The GTA Online Update we're all waiting for...
By - -Istura-
Is this how you MAKE your next GTAO character?
This is how you unlock the 3rd character option but you have to start off as a child
I’d be down, robbing houses or pickpocketing pedestrians and stuff until you get to a certain level or complete enough missions.
I want this mod now.
Why wait for a mod? Do it now.
Pickpocketing is free >!as long as you don’t get caught!<
I meant to go through gtav as a child. Sorta like Oliver Twist.
I know what you mean and I stand by my words. Go to the local mall, and rob dudes.
I'm basically doing that to get the stone hatchet $$ already lol
They cant add children to GTA. Once someone made a mod that added children to the game and rockstar games got sued for it.
You could just play bully
It's similar to why there are no schools, only ULSA.
and you have to go to school
Sounds like an opportunity for a next-gen Bully game
Rockstar didn’t make any child character models so it’s just 30 jimmys and traceys in a session
Gonna be a tough childhood growing up in a city with literally 0 other children
That idea is just nuts, Would take some balls to pull a heist like that off! When is it cumming? Will it even. I'm so stroked! I mean stoked
Pavel won't be the only seaman around once this hits
How much fun will it be? LOADS
Hope nothing is faked
You know, I'm about tired of your shit Demetri. Put 'em up.
edit; I didn't mean it. Baby come back.
The tryhards will be pounding this one for years to come
the funniest thread in reddit history
No breathing! SHIT! Wrong song
It's the right song if you're into necrophilia though.
You want caviar in the tin, ill give you caviar in the tin
I want the elastic off the underwear if ya catch my drift
*thump* you *thump* are *thump* the *thump*...**CAPTATEN!** *Aughhahuayahh*
pretty sure it’ll take a lot of balls.....
It's coming. It's almost here. Oh God!
Oh wait.. False alarm.
"drinking the profits"💦
Bro please buy yourself some ice cream, that was next level punnery
Deal, but only because you pulled my leg just hard enough
Not interested. Reckon the whole place would be full of wa%&ers.
>I’m so stroked!
I bet you are
I gots mine! I busted a nut!
Take your upvote and get the fuck out lmao
*It’s time to raise the stakes even higher than ever before. You’ve saved the world from an egomaniacal tech billionaire. You’ve beaten the odds to drain a casino of its cash. Robbed every single penny from a paranoid psychotic druglord. This time, you’re taking on a corporate sperm bank.*
*It’s up to you to find a way to breach the Sperm Bank of America, one of the most secure private spermbanks in the entire world, evade or neutralize the heavily armed security forces stationed there, and escape with valuable sperm vials belonging to politicians, druglords, celebrities, rare animals, and even an old mentally unstable man with borderline personality disorder.*
*Choose your tools. Choose your approach. Choose your crew – or even go it entirely alone. Just make it back alive with those sperm vials intact.*
*The Sperm Bank Heist is the biggest GTA Online adventure ever, introducing an all-new exotic Heist location, with a brand-new approach to Heist design that features the ability to play everything solo or with up to three other players.*
That would be an uncomfortable heist to play with others...
"I got the cum, RUNN"
Running too fast can damage the contents of the sperm vials.
so u not only need to avoid getting hit, but also run at a moderate pace
This is somehow better than the original post.
I assume we plan this off an oil rig?
lol, Agent 14 mentions capybara semen during the Prison Break heist. So it should be that.
In all my years I’ve been playing GTA Online and I wasn’t aware of that line when tf does he say that
It's in one of the prison break heist missions, I believe the one where you steal a plane from the Vagos.
Market for capybara semen is l u c r a t i v e
Holy shit I can read it with his voice.
So like on a scale of cocaine to Amazon how lucrative?
Also good memory on the quote, good stuff
I remember him saying the biggest attraction with selling the semen is that the punishment is a slap on the wrist compared to smuggling guns or drugs.
You say that like Cocaine is *less* lucrative than Amazon...
Have you seen the amount of *BANK* the Cartels make?
But is the peso worth anything let's be honest here... Jk no your right. They have bank. I just meant cocaine not cocaine handled by the cartel. They're business tactics are a little more aggressive than uh most things...
So are Amazon's XD
GTA Online players can join payday 2 players in waiting for the sperm bank heist
Ooh a food themed update! Now we'll be able to hold more snacks for healing!
It heals more health if you are a woman
And gives you the effects of bull shark if you're a man
That's one way for rockstar to fuck the community again
*ba dum tis*
Holy shit, who remembers glory hole theme park ads from San andreas
I feel strangely violated...
Username check outs ✔️
You get an extra $1M if you manage to loot all the porn magazines in time
Sounds like a good reason to bring Jezz Torrent from Vice City out of retirement - perhaps a groupie wanting to acquire rock god seed?
Why......why is it being poured into a cup? Who the fuck are we heisting this for?
thoroughbred horse semen is the world's most expensive liquid. Depending on the stallion, horse semen is one of the most expensive liquids on the planet.
A gallon of it is worth 4.7 million
Sounds like a good reason for a heist.
Of course, we're assuming this sperm bank contains semen belonging to rare/exotic animals, which is a perfectly logical assumption to make given that we have flying bikes and cars.
Another reason for a heist would be that maybe the buyer wants us to steal the semen of a billionaire so that they can produce a child, which then makes them eligible to inherit the fortune of the billionaire.
insert mom joke here______.
It would be funny if they did something like this for april fools
I can hear Lester screaming, "Get the goop! GET THE GOOP!!!"
"Tap A rapidly to collect faster..."
Camera is from behind too ;)
But of course haha
Agatha Baker is now a playable character...
You mean all this time I could've made bank? I've been pumping vats worth of cum during the lockdown!
My efforts have all gone down the drainage....
You can only donate so often, but yes, very much wastage has occurred.
Yup , same as plasma , you can only donate so much . And they don’t pay that much too usually . Like , the local lab in my city offers like $80 bucks I believe ? After your second donation .
Also even if I had the courage to donate sperm , I don’t think I would like having the thought that some random person has a child of mine somewhere in the world .
I remember there is a film about guy that donated sperm and Had 500 kids
Why can't I buy the strip club. I'd love that as a biker business.
Because Trevor would fight you for it obviously lol
The end of the heist is like Cayo Perico where you’re drinking shots with Mini Madrazo except this time it’s not tequila you’re drinking
Well, there IS a shot called Blowjob.
That would be the GTA name of it, yeah.
Plot twist: we sell it to Trevor
Trevor uses it to make meth.
Has anyone made a Brucie joke yet?
Well, when you've robbed every other bank in Los Santos
Hopefully there will be a pearl necklace
Damn you just made all the MkII griefers thirsty, bro.
they are insatiable
The forbidden heist
Imagine stealing a milk tanker to use for the finale to store all the goods
During special events there’s like special sperm. Like one week it’s like alien cum week and it’s like worth 2x the usual
You squeeze it, we freeze it
You wank it, we bank it...
You chuck it, we lock it
The hell did i just stumble upon
The spank bank heist
Quick Spunk stop.
GTA 6 is never Cumming
We'll all be grinding this heist all day, every day.
(I seriously want this to happen now, this idea is comedy gold xD)
It would be typical to have a mission to steal a calebrities jizz
No joke this idea could be legit let me give you an example
Someone Rich and influencial has donated their sperm and some Rich contractor wants to have a kid from the seed of said Rich and influencial person So naturally they call up lester and lester calls up you (the player) to perform the heist
(this idea is goofy please dont take this seriously)
it's goofy but also why the fuck not? sure robbing an island is a pretty new idea but how many games could have a sperm heist and actually... pull it off?
Just a thought but in Scarface: the world is yours you could sell your semen, after your...balls....meter was full. At max respect it was like 10k a cup which in the 80s is like heist money probably nowadays
When you scope out you the different primary targets they should be different kinds of people’s seed. Politicians, lawyers, musicians, etc.
Optional heist: Steal the donation of prominent DJ and radio show host Lazlow Jones. Somebody wants to have this man's child, right?
Could be a prize winning race horse they're after - for Madrazzo etc.
Edit: price to prize!
Lester uses his instead.💰
This is cursed
I don't even have to rob it 😎
It's not about the amount, it's about the wuality
I have rare Gigachad quality
Cant wait to sell my cum business 🤩
seems like the capibara´s stock is on the rise
The plot is that Lester infertile now and his girlfriend from the casino heist wants a child. You need to get the right specimen for their perfect child
It all starts when Trevor makes an unauthorized deposit, and needs you to dump his spunk before they can use it to identify him.
On actual thought tho , like how much would we be able to sell sperm for ? Like lmao is it even valuable ?
You all failed if you think this would be for GTA and NOT Saints Row...I mean come on Saints Row had a Dildo Bat.
Mfw Istura on hot.
Huh....no words just huh
I'll get my turkey baster ready 😆
Same here. After this heist, we shall all be master basters.
Would be easy for the female characters
Gonna have to save up for a Sperm Whale Card....
Why do I want this
Good idea! Lets call Lester molester and tell him about it
I better be able to use my bombuska, that thing can easily fit 50 barrels in the cargo bay. I bet El Rubio would pay top dollar for Americum.
Cum Theft Auto Online
That's gonna be the new feature for characters...
Idk. A heist for inventory snacks seems a bit excessive.
I remember seeing a movie a while ago about just such a heist. Based on that, this can only go wrong.
Million dollars in cum
Earlier today I filled up some travel bottles w shampoo conditioner and soap and it looked exactly like the two panels on the left
This is actually really good but why is there a Left For Dead 2 charger in the middle of my screen?
Nah, but let's hope we don't get space shit or unrealistic vehicles.id love to see them add inan stealth fighter jet
can someone help me get joggers in gta ? Lmfaoo
This bank only has Yoghurt
A vault under the shoe store
Only one man can be the mastermind behind this heist , Tony Prince aka Gay Tony
i would do this if it was andrew garfields sperm
The heist all cargo griefers need. Chug all the cum for their lifeless playstyle
Mods will suck at it because they’ll be too busy drinking on the job.
Isn’t this basically an illustration of one of the top oats on r/Paydaytheheist?
You’ll get $$$ if you donate
Watch as they add that and it pays like 5 billion to each person for a crew of 4 and easier then the cayo to do
What property would you need for it
Man this post and comment section make me wanna life forever
Haven’t had a laugh this good since weeks.
What the actual fuck
But why though?
I imagine the story could be that Ursela (minor character in story mode) wants to have a baby, but San Andreas sperm bank has a psych evaluation for potential mothers, so the gta protagonist is her only chance to have a baby.
There's a pool of white on the bottom right, but sperm banks can't just mix the sperm of multiple donors.
So who the fuck...?
More like, HAND Theft Auto! Ba dum tssss!
The Balldrainer 3000 is now available for purchase on Warstock.
Finally a heist where you can literally drink the profits.
are you telling me the only reward for the next heist is a snack
A very specific snack.
lester needs to drink the nut to reverse his crippled body
Cum on, cockstar won’t add that
Coukd also be Robbing the blood bank
That’s not nearly as funny
You have to drink it too hide it from the gaurds quick
i feel we need to have a motorsport update. build your own racing team, design your own livery using social club. or helmet or overalls. it would be so fun. if GTA 6 will have online they should add an actual race track to the map just for the feature of having your own team, either having missions from a certain character in story mode or just for races. it would be so cool
What exactly would you loot from sperm bank? Semen to drink??
I would like to see them expand on the BMX / action sports. Like what if they added in some real tricks. Even if it's just a few. Maybe a "Superman Seat Grab". Or it would be cool to have real "Grinding".
Other cool things would be like some more innovative water races / parts. Like maybe a waterslide piece?
Always hoping to see "Winter Sports" like Snowmobiles show up in a GTA. Waited so long for Jetskis when i was a kid. Thought they would be in Vice City, but nope they where in the "Stories" version i think tho? Havnt played it. With Red Dead Redemption II and the Amazing Snow Physics they opened with. Snowmobiles very well could be in the next, similar to Red Dead Redemption and its many Biom locations. We could see this happening again in GTA VI.
Hosted by TPI
I have very powerful swim swims.
This, but with a tie in to earn cumrocket (Cummies) Crypto coin IRL. would be sick.
You must go recover Lester's sperm that he uhh donated.