life over. Find something else ASAP.


Quit. You'll feel better. You are not obligated to tell your boss what you were doing.


Fucking hell. I hope you pull through this shit period and make it


>Prys into a private matter regarding hospital visits. >Tells you not to waste company time, despite you not being there TO was company time. >Tells you to leave your problems at home, which you were doing until she pryed the information out of you. Yeah sounds like a greeeaaaattttt boss. /s


A teacher pressed a student about her absences..."I wanna know WHY she's been out." Get the fuck outta here. Say, "I'm glad you're back. If you need anything, let me know." Kid's mother was suicidal.


So awful, I’m sorry to hear, I think it really might be best to quit but I know that can be very hard especially when it is essential for your survival. If possible (might be infeasible) maybe try looking for a job when you can before quitting so you at least have some prospects, idk wish you all the best


Hey. No job is worth your life. If you’re feeling suicidal reach out for help. Use the hotline. You’re worth it


Jeez, that's awful. Is there a way you can get a hold of company policy to find out where you stand? Big companies usually have the advantage over wee ones it seems. My heart goes out to you. Good luck


There's so much beauty in the world. You haven't s Like seen nothing yet, just focus on love and what makes you happy. Im just replying to the heading


Are you able to take a medical leave of absence? This was recommended to me during a time when I was having serious mental health issues. At my workplace, there’s really nothing they can do to stop you from taking medical leave of you have the required doctor’s notes, etc. And retaliation as a result of medical leave is (pretty sure, at least in the US) illegal.


Damn, friend, I'm not going to give you any advice because quite frankly I have no idea what I would do in that scenario. I've been there with mental health, but never had a boss like that. All I can do is say that it will get better, even if it doesn't seem like that now. You absolutely deserve so much more than such a crappy boss, and I can't believe people would be so callous. And thank you for sharing your story. I hope things get better for you soon, and you find a job where you are valued


Unfortunately, employers don't give a shit. Especially about mental health, especially about suicidal thoughts. I have experience in these situations and while your boss is likely doing illegal things like pressing you to disclose info, no one will likely help you. Even if you report it to HR. Document everything. Send emails, don't tell her in person. If you have an in-person conversation you should email them afterwards recapping the conversation. Employers will 100% fire you for being unwell mentally. And there's no much you can do except follow up using ADA guidelines and contact lawyers and the federal government about it. Reporting them to the proper authorities for firing you for ADA protected reasons may net them a huge fine and may net you a sizable lawsuit amount but that last part is less likely. My suggestion is to do exactly what your manager says, if you can, while looking for new work, and seek help for your condition daily, have family stay with you outside of work or just stay with them. Ketamine treatments helped a person close to me, they're expensive and take a while to work and they're not covered by insurance. Google ketamine treatment center. In Dallas there were tons of them Ketamine helps with depression and suicidal thoughts, almost eliminating depression altogether. Good luck


I'm not American. Reading these antiwork stories is terrifying. How can so many people in one country have so little compassion and empathy?


Sometimes stories like this seems fake. Like, why would anyone communicate like that. That is streight out of a drama show, pure evil. Then I remember some past bosses...


Well isn’t your boss the dumbest mf available.


Pretty sure asking for your personal medical information is illegal. I’m so so sorry you had to go through that. Get out of there ASAP, no amount of money is worth your health and you deserve better


Don’t do it. You’d miss bacon.


Are you in the UK? (I'm assuming so from looking at your post history). Get an appointment with a GP and explain exactly what happened with the suicide attempt and your boss's utterly idiotic reaction and complete lack lack of empathy and support. See if they can sign you off work long term, if you feel that could help you. But make sure you get all the support and advice you can. Check with Citizen's Advice and any local therapy centres and support groups, and know that although the system has *plenty* wrong with it, you *can* get help, and you *can* feel better. Don't let these utter shitting bastards (like your boss) try to beat you. Really, get in touch with Citizen's Advice and explain what happened with your boss and ask what you can do about it. Your boss should be sacked immediately for their reaction, which was borderline psychopathic. People like that should be in prison or in long term care, and never allowed to be in charge of other people for the rest of their lives. They obviously won't get sacked, but what I'm getting at is you should *never* feel that any of what you've been through is in any way your 'fault' or that you did anything wrong. It's my belief that the vast majority of suicidal people have absolutely nothing 'wrong' with them. It's the *system* that's sick and broken - not you. When people do kill themselves, it is *never* their fault; it's the system murdering people. It's the criminal billionaires with their tax havens and corrupt politicians and the selfish and greedy and those who defend them. Don't let them try to blame you for their failings. It's hard to fight back, but don't let that put you off, either. Fighting back can help you through the toughest times. Fight back with art, with creativity, with love, with loving yourself, with gardening, with exercise, with anything that makes you feel positive and strong, even if it seems so small as to be inconsequential. They'll try to feed you negativity, but you don't have to swallow it. You are better than them, and more deserving of love, because *you don't behave like that*. Sane people don't. It's the psychopaths who try to destroy people and control them in the way your boss did. Sorry that was all a bit ranty, but I hope it helps a little. Get angry and fight back, and look after yourself. People like your boss don't deserve you. Don't give up looking for people that *do* deserve you. They're out there, but it can take time to find them. You'll find a better job and better people. Just hang in there.


wow, 1st I hope you're ok, and I hope you have a support network, as Reddit isn't the best for suicidal support (personal experience). 2nd whatever it takes, I would find a new job. I know this is a lot to ask when you feel so shitty. Also, you are not alone.....


This may have been illegal for them to pressure you to tell and it may be worth speaking to a professional on the subject and HR.


Lawyer up and get a years salary as a settlement...MINIMUM. That is VERY illegal.


This is illegal and not ok. Are there any company resources available to you? Disability or EAP? I was given Disability leave at one point for my mental health. It's nothing to be ashamed of.


It's illegal for anyone, but especially a manager to press for details on medical problems.


You have a lawsuit on your hands. Illegal for the employer to ask about the nature of your health condition; they can either grant the time off, o rot, and depending on the state you live in (if you are in the US) they may be in violation of state laws. Certainly in violation of federal laws - get yourself a lawyer. Then take all the time you need to care for yourself on the company's dime.


It was illegal for your boss to question you that way. You should report them to your state's Department of Labor.


Dear God pathetic bullshit. This isn't real. Do you hate capitalism yet cause if not tune in next week for more fictional scenarios depicting capitalist dystopic. Communism is the solution! 😂


There are tons of jobs right now, you dont need them as much as they need you! And I'm pretty sure it's illegal for her to question you like that.


I don’t know what country you are in, but chances are that is highly, HIGHLY illegal. I am sorry you had to go through that. Please consider recording your conversations (if legal) with her in the future.


Take medical leave. If they try to stop you, threaten to sue on the grounds that asking for this information is quite literally illegal


I wish suicide was legal. Failed attempt a couple years ago left me having to learn to walk again (think John Wick 3) and very afraid to try again. I wish it was legal in America. If you’re not for legal suicide - you’re for forced labor. It’s really that simple.


Hey that’s illegal


Wait--she pried until you told her the reason for your hospitalization, even though it should have been clear you didn't want to go into details, *then* told you to "leave it at home" as though 1) you were *willingly* bringing it into work, 2) you haven't been dealing with it at home, which is exactly why you were away from work, and 3) you could f\*ing *switch off depression and suicidality* like punching a clock? I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your boss is an idiot and a jerk, and what she did is probably illegal, but more importantly you deserve so much empathy and care, not being reprimanded by a boss who hates feelings enough to seek them out in order to punish them. It does really sound like that's an emotionally unsafe environment, especially when you're in such a tender state. I don't know what your other options are--and I know the system works by making us believe we don't have any--but I hope you find something else. There's got to be better bosses than that. <3 <3


OP, if you need to talk to someone, message me. Outside of your personal life, quit immediately. I don't mean "quit in a week or two" I mean now. I don't know you, but I care about you. As someone that cares about you, this job is 200% detrimental to your mental health, and remaining at this job may very well lead you to a successful attempt. Your mental health comes first.


Had this happen to me while working at McDonalds. I got a disciplinary for crying while on the floor 😂


First of all HIPPA law prevents them from asking you anything about like what you were doing in the hospital and while you were there all you have to do is get a doctor's note and said you were at the hospital so you probably have grounds for a lawsuit here


This has nothing to do with HIPAA.




Did the "whilst" or "in hospital" not let on they're not in the US?