T O P

Taliban Fighters Are Struggling to Adapt to No Longer Having to Fight

Taliban Fighters Are Struggling to Adapt to No Longer Having to Fight

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Doghead45

Oh, US army has this down. What you do is, sit all the fighters down and watch a five hour powerpoint presentation on resume building, job interviews and not killing yourself. Once that is over, make them practice making resumes, interviewing for jobs, and not killing themselves for two hours. Then right before they are allowed to leave, you ask them if they have any problems. (injuries, ptsd, illegitimate children in a faraway land, etc.) They will say no. Then everything is fine.


SponConSerdTent

They will go out. They will make many babies and live prosperous lives. No more thought will be had of the boomy booms and the bangy bangs. They will live happily ever after. That's what it says in my dossier here.


[deleted]

Technology is finally catching up to deal with it. PTSD treated with MDMA plus appropriate in person therapy with a prescribing doctor has shown remarkable results. The next few years will be incredible


SponConSerdTent

JOHNSON! GET THE GLOW-STICKS AND PACIFIERS AND MDMA, WE'VE GOT A RAVE TO THROW IN KABUL!


[deleted]

[MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy in Veterans With Combat-Related, Refractory PTSD](https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04264026) If your VA therapist recommends glow-sticks and pacifiers as part of your clinical trial into combat related PTSD treatment, do it. Do it hard. Turn up the bass


SponConSerdTent

Sorry, you're in a comedy subreddit right now. In all seriousness I'm aware of MDMA clinical trials. I support them, and you, and anyone else who needs PTSD support 🧡


[deleted]

My favorite comedian is Mitch Hedberg so I intend that as a joke so dry it's toasted white bread in the Sahara desert. Watch some of his stuff. Highly recommended


SponConSerdTent

Absolutely, Hedberg rocks :)


SirAngusMcBeef

[Relevant actual Onion article.](https://www.theonion.com/disappointed-taliban-realizes-taking-over-afghanistan-m-1847510259)


Rough_Idle

It's basically the same article. Spooky


dizx75

You joke but it's true...


Frptwenty

Imagine training 20 years to fight the great liberating Jihad against the forces of the Great Satan, then when it starts they're like "Nah it's cool you win" and walk away.


MadRonnie97

Funny, but that’s not really how that offensive worked. There was an offensive solely because they knew the great Satan wasn’t going to fight back this time. Any Taliban offensive of that size out in the open during the American operations they would’ve been turned into mincemeat and they were aware of that


MettaMorphosis

Why didn't we just psyche them out then? I swear, we won't attack you, boom.


MadRonnie97

Because it would be just like 2001. We’d kill 90% of them and the other 10% would go into the mountains and start it all over again


hurricane14

Sure but that would actually have helped buy a lot of time for the new government and for political optics But really it wouldn't work without some kind of massive, hard to hide, surprise attack. They had contacts in cities to verify the withdrawals. If they saw a counter attack building they'd just run hide and wait.


CrookedHoss

The US government never had an interest in nationbuilding. The Afghan government we left in place was a worse kleptocracy than ours. The absurd overwhelming majority of the money we spent was on military contractors and suppliers.


rylecx

No amount of time would've stabilized a government. Can't institute something the people aren't willing to stand up for


trowawufei

Yeah it’s more that the people don’t buy a conqueror extolling their virtues, telling them how much freedom they’ll have while their troops roam through every town. But sure, blame the people.


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Doughspun1

Yes but 90% of them would be dead.


MadRonnie97

You make a fair point


DrBadMan85

Right? Just as they came down from the hills…


Enjoying_A_Meal

Pretty sure that would be considered a war crime? Agreeing to a cease fire and a withdraw agreement, then going on the offensive? Also, doing something like this pretty much guarantees the next Vietnam or Afghanistan will end in our troops trying to evac while under fire.


MettaMorphosis

Yeah, I mean, I was kinda joking to be honest.


undersore

When you say "the next Vietnam or Afghanistan..." You're being ironic, right?


Ether165

Isn’t that a war crime?


GrislyMedic

It's only a war crime if you lose


cool2hate

Yeah cause America just *hates* those right ;) ;)


CryonautX

They hate it when others do it.


Ilovepoopies

You’ve just described a war crime


Loppie73

Imagine being part of a organisation / cult / religion where you believe that one of your main means to attain salvation is to murder other people.


osumaniac

but now they can start invading bordering countries


Unsweeticetea

If one thing the Taliban has said has been supported by precedent, it's that they aren't particularly expansionist. They really only care about controlling Afghanistan, unlike our mutual enemy ISIS.


TheRealDrSarcasmo

> "All of my men, they love jihad and fighting," he said. "So when they came to Kabul they didn't feel comfortable. There isn't any fighting here anymore." The answer is simple, and is as old as human history: *they'll subdivide the population into groups, and identify a new enemy to fight*.


elinamebro

Then we come back and start blasting?


Bastage21

It's China's turn.


derzto

China will rain money on the Taliban leadership rather than missiles and build infrastructure in exchange for unrestricted access to trillions worth of untapped minerals. Invading would be an incredibly stupid decision, especially after the Taliban have been open to negotiations with them.


Cazzah

No, if they rain money it would all be swallowed up in massive corruption and China would achieve no strategic goals. What they'll instead do is send Chinese corporations over with Chinese workers to build and run it all with limited native employment, which they can do because they have a large population willing to work for shit wages in the middle of nowhere. That will work better than the US approach. But their trucks and equipment and resources will be still be have to move through narrow mountain passes where they can get ambushed and held up by local villagera looking for a nice bribe.


puroloco

The fighting will continue, it is a way of life.


musci1223

The tribes can keep playing war. China just wants to help them make money (and take major cut of that money )


SponConSerdTent

Which is what we could have done in the first place if we had signed the deal when the taliban offered to turn over Bin Laden. Then we could have just done that. But nope, we just weren't done swinging our bomb boner around in a retaliatory fucking.


TheRealDrSarcasmo

No, blasting is over for a while. We'll simply figure out more ways to sink taxpayer money into that country that will end up in the pockets of the few.


lieuwestra

Probably by gender first.


CleanRoach

Didn’t this happen to the Samurai in Japan?


TheShishkabob

Yes. People are making jokes about this for obvious reasons, but a group that has only ever known war makes peace particularly difficult. The transition is especially hard for those that never actually had to fight yet, as is the case for many of the Taliban here. They've essentially been raised with the idea of war being their entire lives and then, with very little fanfare, the war is over for them. The samurai, as you mentioned, were the hardest part of the unification of Japan what with there having been multiple generations that only knew war up to that point.


Odd_Local8434

As I recall a big part of solving that was an incredibly bloody and brutal campaign in Korea. Japan literally had to bleed the samurai dry to know peace.


OrinZ

That sounds so similar to the plot of Jarhead. One of the more underrated Jake Gyllenhaal roles, the scene with him getting a clear shot at the airport is just heartbreakingly absurdly poignant.


wasdlmb

Are you talking about the reunification after the sengoku jidai? Is that why they invaded Korea?


belltoller

Also these people are village folks, the city is not for them.


Darqnyz

Text book fascism


Doughspun1

Maybe it will be Reddit, and from now on all the wars will be flame wars. Guerilla shitposting.


Tokenside

I think they'll subdivide themselves into groups and then fight each other. This way it's much more fun.


jayfeather31

Adapting to civilian life is actually a problem across the board when it comes to people who've been in the military, so headlines like this aren't surprising, even if it is the Taliban.


thejoo

Just tell em their god told them to chill.


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SticksDiesel

🌚🌶️


AssExplosion

Not Safe For Life Pro Tip. NSFLPT


ChiefVinci

You want protests ?


Hy0k

You do know that their god doesn’t have an image right…?


miketugboat

Did you hear that? It was the sound of the joke going over your head


Jordansgood

Well I don't think he has finished the drawing yet


Falith

/r/wooooosh


labhamster

Yes! Tell all the godders that their god told them to chill!


ashxxiv

If they really want I guess we could drop some bombs on them for old times sakes.


EuroHomine1683

It's kind of mind-blowing how obsessed with war they are


Rudi_Van-Disarzio

Yeah crazy huh 😅 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wars_involving_the_United_States


labhamster

Touché! 👍


EuroHomine1683

Lol what do the Yankees have to do with this


RovertRelda

Seems like a different reason for not adjusting though - Imagine having to tell your troops after winning the war, don't worry guys, you'll still get your chance to die..


AdkRaine11

There’s women and slightly different sect they can torture and oppress. They’ll be alright./s


Tony49UK

They'll be increasing their attacks in Pakistan, especially Waziristan.


SuDragon2k3

And don't forget ISIS-K, who have started attacking the Taliban for being too moderate.


true-skeptic

Yep, nothing left but the raping, torturing, and pillaging. /s


sonic_couth

We will rape the horses and ride off on the women!!!!


EA-6B_Driver

Different skill sets needed for nation building


hurricane14

This whole thing reminds me of some political parties trying to transition from opposition to governance. Same thing.


Whatamianoob112

Rebels aren't diplomats? Whaaaaaaaa-


Gwerks71

Send stimulus drone strikes?


SponConSerdTent

Look what we did now guys! They're bored! God damnit can't we get anything right?


M0j0Rizn

Maybe another spin in the swan boats will make them feel better.


Bumm_by_Design

Or a carnival ride at... oh wait... nm


SponConSerdTent

Or they could invent some cool sports where they wheel office chairs around, like office chair drag races. That would be cool, right guys?


chincerd

So they don't know what to do with their weapons and fight skills now, I wonder if they gonna end on the streets homeless with PTSD...


SponConSerdTent

Do some opium, join a cartel. So many possibilities.


i_like_concrete

Someone start a call center there and they can fight with customers over the phone.


American_Founder

Lmmfao


Jordansgood

Taliban members fearing that they missed their chance at martyrdom, getting told that they will get their chance. Ya I'm sure this will end well


198Throwawayy

What are the chances they break up into different and start fighting each other?


pizzabagelblastoff

> Fighters who were trained for roles such as suicide bombers are now running security in Kabul. Commander Abdulrahman Nifiz told The Post that the 250 fighters under his control were not used to the lack of fighting.  > "All of my men, they love jihad and fighting," he said. "So when they came to Kabul they didn't feel comfortable. There isn't any fighting here anymore." Jokes aside, putting a bunch of trigger happy soliders who are desperate to be killed in conflict seems like a recipe for tragedy :/


amedeemarko

Don't the beating, rapes, beheadings, etc keep things fresh?


MrValdemar

Well eventually they'll run out of women, so...


Stuartssbrucesnow

I recommend implementing the hunger games. It would be great entertainment.


koj1310

Shit, man, now they have to work.


Mechanized1

"What will I do Abdul? What will I do if I can no longer walk around casually with my Rocket Launcher?" "You will live Mahmud. You will live." *Don't you, forget about me....*


Eastern-Resolution15

Ill never forget about you abdul. Your my ride or die rpg brother.


supagirl277

I read somewhere else that they’re worried that they’ve lost their chance to be a martyr. Like what the fuck. All they wanted to do is take their anger and malice out on others and didn’t know where the hell it was actually leading them


fluffybottom

This is weirdly the funniest thing I’ve seen today. Oh no!!! My virgins!


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noavatar1

WW2


robert_stacks_pecker

No, Bob Seger wrote “Night Moves”


Dimako98

A not insignificant number of them became mercenaries or joined the French Foreign Legion.


Shaqattaq69

Dog catching the car and all of that.


[deleted]

Well then I hope these animals start taking joy in killing each other.


KoloradoKarl

Allah ran out of virgins, so spread peace upon the land.


slimteddy

I’m ashamed to have doubted the Pentagon strategy. Apparently the worst punishment to a religious zealot is to deny them death 🤷🏽‍♂️


JosephWelch718

They’ll be killing each other again soon enough. The provinces will always be tribal and warring as has always been their history.


Interesting-Reading8

Thats history everywhere bro


JosephWelch718

Not everywhere, but there for sure.


Homebrewingislife

I'm sure there are many good paying jobs there. Or at least some heroin to pass the time.


Av0gadr0

I mean, if they do a combined honour-killing / suicide bombing of their daughters, they’re still doing the work of Allah right?


[deleted]

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standardtrickyness1

Now I don't blame the locals for losing.


fgbfjb

What about ISIS? They hate each other.


keltoy1549

Maybe start some clubs. Poetry?


jaomello

Ever heard of Thunder Warriors?


ace1oak

these dudes just walk around with ARs and RPGs and stuff?


Tattletale516

This is very dangerous, they will take the impulse on the civilians.


BioShockerInfinite

The Peter Principle https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle


uglymittens

they adopt 2 party political system... and bloods, crips, ms13, triad, yakuza, and neo-nazis 🍿


PRINCEINNODELEGEND

bitcoin inveestment is risky


AlteredCabron2

Not so fun eh Playing with fire is fun Starting the fire requires lotta work


HSPq

Withdrawal symptoms.


WolfganusMofart

They are terrorists. Don't give them respect by calling them fighters


Inconceivable-2020

Luckily the also Pakistani Armed, and Trained ISIS is going to help them with their dreams of martyrdom.


DisastrousHawk835

They just need a Hobby.


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doom1701

“Fighters who were trained for roles such as suicide bombers are now running security in Kabul.” At least they’re moving up from a dead end career. I’ll see myself out.


Successful_Seesaw_47

Boo hoo


zwifter11

No war = Mass unemployment in Afghanistan