A nanobot picks up a lazy sperm by the tail and inseminates an egg with it
By - ICumCoffee
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Making the mother of all omeletess here
Can't fret over every egg!
Why would anyone want to give birth to defective sperm?
Participation trophy I suppose
Well, my son is born from a semi defective sperm. We had to go through IVF in order to get pregnant, we can get pregnant naturally it's just that both me and my wife had minor issues that made it unlikely. My wife have PCOS which makes her produce a lot of eggs but not really release any of them and my sperm was slow and a bit lazy so they basically gave up when met with a bit of resistance. So they helped the little bugger through. We now have 7 frozen "life worthy" embryos in the freezer at the hospital, we're probably not gonna have that many kids though... Son seems to enjoy life at least :)
You're pretty good
They harden in response to lazy sperm. You can't sterilize me, Jack.
Was looking for this
I played college ball you know
"This bitch getting born whether they like it or not"
”And that is why you are a lazy fuck, son”
And that is why we won the $100M lawsuit against the nanobot company. The thing should have known better than to pick a lazy sperm.
"Hey I started your life!"
"You didn't start my life, you initiated my death!"
What’s it from?
Incredibles 2 I think it was. Mr. incredible stops a suicide and gets sued by him for it.
The first one. It's the reason superheroes got shut down in the first place
Ok but was that social commentary? If you’re a super, with the ability to create a life that rewards the work you put in? Versus a non-super, who just wants to stop the struggles and pain… for a super to come in, and condemn you to decades of suffering in a broken body because they used their ridiculous power before they knew what it meant? Sheesh.
Edit: I’m not talking about the ethics of what Mr. Incredible did. I’m talking about the moral environment. Obviously lives generally oughta be saved, and comments trying to explain this to me are missing the point.
As good as the Incredibles is, it can get a little Ayn Rand, intentional or not. You have people with abilities above the "common plebs" being held down by government regulations. Take away the murder and arms dealing from Syndrome and he's basically a salty pleb jealous of the naturally gifted (although he's clearly a brilliant inventor himself).
I don't know it was intentional, and it's not a clean fit, but it does give off superhero Atlas Shrugged vibes.
Started as a suicide, morphed into a sue side hustle.
Incredibles 1 actually. One of the first few scenes.
yeah, I was thinking this, why a lazy one? Can't catch the active ones? I wouldn't want my next child to be born with inferior sperm. I want the fastest, strongest, smartest sperm to win the race.
Used to work in an embryology lab. By the looks of this sample, this individual likely has immotile (immobile) sperm cells. A lot of times in embryology, even with IVF, the sperm will not fertilize because for whatever reason, the male’s sperm are immotile. That’s the purpose of the bot.
Is the immobility inherited?
I.e. are we just creating people whose male lineage can only reproduce via IVF?
It’s implied in research actually that it is inherited from the mother’s mitochondrial DNA. But there are other causes (medical conditions).
If it is, then IVF labs have created a nice stream of revenue that will just keep coming. Soon they'll be swimming in cash.
[That's not how it works, anyway.](https://www.news-medical.net/news/20200611/The-egg-decides-which-sperm-fertilizes-it.aspx)
smh TIL the battle royale was rigged from the start.
Angry up vote for Jim, the lazy-sperm joke ruiner..
That's what I was thinking!!! That one was not supposed to get in. So now what do u have to deal with? A Homer Simpson?
Homer Simpson has a full time job with benefits and health insurance allowing his wife to be a stay-at-home mom while he still finds time for his three kids *and* he owns his own home in a nice neighborhood.
What's wrong with raising a Homer Simpson?
> i didnt go to the nanobot training so that lazy ass would fail on me
_i want to be a nanobot, \
the best there ever was! \
i want to pick a lazy sperm, \
and shove up your orb!_
gotta shove’em all
The chosen one, skipped over for this potato.
Darwin is rolling in his grave after seeing this.
Wait until the little nanobot is further developed and will join in, making Supreme Robohumans.
Yeah they will have super powers but they will be lazy AF.
But this aggression will not stand, man.
Carpet pissers did this?
Shut up Donnie!!!
I am the walrus
What is the Greek Pantheon?
It could be that all sperms are incapable of moving. The genetic information in the "head" can be completely fine, just the "tail" isn't.
That's an interesting take. I wonder if anyone has done that research.
I was genuinely rolling my eyes thinking the worst about forcing the use of defective sperm but your comment truly changed that for me. So thanks!
It's true. The genetic information is not in the tail. The genetic information might contain what made the tail dead, though.
Survival of the weakest!!
Survival of the richest…
This. Good grief IVF etc. are stupidly expensive in the USA.
nah, the sperm best adapted to be noticed and picked up by the bots will flourish. doesn't mess with darwinism at all
Can the nanobots notice and pick up sperm with certain genetic markers? Is this GATTACA?
I never saved anything for the swim back
Many generations from now when everyone naturally has lazy sperm, our ~~ancestors~~ descendants will see this as the beginning of our dependence on robots for survival.
You mean or descendants? Our ancestors are dead lol
Lmao, yup that's a brainfart. I meant descendants.
i wanna see this kid irl.
Look in a mirror
Something something burn unit maps.
It's a Redditor of course.
"You suck so bad that you needed help even to be inseminated."
This is how we get Ralph Wiggum
When the nanobot found his sperm did he say, “I choo choo choose you”?
My cats breath smells like cat food.
I bent my wookie
Sperm: *chuckle* I'm in danger.
35 years later: “I’m running for president!”
Don’t hate the tater, hate the game
Great, I finally discovered that I'm born only because a nanobot intervened.
i send my nanobot a card every fathers day
Love the way it shakes when it picks that guy up.
“moTheRFffFfFFFFFFFUcKER YOU GET YOUR ASS UP Y-“
That was just him desperately trying to get away.
It’s one of the future /r/antinatalism users lol
It doesn't get anymore "I didnt ask to be born" than this
It’s not just “I didn’t wanna be born”, it’s “no actually I tried not to be born and didn’t even participate in the race but somehow they gave me the participation trophy”
1st place trophy
I once was a lazy seed.
Sweet death was my only need.
Along came a bot.
Slapped me in a thot.
Now I’m dependent on weed.
Like a schnoodle, but rated PG-13
Absolutely. It's beautiful!
*shreds a little tear *
Give me your hardcore tears
And without the baby talk.
You actually don't want to be first as a sperm. The first several sperm to reach the egg dont break it and just damage it. It's actually one of the slower sperm afterwards who sneak through.
In other words, you're nothing special.
While it's true that it's not necessarily the first to get to the egg, about 300 million sperm die in the race whether it's from being killed by white blood cells or getting stuck in the walls of the female organs which only leaves a few hundred to actually make it to the egg.
So being in the top few hundred of 300 million is like still like being in the elite .01% of Americans when you consider the total population pool of beginning sperm.
Sadly, sperm swimming speed doesn't seem to correlate with empathy, intelligence or any other trait we need more of.
Compassion, patience and understanding.
I spent 33 years of my life so depressed and stuck and I finally learned a trade (carpentry) and after I built some houses, it gave me the self worth and an abundance of energy to invest in others. I never had enough for myself until then.
And I feel like thays the problem... Nobody has time to give anyone, and we're all glued to this instant gratification stuff that just breeds dissonance/division.
It's easy to say we're greedy. But the system we live pushes us towards unnecessary self indulgence and self harm. How many people do I need work so much overtime to stay alive and yet, they don't have enough. Not because they're greedy, but because the system of "work hard and you'll get ahead" is a simple, but we'll sold, lie.
It's hard to have time for others, for meaningful hobbies, for learning things that bring you fulfillment if your stuck in a rat race for the bottom while billionaires and politicians play games with people's livelihoods.
I came for the jokes, left with perspective
Why is this sort of wisdom tagged to a sperm conversation? Doesn't get more reddit than this
*”You merely adopted the Nanotechnology, I was born in it”*
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's nanotechnology.
Does anyone else find it weird that people often associate their “selves” with the sperm and not the egg? Or neither since you as a biological thing (your DNA) did not exist until the combination of the two?
A generous take (ignoring male/female social perceptions) would be that people like to think they had some 'agency' in coming into existence.
Since the egg is seen as passively awaiting the sperm people might feel it lacks an expression of will.
Just rambling off the top of my head though.
The egg actually is more receptive to certain sperm, so it’s less a race and more sheer luck on both not getting lost and being accepted
Yes all the time!! Whenever I hear someone say "I wasn't born yet, I was in my dad's balls!! Hehe" .. I think to myself, why don't we ever say instead "I was in mom's ovary". Like neither one is less gross lol
“Let’s go you lazy fuck, it’s baby time”
Could I BE anymore unwilling?
I read that in Chandler Bing's voice.
Antinatalists are going to have a field day with this one.
who is this Natalie you speak of?
Yeah and what do all these people have against her?
You know what you did, *Natalie*.
Which port does this man connect to?
I wonder if this does get you worse genetics?
I NEVER WANTED TO BE HUMAN, NEVERRRRR.
I'm curious what happens to the nanobot, does the embryo develop with a nanobot inside of it?
Only the head of the sperm goes into the egg, so it will stay outside with the tail.
How did I not realize this? I'm 31. I have birthed a child lol
well it's not like you did it this way...
He used his hand to shove it right in there.
I used my cock
I used your cock too
To be fair it's pretty hard to see inside your own uterus
Anyone’s uterus, really.
9 months later the child is born with an iPhone in hand
**made by mematic**
↑113k↓ 💬 7.7k < Share 🎁 Award
Fuck dude I’m high as fuck and was clicking on the up arrow in that comment wondering why it wasn’t upvoting
coming soon to a dank river valley near you
Don't give Apple any ideas
I already preordered.
the ultimate preorder...
A child or iPhone?
Lead time is 9 mths
OMG, its Jason Preborn
>9 months later the child is born with an iPhone in hand
2 days later it dies because you didnt have the right fucking charger. And you've decided to not stick your dick in crazy again to birth another one.
And it's also 4 phones outdated.
Literally embedded in its hand
Child is born as X Æ A-Xii
you ever give away your free award and then see a comment you wished you had saved it for? this is that comment
The true microchip…
>I'm curious what happens to the nanobot, does the embryo develop with a nanobot inside of it?
Yes, the child will be born with a nano-tail, and thus will have an advantage of 0.000001 seconds in swimming
it's a start
[Here’s article about it from 2016](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spermbot-tiny-motor-helps-sperm-swim-to-egg/)
> Schmidt stressed that the purpose of his lab's work on spermbots is not necessarily to advance nanotechnology itself but to "solve a specific problem, namely the infertility of men that suffer from asthenozoospermia (immobile sperm).
There hasn’t been any human trails as per the article
> But so far, there have been no human trials with this nanotechnology. The researchers say this is not feasible yet.
> "Before we can think of human trials, the next step would first be to actually achieve successful fertilization in our labs with the current setup," Schmidt wrote. "Starting from that, there will be numerous technical and biological obstacles to face that we have to address very carefully before any clinical trial. So, while there are no current plans in place to do human trials, of course this remains a major future goal of our study."
I had a good chortle, to be honest.
Paper here: [Cellular Cargo Delivery: Toward Assisted Fertilization by Sperm-Carrying Micromotors](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/acs.nanolett.5b04221)
Note that coil itself isn't self driven, there is an external fluctuating magnetic field used to control the coil movement.
Ah, there it is. I was marveling at how they could code a nanobot to find sperm, clamp them and lead them into an egg. How complex must the tiny coding be! Surely SkyNet must be only a few years off...
I actually feel better knowing some humans were watching and guiding the bot with magnets. Makes it less an nano-bot and more of a nano-tool.
I’m sure at some point skyrim will get ported to it though
DOOM first, don't get ahead of yourself
That boy drank way too much Mountain Dew
DIET Mountain Dew
Do we really want this lazy ass being human?
Shit wasn’t swimming for a reason didn’t need no help
I didn't asked to be born, literally my sperm refused but it was forced
Could someone ELI5 how these nanobots function and can be controlled, while being so small? It's fascinating, yet I cannot wrap my head around how it could be possible. Google has only made everything even more complicated to me haha
The bot itself doesn't do anything, but it is magnetic and can be controlled from the outside with magnetic coils that rotate the magnetic field.
So they grab an egg and a sperm sample put them under a microscope, call in the jizz captain to navigate. And when the egg's fertalized they just pour it back inside the lady? Is there a time window for this whole process?
from what I know about this type of stuff, pretty much it seems. I don't know what the time window is though
I’m your captain now.
>they just pour it back inside the lady?
This legitimately made me chortle
Bad title, it's not a "bot" of any sort. It's a remote-controlled tool, moved around by a magnetic field.
So it's your fault I was born, you nanobot motherfucker
Find this to be unsettling for some reason.
Same, it kinda creeps me out
But I guess it can help humans which struggle to get pregnant?
yes it's for men that suffer from asthenozoospermia (immobile sperm). FYI, this video isn't from a human trial.
Guess yours are caffeinated
his sperm be drinking bonk atomic energy drink
Maybe. But I had always thought that a "lazy" sperm wouldn't have the best genetics. I have no idea just speculation.
Me too, I know Nanobots are a thing by now but seeing one in action like this is hella creepy
What's this from?
Probably a penis
Can confirm. Penises release sperm. I’ve seen it with my own eyes
Ah, I hear that burns.
[Ah the old Reddit sperm-a-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/196/comments/psfy8d/thigh_rule/hdtjz60/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Hold my condom, I’m going in!
Hello, future fertilized embryos!
Kids these days have it easy. Back in my day, we had to walk fifteen miles through ~~snow~~ to get to the egg.
Uphill both ways
How the hell did you get this old picture of me?
I guess this is OP’s coffee and under a microscope
Get in the fuckin robot, Shinji!
Do it or Rei has to go through it again
I’m greatly disturbed
Username checks out.
Holy shit the matrix is real
My das was a coil
I feel like that's not the sperm you would want
Some males just have poor motility. It doesn't necessarily mean the genetic material inside the head of the sperm is bad, just that it can't reach the egg. These non-motile sperm can still fertilize an egg and grow into a healthy baby. They just have to be helped along a bit. In other words, it doesn't really affect the rest of embryonic and fetal development that much as long as the genetic material inside the head of the sperm is good.
In fact, there are already technologies for injecting sperm directly into eggs using specialized equipment. It just isn't done with these magnetic nanobots yet. This process is called Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI for short), and it's commonly done with horses, as well as couples trying to conceive.
This seems wrong. If your sperm is so degenerate that it can't make the trip wouldn't there be a pretty strong darwinian argument for just not furthering such genes/what ever health condition makes your sperm this dumb?