T O P
EmEmPeriwinkle

Aren't you afraid you'll regret not having kids?


No_Arugula_6548

Or you can always say it’s better to regret not having them than having them and regretting it.


super_nice_shark

I regret having this conversation.


SharksNeedLoveToo

Epic!


Solivagant0

I'm afraid I'll regret having them, they sound awful


Summer1sFun

This is not from me. I just saw it in another post. But I thought this response was perfect - Aren't you afraid you'll regret having kids?


southernsrat92

Oh nooooo having more money and time to do whatever I want will be soooo devastating. Someday I’ll be so upset I did whatever I wanted instead of having kids. Womp woooooomp. You’re so right Linda.


marieokie420

This onnneeee! I'd regret having kids over not 🤦‍♀️


urlocalmomfriend

Not having kids is so selfish!!


urlocalmomfriend

You put kids into this world, just because *you* wanted them... but I'm selfish. Alright


Rapunzel111

Me not having children is selfish because I’m unwilling to share your misery.


EmEmPeriwinkle

I'm not the one who need a mini me but ok Karen.


sunkized

This one is so weird. How are you selfish to someone who doesn't exist


urlocalmomfriend

Right? Isn't it more selfish to put another human on this planet just because you want to? And they never understand this


SpidersMcGee

You're right, now would you really want someone as selfish as I am having kids?


Catfactss

It's selfish to have kids and then neglect them. It's not selfish not to have them.


streachh

You're goddamn right. *flips hair and checks nails while looking aggressively bored*


lafcrna

Having kids because you want your DNA to live on is selfish. If you wanted kids for the kids sake, you’d adopt. But it’s not about the kids, is it? That’s why you insist on having your own because “muy DNA”.


young_obiwan

"Just wait until you're (enter age older than current age), THEN you'll change your mind!"


bonkzee90

Lets set a Google calendar reminder and bet on it


young_obiwan

Omg i actually love this response, gonna use this one from now on


Realistic_AI

I said this to a friend who was mansplaining to me that I will change my mind someday. I was like “name an amount, I’ll shake on it”


Flareshu

I did this with a cousin but I said instead of money. "If I reach the age of 50 and haven't had a kid then EVERYTHING you own will become mine and if I do then everything I own becomes yours". He said deal then I said "what day are you free to come to a lawyers firm to get and sign an actual contract?". He backed right outta there so fast.


justhangingout111

Omg literally tried to get someone to shake on it for $100 for me the other day but they chickened out. Damn I wanted $100.


thirdnippletotheleft

Unrelated but I had someone do this to me once thinking I was younger than them. They stated the age and I was like "that year came and gone and didn't change anything". They never brought it up again after that.


angelblade401

Funny how you appear younger without the stress and work of children lol


EmperorAbove

Yes! I've met a 70 year old woman who has never been married or had children of her own and I genuinely thought she was 40! She looks so young, beautiful, and definitely stress free! So the way to unlock the potion of youth is to be childfree (and marriage-less if you want that)


young_obiwan

No, the last 5 years of people telling me that haven't made me want kids yet, the next 5 years won't be any different.


BackAlleyKittens

The free space is SILENT JUDGMENT


EmEmPeriwinkle

I love this. I'm doing it.


ThunderHeavyRains

How about a square for when someone forces you to hold a baby even though you’ve politely declined and you just do it to keep the peace and patiently wait for it to be over... but then afterward everyone is convinced you must now be hopelessly in love with the idea of BaBiEs because you held the baby...and they start asking when it’s your turn and telling you stupid shit like “See, aren’t they amazing!” The whole time you’re screaming inside with all the shit you really want to say but know it means it’ll be the last family gathering like that if you do because it’s going to cause some serious spite from the breeders. Is there a spot for that? Lol. Love this idea tho!


MsAdventureQueen

I counter this with always having a full drink in my hand. No one can hand me shit, I just point to my drink. Of course they try to take it, " oh, I can hold it.". At which point I tell them I'd rather hold my bourbon than your baby.


No_Bear_No

Besides, accidentally dropping the bourbon usually doesn't require a trip to the hospital.


akchick1971

If someone goes to hand me a baby, I say "oh no thank you. I've already eaten" and walk away.


angrygoosenoises

Stealing this for future use


EmEmPeriwinkle

Baby handed to you. Got it. If this makes top 24 ill put it on there. :)


mountain_dog_mom

“Do you want to hold the baby?” “You got yourself into this, you hold your own baby.”


SparkyintheSnow

Someone tried that with me once and I said “that’s probably a bad idea… I keep dropping them.” There was a brief pause, but in the end it worked!


_elielieli_

Last time someone tried doing that to me, I raised my hands last minute (so if they let go, down goes the baby lol) and yelled "GROSS, I DON'T WANNA TOUCH THAT!" 100% worth all the nasty stares and condescending comments! Other than my sister's baby, I've never held anyone else's baby. Before anyone asks, my sister was sleep deprived after giving birth, her baby wasn't fussy, and she promised me a cheeseburger for very literally watching her baby sleep while she took a nap. The most quiet hour and a half of my life, and well worth the cheeseburger!


sYferaddict

Oh fuck no, I'd just set the baby gently down on the ground. That's beyond the pale, thrusting such a vulnerable creature into the hands of someone who actively does not want to hold it. I haven't been presented this opportunity since I realized I could do it, and I'd like to keep it that way.


urlocalmomfriend

You don't know what true love is until you hold your baby in your arms!


Gracie220

And I feel sorry for people who don't know love so they had to create a whole new person to fill their emotional gaps. Also, with that logic, your kids don't nor will ever love you back.


juleznailedit

Hello, 911? I'd like to report a murder. That was fucking savage and I love it!!


Appanna

I feel sorry for your partner (that you don't truly love them)


Rommie557

That's my favorite. "Wow, so you don't *really* love your partner or your family? What a sad existence."


mybad36

I’d add in a “Or yourself?!”


Solivagant0

Idk, my relationship is really happy, sorry you needed to search elsewhere


bloodstarvedbeast04

And it's just a bunch of brain hormones working so you dont throw the offspring away.


BamboozledSofie

Why don’t enough women know this? Hormones released after delivery: oxytocin (the love hormone) beta-endorphins (the hormones of pleasure and transcendence) epinephrine and norepinephrine (the hormones of excitement) prolactin (the mothering hormone).


urlocalmomfriend

I'll stick to dogs for that one thank you very much


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urlocalmomfriend

Oh look at you so sad and lonely all cuddled up with what I assume is a very sweet golden retriver, would you boop the snoot for me


I_TotallyPaused

Oh! So your child doesn’t really love you then?!


RexyWestminster

You were a kid once!


RexyWestminster

Yeah, and one day I’ll be a corpse. But I’m not going to dig one up and lay it out on my couch.


Gracie220

I have actually used this one before! "I'll be a corpse someday too. That doesn't mean I want one in my house." The person looked shocked and then died laughing.


evergleam498

Lol I go with "...but I don't allow those in my house either."


stupidcupidjules

Love this


alongcameapoem

And I hated being one. The arbitrary rules, the 'because I said so' answers, the sense of ownership over my life and choices. I don't want to do that to anyone else.


riotsquirrelz

You hit the nail on the head! Being treated like a piece of property, ugh.


cheesegrillers

So were Hitler and Ted Bundy and look how that turned out.


justanothereditor564

Yeah, and I was an asshole. Didn't like kids then, still don't like them now.


Potatophillia

When are you going to finally give us grandbabies?


justanothereditor564

If you want a baby so much, go adopt one.


Potatophillia

Do I look like Santa Claus?


mirrorfans

“The way I like it doesn’t make babies” not my quote but I thought it was gold lol


SBiss13

I gave my mom grand-chihuahuas. When all her friends whip out pics of their grandbabies at lunches then she whips out pictures of my chihuahuas and shows them with equal enthusiasm. It's adorable and I think she likes that it gets a laugh.


TheGrayCatLady

But you never know, accidents happen!


EmEmPeriwinkle

I'm financially prepared to flush those accidents.


TheGrayCatLady

And that’s exactly why I got the plumbing disconnected!


CristabelYYC

Pencils have erasers.


BackAlleyKittens

You'll change you mind


buffcat_343

(Applies to someone with kids) “So could you, you could change your mind about wanting yours”


bonkzee90

If this ever happens I can always try IVF or adopt. What can you do if you change yours?


1thelaughingone

If you're that sure then you'll have no problem betting some money on that.


Sarav41

But you’d be such a good mother/father


Upsidedownosaur

I would probably be a great custodian too but I’m not interested in that job either.


angelblade401

I also saw someone with an awesome response: "I'd also make a great drug runner, and I'm not doing that either."


twelve12days

I’d be a great stripper too, but you don’t seem as encouraging about that future for me.


Realistic_AI

I’d be good at a lot of things, doesn’t mean I want to do them


super_nice_shark

“Why are you so obsessed with my uterus?”


hardtruthhoneybadger

Aw you're a great person. Baaaaaaaaaad judge of character.


streachh

Clearly you don't know me very well


No_Arugula_6548

Yep! To my dog.


EmEmPeriwinkle

When are you having kids?


marieokie420

On the 32nd day of never


EmEmPeriwinkle

Due February 30th!


bonkzee90

When people stop asking me this question


deranged_rover

When you decide to pay for them and raise them.


Plant-Parenthood

You never know what tired means until you have kids...


ksarahsarah27

And why would I want to? You’ve already convinced me it’s awful. Or - I’ll take your word for it thanks!


EmEmPeriwinkle

You never know what happiness is until you laugh at a puke covered parent because you DONT have them.


noheroesnomore

And I don’t want to find out either


EmEmPeriwinkle

Who will take care of you when you are old?


EmEmPeriwinkle

A better paid nurse than the one wiping your ass in the state home.


Earth2Monkey

Paid professionals, I wouldn't have children just to make them my caretakers.


sofuckinggreat

That phrase comes with the assumption that your kid won’t die young, become addicted to drugs or alcohol, be too disabled to care for you, or be a sociopathic asshole who doesn’t give a shit about your well being. Not sure why people can’t accept that not every child turns out to be a perfect angel who is willing and able to care for their parents in their old age.


WouldDoJackMcBrayer

THIS! My bf and his sister are well adjusted adults but his brother is a heroin addict and constantly steals from his parents, uses them as free room and board when he’s detoxing, and is emotionally taxing 24/7 on them. The parents are such nice people and better parents than mine were so I feel really bad for them often.


sofuckinggreat

YUP, that is the EXACT sort of example I was thinking of


Timeless_Tarantula

This! Also, parents shouldn’t expect their kids to take care of them, even if they are “good” kids. My parents definitely don’t and I find that quite virtuous considering they, well, had kids


urlocalmomfriend

That's so true. If all kids would take care of their parents there wouldn't be waiting lists for retirement homes


Solivagant0

Someone more reliable than kids, they're like retirement fund in dogecoin


ksarahsarah27

First you have to make it to old age!


EmEmPeriwinkle

Why don't you want kids?


EmEmPeriwinkle

HOA won't allow goats in the back yard.


marieokie420

I like my sleep and quiet 🤣


Frostglow

I've never been fond of meat sirens. I'd rather have enough sleep, money to spare, and the ability to decide over my own spare time.


tenzeniths

Dying at "meat sirens".


Revelt

Why are you so obsessed with me ejaculating inside another person? Go watch porn or smth like a normal human being. Or Why are you so obsessed with someone cumming inside me? Go watch porn or smth like a normal human being.


BartenderNichole

SLEEP AND QUIET!!!


Upsidedownosaur

But your baybees would be so cute!!!


Gracie220

So is my puppy and she was potty trained at 8 weeks old.


stupidcupidjules

Cats ( or dogs, depending on your preference) are cuter and don't pee on your face


pretend_vacation

I used to think I didn't want kids either, and then I met \[partner.\]


EmEmPeriwinkle

I'm sorry your sense of self is so weak you changed not only a fundamental part of your personality but also your life goals and plans just to make someone else happy.


Nyantastic93

Some of us like to find partners whose life goals actually align with our own


malaproperism

You just haven't met the right man.


EmEmPeriwinkle

I'll know I have when he doesn't either.


Munchablesdelights

I’m a lesbian, so people say this to me for different reasons😂


EmEmPeriwinkle

I have because he doesn't want them. Points to husband*


-Beep_bop-

I said that when I was your age, now look where I am


Ativan97

I know. I'm sorry that happened to you. I see your life as a cautionary tale.


-Beep_bop-

Oh, you mean hell? Yeah, no thanks, I'm not a masochist.


Krazy_Karl_666

Who will carry on the family name?


Realistic_AI

Side note, who actually gives a fuck about this?


KittannyPenn

My dad said this one too me, about our common German last name


justanothereditor564

"Our last name is Smith, I think we're good."


EmEmPeriwinkle

My tortoise! They live like 150 years. Shelly has a promising future, when i adopt her that is.


Krazy_Karl_666

The family name does with me Or you're only 60 you can still knock someone up if you want the name to continue


CristabelYYC

Our DNA for making enzymes are the same as everyone else’s. We aren’t special.


Homeless_Joe111

What will you do with your time?


EmEmPeriwinkle

Whatever I want. Naps probably. Maybe start a new religion? Propose a law to make this line of questioning illegal?


chickendevan

“Don’t you want a mini-me?”


buffcat_343

“No, I’m sure no one else does either. I’m awful”


EmEmPeriwinkle

No I heard they eat cats.


justanothereditor564

No, one of me is enough.


TriangleLife

Honey, live like king size. Enjoy a full sized me.


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EmEmPeriwinkle

Then they can adopt one.


jaimystery

No they don't. A grandchild isn't an air fryer.


bonkzee90

I mean I deserve mental health and financial security


nerdforeverrrrrr

"There's something very wrong with you if you don't want kids!"


EmEmPeriwinkle

There's something very wrong with you for being this obsessed with how much semen I have in me.


nerdforeverrrrrr

"Says the one who got pregnant at 17, and now hates her life!"


oceanbreze

It is against G-ds will!


oceanbreze

Maybe your God, not mine


SnizzKitten

Take off your glasses, Carol, because God intended you to see blurry.


Saladfingers11_11

God sacrificed his son, why am I here?


kha-ci

It's ok cause I more into Satan anyway.


streachh

It's a good thing I don't believe in god then, isnt it?


Recipe_Chance

Duble kill! Childfree & atheist 😆


streachh

It's funny, people often use very similar bingos about god as they do children. "You'll change your mind when you're older." "But how do you know right from wrong if you don't follow god? You must be selfish" "you'll regret this and repent on your deathbed" etc. Same patronizing bs, different subject lmao.


missy-63

If God really has a will then it was His will to let me get sterilized at 22. Or if you aren’t sterilized, its His will to allow the choice of free will among humans, this choice also involving children. I could go on a rant about “god’s will” excuses and attempted reasonings against it but I also am an atheist so take that as you will regarding my opinion.


EmEmPeriwinkle

So is you having some brains but we can't all be perfect right?


raexlouise13

“You don’t know what real love is until you have a child.”


raexlouise13

“I feel sorry for your partner.”


EmEmPeriwinkle

I guess I don't really love my parents, or my spouse. Omg, neither do you! Look at spouse of nosy person sadly*


streachh

Your life must be truly miserable if the only thing you love is your kid 😂


thetwointhebush

"You could always adopt" My favorite response when my partner shares her infertility.


EmEmPeriwinkle

As could you but you decided to have a designer baby rather than adopt. Selfish.


diamondjesus

But your kid could be the one to solve the climate crisis! (Literally had this one last week)


bonkzee90

Or they can be the next Hitler for all we know 🙂


SharksNeedLoveToo

I'm just here for inspiration for epic replies XD


EmEmPeriwinkle

Well when I upload the bingo card you are welcome to it :)


bonkzee90

You know the clock's ticking right?


bonkzee90

So you're telling me your kid can stop time? And put on a shocked face 😲


MrsL0v3ly

Another answer would be: "Nah, I took the batteries out and put them in my vibrator"


justanothereditor564

Wonderful, only about X more years until menopause!


streachh

Oh thank god! Is there any way to speed it up?


Iamawesom789

“But you have pretty genes!” You know the Sims exist for a reason, right? Also my genes are shitty.


EmEmPeriwinkle

Pretty and crazy. A winning combo. Just like Ted Bundy!


KillerSparks

For me this year it'll be "You know, your cousin Alivia is pregnant. And Jessica's little boy is doing so well! Oh, and Jake and Katie are trying for another child! It's so nice they'll get to grow up together." My grandparents don't outright tell me to have kids. They just tell me how everyone else is having kids, and how nice it is, and everything else. It's hell this year because all of my cousins (on both my side and my husband's side, ugh) are having those quarantine babies.


GusuLanReject

I'm so happy they sacrificed themselves/their lives so I don't have to, grandpa.


EmEmPeriwinkle

That's pretty bad. Maybe it can go in the 'when is your nephew Billy getting a playmate from you?' Bunch?


Upsidedownosaur

Well what about your husband? What if he wants kids??


stupidcupidjules

I'm getting a divorce then.


buffcat_343

If he wanted kids we never would’ve married to begin with


PrincessDie123

“Then he’s not my husband” is my go to Alternate “who says I’m marrying a man?”


noodlegod47

You should go to therapy, not wanting kids is a sign of mental illness!


noodlegod47

I have enough reasons to go to therapy anyway! Or: If I have a mental illness why would I want to pass it on?


Tfoote2020

You’ll change your mind.


justanothereditor564

You seem very sure of that. Would you like to bet money on that?


Nikita-Akashya

When will you get married and start a family?


Nikita-Akashya

When hell freezes over combines with my basement being too full to store more bodies.


ThatSleepySiren

It's different when it's your own child. (after seeing the monsters that are your nieces and nephews)


Gracie220

"Clearly". look straight at said spawn.


animatronicraptor

What about your family bloodline?


animatronicraptor

If you knew my family as well as I do, you wouldn't want us to carry on either.


TriangleLife

What about it? We're limited edition. Enjoy while it lasts.


kha-ci

Lol are you from royalty?


FoxxxyInHedo

You’ll never know your true purpose in life until you have kids.


mem0679

This is the one that pisses me off the most! People act like my life is worthless because I don't want kids


maniacalgleam

My true purpose in life is to show people they can have a happy and fulfilling life without dropping spawn.


EvilMonkey_86

You'll change your mind by the time you're 30.


EvilMonkey_86

I'm 35. No.


bunnyrut

What if your parents didn't have you?


bunnyrut

Then I wouldn't be having this dreadful conversation.


_elielieli_

Then I wouldn't be stuck in this world that's dying where I'll never be able to afford a house or not be poor for the rest of my life regardless of whether I go to college or not because the boomer generation decided to ruin everything and blame it on us.Thanks, mom and dad! [Insert overly enthusiastic smile and thumbs up here]


_idk_usernames

You'll never find a husband if you refuse to have kids.


_idk_usernames

I refuse to have a husband that wants kids Or Good thing i want my life to be more than just an incubator for my nonexistent husband