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FBI doing 'undercover' in DC....

FBI doing 'undercover' in DC....

CorvidGurl

Hello, fellow dudes.


OmegaBaby

Could I interest you in some felonious activity?


TheTrueFlexKavana

Not now, Senator. I'm on duty.


Rudy_Ghouliani

Thats never stopped you before


Odin_Christ_

Username checks out.


fumat

Yes. I would like to buy some [illegal substances](https://youtu.be/kr2xZaaJMLg?t=00m07s)


CouchTatoe

One marijuana please


Ridenberg

As an ordinary human (not anything else) I enjoy activities like drinking water and breathing air


BDFelloMello

Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropiate the formulary for affordable comestibles! Who will join me?


hashtagfrugal

Where would one insurrect, pray tell?


WolfofRedditx

If there is anyone you know doing any illegal crimes this weekend let me know, I love doing illegal crimes!


DavitoDaCosta

Excuse me, hi. I'd like to buy 4 marijuana please


Chang-San

Will do! I'm always down for some illegality fellow criminal!


ghostedreddited

Always up for a good illegal


unlitlanterns

Looks like a Marine Corps BBQ lol


LemonyOrange

Reminds me of "mandatory fun" days in the Navy


GiantSquidinJeans

“Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it.”


mtarascio

*Here's a write-up for not having fun*


Jiggyx42

"Boooooooooooooooone!"


23x3

Bingpot!


Moron14

Vindication!!!!!


FNOG_Nerf_THIS

VINDICATIIOOONNNN


TheKeesh28

BINGPOT!


JordanMerks

The whippings will continue until morale improves.


wallweasels

The whippings will continue until DD214 is signed.


Pugetffej

Isn't that what they mean by moral is improved?


fizzzzzpop

The best fun is mandatory


Cm0002

Show up, make yourself seen, some slight interaction with your LPO/Chief and dip after 30 mins lmfao good times


unlitlanterns

I had long forgotten that phrase, what a weird flashback lol.


VIRGIL_ARCHIEAL

Now hear this. Now hear this.


senorglory

I heard that in the MASH PA voice.


MiamiPower

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Main_Circuit Sweepers: "Sweepers, Sweepers, man your brooms. Give the ship a clean sweep down both fore and aft! Sweep down all decks, ladders and passageways! Dump all garbage clear of the fantail! Sweepers." (Most ships today actually discourage throwing of trash over the side but instead use mulch/pulp rooms.) In port, "Dump all garbage clear of the fantail" is replaced with "Take all trash to the proper receptacles provided for on the pier."


EntropyBier

Dammit, I thought I'd never have to hear that again after I left the Navy. My brain even read that with the whistle


coolhand727

Hey boats...pipe sweepers.


streetsworth

Don't forget to trice them racks tho


Itsme_sd

"Steel Beach Picnics"


Dense_Solution_9991

During deployment each department would prepare a different meal. We did shish kabobs. The only problem was about midway through supper it started to rain, a lot and half the people hadn't been fed. Only two of us stayed midship with the grills to continue cooking after lightening showed up. Me and one of the junior officers. We had a lot of fun out there in the storm fanning the coals and trying to cook. Eventually some jr sailors were forced out and built a makeshift shelter that was "better than nothing, I suppose." I'll just never forget that. Pretty good friends with that guy today.


[deleted]

Just some lost LTs.


CriticoolHit

**Second** LTs. Those boys have butterbar written all over em.


Theycallmechingon87

Dude...first thing I said was these guys are Marines!


doppy1234

So many high and tights and oakleys


AbeVigoda76

Now there’s a haircut you could set your watch to.


Sgt-Pumpernickel

Whats the refernce on this? I am drawing a blank


FramingLeader

Grandpa Simpson discussing Jonny Unitis vs Joe Nameth’s hair


drinkcheapbeersowhat

Not a single high and tight in this picture. I get what your point is, they all have military/law enforcement style haircuts, but these are nowhere near high and tights. Source: I’m a barber and veteran who has had and given many high and tights.


NO_TOUCHING__lol

The only person in this picture even coming close to a high and tight is red shoes reindeer diamonds.


mehvet

Logged in to upvote you for being right. One guy has white walls but is slicked back on topn nobody else is even close really.


Waffl3_Ch0pp3r

they look like every military officer on "family day"


Gen-Z-Grandfather

The waters alone give them up


Forlorn_Cyborg

I thought it was the six identical wristwatches, or the six identical pairs of sunglasses, or the...


maxi326

All civilian clothes on them looks brand new. From head to toe.


CCtenor

Six identical white men bred from the same sperm...


visope

Six units are ready, with a million more well on the way


Scottyknoweth

That's... why I'm here...


nfiltr8r_89

Hello there!


MichaelEmouse

What about the waters gives them away?


fh3131

I'm guessing because they're drinking something to try to look casual but not beer since they're working?


KellyJoyCuntBunny

I just figured it was because they’re all exactly the same. If a bunch of dudes show up from different places, they’d have different brands. These guys all look the same and they all got a cold bottle of water out of the same cooler. It’s weird looking.


Hasby_pro

3 of them have the same shorts on. They went shopping together and looks like they only varied the color.


KellyJoyCuntBunny

It’s funny how they all have the exact same stance, too. It’s like they’re *trying* to dress up as undercover FBI agents. Like Halloween.


Cannon1

They're the decoy undercover Fedboys, you clock them and feel smug, and then miss the actual undercover agents whose attire isn't laughably bad.


SpaceSick

Is that a real tactic?


Aacron

If some yahoos on the internet can figure it out in retrospect, probably. Is that happening here? Good question.


GiantSizeManThing

That’s what happens at cookouts though. People don’t bring their own water, they grab whatever’s in the cooler.


TexasTrip

Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate!


diogenes_bull

They have to drink something to blend in but cant drink alcohol if they’re carrying a firearm.


Meat_Salad

It isn’t Bud Light.


MooreDesignLabs

Perfect timing with the new Matrix trailer


Lecter

What is their cover? FBI BBQ party?


Admirable-Smoke

I feel like they're all dressed as the wsb meme


neotriadstorage

There was this "homeless" guy that started hanging out around the corner from the apartment I use to live in. I would see him and say "Hey [Big Mountain](https://youtu.be/5dB4TThG9zw)! How you doing today?" (cause he looked like the singer) on my way home from school and I would give him some change if I had it or offer any snacks I had from school. One night heading home I noticed a bunch of unmarked cars with blue lights on dashboards surrounding a car in front of my building. As I got closer I saw "DEA" on a few jackets and just as I got by the entrance I saw Big Mountain, same homeless looking clothing with a badge swinging from his neck talking to another agent. It was hilarious. He just smiled and said "Hey! How you doin?" I was like "Same O Same O Man. Have a good night!" Never would I have thought Big Mountain was undercover. These guys should hit him up for some undercover lessons.


Razor1834

I wonder if he gets to keep the change people gave him.


neotriadstorage

I know right! The change, a Cup-o-Noodle and a few Oreo and Dorito mini packs. Jeeze! LOLz


Red_Jester-94

The other DEA guys: "must've sucked having to be homeless while undercover" Him: "please, this was the best assignment I ever had! That kid you just saw is awesome!"


FavoritesBot

Not to mention drinking bottom shelf wine on the job


I_Has_A_Hat

They put the wine in a bag and the bag in a box and you take the wine in a bag in a box and you put it in a mouth.


BAHatesToFly

> The change, a Cup-o-Noodle and a few Oreo and Dorito mini packs. Baby, you got a stew going!


Hrank

Unexpected Carl Weathers


whopperman

You probably restored some of his faith in humanity that he had lost. This story kinda made me feel good. Or maybe that's the weed. Probably the weed.


Noire_balhaar

It made me feel good too. And I just woke up and slept terrible.


mikeswife

Hey it can be the faith AND the weed my dude!


gdj11

It would be pretty hilarious if he had to declare it on his taxes


Common-Lawfulness-61

Declared as tips lol


FavoritesBot

This is a well known trope in DC, that a significant fraction of the “homeless” people are spies, but I’m still kinda surprised it turned out to be true in your case


VarethIV

A while ago I was accused of a pretty bad crime. The detective who questioned me was very unkempt, had a beard, was in sweat clothes. I was scared out of my mind, police just showed up at my job one day with a warrant and I had no idea what was going on, so I remembered him well. I was cleared, then a few months later I stop for gas on my way home from work. I’m pumping gas and I see a guy on the corner, holding a sign asking for money for food. I buy him a sandwich and some water from the gas station, walk over to hand it to him and it’s the detective. Longer beard and hair, but definitely him. We both recognized each other, and there was a second of awkward silence before I just handed him the stuff and left lol


suciac

What did they accuse you of?


LukesRightHandMan

Panhandling


OriginallyWhat

Lol


RedditGoldDigga

Karma farming


Lev_Astov

He only said "pretty serious," not "capital offense".


gatorguy11

Twist, he wasn’t undercover, he got fired from the department and his life fell apart


mdh579

The Russian sleeper agent from Devs.


cylonrobot

Heh, another person besides myself remembers Big Mountain.


The_Real_Mr_F

That video is pure 1994


throwawaysmetoo

> These guys should hit him up for some undercover lessons. There's definitely a market for it. When I was a teen I was a skatepark kid. I had a skatepark friend who the cops were *convinced* was "the drug dealer". We'd hang out at the skatepark and point out the undercover cop cars to each other. One day I was standing talking to him and this complete stranger walked up to us and was basically like "hello, fellow kids, I'd like to buy 3 marijuanas". We looked at him and laughed our asses off. He 100% looked like a cop. Saw him a few days later in a deputy sheriffs uniform. Which came as a surprise to nobody. He was some newbie that they'd decided to try sending out undercover "before anybody knew him", lmao.


tangcameo

Are those FBI badges in their pockets or are they just happy to see you?


scrapitcleveland

Holy shit every single one of them too


Enough_Ladder9623

Do you not own a gigantic-edition fucking phone in 2021? I traded mine for a mini and it still looks like I grew a second penis in my pocket


NaughtyReplicant

I expect it's so they can easily identify each other, probably comes with some confirmation gesture like one scratches their nose and the other responds by rubbing their nipples.


WizardOfIF

I am always getting mistaken for a fed and my nipples really can't take anymore rubbing.


Happy-Fun-Ball

stop scratching dude's noses


tonzeejee

They fold their shorts sleeves.


STCastleberry

Ruffle up the jorts


procknor

I never heard the leg holes of shorts described as sleeves but I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t be


Sturmgeschut

Throw a quick dab as they walk by.


usarasa

These sunglasses, they're really nice. Are they like government issue or do those guys all go to the same store together?


elgarresta

That sounds familiar.


Affectionate_Cronut

Midnight Run.


spycojones

Govt issue Oath Peepers


CBukowski808

“Anyone know where I can buy a marijuana rolled up like a cigarette around here?”


Dave78905

I would like to purchase one drug please


CryloTheRaccoon

I would like two alcohols


AllBadAnswers

"Boy je wiz I sure would like to partake in some illegal activities today. Why, any old person could walk up to me right this moment and I'd join them in illegal activities, no questions asked."


OGJCOB

How do you do fellow protestors


faultycarrots

Bert Macklin. FBI.


hollow1367

Macklin you sonofabitch


ShinyBoots0fLeather

Michael Scarn. FBI


rangerryda

Dwigt?


ktaddie

I was stationed in Quantico for a year and we lived in barracks that were next to the FBI academy. I’d go on runs and would see them practicing tailing me. Half the time I’d yell out “you know I can see you” and the other half I was too busy trying not to die because you know… cardio… They also take their spouses to the local mall to practice reading people. So imagine the above photo, but 100x worse.


fapsandnaps

Man, I'd have a lot of fun with that. Just buy a bunch of discount costumes after Halloween and give them more practice chasing me as I do my daily jog in a turban or dressed like Jesus or Bill Clinton.


No-Patient

Carry around an obnoxiously long baguette and just leave it in random but suspicious places. Then have a friend come grab it, look around suspiciously and carry it around to another spot. Repeat


p_turbo

Bonus points for a French flag lapel pin and/or beret while you're at it.


Code_otter

Go all in and dress like a mime


snsv

Bring it into bathroom, and eat the whole thing. Then walk out and watch them freak out


W1D0WM4K3R

Start doing "deals" with your buddies in the back alley behind like gas station lol. Like what's wrong? We're trading Pokémon cards lmao


blueB0wser

Banana suit was what I was thinking.


ZomNomNomBeeZ

Captain America costume. "On your left!"


indoortreehouse

hard costume to pick out in a crowd, +1 banana criminal


[deleted]

I was reading this and imagined an entire FBI trainee mockumentary sitcom tv show. I would watch it.


Add1ctedToGames

so that one show (i think aptly named Quantico) was right that they practice it and the people around the academy are very used to being tailed? edit to clarify: the show is fictional


ZomNomNomBeeZ

Imagine if some random stoner guy in town is like the best person in the world at shaking tails because of this. Trying to smoke a spliff after work but you spot 3 agents tailing you on foot and gotta lose them before you can light up in peace.


SiFiNSFW

I live near a police training center in the UK and you'll see them practice sometimes, there's lots of alleys to cut down that bring you out in say 3 possible locations and they'll try to keep getting the right one for the entire ~15mins walk from my partners to mine. It's a fun little game to try counter play it, sometimes I'll just stop in the alley and listen to hear which road they've picked and make my choice of exit based on that, then listen for them trying to come check the road i'm on now and dart down another alley to the first road. They never stop you though, which is good because i'm either mid-smoke, just smoked or about to smoke when i do that walk.


EddieCheddar88

That sounds way too stressful to smoke for me lol


SiFiNSFW

You become "known" really quickly i reckon, but we are a small village and the police are all super friendly. I'm almost certain they all know i'm a stoner but it's been 15+ years and I've had no issues so far lol. You can have a decent chat with them, they're just people from around here doing a job and keeping people safe - so long as you aren't being a dick to people no one really cares.


legendz411

As it should be


NoninflammatoryFun

You live a dangerous game


sometimesBold

Holy shit. And I thought the cops were annoying and over numerous in my area.


skeenerbug

Just a few brunette boys hanging in matching t-shirts, shorts, sunglasses, and black socks, enjoying some bottled water. idk what's so weird


New_Struggle_8173

—is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see m..? —you're under arrest


RoboNinjaPirate

The one arrest they did make there turned out to be an undercover cop with a badge in his pocket.


bouwchickawow

Brad, chad, and Thad.


OneWorldMouse

Everyone wearing black socks is the giveaway.


Mr_E

So are the haircuts.


Cereal_Poster-

As a former lax bro with a receding hairline, I get similar cuts and still wear mid calf black socks. Apparently I look like a narc.


Mr_E

Show me a pic holding your FBI credentials I'll tell you if you look like a narc.


Cereal_Poster-

I can give you my local coffee shops punch card, with 6 punches. Take it leave it


diffcalculus

I'll take it!


SpoonyLuvFromUpAbove

Yeah they look like the dudes at my extremely white northeast liberal college filled with rich kids and lax bros did. The meme used to be "my dad's a lawyer" or "pays $40 for a gram" Idk if anyone remembers. Probably 10 years ago now.


Thraxster

I'm the last person to be a fed but I own zero white socks. I dressed in a suit for so long and then wore them several times because I had to and decided I like them better. The inside of my shoes aren't ever white so the lint rub off is much less noticeable with black socks.


Weedlykush

These guys buy weed for $100 a gram


irving47

"Is that a lot?"


TheBlueberryPirate

These guys put A-1 sauce out when they grill ribeyes.


Baileyerw

It’s like “Spot the fed” at DEFCON.


Nadieestaaqui

But way, way easier.


[deleted]

Hello fellow 2nd amendment enthusiasts!


Android80631

Nice try alphabet boi


Danmont88

Back in the 60s some guy wearing hippie clothes, funny looking long hair, and a head band approached the wife of radical Abbie Hoffman. He handed her a baggie of pot and asked her to give it to Abbie and it was good shit. She looked him over and took the bag and when he walked away she dumped it in the trash. The hippie was wearing black and white wing tip shoes. That evening the cops arrested Abbie in a bar but, had to release him when he didn't have any drugs on him.


Ooh-Rah

My brother in law is a hard core Montana survivalist type. He says at their meetings, they have fun picking out the feds in the room.


DesertTiger26

If it’s a bunch of Montana survivalists, I’m sure it’s really easy to pick out the feds.


OIP

hey this guy's got all his teeth


yeuhboiiiiiii

Looks like they bought a three pack of short from H and M for this.


maximuffin2

>Fit >Well-maintained hair >Little to no facial hair >No decal t-shirts >No caps with American flags on them >Sunglasses, but not obscenely ugly and over-priced >No Military material >Fucking bottled water It's like they've never seen these assholes


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nadieestaaqui

No kidding. Not one American flag on any of their clothing. At a rally like this, might as well just shout that you're a fed.


LAX_to_MDW

“It’s a conservative rally.” “Oh cool, well I’m a conservative so I bet we’ll fit right in.”


Pseudonymph0

I used to work as a prostitute in Las Vegas, I wasn't caught once in the 10 years I did it. Did run into police twice. Meet up with the guy and he has a buzz cut, and is wearing linen shorts with "dad" sneakers in an expensive hotel? Just keep walking. I'm less smart, but even my antennae were raised when he was cagey about every question. "What's wrong with you, haven't you done this before?" I query "have you?" He shoots back. "Umm, you're making me uncomfortable" "well, you're free to leave." Let me tell you about people who purchase sex: once they are this close to getting laid, they will say anything to keep you from running away. No actual John in the history of time has ever told a prostitute that they "are free to leave" after they show up. So leave I did. The first Vice guy I threw off by kissing him on the cheek before he thought to fend me off. He immediately starts shaking like a leaf. I could almost hear what he was thinking: "oh my God, IT touched me!" He also said I was "free to leave" when I informed him that he was making me uncomfortable. Luckily there is so much low-hanging fruit when it comes to busting prozzies. They can let a few go and still get their Paddy wagon load for the night. I was hoping that the alphabet agencies put more effort into their spy craft, yet here we are.


CO_PC_Parts

I lived in Vegas for a year playing poker and while I never got a hooker I started to recognize a lot of them where I frequented a lot and would say hi to them. The funniest was on Halloween. The working girls were dressed normal and everyone else was dressed slutty.


Pseudonymph0

Oh yeah, "casino girls" tend to be overpriced rip-off artists. If you're gonna get a prostitute, anywhere, going with a well-reviewed "provider" who has ads online is a much safer bet. Yes, there are review sites for prostitutes. The "party" holidays are when Vice is particularly active. I would never go to The Strip on Halloween, NYE, July 4th, or St Paddy's day, the police stop and identify the "known" gals and warehouse them in the jail if they have so much as a traffic warrant. If they can't catch you on that, and you don't have a "stay out" order on the resort corridor from being arrested for soliciting/haven't been trespassed from the specific casino, they still harass you enough that no John will dare talk to you. I kinda don't blame them, those casino girls can be brazen. One time I was limping home from a job at 3 am, and this girl starts screeching at a guy across the City Center tram platform that she'll give him a "end of shift deal." He politely declined. I don't know how those ladies took "all comers" I could only see one guy a day, tops.


irving47

I talked to a few... 2 were very friendly and polite when I politely declined and even still friendly. When another one's 'friend' dragged me into the elevator when she caught me checking them out, and started trying to 'arrange a date' for me, she went ballistic on me when I said I wasn't interested in engaging with a working lady. I was scared she was gonna get me thrown out of my hotel.


fapsandnaps

End of the shift yelling was always hilarious. Used to walk through the Tenderloin in San Francisco at 4 am to open a coffee shop. Would always have trans prostitutes proposition me and then yell at me for being a bigot. Like, I'm not saying no because you have a dick. I'm saying no because I'm broke AF and on my way to work, geez.


senorglory

Back when I was a regular bartender at a sketchy bar, some Caucasian middle aged guy with a neatly trimmed mustache and short brown hair, came and sat at the bar for a little over a week. One day he says: hey you know where I can get some … xtc? Me: [assuming it’s a weird joke] the only drug i sell is alcohol, you want a drink? Him: uh, wut? Me: umm, alcohol, it’s a like a legal drug, yo. Him: uh… you know where I could buy some xtc? Me: … umm, what are you, a cop HAha! Him: no. No, why would you say that [looks side to side nervously]. I’m not a .. cop. Me: hey Harry, this guy wants to know if we sell ecstasy! Lol. Didn’t see him after that.


mrhorrible

Seriously though. Do you know where I could buy illegal drugs? Speak into my corsage.


tacknosaddle

I once worked at a bar next to a college campus. Some guy came in a few times and had some drinks and then another time he came in when it was busy and was asking everyone there if they could get him some coke. The place was more of a hippie stoner bar if you had to put a drug besides alcohol tag on it. Someone tipped me off about the guy and I grabbed him and said that we heard he was looking for coke and that he wouldn't find it there and that if he asked anyone else he was getting tossed. He left shortly after that. Not long after that some of the regulars of the bar were arrested because they had been set up to sell a whole bunch of LSD and Molly to an undercover DEA agent. For one of the deals they made they had met him at the bar and he decided that it was a hotbed of illegal drug dealing activity so they sent a narc in there to poke around. One of the people that got busted ended up being a "cooperating" witness in the same way. She was told to go to some other bar to hang out and have a few drinks but not to ask for anything at first. Then after a few times try to see if they would sell her any drugs. One of the times she invited me along so I got to hang out and have drinks that were paid for by the DEA because they would give her money to cover the tab.


-LumpySpaceHippo-

That was a very interesting read. Thank you for sharing that.


anarchyreigns

They only own black socks, lol


Estlok

I actually do only own black socks haha


YOUNGHURT

they’re all wearing sunglasses but i can 100% tell you 2 of these people are staring down whoever took this photo. they don’t look hyped.


airmandan

Is it just me or are they all wearing the same watch?


NOCONTROL1678

Standard issue with grappling hook and poison dart.


scdayo

did the 2 dudes looking at the photographer give it away?


shaggybear89

>but i can 100% tell you 2 of these people are staring down whoever took this photo. Would they happen to be the two guys who are very obviously staring down the photographer that everyone else can see as well lol?


KBGX

The lack of obesity would be the giveaway.


voodoohotdog

My sister used to do some work (anthropological) around Tegucigalpa and said that periodically guys like this would pop up and say "Hi, I'm from the Peace Corps, who are you?!" A friend of mine would run into them in Africa. And Haiti. They all looked like this. We started calling them The Peace CorpsIA


MaximumAbsorbency

Yea I was thinking they should have some more big good-ol-boy types with bald heads, big beards and confederate flag shirts instead of a bunch of gymbro generic white dudes.


hadapurpura

Maybe these are the decoys so everyone congratulate s themselves on being so smart for picking them out while the real ones do the job


Techelife

Did you send them a copy of this pic? Do it and say you’re with the CIA.


seb21051

Not a one of them is looking at their phone, while the civvies mostly are.


jerrykz

Looks like a scene from the Matrix.


Youcantossthisout

Cop here. If they’re FBI (Might be US Park Police), they’re plainclothes. Undercover is something completely different. I work on a task force with undercover federal agents and they look nothing like this. In fact, some look like the kind of people that self-defense classes tell you to avoid by crossing to the other side of the street when you’re walking down the sidewalk. Some are the kind of people that make you nervous when they get in line behind you at the grocery store. Others can look like school teachers. True undercover law enforcement, as opposed to uniformed officers assigned to plainclothes detail, immerse themselves in the culture they’re infiltrating. Source: I worked undercover infiltrating human trafficking operations for a large metropolitan police task force.


ValyrianJedi

Idk. I work in finance/sales and if somebody told me this was a picture from our company barbecue I wouldn't think twice about it. That's a pretty standard look these days.


Maldevinine

That's kinda the point. It's a very "upper middle class American" look combined with some serious attention to fitness. Doesn't look like the kind of people who would be motivated to overthrow the government at all.


LAX_to_MDW

These people look like they could actually make it up the capitol steps without any of them having heart attacks, so you know they’re not legit


LordCLOUT310

Hello fellow teenagers. Could you point me to the drugs?


Chickenfriedricee

Very similar watches..


stormwaltz

Someone needed to start playing this at them: [Party in the CIA](https://youtu.be/C-CG5w4YwOI)


lokishhhake

They all bought the Ken starter pack


b0bkakkarot

Hm. I smell the creation of a new subreddit: r/FBIorDad


ReaDiMarco

Dads might be a little less fit, idk, it's tough to take out time to work out if you have young kids.


prettyrick

Found the dad


AWitchsTit

These literally look like a bunch of military E-nothings at a command picnic