My wife hates my dog and I don’t know what to do. I got my baby about a me year ago and we’ve been married for 4 months.

My wife hates my dog and I don’t know what to do. I got my baby about a me year ago and we’ve been married for 4 months.


Dog came first. Shoulda got a prenup. But srsly, what's her reason? If it's a training issue, try to address it. If she just doesn't like dogs, she's got bags to pack. Edited to ask: how did your wife act towards/feel about your dog during the engagement? Did her behavior change soon after the wedding? If yes, that sounds like a red flag for me. I caution you to take good notes of her behavior, trust your gut, and protect your dog. Edited AGAIN to add: I married my (now ex) wife after a few years of dating, during which I made it crystal clear that I am a dog person and getting a dog (didn't have one at the time we started dating) was my top priority. She assured me she liked dogs and OF COURSE we'll get a dog. Well, after a year into the marriage and an uphill battle we got a dog. After getting the dog, I knew/it was obvious she didn't like the dog, didn't want to invest any energy into training/etc, and very soon started resenting both the dog and me. I never trusted her w/ the dog, and I always felt weird leaving her and the dog home while I was at work. I could just tell things were off. Fast forward 5 years and I left the marriage (for ALL sorts of reasons) and took the dog. Never looked back. My now 12 year old dog is sleeping/snoring next to me, and I'm happier now than I ever was in the relationship. And my dog is grateful to be out of that weird place we once called home. bottom line: trust you DOG and trust your gut. Don't compromise for someone that expects it; b/c then it's not a compromise.


He’s got some issues for sure, I want to get him trained, but she seems to not care at all. I feel like her hate is somehow extreme. She did! It seems like she was way more comfortable before, I think the cat might have affected that, idk. I posted a comment with more information.


People come and go, dogs remain in your life for their life


This!!! I always say my dog is my soulmate. I’ve been married for almost 4 years, but my dog comes first.


Same!!! I never know if I can count on a human being but I know 100% of the time I can count on my pets!


I tell my dogs they are the love of my life. But I never say it when the husband is home.


Hahaha I tell my dog everyday before bedtime. My husband has accepted it. 😂


Haha! This comment just made me realize I always tell my dog she is the love of my life and I don't think I've ever said that to my husband 😆




It seems kind of dishonest to get along with the dog during the time your were dating and your engagement and then all of a sudden hate your dog after the wedding. I hope you do right by your dog with whatever you decide to do. Word of warning, someone who uses this kind of manipulation I guarantee it will come up again in future situations.


Leave her🙄. Your dog is beautiful! ❤️


I can tell you if not the puppy it would be something else. I’m worried about your pup being hurt on purpose by her, behind your back. Not to mention the damage being done to him from her intense hatred of him. Please remove yourself and the pup from this situation before you both are hurt worse. Best Wishes my friend 🙏


She sounds jealous of the dog. Which is really weird


You had him before you were married. She knew what she was getting into.


I’ll give y’all some context. I got him about 13 months ago he was a little older than 7 months. He showed signs of abuse so I tried my best, spent most of my money on making him a healthy dog again. I started seriously dating her after about 3 months of having him. He’s extremely energetic and is been a little hard to train. He’s a destructive chewer. Nonetheless, he’s not an aggressive dog. Before she moved in I had a very healthy routine with him I was crate training him and spent most of my time after work with him. Whenever she would come over she would show a lot of support and zero dislike of him. He loves me and I love him. After she moved in things changed she demanded a lot of time and expressed that she preferred the dog to be on the crate while eating or in our room (he’s not to comfortable when he knows I’m at home and he’s not there). Then she started complaining about smells and noises (although he barely barks). She then asked me to get a cat; I never liked cats and I was allergic, but I figured if she’s supportive with my dog I should too, things became way worst after that. She started making lots of negative comments about my dog and I don’t know if he can understand what she’s saying, but I find it extremely disrespectful and hurtful. She then started talking about the cat as basically her baby (nothing wrong there) but the constant comparison and disrespect towards my dog is unacceptable to me. I tried to set some boundaries with the cat, because I grew a lot of resent towards him, today he sleeps in bed with us. After a while I figured the cat had no fault and my baby and the cat are getting along way better. About 6 months ago my wife suggested that she wanted to move out of the state (we live in Texas) I’m not a big fan of the weather and I agreed; So we knew we had to save some money for the move. I’ve been wanting to get professional help with my dog, and I wanted to save for it, but she didn’t seem to like the idea. Lately I’ve been making a lot of compromises towards the cat and my dog, but she stills treats him with hate. I’ve been sleeping in my couch for a couple days already. I’ve been mad about my dog not being able to be in the couch or under the bed (we have a expensive base with lots of cables) while the cat basically sleeps with us. We had a big argument yesterday and she stated many times that she hates my dog and that he’s only my problem (so much for marriage, right?) she doesn’t understand how hurtful this is to me. I want to get professional help for his training, is a priority forme, but clearly not for her, so my money ends up somewhere else. I keep telling her that I’ll get help, buy couch covers, get the house clean more often, bath him more often. But she clearly doesn’t care. P.S she’s never ONCE brushed the heavy shedding cat. I don’t know what to do, I can’t stop crying. I love her, but I also love him. P.S: thank you for all of your messages they mean a lot to me, and surely also to my baby.


wow, looking at the math there, sounds like y’all got married pretty fast. Sometimes people dont truly let down their guard until you’ve lived together for awhile, maybe even a few years, through ups and downs. When someone finally does slip & show you who they are, believe it. If they dont care about your feelings now, on something obviously so important to you, that sentiment will probably get magnified towards everything, big or small, for… well forever. It sounds like she’s already decided the dog needs to go, & doesnt care how she gets things to go her way. I honestly kind of wonder if she felt this way before, but just played nice, figuring once she “had you” (moved in & wed) she could get rid of it. What else does she intend to forcefully change about you? For everything to fit *her* wants, regardless of yours? Hope i’m wrong, but Getting real evil stepmother vibes here. Can i ask how old u guys were when you got married? Sometimes a younger partner may just not realize how they’re being selfish & affecting you. Are you planning to have kids pretty soon too? How a couple handles shared pets can really expose issues y’all need to work out (hopefully *before* having the kids). She doesn’t sound very empathetic or flexible about others needs beyond her own… thats not likely to suddenly change, and may affect both you and your children’s happiness. I hope you guys seek help & things improve…but no one can deal with being constantly manipulated & undermined forever, its exhausting. You *can* possibly help each other grow, but only if its with equal commitment & effort. It sounds like you need a dog trainer *and* a marriage counselor to really move forward. Good luck… if forced id definitely choose the dog (& *gladly* grant her cat custody lol).


I definitely had all of these questions. With the age of the dog I couldn’t figure out how she was already his wife.


They apparently started dating, got engaged, and married in the span of ten months. That’s…very fast.


I thought I was rushing at five years and change. This whole timeline is a red flag.


I’d put money on it that it was all orchestrated by her. I have a friend like this. Not to scare OP, but my friend moved in with him (an ex bf) very quickly, pretended to love his senior dog when she was always 1000% an “only cats” person… and she had his dog put down one day when he was at work. “He smelled” “He was going to die anyway.” Etc. I see this in OP’s future - that dog’s going to disappear one day. Wife lied to get what she wanted and she’ll continue. Get an annulment.


Easier to just get divorced. Annulments take more time and money and are much more rarely granted. Just get an uncontested divorce (if you can!) and move on. Source: former family law attorney. It’s a miserable fucking job


I and every solo I know started with family, evictions, collections, some relative's fender-bender, and started declining every single such crap case as soon as establishing *any* other practice area! I did FDCPA, TILA, Article 9 bad repo's, lemon law and related consumer law and *never* missed the dregs of divorce, custody, support, QDRO's, etc.


I'm reading through your situation and can't help but feel like she's disregarding all your boundaries while you have to tip toe around hers. That's a red flag in any relationship. It's easy for all of us to sit here and read your situation and tell you "leave her" or "divorce her", but reality of the situation is YOU have to set your boundaries and YOU have to enforce it. According to your recount of the situation, she came into the relationship with your dog already established, yet she married you, moved in, and changed all that. That's disregard to your boundaries #1. Disregard #2 is the cat situation. She knew you are allergic I assume. Yet disregard your health and took in a cat anyway. I dont know the whole situation but as far as I can see, she is showing nothing but selfish tendencies. And with no boundaries, at least not ones fully enforced, I don't see it stopping at just your dog (the poor innocent thing). She WILL do other things to cross your boundaries until you have none at all and everything you both do will only appease her. Source: relative was in a marriage like this.


Sounds like your wife is demanding that you change your life (and your dog's) to suit her preferences, but not having any consideration for yours (or the dog's). I'd choose dog over wife - it seems like he's willing to work with you, but she isn't.


I don’t see how you can keep her around. She expects you to do what she wants but she won’t do the same for you. Marriages don’t work…that’s just life.


This. My fiance and I agreed after we had to put both his dogs down at the same time (old age, they were 14 and 15 and could no longer go outside and refused to eat) that we wouldn't get another dog for a long time, like years and years. Four years after, my sisters dog got pregnant the week before her appointment to be fixed. I talked to my fiance about getting but we decided on no. Or so I thought. The week that they were ready to leave (14 weeks because my sister had issues letting them go lmao) he looked at me and said "wait, don't you have to get the puppy?" I was shocked because I thought he was against it and didn't want to push it until he was ready. Now, almost four years later, he loves her and is so glad he agreed. We would not have gotten her unless we both agreed. Before we got together I had a cat (who I unfortunately just lost in February from liver failure at 15 years old) and he hated cats. He let me move her in with us and, even his stubborn ass, can admit that she was the only cat he's ever liked. He knew how much she meant to me (I got her during a really rough time in my life) and said "I'd never ask you to give her up for me. That wouldn't be fair." He didn't even have an issue that she slept under my arm every single night. Well now that I've written a novel, and am crying from remembering my baby girl, I'll leave.


My husband does NOT like cats. I came into the relationship with two. Unfortunately I lost one early on in dating my husband. The other cat stuck around for years longer and my husband and the cat had a “truce” of sorts. The cat really wanted to be friends but my husband wanted him to keep his distance. Every once in a while my cat would try to sit in my husband’s lap. One day I asked why my husband wouldn’t just let him do it. My husband said it’s because he didn’t want to get clawed when the cat kneads. But I told him my cat never did that. So my husband begrudgingly let the cat into his lap. From then on it was true love. The cat never sat in my lap again unless I was the only option. And my husband called him “bro cat” from then on. They were thick as thieves. We lost “bro cat” rather suddenly about 18 months ago. My husband cried almost as hard as I did. We were both broken over losing that wonderful creature. My husband doesn’t really want more cats (though we did get a second while bro cat was still alive, and he’s ok. Aloof but not a bad cat). But he puts up with it for me. However it will only be at mutual agreement we ever get more pets of any kind.


>However it will only be at mutual agreement we ever get more pets of any kind. Same for my fiance and I. After getting Dinah (our dog) and losing Fuzzy (my cat), we decided no more animals. Then my daughter fell in LOVE with my friends ball pythons. We didn't want to get one for a while, unless we knew it was something she actually wanted as opposed to something she'd get bored of quickly. After almost four years of her begging, we decided to give it a shot. A huge reason for the decision was we lost my MIL just a week after losing my cat. Exactly a week after my MIL passed was my daughter's birthday and she did not want to celebrate without MIL. She was so upset and refused to leave her room (she was turning 8 this year and I was and still am heartbroken about how this death has affected my kids). We took her out (after coaxing her from her room) and brought her to the pet store. She finally smiled when she realized what was happening and, thankfully, she LOVES her newest friend. If it wasn't for that snake, I believe she'd be a shell of who she was, which isn't good because she was my bubbliest kid and could make anyone smile.


Ugh. We’re probably close to losing my husband’s dog. He had her before we met. She’s got cancer. Chemo isn’t working as well as the first round. And last week we were 95% sure she wouldn’t be coming home from the vet. She had a miraculous turnaround. But we’re closely watching her quality of life. We won’t make her suffer. Husband wavers between never wanting another dog and talking about when we get another dog. I have no idea how long before he will be ready. We’ll take it as slow as he needs. But it’s gonna be tough to lose his girl. 😔


I hear that. I'm so sorry you are going through this. That feeling is why we did not want another animal! I lost it when I lost my cat. She died in my arms and I laid there, on the floor, with her for hours before moving. Just crying my eyes out with a roomful of people watching me (which is something I have never done). It was one of the hardest days of my life. I wish that nobody had to feel that pain!


Oh man. When we had to let Bro Cat go, it was right when the pandemic started. So I had to go into the vet’s office alone. Husband couldn’t be there. I was holding onto him and petting him. Even the vet and vet tech cried with me. It was the most painful thing I’ve done as most other animals I’ve lost I haven’t been able to be there at their last moments for various reasons. I’m glad I was there for him. But it was so painful. 😔


I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced. I’ve had a couple pits. I’ve had numerous cats, to which I am allergic. Was married for 15 years. It sounds like you are having quite a bit of disagreement over some petty shit in the first year. She wants it to feel like her home perhaps and she’s never been a dog person (obviously) so she’s having trouble seeing this place as her home because of it. If you are a dog person and she is a cat person there is nothing wrong with that but she does need to accept and love that part of you for her to actually love you. If you compromise your needs for hers you will resent it and that resentment will destroy the relationship. Trust me on this, if you compromise on this by giving up your dog…it will eat at you. It is absolutely fair to ask for her acceptance on this. Pets are important members of our families as silly as some may think that sounds (obviously no one in a Reddit dog group finds that silly). I currently have a 4yo blue staffie who actually tried to maul my current girlfriends 18yo whippet, I had to break it up, it got bloody, both mine and the whippet. He’s a rescue and we both love him but we also keep them separated from here on out. It’s a serious topic that you need to come to terms with her on. Visit a couples therapist if you must. They can help mediate the conversation so neither of you manipulate or try to control the other. Keep it fair. Reddit is a good place to air your frustration but a therapist is where you should turn for answers in a marriage. Stubbornness can and most likely will create resentment. In the end it simply might not be a good pairing. But don’t let redditers make that decision for you. Although I vote dog. All the way. I have a staffie and a chihuahua. The chihuahua is an asshole. 😂


I’m gonna be real with you. She sounds insufferable. I’d dump her ass. The wife. Not the dog.




Honestly, this doesn't sound like it's about a dog. It's about her wanting control and to be able to dictate to you. Even if you got rid of your dog, she would find something else to pressure you about. She doesn't think your dog is "your only problem", it's the current problem. I promise you, she WILL find other things wrong with you to complain about even if the dog was gone. She is your partner, and the way she is disregarding your feelings, boundaries and treating something she knows you love so much so poorly is a really scarry sign. I hated both my ex girlfriends dogs if I'm being honest. I am a dog person but they were not trained, messy, destructive, drove me nuts. But my girlfriend LOVED them and k could see that. And because I knew they meant the world to her, I knew that if I wanted her in my life, I had to do my own work to accept that dogs were part of the package. We broke up for completely unrelated reasons, but what I'm trying to say is she doesn't have to live your dog to be a loving supporting partner. She is not being a loving supportive partner at all. I'm not telling you to leave her, but therapy is a good idea. Dog or no dog, you are being treated terribly and it sounds like you're being gaslit by her to think her shitty behavior is your fault and you should just adapt yourself to her wants. She will never be satisfied, I promise you. If you stay with this woman she will be trying to change who you are for the rest of your life. Please get help, talk to a therapist and get an objective opinion. This is a way more serious issue than strangers on the internet can fix for you.


I agree. She sounds like she has control issues and has some image of a "perfect life" in her head that doesn't match up to reality. It sounds like she loves the idea of OP, not OP for who he is.


Sometimes wives don’t work out. She has to accept that the dog is apart of your life and isn’t going anywhere. If she wants to maximize happiness she has to learn to love the dog in her own way instead of resent him because she doesn’t like him. She needs to accept that is part of being in an adult relationship. The dog was there first their life is much shorter and deserve the best life until they cross rainbow bridge.


Bro. You are all that dog has you have to remember that. You are his everything. And for your "wife" to switch up like that so quick after moving in and acting that way towards your kid, fuck her. Deeply. Hard. Aggressively. Fuck. Her. Not literally just saying that is a huge red flag for her to act that way. Grow a fucking set of balls and stand up for your dog. She doesn't deserve you. The dog does.


Please don't make excuses for the puppy. It seems like you had a routine that worked before she moved in with you. If the puppy is neutered and you provide adequate exercise and stimulation, then it's a matter of training. If he is still chewing, then he probably needs more exercise, activities and/or love and attention, but she appears to be preventing this. There are red flags for a reason, my friend. This is a major one. If it hasn't started already, next it will be complaints to alienate you from your friends and family, stop you from playing video games or sports or anything else that she feels takes your attention away from her. You are clearly conflicted because you love them both. Have a heart to heart talk. Tell her how much you love them both and see if she will help you train the puppy so she can learn to care about him more. I really think you need to be clear about the position that she is putting you in. If she is adamant about keeping you away from your dog, it shows how she feels about your feelings. As for the cat situation, I think she may have had an ulterior motive for getting it. She probably hoped that the puppy would show aggression towards the cat so she would have an excuse to make you get rid of the puppy.




If you want op to see your post, you might want to delete it and re-post it directly under his comment. Otherwise, he won't be notified of the post so he may not expand to see all of the responses.


Honestly...? Get rid of the wife. A dog is a lifetime commitment, and she is going out of her way to hinder and harm your time and commitment to your dog.


Your wife is grooming you. Edit: you’re allergic to cats and she still pushes for one?? Who does this crap.


Hey bud, my heart goes out to you. I’m hurting reading this. This isn’t a dog issue, or a cat issue. This is an owner issue. Get yourself and your girl in couples counseling. Please, get in couples counseling. Communicate, please. It’s not the dog. Couples counseling. C’mon, man. You two got this. But rarely is it the dog, or kids, or the bills, or whatever. Don’t blame those who can’t defend themselves. You got this. I’m rooting for all of you. C’mon man, you got this. Rise up.


See a counselor, don’t even considered giving up the dog. It’s easy enough to talk out issues and fix them(if they’re worth fixing), but it’s way harder for an animal to deal with the suffering of being abandoned and waiting god knows how long to find a new home. I think you both need to work on training the dog, you’ll develop a strong bond with them and it will drain some energy so he’s better behaved in the home.


Coming from an "OLD" guy with lots of experience with pits, up thru two years they are like actual kids - terrible twos. But OMG they get much more chill and nothing on this earth with love you truer and more faithfully than a dog. My oldest boy is turning 15 yrs soon, the challenges and heartbreak he's seen me through is more than words can describe. And yeah bro - I dated a few women over the years who weren't "dog fans," they clearly didn't work out for various reasons. I'm in a great place now in a long-term relationship where she realized very quickly it was the equivalent of accepting a child from a previous marriage...you JUST F'n do it! FAM IS FAM. Red flags all the way - she will burn you, it's only a matter of time. The real question is, how bad are you going to let her destroy you.


For the chewing problem, have you considered getting an Antler for him to chew on? They're on the pricier side, but the antler we got my Staffy helped wonders since he destroys toys pretty fast, even Kong toys. As for the compromises... There's a clear double standard here that needs to be addressed. She needs to see that and understand it can't just be you compromising, it needs to be back and forth or it's not really compromising. If she does see the double standard and just doesn't care, then there's a bigger problem at hand that I can't really give any advice for. I'm honestly a little concerned that she complains about him, but also doesn't agree for him to be properly trained, all on top of suggesting to move out of state... Being a bit on the paranoid side myself, I'm worried she might be trying to set up giving him up because "he's too difficult with the move", "Taking a dog that's so untrained would be too much", or some similar reason. Again, this is a bit extreme though.


Just thought I would share but antlers can be very dangerous for dogs both my trainer and vet advocate against them because they can break your dogs teeth and also cause some serious digestive problems if the dog break pieces off and swallow them


I've heard this too, and I understand mine may just be an exception, but it's been great for my dog. It's not a brittle enough antler that it break shards off, and it's thick enough that he can't get it between his teeth to damage them. He gnaws at it and has slowly whittled it down.


Yeah dude, this is just red flags all over and sounds like a terrible situation to be in. It’s not gonna get better, she’s not going to magically change her mind and become a better person. Some people are just like that, and they’re not people that you want to be married to for a long time.


It frankly sounds like the dog is not the issue. You had the dog before entering a serious relationship and she seemed to not care about the dog. Not caring is fine, it’s the resentment and mistreatment that is bad. I’m going to echo what others have said: your partner’s behaviour isn’t normal. Most people don’t actually hate their partner’s pets, they tolerate them. She’s being aggressive, verbally abusive. She prefers one animal over the other but cares for neither. Since she will not change her mind and you are obviously miserable the only thing left to do is choose and then live with that choice: dog, or wife. Having some experience with this type of person however I guarantee that once the dog is gone your wife’s ire will turn on you.


I'm really sorry you are having this issue. Mine was similar, but with some differences. Hubby had only experience with cats so my dog was a huge turn off when we started to live together. No couch, no sleeping in the bed, and no help from him with anything dog. She was treated like just my responsibility. I was fine with that since my dog was kick ass. So making compromise with your partner is fair, but they need to also meet you half way too. You want to pay for training then they should allow that expense and support it. Now as time whet on my pup won him over and he changed he's behavior with her. I was still the main in any dog care, but he did love her. I think it took time for him to get used to the change of living with a different kind of pet. I also made it very clear that I love dogs, will have dogs, and they are here until their life ends so deal with it. He hated the hair, but learned like with cats hair its just the glitter of life. We have had 3 dogs together and he has truly loved them. So time may be a factor for adjustment, but saying they hate your pet is not very nice. Maybe some counseling between you and your partner could help work through this and cut out the passive aggressive comments given about one pet and not the other. I hope it works out and your family is happy with all members. Take care


Really should've gone with a fourth B in your username, unless you help prepare pitties for oil wrestling.


Yup, but mistakes were made and I've just rolled with it😅


"glitter of life" is genius


Her having been two-faced about the dog and her now trying to manipulate you into getting rid of the dog once she thinks she has an established place in your life and is entitled to bullying you and the dog points to the fact that she is a complete piece of shit. The main question you really have to ask yourself is, how were you dumb enough to get conned into marrying a totally fake piece of shit? Get rid of her now before she destroys your whole life. Her first move is getting rid of the thing you like the most—the dog. Her next steps will be controlling your entire life.


Dump your wife. She’s toxic. Big no no. Out.


I hate to say this, but the wife needs to go. There are so many red flags in your story, it's surreal. She's a control freak and I strongly advise you to get out of that relationship asap, before things get worse.


I feel for you. You guys need to have a serious talk because honestly she's being pretty shitty and selfish.


This is such a tough situation and I’m sorry that it’s causing you so much distress. Like many have said marriage is about compromise. It seems like she’s not even considering your side and hasn’t compromised on the issue at all. I am slightly biased because I love all animals and to me someone disliking a dog so much is a red flag. The dog is completely innocent and I agree that you should invest in training because it will make your life and his life better overall.


Some people hide themselves until after marriage, and that seems to be what happened here. There is no reason to assume this will grow better over time. I’m sorry to say, I agree with the commenters who are suggesting that if it’s one or the other, go with the dog.


In all honesty I think if you part with your dog you’ll resent her likely for the rest of your life. I don’t know what the motive is on her end so I won’t speculate but this manipulative/controlling act is unhealthy for you both. I know you’re married and never envisioned getting divorced much less so soon but there is no reason why she should be forcing your hand on getting rid of your fur child based on what you’ve told us. If it were me she’d be out today- I know it’s not that easy though.


Op, as a person who has gone through exactly (and i do mean exactly) what you went through… And as someone who ultimately chose the girl over my dog, i cannot stress enough how much resentment and disdain you will hold towards her. It will likely be the most soul crushing, demoralizing and embarrassing experience of your life. And if your situation ends up like mine did, your final months before you divorce will be horrifying. And i can assure you, after nearly 2 years since i made that terrible decision i have never forgiven myself. My advice is this. NO1 in the world should ever make you choose between them or your dog! Ever! If your dog came first then they knew what they were getting into. If they try to manipulate you into choosing then they are a terrible person off top, red flag flown, gtfo of there as quickly as you got in. There are plenty of women in the ocean or whatever.


>I love her, but I also love him. I agree with all the folks recommending couples therapy or something similar, but reading the above quote I'm moved to point out that humans can conceal their true selves in a way that dogs can't (in my experience). You love the her she's shown you throughout your relationship so far - there's no saying she will continue to be that person, or even was that person in the first place. Obviously I don't know either of you so that may not apply, but I've certainly seen it happen before.


I was once asked to choose between her or the puppy and with no hesitation I said "bye". Still have both fwiw.


You had the dog before you got married, did she think it would just magically disappear after the "I dos"?


Who hates a dog? How does a grown adult hate a dog? I’ve been married for 10 years with two kids and if my husband decided he hated our dogs, I’d leave him. My dogs are my babies.


Why does she hate hate it? Is it badly behaved? If it’s something you can fix with training by all means do it! If she just has no soul and hates it for the sake of hating it I say find another wife, haha


I came to say this!


He’s got some issues for sure, I want to get him trained, but she seems to not care at all. I feel like her hate is somehow extreme. I posted a comment with more information.


How does the dog feel about her?


He likes her so much. Which she finds annoying 😢


Damn that heart so cold I'm suprised you didn't get burned during a hug.


Is she a sociopath?


Dude, my husband and I adopted our pit mix Jake and he’d been sooo abused before we got him. Poor guy had been thrown from a car. I won’t lie, there were times when we thought we couldn’t do it. Like when he tore down the front door, or when he ate two couches in one night, or when he chewed a hole through the mattress🙃 I mean, seriously - the universe has tested us with this dog. But you know what? We worked on his training with pros and at home, remained patient, and he did a 180. After that first year of him coming around to the fact that we will always love him and care for him - he changed into literally the best dog I’ve ever had. He hasn’t chewed anything in years, LOVES to go on hikes, is calm around other dogs (!!! This was a big win), is great off leash, and is better behaved than most dogs at the park. I’m so proud of Jake it’s crazy. Tell her it’s rough when they’re acclimating - and if she approaches him/her with anxiety and fear, the dog will sense that. She needs to chill out. But that dog will be your best friend if you give them a lil time and love. It’s so worth it.


Look it’s a terrible cliche to come to Reddit, mention one bad thing about your wife, and get nothing but recommendations to divorce. From the 4-6 paragraphs I “know” about you, these recommendations are solid. You married this woman after 6 months and obviously didn’t truly know her, and you’re already having MAJOR issues. You went too fast without knowing what you were getting into. Had you talked about everything? Do you want kids how many will someone be a stay at home parent what’s your retirement plan how do you want to spend your free time do you love animals like you would your own children what happens if we have a child or pet that doesn’t fit our lifestyle….. did you make actual life plans with this woman or was the sex just bangin enough to put a ring on it? Sorry dude but you have some thinking to do.


You made a commitment to that dog, and he will never understand why you left him if you choose to abandon him. He seems like a good boy and his bad habits are trainable. You need to do right by him, training and all, because when you adopted him that’s the promise you made.


Hey the old terrible “joke” is put your wife and your dog in the trunk of the car and close it. Come back in an hour and see who is happy when you open the trunk. I adopted two dogs from my local ASPCA an old pit, 10 at the time(11 now) and a small terrier. Pit was a surrender, family moved to a unfriendly state for pits, and the little terrier was a stray. Both dogs came with anxiety issues and the pit cam with some abandonment issues. I’ve had a coffee table chewed up pretty bad but would not ever think about being without them. They’ve been the most loyal loving dogs. It sucks that this problem has developed with your wife. The serious question I would be asking myself is if the dog is a problem to her, when he didn’t seem to, what is going to be the next problem that she finds and wants you to drastically change?




15 years of love vs who knows what from someone whos already causing bullshit. She knew the dog was part of the package from the get go. You know who has to go, if you're looking for positive reinforcement we've got ya!


I’m so sorry OP. The dog was present and clearly not going anywhere when she came into the picture. She knew exactly what she was getting into so to me, this isn’t about the dog, it’s about control. I also agree that he can feel her disdain (if not outright hatred) of him. Animals can definitely feel when people don’t like them and it won’t help his behavioral issues to be rejected and mistreated again. No partner should be so disrespectful and disregard your feelings about something that clearly is so important to you. It’s very hard to live with a partner whose views and values are severely misaligned with your own. You have some deep soul searching to do if you are to remain together. Are you comfortable being with a person that has no regard for your feelings? Please don’t give up your baby and sacrifice your happiness and personal integrity for her, it most likely won’t be enough anyway.


Dump her


Like the last photo.


When I stared dating my current boyfriend I was very clear: my dog comes before anything and anyone in this world. I will do everything in my power to make you comfortable and make sure you feel home. This being said, do never put me in front of the choice “me or the dog” because I can assure you now that I’ll choose her, everyday, every time. Talk to your wife and try to understand where this resentment comes from but ultimately, in my opinion, if forced to choose, always pick the one who’ll love you forever and unconditionally (AKA the dog).


You had your dog before you two started dating. She played nice until she felt like she ‘had you’ trapped. What she’s doing is cruel, and disrespects you. If she gets her way, what else is she going to demand you change with her insidious ways? But if you stay with your wife, it would be better to rehome your dog, right now the environment isn’t good for your dog.


I’m so sorry, this sounds very stressful for everyone involved. But also: take the dog and run. You should be with someone who prizes your happiness and shows respect and kindness to your friends/family, dog included. At 7 months, he’s still a puppy and has lots of potential. Leave and spend your money on taking good care of that sweet doggo.


Its obvious dude , new wife gotta go.


Well, Marriages last on average 5 years. Dogs will stay with you until the end...Who hates dogs and why is the better question? Last photo got me to smile lol


Damn OP, that's really sh+tty. My only advice is to stand up to her and not let her bully you. Stand firm in saying the dog *and* the cat are family, and she knew what she was getting into with the you and the dog. If she's going to be unreasonable then it's couples therapy or you're through. I'm afraid if you cave on this then she'll treat you like dirt forever.


I understand these posts are all a snapshot of life. However it doesn’t sound like she respects you much. And she definitely does it sound like she cares about how much your pup means to you. From an outsiders perspective it sounds like professional couples counseling are the divorce attorney area next two stops. You can’t do all the giving but she does all the taking. As she was aware you had a dog before she moved in. I understand where you’re at I got divorced, partly over my dogs. When I left I took my dogs two boxes and my truck. Best decision I could’ve made. Because after I got away I realized the other emotional and mental anguish I had been in


Ditch her. Obviously she doesn't value unconditional love and devotion.


The dog is a package deal. My boy and I are a package deal. The wife can ship up or move on, and stop being a petty B. If you cave on this, you may as well box up your testicles because you will never have them again. She comes across as very petty and manipulative.


Based on my estimation, you dated for about 5 months before getting married. You had the dog 3 months before dating her, and you’ve now been married 4 months. I may have misread, but the dog is probably about 2 years old now. She knew you had a dog when you met, when you dated, when she said yes to marrying you, and finally when she made the vows to be your wife. Where were the complaints then? Did she think the dog would grow on her? Okay, understandable. What doesn’t she like about him? He’s still a puppy. He’s going to be high energy, hell he’s even going to be exhausting sometimes! Maybe this is her first experience with dogs and she doesn’t understand that. If the problem is lack of understanding, that is an issue you can fix if she will listen. Does the dog scare her? (Not sure why, he looks like a sweetheart..) but you can also fix that if she is willing to listen. If she straight up does not like dogs, do not pass go, “I will never let the dog come near me and I do not want to go on walks with the three of us to spend time together!”, then what kind of life is that for you and her? She would rather you give away this dog you love and care for rather than be understanding? Is that a healthy marriage, this lack of compromise? Do you see this behavior in other aspects of your marriage? I’m not going to tell you to divorce your wife. I’m certainly not going to tell you to get rid of the innocent puppy who can’t understand this. I’m simply trying to ask questions so you can get some clarity on this issue.


Lose the wife, love the dog. Quite simple really.


Get a new wife. Dogs never complain.


I was with my ex for 9 years. We started dating in 2010 and I got my dog in 2012. He was never a big dog person but tolerated them. In late 2018 we bought a house and it was the first time living together. Slowly but surely he started to complain about things like the dog hair, the dog drool, the dog laying on the couch, the dog laying in the bed. The moment I felt like he even insinuated that I should get rid of the dog, I put my foot down and told him that was never going to happen. Shit just snowballed from there and by early 2019 I broke it off. At first I felt silly choosing a dog over a relationship that I put 9 years into but I realized if the person that supposedly loves me doesn't want me to have something that makes me so happy, then that's not okay. My dog is still with me today and I don't regret the decision at all.


Red flags everywhere — she is being very controlling and selfish. That’s not how marriage works. (I’ve been happily married eleven years.) She isn’t just showing you that she isn’t a good partner, she is also showing you that she isn’t a good person. Expressing that kind of hate — repeatedly — for a dog is callous, heartless, and just plain mean. I’d be worried that she will abuse him or get rid of him behind your back and then plead, “Who is more important— the dog or your wife?” I don’t know — you might need marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer before you need training for your dog. I don’t know that any amount of training for the dog will address the real behavioral problem at work here - your wife.


I don’t know you, your wife, or your situation outside of your description here. But, From the limited information available I worry that she has more red flags than Ho Chi Minh and is a manipulative person. If she’s unwilling to discuss her exact reasons then it’s likely because she’s already made up her mind and is working to convince you to see things her way. Sounds sad but your dog might eat your shoes but he won’t break your heart on purpose, or through being inconsiderate. Edit: Forgot to add, but may have been mentioned already, if he’s a destructive chewer it’s because he’s bored most likely. First, lots of exercise and entertainment. Second point ties into the first, purpose made chew toys, like Kong for example. Also beef bones


I can’t tell you how to live your life, but if I had to choose. The dog would stay without question.


Oh my heart hurts for you both (you & your dog) like all the other comments I agree you need to try counseling & dog training BUT for her to have pushed him out of your daily life to the point he’s not allowed on the bed but her cat is makes my blood boil, she’s not being nice to you or your baby and even if he doesn’t understand the words when she says mean things about him he does understand the vibes she’s putting out and how sad for him to go from living his best life with his Dada to now having to not only share you with her but the cat too! No disrespect but brah…come on, no padussy is worth changing everything about you to make her comfortable while she doesn’t reciprocate! Grow a pair (again no disrespect lol) and tell her no! Tell her he was there first and will be if she leaves, tell her if the cat gets bed privileges so does your dog, if she continues to badmouth him then you’re going to seriously think about ending the marriage! She is playing you & if you don’t put a stop to it now then might as well throw in the towel and re-home your dog to a family that will love him always! Good luck 🤞🏻😊


Just commenting to say your dog is SO cute and I want to steal him and his sweet little face. For what its worth, this sounds like an extremely selfish manipulative person, and I would pick that precious puppy over just about anyone, let alone a person who is cruel and selfish.


Keep the dog, unless the dog has serious behavior issues, your wife knew that he was your family before marriage. Make some compromises (the dog can’t sleep on your bed) but your wife has to compromise too.


She needs to be an adult or STFU!!


Honestly, ditch her. I know that's easier said than done, but the thing is, if she's abusing your dog, the next step is abusing you (and honestly imo, she already is) People who show baseless contempt for an animal will eventually show that same contempt for other people. She's manipulating you and being uncooperative and controlling of your relationship, and that's a huge red flag. You may love her, but that doesn't mean you have to be married to her, or that she's good for you. It might be worth it to look into marriage counseling of you want to save the relationship, but honestly, if she can't respect your boundaries on this most basic level, I doubt she'd be willing to put in the work in therapy.


how could she hate such a sweet adorable bb?


Soory man your going to have to out her down.... The wife! Not the dog. Shes so cute!


Too often people married with the idea he/she will change after the wedding. Never happens and sadly you made a mistake. The dog is not the problem just the excuse.


She is not a good person and frankly sounds like a narcissist. Take your dog and run away from her very fast.


When my *ex-wife* and I went on our second date, doggo came too. Told her she had to sit in the back seat of my truck. Doggo rides shotgun. She said put him in the back seat. r/MaliciousCompliance... Got doggo in the back seat, her riding shotgun. 2 blocks later, she decided to sit in the back. Was tired of the 80lb dog in her lap. She was gone 3 years after doggo crossed the bridge. I still had the truck 15 years later...


Doggo called eternal shotgun.


Both doggo and truck have long since passed of old age. I'm positive they are together in the great beyond together, running trails and chasing tails until I rejoin them...


I’m so sorry, I feel for you in this situation. Personally, I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t love my dog. He is my baby, my entire world. Your dog is still somewhat of a puppy, he’s still learning. Your wife doesn’t seem to be very compassionate, and seems selfish. Sometimes people don’t show their true colors until you move in together, and it sounds like the marriage happened quite fast. I say, you need to enforce boundaries with her. If she is disrespecting your dog, she’s disrespecting you. And that’s unacceptable.


Although we’re crazy dog people… my partner and I both had dogs before we met but mine is an insanely dog reactive pit. We just got a house together last year with the main goal being to separate the dogs safely, my dog has her finished basement suite with a separate exit to outside. I wfh and my office is with her so she gets lots of time…. We also paid for more speciality training and now she’s muzzle trained and back on her crate bullshit which is doing wonders for my basement remaining in one piece. We’ve been on the same page for years about her needs even though I felt so much guilt because she was my dog and my partners dog is so good… not that this will fix everything but a trainer will help if you’re both on the same page… everyone in the household needs to have same boundaries with dogs…. I do think crating your dog when you’re home is a huge positive if done right. Dogs need time to decompress and should feel good about being in there… any time we foster, we crate our dogs after big walk/dinner to give us time to eat and them to take a nap. I would check out r/dogtraining or particularly r/opendogtraining as I feel like it offers more immediate and various training techniques that stubborn/anxious bully breeds could benefit from!


I'm offended bc your dog looks exactly like mine and she's the sweetest cutest dog ever


She needs to get over it.


Keep the dog, chuck the wife


Get rid of the wife. Honestly


Dog was here before her. The dog gets priority. Also hope you got a prenup.


Time for a new wife


thats your baby.


Well, that sounds like a her problem.


You married someone you were only dating for ten months that hated your dog? Wtf? Edit: and why tf did you feel the need to include a picture of your dog taking a shit?


How did you marry someone that doesn't like your dog? That's a deal breaker for me. You don't like my dog, means you probably don't like dogs, period, means you're not a good person probably. Sorry mate


Okay so you only starting dating ten months ago and then got married four months ago?! I really hate to be that person but this isn’t going to last. Get out now before you’re more entangled with debt or a mortgage or - god forbid - human children. It really sounds like she wanted to get out of Texas and used you as a means to do that. End that marriage now. It’s only going to get worse.


Kick her to the curb. Find a new wife at dog park. Problem solved.


I'm sorry you're going through this. Your baby is gorgeous and his ears are truly impressive. Sending love ❤


Canines provide unconditional love. Humans provide conditional love.


This is where annulment kicks in


Time to get ride of one of them then…, & with all do respect I vote for getting rid of the wife, if she doesn’t like dogs…, that’s a red flag


My ex husband went from being fine with my dog to hating it as soon as we were married. We had the worst of our fights over the dog. Address it now. I kept thinking he’ll get over it and instead it escalated. It was non negotiable to me about keeping her - you don’t give up things you love, accepted responsibility for, etc. In my case, it was because I married a narcissist who stopped hiding his true self post marriage and was genuinely jealous the dog got attention instead of him receiving undivided attention. I hope yours is an easier resolution! Edited to add: he never got his way, me and my dog are living happily ever after and every guy I’ve dated since has treated her like the cute little snuggly pittie baby she is.


This dog will always love you no matter any circumstances. You are a god to this dog. The dogs soul purpose in life is to serve you and make you happy and that’s all they want to do. If your wife hates the dog that much that she can’t deal with it, I would honestly tell her to hit the road jack. She must be a cat person. My girlfriend has a cat, I have 3 dogs. We have lived together for about 4 years and I told her from the day I met her I hate cats. I’m allergic to them. I deal with her having the cat and I would never make her get rid of the cat even though I hate it. I would also never cause any harm to any animal so I hope your wife isn’t that type of person that she would hurt your dog because she hates it. My opinion is your dog should come first because there are plenty of women out there that love dogs. Your dog won’t live forever and it loves you unconditionally so I hope you do the same in return. Kick that bitch to the curb if she can’t deal with it


My only question is "Why is the last pic of your sweet dog taking a sh!t?" That is a mammals most vulnerable moment and you captured it for all the world to see. Lol. I hope you can talk it out with her and the three of you can live in peace.


I'd get a divorce over my dog. Not saying it would be your best course tho. I hope this is a joke.


It's obvious man, you have to get rid of it. Think about your life in the long run. It's what's best for you and your dog to just get rid of it. I mean, she seems awful anyway, so why would you and your dog want her negativity in your life. Just throw the whole marriage out.


The wife has got to go. The dog came first, and she knew you had a dog so this is on her. I was with a guy for a couple years that never seemed to have a problem with my dog. As we got more serious he seemed to resent my dog. Broke up because he said I was spending too much time with my dog. Dog was here first.


It shouldn't even be a question. You adopted that dog, it's your family and your responsibility. You dove into a marriage in under a year and if a dog is already causing things to get rocky and you struggle to even find common ground here, you need to do some heavy revising of your current situation.


Time to get rid of the wife, no one should make you feel like that over someone you love. It's just like if she didnt like your kid, would you be with her?


Get rid of wife, never leave man’s best friend..


Please tell her the dog isn’t going anywhere period. Maybe she needs to hear it out loud to force them attitude adjustment. Your dog is precious! You’re his human please don’t ditch him


dont be a simp a dog will always be loyal


keep the dog. leave the wife.


With all do respect, fuck your wife, and not in the good way.




This whole situation sounds odd. And doing the math you weren’t even dating for a year and you got married? That’s pretty cuckoo, and not nearly enough time to genuinely get to know someone. Sounds like she never was really down with your dog in the first place, got a revenge cat, and then proceeded to show her true feelings. I wish I had some helpful advice. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sad ☹️


Wait a minute… reading your comment I’m seeing that you got married after only six months of dating and have been together for about ten months total, and have been married for four. Is this correct? If so, I’d get a divorce and try not to marry a manipulative piece of shit next time. Typically that’s what dating is for. If you do not divorce her, for the love of god, do not have children with this woman. She sounds like she has a personality disorder.




Why would you add a pic where dog's pooping?


Last in, first out.... Do what you can with training but in the end your commitment to the dog came first.


The dog will be more loyal .... Always .....get rid of the wife!


Choose doggo over wife. She can take care of herself. Dog can't


My wife and I got married a lot faster than we should have too, and she was not a dog person at all. I had my own dog at the time, but she could at least tolerate her because she was older and stayed outside most of the time. However, after awhile of me being at work and her not working, she got lonely, so she decided to try volunteering at the animal shelter, where she found Lyra, our pit Bull. Three years later and we now have 3 pit bulls, all adopted by her, as well as my old girl who she loves. My point is, maybe she just needs time to learn dogs some more. Maybe get her an animal of her own, if your dog can handle being around cats, or take her to the shelter and let her pick. I’d definitely recommend getting your dog some private lessons, that way you can entirely rule that issue out. If she’s well behaved and your wife still doesn’t like her, bitch gotta go. (And I don’t mean the dog).


Time to get new wife bud.


Get a new wife


I personally think you should keep your dog. You've had the dog longer, you two can't be separated now. Your wife knew what she was signing up for when you got married


Rehome the wife


Your boy is so handsome! Pits can be hard but are so worth it. Mine can’t a be left alone at all. I tried everything and the only thing left was getting him a babysitter. Is it inconvenient to wake up early and take him? Hell yes. Does it cost me a decent chunk of change. Fuck yes. My boyfriend and I get into spats about whose turn it is to pick him up. Whose turn it is to pay. But we both love him. He is so worth it. Please don’t pick this heartless women over your precious boy. You are all he has!


Bye Felicia


Wait, hold your horses son! You got married to her… how long into the relationship!? Second, you are allergic to cats which is a bit different than not liking a certain animal. Sorry to say, but she’s bad person. Go find yourself a dog loving new girlfriend! And date them like 3 years before and live together before and THEN get married.


why did you include a picture of the dog taking a shit?! on a more serious note, your dog is adorable. i hope you can find a solution that makes everyone happy.


get a new wife


Dude she NEEDS to understand that she moved in with YOU. And you have a dog. Dogs aren’t fucking accessories in life. They are living breathing creatures just like us. Period. If my gf told me to get rid of my dogs, I’d tell her to kick rocks. Or seek therapy with her or something. IF she started spending some time with you and the dog and eventually just the dog i bet she would bond with him and learn to love him. More importantly the dog will start to trust her as well. Good luck. PLEASE dont give him up. Hes been through enough as is……I have two rescues myself. You couldn’t pay me enough to give one up. Ever.


Time for a new wife


Train them. Also don’t get rid of them because of your wife.


Keep the dog!


Easier said than done but drop her like a bad habit.


get rid of your wife. I dont trust ppl who dont like animals


It will be hard but you must say goodbye to her. Dogs are much more loyal XD


Sounds like you've been married short enough and the circumstances of the relationship have changed so dramatically from the person you knew before the marriage that an annulment would be a viable option for you.


Sounds like she spent the entire marriage planning on manipulating you into getting rid of your furbaby... I am really sorry but you are going to have to make a decision, I know which I would make, but it is your choice ultimately; please just do right by the little cutie either way as you stated he had a difficult start in life. I wish all the best ❤


I mean dogs before hoes! If your wife doesn’t like an animal then you should thank your dog for showing you these warning signs.


Do not give up your dog! Your wife's behavior has changed, the dog didn't do anything wrong. She demanded a cat, even though you're allergic, and it's "her baby" but she wants to get rid of *your* baby. Huge red flags here, you need couples counseling to see if this marriage can be saved.


That’s so sad. My husband had adopted OUR boy before we started dating. Let’s just say, he no longer belongs to my husband lol. We’ve been together 11 years and now, Jake, who was once his dog, belongs to me haha. I love that big cuddle bug. Both him and our cat are best friends and they get treated the same.


Baby came first


Goodbye wife. Simple.


Divorce is the only option buddy


Shame that your getting a divorce


You need a new wife


Im in love with those ears!




Sounds like she’s gotta go mate


Ditch the wife keep the dog, dog is more honest


Why the picture of your dog pooping?


I thought that was his wife.


Spouses leave all the time, dogs won't.


Dog > wife


Take her back to the shelter, maybe someone else will want to marry her.


He’s a handsome man ❤️


Your pup is adorable.- I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. I think maybe your wife needs to compromise a little too.


Lose the wife. You can always find another.


Bro, we all know the answer. You can always find another wife.


I know your dogs all in but sounds like your wife isn't. There are so many issues here. 1. I would never ask my wife to give up something she loves. 2. Ultimatums at 4 mo usually ends in divorce by year three. 3. Bait & switch demanding after wedding is just dishonest. There's more, do I need to go on?


Keep the dog ditch the wife


If you recognize she didn't like your dog before you got married, big red flag


Get rid of the wifey 😍🤪


Your dog is gonna be more loyal!! Grow some balls and let her know you’re not getting rid of your dog!! If she doesn’t like it, there’s millions of other women out here!


“It’s me or the dog” always pick the dog. That’s just my opinion.


Get rid of the wife. Long term, can't trust someone that doesn't accept and love your dog. Even of you found your baby a great new home. You will never forget him/her and never forgive her. Also, dog was there first so by rights has dibs. Good Luck.


9 times out of 10 it’s a behavior that people hate dealing with, and you can always train behaviors. She should be respectful to you loving your animal, she no doubt was aware of the lil guy before she married. I grew up in a family that had members training for the Iditarod, and have owned well over 20 dogs that have all lived full lives (except for my poor husky). If you have any questions on training dogs I can offer you my advice, though very dog is different and peoples methods on training dogs can also vary.